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Archive of the Lair

Here are Archived Entries and Links from the Beautiful, Burgeoning Home Lair Page.

Archive Lair 1 Archive Lair 2

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Finding Out Where I Come From (Hint: It Has Better Scenery Than Seattle!)

TUESDAY, MAY 3, 2022: Good afternoon, LairLurkers! Did I ever mention that, although my family background is mostly Scandinavian, I have never set foot in Scandinavia? I often mentioned to my late Mom that I wanted to visit Norway and Sweden one of these days, only to have her respond, "Everything is so Expensive over There!" To which I would respond, "I don't care! I still wanna go There!" Well, since I inherited my half of my dear old Mum's estate, I have been hard at work at both: 1) clearing out old debts, including my student loan balance; and 2) planning a long-Awaited trip to Scandinavia! Until about a year Ago, I hardly dared to dream of such a journey; now I've got the whole thing Booked, including a round-trip flight that changes planes in Iceland, both Coming and Going!

UPDATE (TUESDAY, APRIL 18, 2023): Fast-forward a year Later, LairCronies! Last June and July, I fulfilled a dream of many years' Standing--I visited Norway, Sweden, and Copenhagen, Denmark for the Very first time! I also spent some time on Icelandic soil, as I changed planes in Keflavik, both coming and going! Of course, I cleared my student loan balance First; I'm still getting Used to not having a student loan debt Hanging over my head. Norway is a very Outdoorsy place, and feels like a Whole country Full of my Dad's relatives. I feel like I blended in pretty Well there, even though I don't speak the language, alas. Sweden is a bright and beautiful (and nearly Cashless) collection of college towns, and Dramatic skies hang over the country Much of the time. The only issue with Sweden is the birch pollen, which had me in coughing fits, especially on buses and trains. The only part of Denmark I visited was its Capital city of Copenhagen; but that's an Enchanting place that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend to anyone Interested in visiting northern Europe. But dangit, I wish that I actually spoke Norwegian and Swedish, even though nearly everyone I met spoke English at least passably. It's kind of Weird when you can read and understand a Fair amount of two languages, but you can't speak them.

So, where might I go for the Next adventure, Approaching 60 as I am? I've got some Vague ideas, but no Definite plans to visit Anywhere this year. Yet. Maybe it'll be the interior of Ireland Next, as I mostly ringed the coast last time; and I'd like to visit Ireland more Often than every two decades...

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So, I Renew My Busker's Permit, and Along Comes Monsoon Season...

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2021: Well, yeah, what the title says. I renewed my Pike Market busker's permit; and then the fall rain started, here in my 30th year in Seattle. It's definitely been raining almost Nonstop all this month; then again, that's Normal in Seattle. And I'm really freaking Depressed from a lack of music in my life. I do have significantly more funds than I usually do, as a result of inheriting roughly half of my Mom's estate (not Including my Dad's coin collection); so I've been Able to pay for things like my own Christmas plane ticket to see my Aunt, Together with her doggies and cats, over the holidays. Sorry I'm sounding a bit Vague right Now; it's just that my text Here in the Home Lair is moving quite slowly at Present.

UPDATE (SUNDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2021): Somehow, the rain is holding Off this afternoon, for a Welcome change. Damn, there's so many Musical folks dying these days, you'd think death was going Out of style! Just in the Past month or So, we've lost: Paddy Moloney, chief of the Chieftains; Broadway icon Stephen Sondheim (Randy Rainbow's idol of course; kindly drop by his Instagram page to pay respects); and folk songwriters Scott Alarik and Bill Staines, those Last two just in the Past two days! Just when you think this year couldn't suck any Worse. Sincere condolences go out from the Lair to the families and friends of all the Abovementioned. May they travel on in Peace, and may their memory be a blessing to all.

Anyway, as the Above title implies, I still haven't done any busking this fall, though I did recently tape several Original songs on my new phone's video camera, down in my building's basement. It's always either too Cold or too Wet outside. I must stay in practice, though, as I want to go on an open mic tour down the west coast, as open mics start opening up Again. I'm also making Definite plans to visit Norway and Sweden during the Coming summer, Covid policies Permitting. Now, if I can just figure Out how public transportation works in those countries, even with no More than a Scant knowledge of Either language...

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Celebrating Eileen Engstrom Olsen (1936-2021): My Traveling Companion
and Fiddling Buddy Has Traveled to the Next Reality

Eileen Engstrom Olsen (May 27, 1936-May 14, 2021)

SPECIAL REPORT (THURSDAY, JUNE 10, 2021): Folks, cancer sucks--especially when it gets into your head. That's what my Mom discovered the Hard way, when she was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme back in late January. And not only did she have one of the most Aggressive, hard-to-treat cancers there is; it was located too Deep inside her brain (left lobe) to be Removed surgically without putting her life at risk, ironically Enough. That left radiation therapy and one of the Latest & Greatest chemo drugs--only that treatment was Begun really too little, too Late. Worse, the Disabled state in which she found herself as a result of Said brain cancer (she eventually ended up in Long-Term Nursing Care at Uplands Village Senior Care) quickly diminished her will to survive and live life. A world traveler and Noted artist simply cannot survive Long when one barely has the energy to sit Upright, and cannot even go to the bathroom Unassisted. During one of the last times I spoke to my Mom by phone, she straight-up told me that she felt she was "in hell", and she wanted Out. She did not take her own life (she didn't have access to her own medications; and, as previously Mentioned, she lacked the energy even to sit Upright on her own); but she was plainly sending Out signals to her guardian angels or whoever, saying, "I can't live like this! Get me the hell out of here!" And they eventually obliged, helping her to leave her body on the evening of Friday, May 14, just before 10:00 pm CDT, less than two weeks before her 85th birthday.

My Mom and I got into the habit of doing a lot of things Together over the past ten to fifteen years, which helped us become Closer than we had been. I generally visited her and her two cats a couple of times a year; and she always urged me to "bring [my] violin Along", as she could always find us opportunities to perform Somewhere, either as a fiddle duo, or with the dulcimer group she played fiddle with on a semi-Regular basis (the Cumberland County Dulcimores, I think they're called). We were especially in Demand during the Christmas holidays, as we'd developed a fiddling style of playing Christmas carols that brought them Back to their folk origins, Inspired by traditional English fiddle music. Fortunately, I managed to videotape our last Christmas fiddle jam session; I didn't know at the time that it would be our last time fiddling Together. Whenever I arrived for another visit, Orrie (the more Outgoing of the two cats) would invariably try to climb into my lap as I was eating homestyle soup and cornbread; and Mom would invariably say, "I told her you were coming." She also spent years trying to teach the cats to talk.

International travel was another habit we got into over the Past decade. After enjoying Caravan's tour of Costa Rica on her own, she persuaded me to join her on the Caravan tour of Guatemala; both of us, I think, left pieces of our hearts in that country. The following year, she took me on a tour/cruise combo in Hawaii for my 50th birthday; that was my first cruise (she'd been on one a couple of years Before in the Black Sea). Our final cruise Together was across Central America, starting from Miami, and heading through the Panama Canal, before traveling up the Pacific coast and stopping in Several countries for shore excursions--including a return visit to Guatemala for an afternoon. I still have Numerous photos and videos from those trips that I need to process and upload as slideshows, or posters, or something. We also traveled to the DC area in 2012 for an awards ceremony at my Dad's old workplace, NIST in Gaithersburg, Maryland; and in 2016, to Texas for my brother's and sister-in-law's wedding.

Anyway, my Mom always seemed to be Ageless; she didn't look or act her age, until she began to develop her Final illness. As recently as last fall, she could Still be found on her hands and knees on the floor, tossing toys to the cats. She kept Up with her artwork nearly until her cancer diagnosis; her last Completed work featured fish and corals from a photo Taken at the Honolulu Aquarium. She kept up with fiddle playing, driving, and socializing Right until she got into a car wreck in late January, which gave her the First indication that something in her head was not Right. Maybe the Universe or whoever decided that it would take something like a Debilitating brain illness just to slow her Down, never mind finish her Off. Now I have a couple of boxes of her Collected things, including fossils, artifacts, and folk music; and I've brought her best fiddle Home with me from Crossville. I haven't decided whether to keep it Forever or not; but it's got a good foster home Here, for the time Being...

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2021: The Reboot Has Been Pretty Dodgy Thus Far...

