Chapter 12 – The Big
Ugly
The
brightness of the morning was in complete contrast with Buffy’s demeanor. She felt like a huge black cloud was hovering
around her. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs leading to Spike’s office, she
shook her head as if to rid herself of the dark mood.
Everything is under control and I am
so not going to be depresso girl.
Pasting a
smile on her face she bounded up the stairs. She wanted a moment alone with
Spike before facing everyone else and was using the outside entrance.
“Hey, there
gorgeous, “Buffy said, flinging the door open and letting it swing shut behind
her.
Startled
blue eyes met hers before sweeping over the rest of her. Determined not to let
him know how upset she really felt she let her hips sway a little more than
necessary as she approached his desk. Spike
arched an eyebrow and Buffy gave up. He knew. It was Spike. She could fool
everyone else but not him. His feet hit the floor and one hand patted his lap.
She practically leapt into his arms, wrapping her arms around him and burying
her face in his neck.
She was
safe for the moment.
Buffy
breathed deeply letting his scent fill her lungs. Those hands that could draw
so many things from her body and soul, stroked her back in long, slow sweeps.
The tension eased and the fear dissipated as he murmured nonsensical rhythms.
The words themselves didn’t mean anything. It was the tone that vibrated
upwards from his chest into his throat and descending into her ear. It was a
lullaby that drew her into a magical world where bad things didn’t happen and
love conquered all.
“Do you
have any idea how happy you make me?” Buffy whispered, her fingers tickling at
the nape of his neck. “I love you so much.”
The wetness
on his cheek and the arms that squeezed her tight told Buffy more than any
words could. She pulled back so that she could look at him and the joy and
wonder etched on his features gave her back the power she needed. Everything
was all right as long as he trusted her with his heart.
The spell
had to end. There were things to do, schedule to meet, battles to win, evil to
conquer and after a deep kiss that held promises for later, Buffy crawled off
his lap.
“Where’s
Angel.”
“Downstairs
with the others,” Spike said, standing. “Guess we need to go make with the
‘play nice with the group’ thing instead of shagging on my desk, huh?”
“Later,”
Buffy laughed, trailing her fingers along the polished surface on the way to
the door. “Give us something to look forward to.”
“What are
you looking forward to?” Angel asked, stepping into the office.
Buffy
blushed, feeling like a naughty child as Angel’s eyes raked over her. Why was
it like this? Why was she uncomfortable around him? He had been in her life for
almost four years now but at times she still felt like she didn’t know him.
“Seeing
you,” Buffy lied, wrapping her arms around him and lifted her face for a kiss.
“Missed me?”
“Always,”
Angel said, kissing her quickly. His fingers lingered over her cheek before
tangling in her hair. “How is your mother?”
“Scared but
resolved to be optimistic.”
“Good,
that’s the best thing for her,” Angel replied. “When are they going to
operate?”
“In a few
days,” Buffy said. “Is it all right if Dawn stays with us until then?”
She could
have kicked herself for asking. It just slipped out and the flash of irritation
in his eyes let her know it was a mistake.
“Of course
it is all right,” Angel answered smoothly. His arms dropped from around her and
Buffy stepped back. “We need to meet with the others. Something has come up.”
Nodding,
Buffy followed him downstairs. She wished she could have a few hours alone with
him, just to talk and hold each other. Maybe she could find the connection
between them again. Hating herself for even thinking it, she wished it was
Angel who was still her strength instead of Spike. She knew it wasn’t fair to
the vampire who clearly needed her to look up to him. But for so long Angel had
been the one that protected and loved her. She missed that relationship. She
missed him and the warmth she rarely saw anymore.
They
descended the steps and everyone was waiting for them. Buffy hesitated on the perimeter and took a
second to judge the mood. No one was comfortable and she looked at each of them
directly as Spike and Angel went to stand on opposite sides of the room. Xander
kept fiddling with the book in front of him, Anya leaned on the counter and
looked away from her and
“What’s
going on?”
“The, uh,”
Giles said, “demon woman was here, the one who attacked you.”
Her gaze
swept over them again looking for signs of injuries or damage.
“It’s no
biggie,”
“That can
create a monster,” Anya said.
Buffy
closed her eyes and took a deep breath. No weakness. She could handle this.
Opening her eyes again, she looked at Angel and Spike, squaring her shoulders.
“Give me
the scoop,” she said, displaying confidence she didn’t feel. “Tell me what I’m
fighting and how to do it.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy
stepped into the house with relief. The fight with the snake monster had left
her body hurting and the visit with her mother had left her emotionally
drained. She still had to spend time with Dawn and figure something out for
dinner.
