“I can’t believe I am doing this,” Buffy muttered, slamming another book onto the shelf. It wasn’t fair. Everything had come together, the three of them were together, everything was understood and accepted and overnight it had all changed. So, here she was helping one of her mates establish a home an hour and a half away from where he belonged.

“I told you that you didn’t have to do it,” Angel said, making the bed. “Cordelia said she’d help me.”

“I just bet she would.”

Spike was amused. Buffy could see the corners of his lips twitching as he fought back the laughter and she wanted to throw a book at him. Serve the little weasel right. He was just as jealous and upset as she was but he was hiding behind the big bad vampire routine while she was looking like an insecure shrew. Telling herself to calm down, Buffy righted the book she had thrown on the shelf then took the last two out of the box and put them on the shelf. She broke down the box and put it on the stack with the others. After Spike finished with the few knick knacks, the apartment would be set up and it would soon be time for them to leave Angel.

“Anyone want some water?” Buffy asked, making her way into the kitchen. After not getting a reply, she grabbed a bottle and took a long drink before wandering back into the other room. Angel was now lying on the bed and when he saw her, he held his hand out to her. She hurried over to join him. She couldn’t imagine spending time away from him and if it made her look pathetic then pathetic she would be. He pulled her down on top of the bed and she instinctively straddled him.

“Don’t worry,” Angel whispered, his hands tangling in her hair. “I love you and Spike and no one else. Okay?”

Buffy nodded, happily lowering her head for a kiss. It was sweet and full of love as his lips moved along hers. She was the one who took it further, needing the passion, her tongue dipping between his lips which parted easily to give her admittance. Lost in his touch, the worries and pain of the impending separation departed, leaving her breathless and needy. His hands cupped her bottom, squeezing and pulling her closer to his growing erection. Through her haze, she remembered Spike was there somewhere in the apartment but wasn’t joining them. Buffy didn’t want to be the one who interrupted things between her and Angel but she wanted Spike included. Thankfully, Angel was the one who broke their kiss and she buried her face in his neck.

“Spike, come here,” Angel called, glancing over at the other vampire though never taking his hands off of her.

Raising her head when she felt the bed give, Buffy looked up to see Spike lying down beside them. She shifted to give her mate room to lie on Angel and the weight of Spike’s leg fell over hers. This was perfection, she thought as the three of them tangled together. Kisses were shared between the trio, her mouth moving from one to the other as they gave pleasure. Hands roamed over her back, bottom and legs while she freely ran hers over them. Buffy heard herself mewl as fingers massaged between her legs and she wanted more.

“We need to stop now,” Angel interrupted them and Buffy looked up into stormy blue depths and both smiled as they rolled off their mate.

The three lay beside each other and stared at the ceiling while they tried to calm their rampaging needs. It had been a group decision for all of them to abstain until Angel could participate without fear. Unfortunately for them, the decision had also been made to establish Angel Investigations first and it had been almost a month since any of them had indulged in sex. This weekend when Angel returned to Sunnydale the spell would be cast and they had their fingers crossed that by Saturday night they would be locked together in their bedroom. Angel and Spike were constantly making jokes and establishing who got to be with who first but Buffy was scared even though she would never tell them that. Only Spike had been given all of her and as much as she loved Angel it terrified her to think that he would also be making love to her. It was confusing and their jokes were only making it worse. It seemed to take the love out of it leaving her even more insecure. With a sigh she shifted to her side to look at her vampires and reminded herself how much they loved her. In the end they would work it out as they always did.

A cell phone started to ring and Spike reached over on the nightstand to find the one that was interrupting them. It was Buffy’s.

“Hello.”

“Hi, honey, its Mom,” Joyce’s voice came through the small instrument.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Buffy asked, scooting to sit cross-legged on the bed.

“Are you still in Los Angeles?”

“Mom, I told you that I would take Dawn shopping for the new term tomorrow and I will. Spike and I are leaving tonight and I will be there as promised.”

Buffy knew she sounded annoyed but the last thing she wanted was to deal with her little sister right now. Dawn was spoiled rotten by her mother, her friends and by Angel and Spike, and it wasn’t fair.

“I’m just trying to make sure. I have a meeting with a buyer tomorrow afternoon and I don’t want Dawn to be left alone.”

“She’s fourteen,” Buffy started. “No, sorry, bad Buffy, I forgot how delicate the kid is. I’ll make sure she is protected and safe.”

Spike laughed at her whining but Angel stood and started to collect boxes. She stuck her tongue out at his back while listening to her mother’s lecture. Sounding properly chastised, Buffy gave the correct responses until her mother said good-bye and clicked off.