TUESDAY, MARCH 30, 2021: Good Evening, LairLurkers, here at what will Soon be the Lair's 20th Anniversary, for what it's worth! The yearly archives are getting Smaller all the time; yet, Somehow, the Lair remains. Gosh knows what kind of reader traffic it gets; but I figure, what the hell, let's keep this Murky cave complex Excavated. But now it's 2021; the Orange Guy has gotten the boot--by the grace of God, the Universe, or a platoon of Valkyries frenetically signing up new voters; we've gotten a whole new administration, featuring the United States' first-ever female Vice President, Kamala Harris (And isn't it about bloody time? Wot?? I mean, freaking IRAN had a female Vice-President before we did!)! There are now Several approved vaccines for Covid-19 that didn't exist a year Ago; and Seattle's bars and restaurants are coming Alive again, albeit hesitantly. So, why does it seem that we're still nowhere Near back to Normal again? Among other things...

The folks in charge of producing the Northwest Folklife Festival have decided that the Entire festival will be presented Online this year. That's right--Folklife ONLINE. Could somebody please explain to them that there's no way in friggin' hell that an event the size of Folklife can be held Online?! Folklife exists so that people can create music, performance, and culture TOGETHER; this manifestation of Communal creative energy simply cannot happen remotely. My Irish session group has been meeting via Zoom since the lockdown a year Ago (which, alas, also brought about the demise of our Beloved session spot, Fado Pub, the jewel of Pioneer Square); but I can't imagine it's anywhere near the same. And how the freak am I supposed to do busking sets on livestream, and order East African chicken/injera dishes via GrubHub?! Maybe the Folklife folks will change their minds about this Quarantine Folklife thing once they realize what an absurdity it would be (one may as well just watch a bunch of Random folkdance clips on Youtube); meanwhile, all folk musicians in the Pacific Northwest had best get their jabs, Stat.

My Mom has Glioblastoma Multiforme. In standard English, that's Brain Cancer, of a particularly nasty, Aggressive variety; and it came On with Incredible suddenness, in late January, right after Biden/Harris' Inauguration. That's an entire blog post in itself. Now, my Mom and I have had many differences; but neither she, nor anyone Else, deserves this. In a space of six weeks or less, she went from a totally Independent senior--living on her own, driving her own car, playing fiddle with a dulcimer group, and socializing normally--to living in an Assisted Living facility called Uplands Village, about a dozen miles from her house; Confined to a wheelchair; and Unable even to go to the bathroom on her own. All because of brain cells that mutated into malignant cells and started impinging on her Normal brain tissue. She is, fortunately, making progress in mobility and short-term memory through physical and occupational therapy, along with the Latest radiation therapy and chemo drugs; hopefully they will succeed in undermining tumor growth. But in the meantime, she's had to give up her house, car and cats; fortunately the feline ladies have been Rehomed with residents of the Memory Care building on the same campus; so hopefully, she and they will get to see each other semi-regularly once the felines are feeling Settled In and Comfortable with their new humans. After spending five and a half weeks at the old house in Crossville, with mostly just the cats for companionship, I was more Upset about parting with them than I was about my Mom being in quasi-Nursing Care. For real.

Meanwhile, we're all still walking Around wearing the Latest and Greatest fashionable, custom-Designed face masks. I have a total of six in my personal collection--I still want one of Randy Rainbow's "Cover Your Freaking Face" models; and perhaps one with Seahawks logos as well. I've uploaded some of my Original designs onto face masks on the Cafepress LairShops; but they're not selling any Better than most of the other stuff.

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2020, The Year That Needs Rebooting (Cause It's A Bloody Wash So Far)...

MONDAY, JUNE 29, 2020: Good morning, LairCronies; it's high time I wrote in here Again, even though the whole Bloody year has been pretty much Canceled! Starting with Irish Week in mid-March, all the festivals for which Seattle is so rightly Famous have been Canceled...excuse me, "Postponed" until their Usual time next year. The World Rhythm Fest, Folklife, Fremont Fair/Solstice Parade, the U-District Street Fair, Pride Week, all Seafair events (even the July 4 fireworks, FFS!)--GONE. Instead, we're slowly, cautiously, climbing out of Quarantine, wearing face masks that make us look as if we're all staff members in some Humongous field hospital.

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UPDATE (WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2020): LairCronies, I didn't mean to wait four months before posting here Again! It's really late right Now; but I just want to drop a Quick note about my next topic: I'm Missing Something (no, it's not Catching). I also need to clear my Short shelf for a Samhain memorial altar; collect Fallen leaves for new leave chains; and sing some new Original song videos, as well as figuring out New marketing techniques for my teeshirt designs! And then there's the freaking election coming up (God, I do NOT want Orange Thing to get another freaking term!!!), as well as the Upcoming verdict in Johnny Depp's lawsuit against a British tabloid publisher. And then there's...Randy Rainbow, whose home lair needs a bit of work, Brilliant though he may be at everything Else. Meanwhile...I'm having a snack and heading for bed. Stay Tuned!

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The LairMistress at 55, Still Talking (and Writing) Like a Millennial...

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2019: Good afternoon, LairCronies! Winter approaches; here it is, not even 5:00 pm PST, and it's pretty much Pitch Dark. I'm in another one of those "Bonding with Oscar Wilde" phases...Again. I want to interview him via EVP, though he assures me that I'm sufficiently Skilled with Nonordinary Reality that I don't require any Intermediary devices. I'm nearing what some people consider retirement age, while Still playing computer games; I have Enough experience with hidden object games by Now that I've come up with a near-Definitive list of "Top 15 Hidden Object Game Clichés." This past year, we lost two of the internet's Favorite cats--Grumpy Cat back in May; and quite recently, Lil Bub, the tiny magical space cat, whose Dude is floating the idea of shooting her ashes into space in her own little satellite (though it might be Cheaper to attach her remains to a weather balloon. Just saying). In other Sad episodes, my currently Favorite Youtube channel, Top 5 Scary Videos, just lost its Beloved longtime "horror host", Jack Finch (he got Homesick and returned to the U.K. from Canada). I actually cried over his departure; but he's still Alive, though much Missed for his highly Intelligent, exquisite narratives on horror fiction, folklore, mythology, forgotten horror films, and SPC cases. And I am now a Prolific teeshirt designer who dreams of making enough on my designs to pay for my own Freaking travel expenses.

UPDATE (SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 2020: Happy New Year, LairCronies! Yes, it's that time Again: to resist the Dragging negativity of Seasonal Affective Disorder well Enough, to keep it Together effectively Enough, that you can plot new courses while letting Go of the stuff that you want to abandon from last year. It's time to get Unstuck, out of ruts, and old grooves. And I want my own Floating Sky Island this year, even if it's just an inner-space place of power.

Hell, yeah! Oh, for a floating sky island, whether a small one, just me and an Irish cottage, on a few acres up in the sky, where I can go to focus on a writing or design project! Or, perhaps, a bigger sky island, a few square miles, big Enough for a small village or two, Occupied by myself and my Favorite musicians in the Next Reality. Or, better Still, both at once. In any case, I've got to keep the seasonal depression at bay sufficiently Well, and plot the course for this year, involving things a bit more Personal than just giving Trump the boot from his Ill-Gotten highest office.

I really must make more money at my own work, not the least because I want to travel more Often, to a Wider variety of places. Imagine if my sky island could travel to places I want to go, and drop me off by Some sort of flying commuter shuttle. Perhaps the floating island could travel by ocean as Well, which would also be Fun, if it didn't get flooded or capsize from being Hit by multiple monster waves. I want to return to Ireland, and make my first trip to parts of Scandinavia, this year. Hence, it is Imperative that I banish the Curse of Disregard once and for all, even if I have to dip into some Medieval grimoire to make it happen (of course, those tend to be Written in such Stilted language, even in English translations, that I couldn't make head nor tails of them if I tried; and I'd probably summon Elvis or somebody as a result). Dammit, I want to make Serious money, enough that I need not worry about money Anymore; and I deserve to succeed at self-employment, if that's what I prefer to devote myself to! Anyone or anything standing in my way, get the fuck out of my way; or, as some folks like to say, you're gonna learn...!!

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The Spring, or Summer, of Our Freaking Discontent...