In a minute I’ll deal, Buffy thought as she headed for
the bedroom barely noticing her sister was plopping on the couch, Angel heading
to the kitchen and Spike following her. It wasn’t until her bottom hit the
toilet seat that she noticed him leaning on the door.
“Enjoying
the show?” Buffy asked sarcastically.
“I’m
offended,” Spike said, grinning. “I thought we were beyond all types of
modesty.”
She
couldn’t help but smile. “Sorry, I was looking to be alone for two seconds.
That’s all.”
“Worried
about you, pet. You say everything is fine like its some damn mantra but I can
tell its not.”
“Let’s keep
that our secret,” Buffy said, pulling her pants up and flushing the toilet. “I
am fine. Everything is going to be fine.”
“And your
blonde mate is extremely fine.”
“Ha, ego
much?”
It was good
to joke even for a few minutes and it was helping her mood. Turning the faucet
off, she grabbed the towel behind him, rising on her toes for a kiss. He
wrapped his arms around her, pushing her against the counter as he devoured her
mouth. Their tongues played in a game of tag and she sighed when they pulled
apart. She felt much better now and knew that had been his intent.
“Am I
taking care of you?” Buffy asked, her hand cupping his face. “I’ve been taking
so much from you in these past few days.”
“It’s all
good,” Spike said. “I’ll collect it back when I need it.”
“You’re all
good,” Buffy teased, pressing against him. “That is as much as an evil,
soulless, demon can be.”
“Just good
where you need it,” Spike said, his knee separating her legs.
It would be
so easy to forget everything else and let him take her on the counter. A good,
hard fuck that would make her mind and body only focus on him. She leaned back
pulling him against her.
“Ouch,”
Buffy yelped. “My shoulder.”
“Still
hurting? Come on,” Spike said, leading her to the bed. His hands were gentle as
he pulled her top over her head and had her sit on the bed. “Tell me where the
pain is?” His fingers brushed along her shoulder and upper back until she
whimpered. “There?” She nodded and he went to work relaxing the muscle.
Buffy’s
head fell forward as he did make her forget everything else. The door opened
and they glanced up to see Angel step into the room.
“Dawn is
wondering about food,” Angel said. “Spike, why don’t you order something to be
delivered? I’d like to talk to Buffy alone for a minute.”
His tone
surprised them both and it was Spike who reacted first. “Is that an order?”
“If it
needs to be,” Angel said, his fingers drifting along a strand of Buffy’s hair.
Those brown eyes stared into hers before he added, “Please.”
Buffy
nodded and she felt Spike stand. A memory washed over her of that day in the
hotel room when Angel slapped her and she shivered as dread chased along her
spine. Angel took Spike’s place, his fingers taking up where the blonde’s had
left off. His touch was a little rougher but more effective as her body yielded
to his strength.
“What did
you want to talk about?”
“You,”
Angel whispered, kissing the space between her shoulder blades. “Is that
better?”
“Yes.”
His fingers
undid her bra and pushed the straps down her arms. She finished taking it off,
letting it fall to the floor as Angel pulled her back against him. He didn’t do
anything sexually, just settled her against him as his hands entwined with hers
on her stomach. It felt good for him to hold her and Buffy relaxed in his
embrace.
“How are
you holding up?” Angel asked, his words a tickle in her ear.
“Better,”
Buffy answered, not seeing any reason not to be honest to her mate. “It’s been
a rough day…a rough week.”
“It’s
showing, kitten,” Angel whispered, kissing the slope where her neck became her
shoulder. “You need to pull it together.”
“What?”
Angel
directed her onto her back on the bed. He rested his head on his hand so that
he was looming over her. His free hand drifted along her stomach. Buffy wanted
to relax again but he seemed to have an agenda other than calming her. His
fingers caressed her breast and she found herself holding her breath as she
looked up at him.
“I watched
you fight that snake tonight and I think you need some more intense training.
I’m worried something will happen to you.”
It sounded
like concern. All the right words to show how much he cared about her but it
was the cold and deliberate delivery that panicked her. He suckled at her
breast and she let her fingers clutch at his hair as he alternated nips and
tongue lashes with the suckling. Angel was taking the arousal that Spike had
stoked and taking it to a burning level. Her zipper was undone and his fingers
slipped into her folds, into her body that wasn’t fully prepared, stroking her
until they were coated with her fluids.
“Do you
care, Angel?” She whispered as he pushed further into her body almost to her
womb. “Tell me you love me.”
