Note: New England Weather content is accessible to all versions of every browser. However, this browser may not support basic Web standards, preventing the display of our site's design details. We support the mission of the Web Standards Project in the campaign encouraging users to upgrade their browsers.

New England Weather - Acoustic music
A colonoscope. Courtesy of Mount Sinai Hospital

Colonoscopy

Words and music by Mike Delaney

And the music goes round and round...

Mike Delaney: vocal, mandolin; Angela Marseglia: vocal, guitar; Kathy Danielson: bass; Ken Porter: vocal, percussion

Now that I am fifty
My time may be half-way gone
I’m still coping with fears
As life goes screaming along

There’s a big fear looming ahead
It worries me right in my gut
It so fills me with dread
And will accept no ands, ifs, or buts…
(Well, maybe butts!)

Chorus
Colonoscopy
It fills me with fear
Colonoscopy
A procedure that brings me to tears
The probing of my ample gut
Through the peephole of my butt
Oh, woe is me from you know what
Colonoscopy

As a baby there were doctors with needles
And then there were dentists with drills
Now invasive procedures
Is what is giving me chills

Doc says let’s look through your sphincter
With my flexible colonoscope
We’ll go hunting for polyps
But I can’t do it—nope!

Chorus

Why can’t this be like Star Trek?
Wave a tricorder near my groin
There’s no probing or prodding
Just listen to beeping and boings

I’ve heard they’re having parties
Colonoscopies with your friends
With enough Tequila
It could be a means to my end

Chorus