The Language Of Communication

Good communication means letting the other person know what you feel in a manner that is not hurtful or domineering. Does it sound tough? Not really, if you are willing to listen and reply politely .

Communication is basically conveying effectively what we feel, think, want or need.

In all relationships, at school or at home or at work, communication is an integral part of life. But are we effectively conveying what we want to say?

Very often, the answer is no. Communication is a skill that can be developed with patience and care -- care for others and their feelings. The benefit in this case is that good personal relationships go a long way in enhancing our lives – emotionally and practically. 

The art of listening
While conversing we should respect the opinions and feelings of others. It gives the other person a sense of self-respect, and since respect begets respect, you get respect back.

It also boosts self-esteem of the person you are conversing with. Listening well shows that you care for the person and respect his or her views. When you do this, you will be listening truly and not merely hearing. It also makes understanding his point of view easy, for he may be using more than words. He may be using gestures.

The art of choosing a topic
When there are more than two or three people in a group, pick a topic that would be of common interest. How often have you found yourself being left out of a conversation? How did it feel? Could we not take that extra effort to ensure that a similar thing does not happen to a friend?

The art of body communication
Lean forward and sit straight. It makes the other person feel wanted. Establish eye contact with the person; it adds a personal touch to the exchange.

Communicate that you are “with” the person by nodding and positive facial expressions. Allow the person to finish what he has to say. Ask questions and bring him back to the topic gently, if he is digressing.

After the person has finished, give a summary of the talk to the person, to let him know what you understood. Clarify any doubts.

The art of positive assertiveness

In a conversation, there is bound to be a clash of opinions. Effective communication ensures that there is no conflict. This is where it helps to master the art of positive assertiveness.

What is asserting oneself positively? It is the art of asserting oneself without accusations or insults, using both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication. Where you would say, “You left the keys on the table”, try saying, “We forgot the keys. They are probably still on the table. It does not matter. Let’s pick up the spare from the Guptas.” Top it off with a smile that is at once apologetic and conspiratorial. More importantly, it should be genuine. It should not be condescending or contrived. Your eyes should smile too. It should not be a cold impersonal stretching of the lips.

You’d have saved an explosive situation. Because you have refrained from criticism, shared the responsibility and offered a practical solution. It is the “We” as against the accusing “you” that saved the situation. In a quiet unspoken way, you have demonstrated respect for his humanness.

Some golden rules for asserting positively:

• Use the I or the We as against You, wherever possible.
• Accept responsibility for all your actions.
• Sum up the facts of a situation first. Then express your thoughts and feelings about it. Discuss them. Offer a positive solution, if possible. Make your intentions clear.

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