He didn’t
answer as he continued his ministrations bringing her orgasm crashing down
around her. Buffy closed her eyes as she tried to regain control over her body
and senses.
“I love
you, Buffy,” Angel said, against her mouth. “Why wouldn’t I love something that
is mine?”
She pushed
against his shoulders and slid out from under him. Anger flooded her system as
she stared at him.
“Yours,”
She demanded, fastening her pants again. “Is that all I am? Something for you
to possess like your car or your clothes. Tell me.”
Buffy
fastened her bra and reached for her blouse. Her mistake. His hand wrapped
around her wrist and he pulled her down to the bed. He pushed her on her back
again, covering her, as his hands pushed hers over her head.
“I am only
going to say this once because I’m tired of the interrogations. I love you.
You, Buffy Summers, but things change. You’ve changed, we’ve changed, all three
of us and I’m only trying to hold on the best way I know how. I’m really sorry
that it’s not good enough for you.”
~~~~~~~~~
Angel
stared down into the face he adored. He did adore her. Had since that first day
he’d seen her outside of
He closed
his eyes and waited for her to reply to his declaration.
Those hands
that drove him mad cupped his face and her lips touched his. Gentle and sweet
just like he wanted his girl be.
“I’m
sorry,” Buffy whispered. “You don’t have to try to hold onto me. I’m right here
and always will be.”
It was
funny that she would declare she was his but he couldn’t echo those words. He
nodded and smiled at her while he hid his own unease. Did it really matter who
said the words as long as they were said. She was his just like Spike was and
he had already killed to prove it. Nothing was going to take his mates from
him.
Maybe Spike
was right. Maybe they just needed some time with the two of them. He couldn’t
even remember the last time they’d been alone for any length of time and the
absence of being there for her was wearing on Angel. He missed her so much and
wanted to show her; wanted to take the time to make love to her.
A tentative
knock on the door broke his thoughts and Spike opened it just enough to peek in.
“Sorry to interrupt but dinner just got delivered.”
“Go on,”
Angel said, rolling off her to lie on his back. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Hurry
out,” Buffy said, pecking his cheek and left without saying anything else.
Spike was
right. Buffy was growing up. No longer was she a girl trying to deny her
destiny but was learning to embrace the path that was chosen for her. Angel hated to admit that he had made her too
dependent on him to back her up and to help her make decisions. He had always
been there except for that brief period last summer. He had known it then but
had missed her so much that when she came back he had returned to their
previous relationship. She needed to learn how to do without him. To discover
her full potential before something did befall her and she paid the ultimate
price for it. But every time he tried to
take a step back or to explain it to her, she took it as rejection.
And as much
as he loved Spike, he wasn’t making the situation any better. He stood between
them. Acting as her knight in shining armor by stepping into the role he was
trying to vacate. Buffy already knew there was something coming. Something she
wasn’t sure she could beat and she needed to be ready. He just wasn’t sure how
to get through to her or to Spike.
Angel stood
up and sighed, making his way to the living room. Maybe they both needed to fly
without him. His mates and Dawn sat around the coffee table eating Chinese
food. The three of them were comfortable with each other. There was laughter
and sharing as they ate. It was a part of their lives that he couldn’t or
wouldn’t join in.
If their
relationship had any chance of surviving things had to change. Choices had to
be made. He didn’t want to lose either of them. Of that much he was certain.
“Join us,”
Spike offered.
Two little
words that held all the other things that Spike didn’t say: Don’t be
standoffish, Make an effort, and Show us that you love us, Let us know how you
feel. The same sentiments were echoed in Buffy’s eyes. A part of him wanted to
sit with them, laugh, and pretend that their lives and relationship wasn’t
crashing down around them. They blamed him for their problems and expected him
to fix it, too. He wasn’t just their
mate, he was Spike’s sire and Buffy’s substitute father and sometimes the
burden was too much. He took all the responsibility when things were wrong.
“Later,”
Angel said, forcing himself to smile. “I’m going to take a walk but I’ll be
back. Maybe we can play some cards or something.”
They
murmured their acceptance and he left the small family group wishing that he
could join them. The wind whipped around his body as he headed for the cliffs.
High above Sunnydale it made him feel like he was more than what he was; a
vampire struggling to become a good man, struggling to be a champion,
struggling to be a good mate, struggling to keep his alter ego at bay as he pounded
away at their soul and tempted his conscience.
~~~~~~~~
“Are you
ever going to share what’s on your mind or are you just going to keep
brooding?” Spike asked. When Angel hadn’t come back as promised he had gone in
search of him. His Sire held that same mixture of pain and hopelessness on his
face as he had that night in the cemetery.