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21, 2019: LairCronies! Some advice, please! Where, besides the Besieged Cafépress, should I advertise my teeshirt and sticker designs, where I can actually get some assistance with marketing products, if not the designs themselves? My LairShops are still with Cafepress; but the stuff isn't selling Worth the spit of an old lady, unless I buy a few things myself (and Lately, I can barely afford to buy my own Freaking teeshirts and hoodies! How pathetic is that??). Dammit, I want to make Enough cash that I can travel when and where I please, and pay the Entire fare myself! Why my stuff isn't selling Now, I haven't a Bloody clue; but it isn't. Maybe too Many folks are designing Custom teeshirts these days; it's not that Difficult. Also, I really can't afford Sophisticated advertising campaigns, for the Same reason I can't afford to buy my own merch, unless someone sends me a birthday check Early. Gah...

And then there's my new Side gig: Blogging about Climate Change and the worldwide Climate Strike movement. I've got a very Nice (if I may say so) little Wix site set Up with the blog, where I've committed myself to post Once a week or Thereabouts; and I need help promoting that as well; as with Most of my Online projects, that one doesn't see much traffic Either, no matter which hashtags I press into service. I want to make money, Somehow, in self-employment, and something Out There isn't allowing it. I try Journeying and meditation to try and nail Down the cause of my misfortune, and it simply isn't turning Up. I'm going to have to consult with a more Experienced psychic or shamanic practitioner for help with this matter, as the culprit that's causing the Curse of Disregard is preventing its discovery.

I would like to make Enough money to rent or purchase a bigger living space Here in Seattle. I want to make Enough money that money isn't a Huge worry the majority of the time. I want to spend time in Ireland again, and visit Scandinavia besides (especially at Midsummer!). I want to become better Known in folk and world music; and work with anyone I wish in those genres. I want to get to know the artists I admire and respect before they're all Dead (I already feel Surrounded by the ghosts of Most of my musical heroes, especially when I'm practicing music myself). I want to have a Regular, if not too-Busy, performing schedule. I really need Outside supporters who help me finish recording my own songs, and inspire me to write lots of new ones. I want to feel Excited to get out of bed every morning. I want to be Accepted by the music-loving public, as Well as by Fellow musicians. I want to avoid people who are Negative, and constantly try to discourage me from keeping Up with musical and creative work. I've already (finally!) quit working at the Dreary little travel office; when Riz wants me to proofread something, he has to text it to me. I want to perform and tour with my favorite Local performer (if he will just say the word, I'll be Ready to go in a heartbeat!), as well as my favorite Sami singer, and a few other people and bands as Well. I want to be as well-Known as they are.

I want to be Open about what I think, feel and believe, both Online and off. I want to be openly Dual-Faith, open about my Shamanic and Reiki practice; open about my sexuality (or, perhaps I should say, my frigging lack thereof). I don't want to hide whole segments of myself, for fear of what my relatives will think of me (of course, they already think I'm Deranged, and not to be Taken seriously). I want my International photography to sell Well; but I don't want to work for anyone Else, and be constantly Held to deadlines and all that. I want my songs and videos to be Heard, and Downloaded. There's loads of things that I want to do, and can't do, while the Curse of Disregard holds Sway. I still don't know how to get rid of that. Someone, or something, is actively Preventing me from making any money, or achieving any Professional success in life; and I don't know who, or how, or why. On another note: Just the Other night, I dreamed that I was visiting Iceland for Some reason (maybe to isolate myself in a small, Nordic-looking village); Liam Clancy showed up, and started demonstrating how to do a kind of cord magick that I've never seen Before, in which I string objects representing things that I want on a string or leather strip, then hang it up on a wall, or the inside of a door. I wonder what would happen if I did that for real, in Waking life?

Bottom line: I want to make money. I want to achieve success, and make an impact, in folk and world music; and work with the people I want to collaborate with. But I don't want to work FOR anyone, or worry about what anyone thinks of my job performance, or the fact that I look Hideous in that horribly Uncomfortable, so-called "office attire." I want to know why I am Jinxed in money and professional success, and how to get Unjinxed (or, I should say, Uncrossed--I think that's the Proper term). I want to have the support of friends and family in everything I do. I want to travel the world, and add to my Creative output, before I get very much Older. I want to be an openly Bisexual Witch. There! I've said it Now.

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So, Here's Where I'm At (Or, Be Careful What You Wish For; It May Cost You Your Favorite Wifi Spot)...

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2019: Good evening, LairLurkers! Welcome to the first Lair Update of the New Year (2019; also Known as 3 A.T.; that is, "After Trump"). The gif Above sort of expresses my Continuous state of juggling a bunch of Stuff I'm Getting Behind On. I'm sitting here at the City University Starbucks on 5th Avenue and Battery, which may soon become my Brand-New wifi spot of choice.

Why do I need a new Starbucks coffee/wifi spot? Well, that's sort of a Long story. I've been thinking for years that I really must get out more; that being Ensconced in the one Starbucks at 1st Avenue and Bell Street was turning me into a bit of a recluse. Well, as I titled this post Above, be Careful what you wish for. As of February 13, I was essentially Forced to "get out more" when my Favorite store was Closed permanently by some Stupid corporate decision, leaving me Bereft of my "second home-slash-office" of eighteen years. People get Attached to places, and it can be very hard to let go of them. I launched a Heated campaign to keep the store Open (and I wasn't the only one), to no avail; and I cried several times over losing the old place. Memo to Starbucks HQ: Look, assholes; if you're going to close a Popular neighborhood gathering spot, give us a bit more notice; better Still, keep the bloody place Open pending some community input on a Planned closure! It may not be legally Required or anything; but it would be, at the very least, the Decent thing to do. Then again, who ever accused Corporate Machines of being Decent.

Anyway, since I did really need to Get Out More, perhaps my Current state of exile will prove to be a blessing in disguise. Now, if I can just persuade good ol' Riz to stop going Off on me when I don't drop everything and rush up to the U-District every time he shows up on my cellphone. That's the Dark side of wanting to be Helpful--everyone expects you to drop everything and come running on Command; then they get verbally and emotionally Abusive when you can't or won't. Senator Bernie Sanders just announced that he's in the running for 2020; so, naturally, I got a call from Riz that it was Urgent that I come up to his office in order to help him get in touch with Bernie's new (Pakistani-American!) campaign manager, Faiz Shakir (formerly of the ACLU). Riz wants to be Bernie's Campaign Finance Director, or Something like that, since he's proven himself Adept at fundraising. Today, however, I had already made plans to do some photo processing for my newly-Revived Imagekind Portfolio, here at the 5th and Battery Starbucks; and fortunately, I managed to stand up to his Breathless demands to Drop Everything this time. I do have a life, after all.

I'm still not doing too Well at selling Original creative work; but a bit of Intuitive guidance reached me recently, suggesting that I do More in the way of connecting with Fellow artists and designers at places like Cafepress, Imagekind, YouTube and Such. Hence, I've spent a couple of Online sessions getting to know some fellow Imagekind artists and photographers; hopefully making note of their work will draw some attention to my own stuff as well. You never can tell. It's also time to get out of my winter funk/hibernation, and start singing outside Again--well, in the bus tunnels, at least, since it's a bit Cold to do much Outdoor busking. I'm having a Hard time prioritizing music, for some reason. Sometimes, I have a Hard time with motivating myself to do much of anything, especially in winter, when my Ancestral Bear DNA insists that it's time to hibernate. I'm still studying the metaphysics of fundraising; more on that Later. I'll just say that I've got Plenty of reading material to study on that topic; and I've been experimenting with visualizing myself Traveling as Often as I've wanted to for a good many years...

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At the End of Your Rope, You'll Grasp at Damn-Near Anything to Break a Jinx

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2018: Folks, I wish that all my musical ancestors in Spirit were alive Again, however briefly, to help me break the jinx on me that I call "the Curse of Disregard." I pray to them all regularly--Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. Makem & Clancy. Jacqueline du Pré. Pete Seeger. But while they undoubtedly hear me, they can't seem to do anything in the way of jinx-breaking.

