Chapter 11
Dutifully, Spike opened his
mouth so Buffy could put a chip in his mouth. She’d been feeding him on and off
since they left the gas station. He wasn’t quite sure why she thought she
couldn’t leave the opened bag on the seat for him to get them himself. But it
seemed that the Buffy he was in the company of this afternoon wasn’t the Buffy
he was used to. This Buffy seemed almost like a typical teenager, a very young
teenager, as she sipped soda and ate potato chips like it was her last meal.
Early on she had changed the radio station to pop and every once in awhile
she’d hum along to Britney or Justin. It was all annoying to him.
He wondered if this was the
real Buffy and he had deluded himself to her maturity level. This girl was way
too young for him because she was giving him the beginnings of a migraine with
her antics. He glanced over at her. Once again she was eyeing the ocean with a
hungry look. He’d already ascertained that she used to be quite the beach
fanatic in her early teen days. A friend of hers, their family had a beach
house, and she’d spent quite a few weekends there. It had to have been a happy
time in her life.
And maybe that was why she
was acting the way she was.
Trying to recapture the feel
of the days when everything was just plain fun. He sighed. It was always a
riddle with her but the answers were easy if you took the time.
“Do you want to stop and
take a walk?” Spike asked, watching her reaction carefully.
Her eyes flew open then
shuttered again. Her body went stiff as she vigorously shook her head no.
Shrugging he let it go for the moment. There was a spot ahead along the highway
where he knew the beach would be virtually deserted. The isolation should
hopefully give her the confidence to tackle yet another fear.
Buffy turned up the radio,
keeping her eyes fixated on the road before them, and didn’t say a word. He let
it go and continued to drive along in a pop music induced haze. Finally he
spotted the turnoff he wanted to take. She still didn’t say anything when he
pulled off onto the small road. It couldn’t really be called a road. It was
just a small break in the dunes which led to a place where you could park the
car and watch the ocean. It was sort of a lover’s lane that somehow everyone
knew about.
“What are you doing?” Buffy
asked with a trace of panic behind her words.
“Looking at the ocean,”
Spike said as nonchalantly as he could, stopping the car. He opened his window.
“I needed some fresh air. My head is starting to hurt.”
“Oh,” Buffy said, settling
back down. The chips and soda were put away though and her jacket pulled tight
around her.
Spike pretended to close his
eyes but continued to watch her. She was staring with such longing at the beach
that it hurt even him. Every once in awhile she would sit up to look around but
then she’d sigh and lean back again. He was beginning to think he should just
give up and head for home when she patted his arm.
“Spike, do you think we
could go down there?” Buffy asked in a small trembling voice.
“Yeah,” he answered,
stretching like she’d woken him. “Let’s go.”
Spike took her hand to lead
her down the path to the beach. It was a little rocky and steep at points. She
seemed grateful. Her hand holding tight to his until they were level with the
ocean. She dropped his hand and seemed to disappear within herself. Not wanting
to pressure her any, he sat on the sand just out of reach of the waves. It
seemed like she didn’t even notice as she looked around at their surroundings.
They were isolated with the small cliff behind them and rocks running from it
to the ocean on either side of them about a quarter to half a mile down.
“There’s no one around,”
Buffy said aloud but Spike knew she wasn’t talking to him. She sat next to him
to remove her boots and roll her pants legs up. He smiled at the bright pink
polish on her toes. It was the only place that she let herself be the girl she
used to be. Unable to resist he ran his finger along her toes. “Are they
chipped?” She asked, putting her feet
out to inspect them.
He laughed because it was
such a woman thing to assume. It made her seem more normal even if he hated
putting it in those terms.
“No, pet, they’re fine. I
just think they’re pretty that’s all.”
“Thank you,” she told him
then with a deep breath stood again.
Spike grew silent again as
she made her way to the ocean. Buffy stood and watched the waves roll over her
feet as if she had never seen it before. She wiggled her toes then dug them
into the sand with a look of awe on her face. Finally she squatted, putting her
hands in the water and turning her face skyward. She looked every bit a child
that was just discovering the world around them.
It touched his very soul as
he watched her. For the first time he knew without a doubt that she would find
her way in the world. She was made for sunshine and light, not the deep,
dankness of hell. In time she wouldn’t even think twice about leaving home.
Laughter would replace the sadness. He hoped that he would be there to see the
woman she would become.
“Hey,” Buffy said, returning
to him. She fell to her knees between his feet with her hands on his arms.
“Hey, yourself.”