“Angel, are you upset with me?” Buffy asked.

“I think you need to be a little more helpful with your sister. Joyce counts on you and you don’t seem to want to help her or me anymore. If there is a problem than you need to say something instead of keeping quiet about it.”

Buffy wanted to run to him and tell him all her fears but he was closed off. He didn’t want her to talk about it. He wanted her to change. After all, he had given her every assurance that he could in the last month since all this started but it just wasn’t making her feel better. It was her. It wasn’t anyone else and she knew she was being a brat. Or a bitch as Spike reminded her when she took it out on him. She was the one with the problem and telling them for the thousandth time wasn’t going to make it all go away. She had to find a way to deal with it all.

“I’m sorry, Angel,” Buffy said. “I’ll try harder.”

Great, now she sounded like a whipped little puppy and from the sigh emanating from her mate he felt the same way. Spike’s hand rubbed her back but she pulled away and stood. Spike always made her feel better and if she let him comfort her, she would start crying and she wasn’t going to be that weak. Not in the last few hours they had together before the weekend. Leaning over, she kissed the corner of Spike’s mouth to let him know it wasn’t him before going to hug Angel. His arms wrapped around her and a kiss was placed on her temple.

“It’s all going to work out, Buffy,” Angel said. “Quit worrying so much. What happened to that theory of yours about sprouting wings on the way down?”

“Oh, that was before I realized they messed up the lines of my clothes,” Buffy joked, smiling up at him. “I’m depending on the two of you to catch me and the amazing Slayer healing powers if you miss.”

He smiled, just the way she wanted him to and a quick kiss was dropped on her mouth.

“Hello, people, you all dressed?” Doyle asked, skipping down the stairs.

“Yes,” Angel said, letting go of her and turning to his new partner.

With reluctance, Spike also stood and waited for Doyle to explain his visit. It seemed that Doyle had another vision and knowing that she wouldn’t be needed, Buffy wandered upstairs. Of course, she wasn’t needed here. Los Angeles was Angel’s town and he had all the help he needed in Doyle and Cordelia. Cordelia. She snorted and spat the name from her lips like a bug. She was woman enough to admit that she was jealous. She had lost Angel once before and she didn’t want to again. In spite of the comfort by her mates, her mind was reeling with all the changes and she finally settled behind his desk trying to sort things out. Every once in a while her eyes would dart out to where Cordelia was typing something on the computer. At least the feeling was mutual and her former classmate was as unhappy with her being there as Buffy was with Cordelia.

As if she had conjured her, Cordelia was leaning against the doorway.

“Don’t mess with any of the paperwork,” the brunette commanded. “I have everything laid out according to priority.”

“You know what priority means? I’m impressed,” Buffy said, and just to be spiteful switched a couple of the folders.

“What are you trying to do?”” Cordelia asked, changing the folders back to where they belonged. When she was done, she crossed her arms and glared down at Buffy. “Ruin everything for me. I need this job. Some of us have to work for a living. And besides I think the Powers That Be have a little more idea of what’s going on than a mere Slayer.”

“We don’t listen to the Powers.”

“Oh, yes, the great triangle of love that has changed the destiny of so many. Let the innocents die so Buffy can have her cake and eat it too.” Cordelia snapped, rolling her eyes. “And you called me a vapid whore.”

Unable to take the needling from her former rival, Buffy stood to face off with her. It wasn’t like Angel had really wanted Cordelia to work for him. She had forced herself into the situation and Angel being the easy touch that he was, hired her. At least that was what she kept telling herself to keep from giving anymore insecurities free reign in her heart. Buffy smoothed down the pink leather of her pants and licked her lips.

“You’re just jealous of my position.”

“Which one? I’m sure you’ve been in them all,” Cordelia said, giving the Slayer one last glance before marching from the room.

“Not yet,” Buffy muttered feeling defeated and flopped back down into the chair. “But I’m sure I will be soon.”

Voices on the stairs indicated the three men were coming this way and Buffy hastily straightened Angel’s desk. As much as she wanted to irritate his office mate, Buffy really didn’t want to mess this up for Angel or any of them. It was giving Spike an opportunity to really feel like a contributing member of the trio by opening a branch in Sunnydale. Spike would be in charge of that office and together he and Angel would keep everything going between the two cities. The three of them would be equals when it came to fighting evil. And in their personal relationship it meant that none of them came into it with any outstanding insecurity which for Spike was very important. To her and Angel he was a vital part of their relationship and neither of them wanted him to forget it. Professionally or personally.