The jinx itself is Unrelenting. No matter how Often I advertise my Cafepress products and stores, nothing is selling. No matter how I tweak their keywords, no one is looking at my Youtube videos. I'm afraid to resume busking this fall, because I still won't make Decent tips in any spot. As I wrote recently on Twitter, busking can be Heartbreaking as well as Exhilarating, if your vicinity seems to empty itself as well as failing to pay, and you're standing there singing for seagulls and alley rats. Online mentors tell me things like, "You've got to know your audience, and give your fans what they want, and have a good handle on your market", etc. etc. FANS? MY AUDIENCE?? Good God, folks, it would be really Cool if I actually had one! Market? What market?? I've been trying to find and/or build one for more than twenty years Now! I'm reminded of how a couple of workshop leaders at the Folklife festival advised me, a couple of years Ago, that I should "dress up like a leprechaun" if I'm out playing Irish music. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I figured these folks must not spend too much time in the Irish music community; if they did, they would know Good and Well that leprechauns, Nowadays, are Kryptonite at best in an Irish music performance. Of course, if certain fellow musicians were Open to helping me, this would go a Significant way toward shifting the status quo. If only they would be open to this possibility. Alas, I seem to have a selectively-Invisible placard around my neck, warning other musicians to steer clear of working with me. What to do about this shit?!

Yes, I do advertise and promote my stuff. I post links to it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Google Plus, where I actually know some of my online "friends"; and nothing happens. No interest Whatsoever. And, of course, my relatives, close and not, have not the Slightest interest in any Creative work of mine; it's as if it didn't even exist. I would likely get the Same results if I didn't advertise my Creative work at all. The jinx would keep on saying, "You're not Supposed to have any money in this lifetime", Regardless. And any time I raise an outcry, Online or off, people just give me the same response: "Well, times are tough these days/Creative work is a tough sell/You've got to know your [Nonexistent] audience", and so on and so on; which is not Helpful in the least.

So, I go Online, and look up methods of jinx-breaking or uncrossing; and people on Esoteric websites tell me to pray to some Archangel or Other, without giving any indication of how Well or how Often this works. However, being completely at the end of my Jinxed rope at the moment, I've somehow stumbled across a piece of Magickal literature that explains the specifics of hiring certain Astral critters of Dubious repute on a sort of project basis, while asserting that Said critters could actually do something to shift this Wretched situation to a Significant degree. I'm at the point where I would almost be Willing to try damn-near anything, as Long as the Astral Critters of Dubious Repute didn't hang around too long after I delivered my jinx-breaking assignment to their ranks. My apartment building is already Suspected of harboring the ghosts of early-20th century longshoremen, as it is...

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I Want a Magical Life Like You Have...

WEDNESDAY, JULY 25, 2018: I want to be in love with life, like my favorite Fellow musicians are, were, or have been. I want to be Encouraged to do what I want to do, to do what I love the most, without anyone saying that like it's a bad thing (my Mom has always said, "You want to do what you want to do/do your own thing" in a tone of voice that makes it sound like following one's own desires is morally Questionable at best. Why? Probably because she considers it a Better thing for you to follow her desires, Instead). I want to ditch the Janteloven-related Servant Mentality that's been plaguing most of my life; and to balance my needs with those of others in a much more Equitable fashion. I don't mind helping others and being useful Overall, but I don't want to be anyone's "right hand" or on-call lackey on any kind of Regular basis. I want to be the performer, not the concession stand worker or Backstage support techie or Whatever. I'm a human being, not a cyborg or a freaking windup toy.

I had a dream a couple of nights Ago (when it finally cooled down Enough to get to sleep) that somehow involved my still-favorite Local performer in a rather Jumbled collection of ideas, words and images; and it reminded me, yet Again, of how Much I want to work with him professionally. It also reminded me that I'm still not doing So; and this fact is making me (Again) damn-near Mad with frustration. My powers of persuasion need a Massive upgrade, as do my powers of telepathy, or something. Besides that, I am greatly in need of a Professional support system, preferably by those currently in the music profession. In a fit of Severe depression, I pleaded with my Closest family members a month Ago to help me with my Current crowdfunding campaign, and tried to make them see how much I need someone to have my back as a Struggling performer. As usual, no joy from them, of course. Whether their issue is a bias against Gigging folk musicians, or just straight-up sexism, they made it crystal-Clear that they don't give a tinker's fart if I ever release any music or not. As I later posted on Facebook (in French, in case my aunt was reading it), one finds out who one's True friends are in times of adversity; and my close relatives are not. They certainly could assist me in Various ways if they wanted to; but they refuse to support any project of mine that involves folk music. They figure if I struggle on Alone long Enough, I'll give it up Altogether and settle for something wretchedly Conventional in somebody's office. Apparently they've never heard of Karma. They likely will soon Enough. If folks aren't Nice to me, they stand a Good chance of appearing in my Next song or short story; and not in a particularly Flattering light. Unfortunately, nobody Else is helping out with the crowdfunding campaign, either.

What to do about all this? I guess it's time to summon the Punk-Rock Faeries once Again for some, you might say, Stealth work. Telepathy, Subjective Communication, and other tactics may be Called for. Likewise, writing in a Magickal mode. Whatever works. Time to ask the guy with the musical shovel where one might target the crowdfunding; ditto the other folkies that I follow on Facebook, Instagram and elsewhere. Just keeping the link on my own pages and profiles isn't cutting it. Meanwhile, I've got to get my throat decongested (something, like dust, pollen or wildfire smoke, is knocking my singing voice out of commission; and I sometimes lose my speaking voice as well), and try to avoid some Nasty new flu bug that's hit Several people in my building recently. I'm also in the process of teaching myself how to make wall decals and larger posters; it takes a bit of time and energy to research what's Trending in those items. But I'd best get to work on updating my hard-copy and digital promo kits as well, while trying to get Back into shape for singing Outside...

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Magical Thinking Isn't Per Se a Bad Thing...

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11, 2018: LairCronies, I'd really like to own a floating sky island, sort of like the ones they showed in the movie Avatar; or perhaps, those that Sometimes show up in computer game scenery--just with a somewhat Bigger area for building. Like maybe something the size of Inisheer, or Martha's Vineyard. I've already made a design of sorts of a fairly Large sky island, which includes a music festival site and three small villages for my favorite musicians in Spirit, as well as my favorite Fictional characters from films, novels and elsewhere. Imagine that, a sky island settlement for Dead and Fictitious characters, among whom I myself would be living as kind of administrator. And a Fellow musician.

And then there's that floating island from the Original computer game, "Tradewinds", known as Shangri-La. I'd like it to be a little Bigger than just a floating street fair. The very concept of a Floating island in the middle of the ocean would be more than a tad Dangerous; but oh well. Again, give it a bit of size, and build a little port town, including a hotel, restaurants, internet cafés, and a few essential groceries. Oh, and pubs, of course. Can't have those pirates getting Bored and Thirsty. The island community Portrayed in the introductory clip of Eipix computer games looks quite Fascinating as well, if a bit Thin. There are any number of Parallel worlds and realities, Fictitious or Otherwise, that would be really Cool to visit, in or out of Nonordinary Reality. And let us not forget Hogwarts!

How I long to dive into Cerridwen's cauldron and commit myself to the Spiral Path for real, without any more ado or hesitation, as I currently feel spiritually Lost and Aimless. People who warn me Away from Magickal thinking seem Unaware that every prayer is, in fact, a spell of sorts; the word "Amen", translated from Hebrew and/or Arabic, means roughly the Same thing as "So mote it be." Merely saying that you "trust in the will of God/Goddess/Heaven/the Universe/etc." is an evocation of Supernatural power(s). Moreover, many Otherwise-rational people employ folk magic without realizing it--if you've ever tied a string around your finger to remember something, that's a traditional knot-spell for memory recall (I don't know exactly where or when it originated) that apparently still works in the IT era of the 21st century. These days, I am seeking a spell that overcomes poverty and attracts the energy of prosperity. I am also seeking to improve my Natural powers of persuasion; the Songspells that I came up with as a Harry Potter roleplayer a dozen or so years Ago might actually have an effect in that direction--if done while performing Somewhere in public. At any rate, they have to be strong Enough to cut through the horsepucky that makes me feel Chained and Imprisoned like a recaptured Handmaid who yearns for freedom above all Else. My next payday loan, therefore, will have to be Sufficient to cover the renewal of my busker's permit at Pike Place Market--a hotbed of magical thinking, if Ever there was one...

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I've Got a Spiritual Backup on the Ol' Jersey Turnpike (If You Know What I Mean)...