There was a trace of a smile
on her face and he returned it. She took
his sunglasses from his face, letting them hang between her fingers. For a minute
or two she stared into his eyes. Never breaking, holding him under her spell,
as his world tilted on its axis.
“May I kiss you?” Buffy
asked, barely above a whisper.
“I wish you would.”
He opened his arms so that
she could crawl closer to him. The first brush of her lips was tentative. She
pulled back, letting her breath caress his face before she pressed her mouth
against his again. It was her discovering the joy of physical touch again and
he let her lead the way. Quick, slow, tongue, no tongue, a pause then the
hunger was between them again. It was inevitable. Their bodies already knew
what the other could offer. He grasped her under the arms, pulling her back
gently, leading her down to the sand. She was sprawled on top of him, their
legs entwined, and her fingers holding his face. Afraid of scaring her, he left
one hand on her lower back and the other across his stomach.
It took him back to the days
when he first discovered girls. You knew you weren’t going to get sex, so you’d
take what you could and enjoy it. And he did. Every sweep of her tongue, the
gentle sucking of his bottom lip, her breasts pressed to his chest, and the
pressure of her sex against his hip. His body gave him away. His erection pushed
against her, begging for attention. She drew back.
“It’s okay, pet.”
Buffy buried her face
against his neck while they regained control of their breathing. She shuddered
and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.
“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered
against his ear.
“I’m not,” Spike said,
kissing her cheek. “I know you need time. I can handle it.”
She nodded then pulled back
so she could look down at him. “Thank you for today. It was perfect.”
“It was, wasn’t it? You made
some good strides today,” Spike said. “Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t say anything
but I’m proud of you for deciding to go in the store and walking on the beach.”
“Don’t forget that I left
home on my own and came to LA.”
“That, my dear,” Spike said,
tapping the end of her nose. “Was an act of desperation.”
It was as if a cloud had
hidden the sun. Buffy stiffened then rolled off of him. She sat beside him and
slipped his sunglasses on. He wondered what he had done wrong. Twice today he had upset her without
realizing. He lay for a moment trying to gather the courage to face the
upcoming conversation. It wouldn’t just go away by itself so he sat up. She
glanced at him then returned her gaze to the ocean.
“So, the only
accomplishments of mine that matter are the ones you’re involved in?” Buffy
asked.
“Ouch,” Spike said, hanging
his head. He sighed. It was pretty much what he had implied even if he didn’t
mean it. “Don’t pull any punches, do you?”
“Not anymore. I can’t,”
Buffy said then paused while she searched for the right words. “They have to be mine, Spike. I appreciate
everything you’re doing for me but I can’t let everything depend on you. How
else am I going to make it when you’re not there?”
“You’re right, Luv,” Spike
said, nodding his head. “I know, I know.” He laughed softly. “Guess I just have
a hero’s complex when it comes to you. You know the one who took the chains off
and all that rot.”
“My knight in shining
armor?”
“No, more like your avenging
angel with wings.”
“You always will be if that
helps.”
“Appreciate it, but I think
it’s more a case of stumbling into a bad situation and trying to do the right
thing.”
“Isn’t that what a hero is?”
“Honestly, I just don’t
know,” Spike said, staring off into space. Since his father’s death he wasn’t
sure where the lines were drawn between right and wrong. Maybe everything was
just gray and all you could do was the best you could. He shook his head to
clear it. “So, how did you manage to leave home? You couldn’t even get out the
door the other day.”
“I would have eventually,”
Buffy said, with a small laugh. “It may have taken forever but I would have.”
She sighed. “I had everything planned. Every step of the way, from calling the
taxi to the ATM machine to the bus schedule and even the hotel fees but my
problem was getting out the door. I had my bags packed and every morning I’d
wake up at
“I’m glad you did,” Spike
said, with a smile.
Buffy returned his smile.
“Thanks, I’m glad I did, too.”
In those few words they
started to reveal the way they felt about each other. It was enough for a
start. Spike leaned back on his elbows to watch the waves roll in. He felt
peaceful for a change. And he knew he owed it to the girl that was sitting
beside him.
~~~~~~~~
The phone was ringing when
they walked through the door. Spike hurried to answer it as Buffy locked them
into the apartment. He grabbed the phone off the charger and gave a sharp
greeting.
“Is that anyway to greet
friends and relatives?” Angel’s voice mocked him.
“If I’d known it was you,
ponce, I would have ignored it and let the machine pick it up,” Spike retorted,
flopping onto his back on the couch. He propped his feet up on the armrest so
he could kick his shoes off.