“Just doing
some thinking,” Angel said, glancing over his shoulder at him before returning
his gaze to the town lay open before them. “You both have let me know that it
is me causing the problems so I assumed it was up to me to fix it.”
Spike wanted
to throttle the stubborn vampire before him. They didn’t blame him; they wanted
him to talk to them, to tell them what was going on, to tell them why he was
pushing them away.
“Nope, you
can’t make decisions without including us,” Spike said, wrapping his arms
around Angel, resting his face against that beautiful back. “Sorry, we already
settled that. Guess you’re going to have to talk to us.”
Angel’s
hand caressed his arm, soft strokes that were only meant to reassure. “Buffy is
already overwhelmed. This time I think some things just need to be decided
without her.”
“Want to
tell me what they are then and I’ll let you know how I feel,” Spike said,
hoping that it wasn’t Angel leaving them or something equally stupid.
“The first
is the mansion. We need to find something smaller that is homier for Buffy so
she can make it hers. This place was
fine for a vampire and all the mystique and crap that go with it but our girl needs
something else,” Angel said, hesitated for a moment. “And if…if Joyce doesn’t
make it, we can’t bring Dawn here to live. And I don’t think I can live in that
house so I want to find a place that we can both be happy in.”
Spike was startled
by Angel’s words that were anything but what he was expecting. Times like this
he was awed by the love that his Sire had for them. Ashamed at the doubts he’d
had, Spike moved so that he was in front of Angel. Before he could apologize he
was pulled against the brunette in hug that took all his worries away. Angel
gently kissed his neck.
“You don’t
think Joyce is going to make it?” Spike asked, wanting to take advantage of the
openness that Angel was showing.
“The doctor
said one in three does fine and that leaves two out of three that doesn’t.”
It wasn’t
optimistic at all but Spike had been trying to pretend for Buffy. To maintain
the façade that everything was going to be all right for his mate and her
little sister. They would both be devastated if something happened to Joyce. It
was a relief that Angel was already making plans in case they needed it.
“Is there
more?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, I’m
putting Buffy on the payroll as your assistant. We’ll figure something out so
she feels she is earning it. But I want her to have an income to do with as she
needs and wants. Those bastards at the Council should be paying her anyway.”
Spike
nodded and stepped back. “You have been making plans, haven’t you?”
“Just
trying to make sure you two are taken care of,” Angel said.
“Not
planning on going anywhere, are you?” Spike asked his head tilting as he studied
the man before him.
“Not unless
I can help it,” Angel said, laughing as he studied the view over Spike’s
shoulder.
Maybe it
was his demeanor or the flash of fear in his eyes that prompted Spike to ask
the question that had been haunting him. The question that had been simmering
beneath the surface since the spell had been done and always resurfaced when
his mate was anything but the caring man in front of him.
“I need to
ask you something,” Spike said.
Their eyes
connected as Angel turned to look at him and Spike knew he didn’t need to ask.
Cold fear curled in his belly as for a moment he saw the creature that had once
demanded so much from him.
“I don’t
know, Spike,” Angel said, stepping closer to him. His hands settled on Spike’s
waist. “Something is different but I’m not sure what. My soul is still here,”
Angel dropped his gaze studying their shoes. “He just seems closer to the
surface, taunting me, slipping out when I don’t want him to.”
Spike knew
that Angel had taken a great risk by confiding in him. If anyone would reject
him for the truth it would be him. Needing to connect with his mate, Spike
cradled Angel’s cheeks in his hands.
“Ang, I
love you and as long as the soul is there, you’ll find a way to keep him at
bay. We’ll find a way to get you through this just don’t think you have to
handle it on your own.”
“Thank
you,” Angel whispered. “I thought maybe if I said anything that you’d go
running for a stake.”
Spike
kissed his Sire and whispered against his lips, “Nah, carry my stake with me.”
They both
laughed and the seriousness of the moment was dispensed. Spike knew they’d find
a way to make this relationship work. Angel may not be saying a lot but he was
there for them. The confusion was gone for Spike now. Things had been set in motion
for them to make changes that would help Buffy and in the end would benefit
them all. As they approached the house, Angel rested a hand on his arm.
“Oh, there
was one more thing I was thinking.”
“What’s
that?” Spike asked, wondering if this was where the punch line came in and he’d
wake from this dream.
“I want to
know that if I’m in LA that our family is protected,” Angel said. “So, I think
we should start looking for a way to get your chip out.”
To be continued in Chapter 13 –
Taking Care of Business