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2018: Good evening, LairLurkers all; welcome to the First Home Lair article of 2018! This weekend also marks the beginning of the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, a city Somewhere in South Korea that I've never heard of until Now. I watched the Opening Ceremonies last night on the TV behind my building's lobby's front desk, as my giant television that I won in a drawing a couple of years ago wasn't registering a very good picture. But I digress.

The intentional blocking of my attempts to make money and achieve Professional success continues Unabated; and I believe my Personal version of the Cosmic Intelligence is doing all or most of the blocking. And this is not Right. Not everything Divinity does is Right, Good or Necessary; and this shit has got to stop. I will not tolerate being Treated as a piece of machinery, a cyborg, or a puppet on strings by any Higher Power, be it good, bad or Indifferent. I am nobody's slave; I need someone to help me succeed at the work I want to do and the life I want to live, not to block me at every turn. I want to be a Successful touring folksinger, songwriter, photographer and writer; and I need someone who will support my agenda, not force me to fake interest in theirs. If this requires Intentional manipulation of the Cosmic Web or whatever, so be it. I will not live in Dire poverty any Longer; I do not want to continue being Afraid of sex and intimacy (I often fear that I may, in fact, be Asexual, and I don't like that one bit); and I will not use my skills and abilities to plug ideologies that I find Abusive and Intolerable. Somehow, however, I suspect that this blockage I speak of will not respond to doses of castor oil or Metamucil. If only Hogwarts actually existed, and had an Adult Wizarding Education program Up and Running. Minus an Actual guide and mentor from Wizarding Britain, where will I go for help? Religious Right types are screaming bloody murder about the "rise in Paganism" going on here and there; but I don't consider this a bad thing. Lots of folks, myself Included, need help that we are not finding in more-Conventional world religions, with their billion-plus memberships. Not everyone feels at home in the same house.

I wanted to study and work with my all-time favorite musician, and this opportunity was snatched Away from me over twenty years Ago. That was and is, simply freaking Wrong; and that whole course of events has got to be Reversed and Corrected. I have a right to chart my own course in life; and nobody has the right to fling one wrench after another into my gears. I wanted to tour and perform with my favorite Irish band many years Ago; instead, I was Obligated to sign my life Away in one Academic semester after another, because my relatives insisted on it. That was also Wrong; and I want to continue relating to these musicians as guides, mentors and guardian angels for my musical work (gosh knows I dream about them often Enough, even Now). I want to perform, tour and compose new music with my favorite Local performer; he's still Alive, of course, but how will I persuade him to work with someone whose "silhouette does not agree with [him]", to quote one of the songs I've written for him? That will have to be Arranged somehow, in any case. Plus, there are any number of other folk and world music performers I want to work with while they're still here on the Earth Plane, even though they have Yet to hear of me, thanks to the Abovementioned chronic/intentional blocking mechanism. By hook, by crook, or by carefully Channeled magick, this shit (as Aforementioned) has got to stop. I am seeking new and benevolent Cosmic Energy to put a stop to whatever is blocking my progress, and send it the hell Back to Wherever it originated.

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Yeah, Yeah--I Know the Drill...And It's Been A Hectic Week in Lake Wobegon

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2017: Well, good evening, LairCronies. Y'know, Garrison Keillor, now-Retired longtime host of an old Favorite live-radio program, "A Prairie Home Companion", seems like about the least-Likely person ever to be Accused of any sort of impropriety, Sexual or Otherwise. But recently, his old stomping grounds, otherwise Known as Minnesota Public Radio, reportedly fired the guy (Ahem...did I forget to mention he was already Retired, aside from a very short Daily radio spot Devoted to new poetry?) due to a Former colleague alleging "Inappropriate Behavior" on his part. No, I don't know of any Official, Clinical or Legal definition of "Inappropriate Behavior"; but based on the MPR president's Unilateral decision to cut all Contractual ties with the Renowned raconteur, you'd think Garrison was in the habit of sleeping with half the "Prairie Home" staff, while groping their grannies and kicking their puppies. All of which is highly Unlikely, given the guy's Longstanding reputation for avoiding physical contact with other people, unless completely Necessary.

So, what nefarious "Inappropriate Behavior" has Mr. Keillor perpetrated? The MPR Prez isn't saying. Top Secret. Only he and the two allegers know the allegations. And he alone (as Aforementioned) made the decision to sever all ties with Garrison, which legally necessitates the renaming of the show's Current incarnation (a lot of folks are Upset about that, too), plus no longer using Garrison Keillor's name, image and old show reruns. The Prez didn't even divulge the allegations to Garrison himself, or to staff members at a Recent meeting. Surely, Garrison, and his attorney, have the legal right to see and respond to the allegations ASAP, right? But no! Garrison, after all, was the first to announce his own firing to the National and Social media. And we couldn't have him sharing Said allegations on Facebook, could we, even Given that they supposedly involve..*cough*Garrison Keillor*cough*! Actually, a lot folks out there in Cyberspace suspect that Garrison's real "Inappropriate Behavior" involves his frequent Public criticism of the person and policies of a Certain orange-faced guy who has been despoiling the White House for most of this calendar year. Trumpy Darling's media contacts are out targeting anti-Trump critics of all kinds these days, which may include the firing of Said critics for Hushed-Up allegations, Blown out of proportion in the public's Collective imagination to include groping grannies and kicking puppies. Gosh, is that what Harold and Bob were whispering about at the Sidetrack Tap yesterday evening??

Anyway...the word now is that Garrison Keillor is fighting this as Well as he can manage, in between trips to the Mayo Clinic (he's undergoing treatment for heart issues, and will soon have a pacemaker Installed). Hopefully he'll be Okay in the long run. And hopefully we'll be able to access the old show reruns Somewhere soon, despite MPR's idiotic attempts to erase any evidence that "Prairie Home" and its creator ever existed. Meanwhile: I'm still not making any money. It seems that, for some reason, I'm not Allowed to make any money in self-employment. While meditating on this conundrum the Other night, it came to me that I really must focus primarily on getting club gigs, open mics, busking, song videos, and other performing outlets. And I need to commit to a new spiritual path Bigtime. The old one is doing me no good, and is only perpetuating negativity, depression and Hopeless stuckness. I need to worship creativity, artistry, music, and the power to make change; and let go of authoritarianism, micromanaging, and being Stuck in someone else's agenda. Amen.

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Okay, Any Suggestions on What I Should Call Myself This Year...?

SUNDAY, MAY 14, 2017: Good evening, LairLurkers; and once Again, welcome to the Upcoming Summer Festival season! It hasn't quite begun Yet (the Northwest Folklife Festival is kind of the kickoff event for Said festival season); but we recently premiered a new event called the Upstream Music Festival that I missed due to not getting Home from Tennessee soon Enough.

I'm still being Jinxed out of making any money, Online or Off, from my Original creative work; but I'm beginning to realize that the jinx is being Powered by everyone I know (relatives or Otherwise) that is Unsupportive or Disapproving of me making a living as a self-Employed musician. Their negative thought patterns created the jinx against me because they see me as being "Disobedient" to their desires, or something equally Nonsensical; and this Negative energy of theirs (Including passive-aggressive actions such as refusing to support or encourage my Creative efforts, even emotionally) is throwing wrenches into my Creative gears at every turn. I'm still pondering and meditating on what must be done to break Free of this negativity and undo their jinxing (or "crossing" as some magickal practitioners call it). Certain individuals may be jinxing me more powerfully than others; but there are a great many people Involved here, even if they're not necessarily collaborating or "comparing notes." Basically, they want me to fail at what I want to do, because it's not what they want me to do; they may even have created a Constructed "higher power" energy that makes me feel that the Divine Intelligence is out to stop me doing anything Worthwhile in my life. That, plus the fact that I'm simply not Accustomed to being financially Independent, and I (at least subconsciously) believe that can only have money or success when someone deigns to give or send me some. I've been Led to believe that I can't be Successful or Prosperous on my own, in other words.

Once again, I've been wondering if I should take on an Alternative identity that will generate more online sales, Paying gigs, and all the other things being denied me. It often feels that my own name is working against me Somehow. Would I be doing Better if I used the Irish-language version of my name? Should I legally change my surname to "LairMistress"? My current first name and surname sound uncomfortably like the phrase "carnal sin", when they are pronounced together quickly. Not exactly, but somewhat. Should I change my surname to an old Norse patro- or matronymic? Would the name "Paulsdatter" sound more Attractive than "Olsen"? Not that the latter name is anything to be Ashamed of; it just seems to have a frequency, or something, that repels cash and Potential collaborators.