It was going to hurt Buffy and Angel hated having to tell her that their plans had changed. He and Spike was supposed to take her to dinner and then to a club for the night as an early birthday celebration. Spend some relationship time with her and maybe help her with these fears she had been having. He knew the last year had been rough on her with one change after another but it was time to move past them. At first, she had been excited and eager on the new developments. Buffy had helped pick out the building for him to live and work in. She had been the one to suggest a dual office in Sunnydale for Spike and she had been eager to have his soul anchored. Now, a month later she was wallowing in these doubts that were irritating him. Everyone else was on board, even Spike, and giving everything they had to get things together while Buffy was complaining and whining. She always wanted to be coddled and reassured like a child. And he was getting tired of doing it. Buffy was a woman now and she needed to start acting like it.

If anyone should be the most insecure about the relationship it should be him. Neither Buffy nor Spike was going to be living alone in a new city by themselves. They got to go home and sleep with each other even if they weren’t having sex. They had the familiarity of Sunnydale and friends and family. Cordelia was trying but he could only take her in small doses and Doyle was still new to him and therefore still under suspicion. He sighed as he stepped in the office and the crestfallen look on his mate’s face made him feel guilty.

“I’m sorry, Doyle has a vision that we need to check out.” Angel explained. “This weekend when I get home, I’ll make it up to you both.”

Expecting sarcasm or the very least a comment to make him feel guiltier, Angel was surprised when Buffy covered up her disappointment with a smile.

“It’s okay,” Buffy said. “Work has to come first.”

Her small hand squeezed his and a sense of pride came over him. Maybe she was going to try harder to get through this.

“Come on, let me walk you and Spike out to the car.”

After telling Doyle and Cordy he’d be right back, Angel accompanied his mates out to the car. Their bags had been stored in the trunk earlier and for a moment they stood there awkwardly. Maybe they should have said good-bye inside instead of out on the street where anyone walking by could see them.

Deciding the hell with it, he drew the two close to him. It was going to be two days before he saw them again. Their arms wrapped around him and he inhaled their scents, trying to imbed them in his memory. The separation was going to be hard on all of them and he wanted them to know that he would miss them. Angel kissed each of them with leisure, trying to infuse them with his love.

“Take care of each other and I’ll be home as soon as I can,” he whispered to them, before releasing them.

Angel stood on the sidewalk until the Desoto was out of sight. It had to be one of the hardest things he ever had to do. And later that night, sitting in the nightclub, D’Oblique, he realized that this was one thing he could never tell Buffy about as he talked to an attractive blonde. She would never understand this was part of his job, especially after the Riley fiasco. But he had to go where the visions took him, didn’t he?

The Desoto slipped easily onto the highway, streaking through the black January night. Never before had leaving his Sire affected him so much. This time he could feel the tear in their blood ties the further he got from LA. His fingers touched the mark on his neck and felt the power of that bite screech along his nerve endings. He had surrendered everything that he was to his Sire without any regrets. Spike knew Angel, his strengths and weaknesses, when he lied and when he would stand behind his convictions and somehow in the last seven months he had had given his trust to the older vampire. If Angel said he loved him then he was going to believe it. He had to because Buffy was drowning in the uncertainty of the changes.

Spike glanced over the girl huddled against the car door. She had been trying so hard to be strong the last couple of days. When the doubts first teased her she had been vocal and shared with them but the more Angel withdrew from her over them, the more she shut down. Buffy needed strong boundaries to feel safe and loved and all the ones she had been counting on were disappearing. He saw her blink back the tears and he reached over to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“It’s okay if you want to cry,” Spike said. “I miss him, too.”

It was what she was waiting for as she slid across the seat to cuddle against him. His arm wrapped around her and held her while she wept.

“I’m sorry for being a baby,” Buffy said, sitting up a little more. “I know I’m annoying everyone.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re giving into the doubts, pet. We’re going to make all this work.”

“I’m scared, Spike, I’m scared that if I don’t hold onto everything really tight then it’s all going to be over.”

“The tighter you hold onto everything, the more it’s going to struggle to be free,” Spike whispered. “We love you and we’re not going to go anywhere.”

She nodded and lay across the seat, her head resting on his leg. She wasn’t ready to hear it yet and Spike only hoped that she would before she did push Angel away. Angel liked his little girl to adore him without questions and the clinging demands would only anger him. Spike ran his fingers through her hair, listening to the breathing that slowed as Buffy succumbed to sleep. He settled further into the seat and vowed that he would be the rock that their girl could cling to in the next few stormy months as they settled into their new lives. His love would be the one thing that she could count on for security and give her the foundation to build her strength again.

to be continued…