“And I would kick your
respective ass.”
“As if you could,” Spike
said, accepting a bottle of water from Buffy. He turned on his side when she
settled on the floor next to him. He watched as she pulled the court file
toward her.
“Yeah and when haven’t I
been able to?” Angel asked with a laugh. It was an old joke between them. To
many outsiders the cousins seemed to have an almost hostile relationship but
the love and loyalty between them ran deep.
“Since I went through
puberty,” Spike said then grew serious. His fingers pulled the band from
Buffy’s hair and begin to undo her braid. “So, what’s up, mate? Need me to take
care of another parking ticket for you?”
Angel sighed. It sounded
like he was fiddling with something. Apparently Cordelia had put him up to the
call. “Actually, I was wondering if you and Buffy wanted to come over for
dinner tonight.”
“Don’t think tonight is a
good night,” Spike said, shaking her hair loose across her back. “We were out
earlier and I think maybe we should just hang out at home. I’m pretty
knackered.”
“Oh,” Angel said. “How about
tomorrow then? I’d like to meet her.”
“And play the parental
paternal role and give me advice and sex instructions,” Spike said as a joke but
stopped when Buffy turned to look at him. There was a twinge of fear in her
eyes. He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I was just kidding, pet. Angel
always tries to play my Daddy, that’s all.”
Buffy nodded and turned back
to the file but he had messed up. She wasn’t as relaxed when he tried to return
to playing with her hair so he rolled onto his back.
“Upset her?” Angel asked.
“Guess so,” Spike said,
throwing his arm over his eyes. “Can I call you tomorrow and let you know. We
just walked in the door.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. And
Spike?”
“Yeah?”
“Be careful with your heart,
and hell, with hers too, okay?”
“You’re too late, Ang. I’ll
talk to ya in the morning.”
Spike hung up the phone
before Angel could say anything. It was no longer a question of if he was going
to let her in. She was already there. And soon she would be gone. He swallowed
back a lump of emotion. Every door that he had closed over the years was being
battered down and he was afraid of facing them alone.
“Spike,” Buffy called to him.
Her hand covered his that was resting on his stomach. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah, I am,” he said,
pulling his arm down to look at her. “What’s up?”
“I was reading the testimony
by the detective who arrested…him,” Buffy closed her eyes for a moment before
looking back up at him. “And he was talking about the evidence they found.
Something doesn’t sound right and I was wondering if there was a list or
pictures of the clothing they found at his house.”
“There should be,” Spike
said, sitting up. He pulled the file over and started sorting through the
papers until he came across the list she’d asked for. He handed it to her.
Watching as she ran her index finger down the list as she read it. She tapped
an item and made a small sound of frustration. “What is it?”
“Are there any pictures?”
“Not in this,” Spike said,
leaning over her shoulder to try and see what she was questioning. “What are
you thinking?”
“These aren’t mine,” Buffy
said, pointing to the list, “The yellow bikini underwear. Or I’m almost positive
they’re not.”
“Buffy, they were found with
your cheerleading uniform,” Spike said, trying to be gentle. There hadn’t been
any doubt when the evidence was found that the underwear belonged to Buffy. Her
mother had even identified them. “I think that…”
“Spike, I was a
cheerleader,” Buffy said as if it explained everything.
“Yes, I know but…”
“And,” Buffy interrupted
again with a look of disgust on her face. It was like he was supposed to follow
that line of thinking. “My appearance was everything to me especially when I
was wearing my uniform. I didn’t wear bikini underwear under my bloomers
because they would have left panty lines. And they are also described as having
a bow on the front. It would have left a bulge.”
“Are you absolutely
certain?”
“Yes, I am,” Buffy said with
conviction. “I know what I said but that was before…my memories got screwed up.
They’re not mine, Spike. They had to be hers or someone else’s.”
“You’re mother identified
them as yours.”
“I had a pair like it but I
wasn’t wearing them that day.”
“We’re going to have to
prove they weren’t yours,” Spike said, as his mind clicked into gear.
“How?”
“DNA testing,” Spike said.
“It was never done before because they just assumed they were yours. So, I
guess tomorrow you and I are going to the evidence warehouse.”
Buffy grinned up at him and
it felt like he was being lit up from the inside out. He smiled down at her as
he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. Maybe, just maybe he could
erase the stigma of his father’s legacy and prove him wrong yet because in
Buffy’s eyes, William wasn’t a disappointment.
to be continued…