At any rate, I have to get over the idea, long-Bludgeoned into my head in my youth, that I couldn't accomplish a damn thing without my parents shoving me Along through it, and micromanaging whatever it is that I'm trying to achieve. I don't need them to realize Personal goals, though it would be Awesome if they'd at least provided emotional support for things I wanted to do. Lately, I've been asking myself constantly whom I'm supposed to pray to for help, if the Old White Guy Upstairs won't lift a finger on my behalf. Somebody has just recently come along in Nonordinary Reality, so I'll see how that works. I need to force the development of a Certain musical partnership, as well as getting the freaking money jinx off me. My would-be ally has offered to help with both issues. Nonordinary Reality is where one needs to go if one wants straight answers these days...

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Another World Is Not Only Possible; It's Smacking Us Upside the Head Right Now

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2017: Well, friends and folkies, LairCronies all, the world has changed. You know how Progressive activists have this old saying, "Another world is Possible"? Well, we've got another world, all right. And at least some conservatives are utterly Giddy over it; but I'd advise them to be Careful what they wish for.

This crazy old orange-faced dude beat out Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Presidential Election via an Electoral College majority (even though Mrs. Clinton won the popular vote by a Sizeable margin); and the Religious Right is chalking it up to "Divine Intervention." If that was true, the Whole galaxy would be in a huge mess right Now; I keep reminding myself of this, as a form of reassurance. We really don't need a deity with that Twisted a sense of humor. So--now this orange guy named Trump (or Drumpf, or tRump, or Twitler, or Der Trumpenfuhrer, or: insert your favorite Trumpish nickname Here) is Ensconced in the White House, which the Obama family occupied with such class and dignity; and now the Executive Branch of the U.S. Government has gone clinically Insane. There is literally NOTHING normal about the people's execrable executive mansion at the moment. We will have to watch him and his Cryptofascist cabinet and staff like a hawk for the Next four years; or until he resigns or gets Impeached, whichever happens First. He's had a Weird penchant for nominating department heads who have previously sought to abolish their Respective departments (which makes no Logical sense, unless they want to be out of a job pretty Soon); and he apparently prefers to govern via Executive Orders, at least one of which (the "travel ban", or "Muslim travel ban", in media shorthand) the judiciary have happily shot Down. Trump insists he's going to issue a Revised version of that one, but it hasn't happened Yet.

Thank heavens the year 2016 is Over and one for the history books. It really sucked in Many respects. It seemed like nothing happened except for Renowned and Beloved public figures dying by the score: Alan Rickman (dammit, you can't kill off Snape for freaking Real!!). David Bowie. Mary Tyler-Moore. Amjad Sabri, for whom I performed opening sets two years in a row (an excellent Qawwali artist, the most popular one in Pakistan for the past Several years, brutally Murdered in his car, in broad daylight, in his own neighborhood in Karachi). My friend Riz's youngest brother, Anwar Samad. There were but two Bright spots for me during the last calendar year: attending a huge rally with Bernie Sanders (who should have been our current President, but for some really shady goings-on in the Democratic National Committee); and the wedding of my brother, Leif, and his beloved girlfriend, Cuc Kim Ly, who was born in Vietnam, but has lived most of her life in Oklahoma. It was Delightful for my Mom and I to attend and participate in the Latter event especially. I seriously never expected that either my brother or myself would ever get Hitched and settle down; but Leif and Cuc pulled it off brilliantly! It still lifts my mood these days to think about it. Hence, I now have a large family of Vietnamese in-laws whom I need to get to know Better; I must go out and visit them again, Sometime in the next few months.

Okay, so nothing seems Normal right now; but at least Seattle is pretty far Removed from the madhouse that is "the other Washington." Meanwhile, I've taken my affiliate marketing experience up a notch, and recently began a new music affiliate site called Sing Globally, Think Universally. Why is it called that? Not sure. I needed some phrase with "Sing Globally" for a title, since the (still overly-Broad) focus is on the folk and world music genres. It comes with a companion blog for reviewing songs in digital mp3 format. No money made Yet; but I want to concentrate on providing content that music fans and musicians Alike may find Helpful, like a G-Map for locating folk festivals, and LairLinked sources for open mics and busker-friendly cities. I will almost certainly have to narrow the site's focus pretty Soon; but at present, Sing Globally is still pretty Much in the development stage. Now, if I could just get my new mini-mouse to work properly (did it really need an on/off switch, for eff's sake??)...

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Another Year Older, and Deeper in Debt, Music Videos, Menopause, Passive Income, and Dead Celebrities

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2016: Good evening, LairLurkers all! Per usual for 2016, public figures are still dying like beetles in Used motor oil (the way my brother and I used to rid the rosebushes of Japanese beetles when we were kids); Gene Wilder is the Latest one to decide to break Loose from this mortal coil. Meanwhile, I will turn 52 at exactly 07:09 Pacific time Tomorrow! Technically, since I was born in Bethesda, MD, I should say 7:09 am EST; but oh well. Anyway, this reminds me all the more that I'm not going to be Around in 200 years (and probably not even 50); so I'd best get a move On with all the projects, and move out of a Depressed and Lethargic state, at least to the extent of getting the laundry done in a Timely fashion.

Unfortunately, I'm boycotting Bumbershoot this year, something I've never done Before. Why? Well, two Main reasons: 1) Single day passes are $125 (yes, that's not a typo!); and 2) festival volunteers are Required to provide their credit/debit card info in order to register for volunteer shifts (they've got a new MO this year: they issue three-day passes to volunteers, in exchange for a certain number of volunteer hours; and if you miss or skip a shift, your checking account gets Charged. Ugh. I don't provide that info to anyone, unless there's a really Compelling reason why they need it. Besides, I'd rather spend my Limited funds on other things right Now.

Even though I really don't feel anywhere Near my Current age, my biology is going through Normal shifts these days. That Time of the Month hasn't snuck up and grabbed me in over a year, and I don't miss it, Either. I may or may not have a Partial hysterectomy sometime in the future, depending on whether the uterine fibroids start getting large Enough to complicate my life. I'm also researching what I might do, or take, to keep my skin from drying Out and keeping me Awake nights with itching spells. Happy Cronehood to me.

I'll have to wind this essay Up pretty Soon; but I must mention that my pursuit of Passive Income is kicking into high gear, as I've been Overtaken by the desire to travel more Widely and Frequently. I've got plenty of Original material to plug into Passive income processes, but the stuff isn't selling. What is selling, so I've heard, is Original information products (eBooks, informative/educational Youtube clips, and the like); but I'm not Sure what I have to offer in the way of Unusual information to share with the world. I have begun promoting music on Amazon in Earnest; and I must have time to promote my own work on a number of different channels. But promoting my Unique knowledge of something for money? Knowledge of what, exactly? Painting with backgrounds or other photos on Photoshop? Centering and Otherwise customizing aStores on Amazon? This old Lair (the anniversary of which I forgot this year, once Again) is Replete with affiliate links--text, image, and Combined. Where else should I use them? How many aStores do I need? And how the hell do I get more Youtube subscribers? I guess I'd better take distance lessons from Mikey Chen, the Beyond Science guy, pretty soon...

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So, What Shall We Write About Now..?

SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 2016: Good evening, LairLurkers! Just imagine, a week from Tuesday will be the Lair's 15th Anniversary, which I will probably forget, as Usual! I don't have anything too Brilliant to write about right Now; but I figured it was time to archive the "Jumpscare Movie" post, besides updating its Specific link. But there is Plenty to recap, Prior to our wifi spot closing...

#PulseShooting (just today, in the early AM): Mass shootings in this country just keep getting Worse and Worser. This time it was in Orlando, Florida, in a gay nightclub called The Pulse. Something very Similar nearly happened here in Seattle on New Year's Eve, 2013, when some jihadist dude nearly detonated a homemade bomb inside one of our own gay nightclubs, Neighbors in Capitol Hill. Somehow, employees of the club smelled smoke amid the crowd of 750 partiers, and shoved the guy Outside before his explosive device went Off. In Sunday's massacre, the Afghan-American shooter (he was born in New York to Afghan immigrant parents) first visited the club a number of times, likely to scope out the place; purchased firearms legally since he was Employed by a private security firm (though he was Thought to be seriously mentally ill); and allegedly abused steroids, on top of whatever mental health issues he was struggling with. Will write more about the Horrific shooting in Orlando later--at least forty-nine people are confirmed Dead.

Have I mentioned here Yet that my brother Leif and his girlfriend Cuc (she and her family are Vietnamese) got Engaged a couple of months Ago?? Our family being rather Small, we don't get to have family weddings too Often! They're still in the planning stage, and not totally Sure where the wedding will be Held; but I told them to let me know if they need any music. So, assuming all works out as Planned, I will soon have a large Extended family of Asian in-laws! And here I always figured my bro and I were both Confirmed bachelors--or spinsters, or Whatever...

Music videos on our Youtube Channel continue in production, including the one for "Sebastian", my Oscar Wilde memorial song, written in 1992 on the way to a wedding in Shelton. That one is going to be quite Complex, using both still photos and video footage. I just need to eliminate the clips that are too Shaky to use.

I need to run Away for a while, in order to get videos and such Finished without too much distraction. I'm being asked to write emails and do grocery shopping way too Often by various friends and neighbors. I want to spend more of my time on busking, videos, more Neolithic-themed ceramics, blogging, et cetera. Am now looking for cheap weekly rates on motels outside of Seattle.

Finally, I must have at least one Successful fundraising event to raise Upwards of $25,000 for me to complete my CD and go on an open mic tour FINALLY--as soon as Possible, if not Sooner! Am asking my friend Riz for ideas, as well as brainstorming concert ideas, and trying to think of whoever Else to ask for assistance in Said planning. More later as it transpires...

UPDATE (SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2016): Our old review-writing site Epinions, as we knew it, is Gone. And I didn't know that till recently. It was pretty much Gone by the time the site that "acquired" it was itself Acquired by eBay a couple of years Ago. Looks like the bloody Internet as we know it has gone all Oligarchic on us. Arrrrgghhh....

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They May Just Make Jumpscare Films About Me One Day...

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2016: Folks, I've long been having fantasies about haunting people--whether while still Alive, or Post-Mortem. I think I've even dreamed about this. There are a number of Certain folks in my life who deserve to be Hunted and Haunted, in the Latest and Greatest horror movie fashion. You know the Popular trend in horror flicks these days, where Scary figures jump out at protagonists from behind doors, windows, mirrors, the slats in window blinds, and Whatnot? That's what I should be sending my Doppelganger to do to a bunch of folks right now, in order to send them a Relevant message. I'm kind of in a mood for revenge right Now, and for giving people who brush me Off a proper Paranormal shock.

I've also been thinking a lot about Parallel Universes. According to Various people's interpretations of Quantum Physics (especially when they're trying to sell you software that claims to reprogram your mindset to that of an already-Successful rock star), there are Alternate or Parallel universes where your dreams come True, and your goals are fully Realized, without any hindrance from power-tripping relatives or your own Negative brainwashing by a family and society that tell you that you suck if you're not absolutely Flawless (and even if you are absolutely Flawless, you still suck; so don't even bother having any of your own goals in life). Hence I've been thinking, and microblogging/tweeting, about what I could be doing in Parallel universes, if I was Unencumbered by the Poisonous influence of Janteloven (which, alas, is quite Capable of migrating thousands of miles from Scandinavia):

In a Parallel universe, I have ten albums released by now. In this universe, I can't even complete one. Why is that??

In a Parallel universe, I am happily studying with my all-time Favorite singer. In this universe, he died before I ever got this opportunity. Why??

In a Parallel universe, my family fully supports and encourages all my musical and creative goals and dreams. In this universe, they threatened to cut off my college tuition if I majored in music (I kid you not, folks; they actually said this, before I even started college).

In a Parallel universe, I am the leader of a band of top-quality world music instrumentalists. In this universe, my band is all on my hard drive (MuseScore, at the moment).

In a Parallel universe, I am touring, performing, songwriting and recording with my Favorite local performer. In this universe, I am struggling along completely on my own; and my Favorite local performer freezes me out, and won't even practice music with me, because he doesn't like my looks. Of course, he barely has a clue what I am Capable of, musically.

In a Parallel universe, my Favorite Irish singer is also my lover and stage partner. In this universe, he was born about 25 years too Early, and is currently Deceased.

And finally, in a Parallel universe, I make loads of money selling my music, photography and graphic designs Online. In this universe, I'm practically the only one who buys my stuff; and I am virtually Unknown, online and off. Why the hell is that..??

Anyway...I have also been incubating ideas for some really dark, Negative short stories Lately; it's been a while since I wrote any Original fiction (and of course, my relatives would all try to tell me that my Original fiction will never sell, just as they tell me that no other Original work I do will ever sell. Seriously, they all talk as if I really shouldn't exist in the first place; or else, give up all Individual goals and dreams, and disappear behind a Microsoft or Amazon cubicle, never to be seen busking Again). One is a suicide/postmortem fic called "Not Part of the Plan", in which I haunt everyone who ever turned me Down for performing gigs or collaborations, after offing myself on the Ballard Bridge. And there's one called "If Songs Could Kill", in which I somehow figure out how to inflict judgment on cruel, abusive or rejecting people, by singing or humming some song that relates to fighting back against an Unjust situation. This includes magically incinerating music venues that turn me Down, and assassinating Corrupt and Unjust political and religious leaders--all by singing or humming the appropriate protest song, or whatever. And then there's a Doppelganger fic called "Not What We're Looking For", which is Similar to the first story, except that I send a psychic doppelganger to haunt bands, musicians, Unsupportive relatives and Local concert bookers who won't give me half a Fair chance to prove myself. I think all of these Potential short stories are Companion pieces to one of my Finished stories, "Don't Know What to Tell You", one of those I'm thinking of publishing in ebook format. These little pieces are all Creative ways of dealing with rejection, when it gets to be way too Common an occurrence. One reaches a point in which "working on oneself" is nowhere Near as Satisfying as sending a ghost version of oneself to stalk the hell out of people who have been treating one like crap one's Entire life...

*Note: Amazon Affiliate text links are marked in red-violet.

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Falling Sky Alert: Hurricanes, Drought, and Other Apocalyptic Phenomena Coming Soon to Fevered Imaginations Near You...

SUNDAY, JULY 12, 2015: Good afternoon, LairLurkers far and near! Our society is going through some Significant Changes these days, and it's scaring the holy crap out of some folks! Just in the past month, the U.S. Supreme Court (a hotly Divided outfit if ever there was one) solidified the Affordable Care Act (a/k/a Obamacare) in one Major, long-Awaited decision (King v. Burwell) on June 25; and the very next day, June 26, struck down Remaining bans on same-sex marriage by their decision on the Obergefell v. Hodges case, which had been even more anxiously-Awaited--including by Yours Truly. Seriously, I was on pins and needles during the whole month of June, and I am neither Gay nor Married! Joyous celebrations ensued, not only across the United States, but across the planet (I was especially Moved to receive the congratulations of Ireland's own Queen of Equality, Panti Bliss), as the union of America's citizens became a little more Perfect, and rainbow-Colorful to boot.

HOWEVER. Obviously, not everyone was going to support the SCOTUS' decision in favor of marriage equality; but some folks on the Religious Right went completely Medieval on us. That loud noise you heard around 12:00 noon EST was Scott Lively's head exploding, followed by the Spontaneous combustion of a bunch of other public fundies' brains. Great Goddess, LairCronies; to listen to these folks, you'd think the 13th century had just reloaded on us. Gay marriage, we've been told, will cause: hurricanes, earthquakes, worsening drought in California; civil war, terrorist attacks, food shortages; God "lifting his hand of protection" from the United States (assuming that He/She felt any need to "protect" the world's Sole superpower to begin with); and the Wholesale collapse of western civilization, Aided in no Small part by gay men wearing "bottomless pants"! Now, I've got a pretty Creative imagination, folks; but I rather doubt I could make up this stuff on my best days. Practically the only historical phenomenon that comes Close to these folks' Weird ways of thinking is people in the Middle Ages blaming witchcraft for the Plague outbreaks. And don't even get me Started on the funny-looking chappie who tells God to "send hornets" after everyone who supports marriage equality for all.

Since then, of course, the sky has most definitely not Fallen; and western civilization, for better or worse, is Alive and Well--but there has been fallout from the Obergefell decision, as is to be Expected. Some county clerks and judges are refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples on religious grounds, even though government offices are, of course, not religious institutions of any kind. Some bakers, florists, wedding photographers and other business owners are refusing to provide services for same-sex weddings on account of Said business owners' religious beliefs, which incidents have also resulted in legal wrangling. Oh, well...these folks can't stop same-sex couples from getting Hitched, regardless of whether or not they provide cakes or flowers for wedding ceremonies; and their arguments from "religious liberty" are more than a bit Tenuous. What the Opposing sides really ought to do is to get Together, talk these issues Through, and come up with some kind of middle ground that safeguards the rights of all Concerned parties to their Mutual satisfaction. Will they do So? It's doubtful; but that's what we at the Lair are recommending as a Reasonable alternative to all the litigation and cries of "religious persecution" being Bleated nonstop by bakeshop owners and others who are not, of course, doing business as religious organizations...

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Angelfire, Don't You Ever #@!$*&# Scare Me Like That Again! And Merry Christmas to Everybody Else...

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2014: Egads, that was a Close one, LairCronies! Here I was on Facebook, just about to close a comment about creation myths with a link to my controversial Genesis: Notes for Research article; when up comes a message page at that url saying the Entire freaking site had been "permanently Removed"!! Why, Angelfire, why?? What did I do wrong? Well, having shot off a Nasty email to their Customer Servicecritters ("WTF??? Why the hell has my site been removed??"), and gotten a comparatively Pleasant reply, I have some Vague idea of what happened; and now the Entire Lair, as far as I know, has been Reinstated and Restored (turns out the account itself had been Disabled by an Automated review program over some sort of Broken or Questionable link or two. Word to the wise: Beware of Automated site review programs. I've tangled with them over at Squidoo as well; and half the time, they're not worth the CDs they're shipped on). The lesson for me here is: Back up every bloody word on the Lair from now on, on CDs as well as your hard drive, if you value the preservation of your Original written content, LairMistress! I admit I've gotten Lax about that over the past couple of years. And thank God/dess for the Wayback Archive mechanism; prior to this site coming back up, I was at least able to save the source code from Several pages onto my LairScript backup folder.

Also, I must keep in mind to Login to this site on a reasonably Regular basis. The scary thing about all this is that I was never Notified or Contacted in any way by Angelfire/Lycos, prior to my account being temporarily Disabled. The only ways to find out what had transpired was either to attempt to Login; or to type in the url to one or more pages or SubLairs, thereafter suffering near-heart failure upon discovering the "Permanently Removed" blurb page! And then, if one survives, to shoot off a nasty note to the Aforementioned Customer Servicecritters, and await their reply email. At least their Customer Service department seems to function way better than does its Outsourced equivalent at Hewlett-Packard...

Anyway...I suppose all's well that ends more or less Intact. Right now, my Mom and I are spending the holidays with my brother Leif at his new/retro home in the Canyon Creek neighborhood in Richardson, TX, which he claims provides a Shorter commute to his workplace. It's a nice one-story, early 70's house, though a bit large for one person. Among other things, it's got a Roundish backyard pool that gets used rather Seldom (obviously, it's a bit Chilly for good swimming at the moment). The neighborhood is also very nice, but also very quiet (borderline-Dead, in fact; when I go for walks around here, I might meet two or three other people. Gosh knows where everyone is), with large Inflatable Christmas lawn decorations at every four or so lots. There's a nice little shopping center with a couple of coffee shops a short walk Away; I was just down at this place called Pearl Coffee yesterday. My brother has been on Major fishing trips several months Back; and he is pushing grilled salmon on us (very Tasty, actually) every few days. He's got something like fifteen pounds of the stuff that he needs to get Rid of before he goes off on the next fishing jaunt...

At any rate, we at the Lair wish everyone Lurking nearby a very happy Christmas, Solstice, Yule, Kwaanzaa, Mothers' Night, Saturnalia etc.; whatever you're into. Hanukkah has already Wrapped for this year; but hopefully it was a good Festival of Lights for all who celebrate it. L'Chaya Tova; and Together Across the World!!

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BRAND SPANKIN' NEW ARCHIVE UPDATE (WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2011): Good evening, LairLurkers! If you've been Lurking here for any length of time, you'll know that Early in the year is the time for us to go Archiving the stuff from the Previous year! So, now that we've torn ourselves Away from bloody Facebook and the Egyptian Revolution for a Brief spell, we're now in the Archiving process for 2010, even though we haven't done a great deal of posting at the Home Lair over the past year and a half, what with bloody Facebook eating our brains (and much of our online time and effort)! Whose farking idea was Facebook, anyway? And now they've actually made a bloody feature film about those eejits and their social-networking megalopolis, no less! Oh, well; we have rediscovered some of our high school and college pals via Facebook; so perhaps it's not all bad. Still, the best new bands are still to be Found on Myspace, which is NOT dead Yet...!

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A Post-Birthday News Recap (Or, How Many Score Does It Take Me to Get Anything Accomplished?)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014: Good evening, LairCronies all! Keanu Reeves and I turned 50 (count 'em!) a couple of weeks ago; but this, in fact, was one of the least Traumatic things that have happened Lately. Seems that everyone Interesting on the planet has died during the Past six weeks or So. Robin Williams! Joan Rivers! Jean Redpath! My best doggie friend Sammy! Rev. Ian Paisley! Okay, so maybe I wasn't that Interested in Big Ian. But he died Nonetheless, after living way Longer than a lot of better humans out there. And, for some reason, I've fallen in love with the good Mr. Williams all over Again since he ended his life, having read many accounts of what an Amazing human being he was on top of all his achievements in film, TV and comedy. I've been rather hard on myself for not getting to know him personally while he was still on this side of the Divide (he was Online quite a bit, it turns out--he posted regularly on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Elsewhere--where the hell was I all that time? Well, the sad truth is, I'd nearly forgotten him over the past couple of years; I didn't even know about his Recent TV show, The Crazy Ones, until it was Cancelled after only one season). Now, I'm trying to play catchup with the spirit of the man; trying to get to know him through his Online posts and video clips on Youtube, as well as sending him distance Reiki and visiting him in Nonordinary Reality. Strange way to get to know someone; yet I want to be of help to him, if I can. I also seek help from him besides; I hear and read that he had a warm, loving, positive, very giving and Supportive presence and personality, and I desperately need someone like that in my life, if I am to avoid many more episodes of depression and Dark impulses toward harming myself, due to being Ignored as a musician and otherwise Creative person. There! I've said it. I'm seeking the support of dead artists, because living ones, including my own relatives, totally dismiss everything that's currently keeping me Alive.

[TO BE CONTINUED...]

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#FreeJustina and the Three-Ring Circus

SATURDAY, MAY 10, 2014: LairCronies, maybe y'all can help me here. I've been rather Preoccupied with this Bizarre civil rights/medical custody case since late last year, when the progressive news/petition site Care2.com clued me in about what has befallen a teenage girl from Connecticut named Justina Pelletier. The youngest of four daughters in a family from West Hartford, Justina had, until February of last year, been treated for a Rare genetic condition called mitochondrial disease (which potentially affects the entire body, aside from red blood cells), with which one of her sisters has also dealt for some time. Long story short: Justina, described as a Talented young artist and "ice-skating fanatic", caught the flu a year Ago in February, was transported to Boston Children's Hospital (BCH) to see her gastrointestinal specialist. Almost immediately upon her admittance, her case was "Intercepted" by a couple of neurology residents, who unilaterally decided to change her diagnosis (which she hadn't come for to begin with) and treatment plan. Her folks disagreed with this action, and tried to return her to her Usual doctors at Tufts University Medical Center; the BCH psychiatric and neurology team, with lightning speed, called in a Child Protection team, and alerted Massachusetts' CPS agency (DCF, or "Dept. of Children and Family Services"), accusing Justina's parents of something called "Medical Child Abuse", insinuating that they had "overmedicalized" the teenager (or, at least, erred on the side of too many doctor visits). This got Justina taken into custody by DCF as a ward of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, even though she and her family reside in Connecticut. Still following me here? Yeah, I struggle to keep track of the whole scenario myself. For some reason, BCH was Desperate to hang onto this kid as a psychiatric patient. But for what ends?

Ever since this occurred some fifteen months Ago, an entire National movement, bearing the hashtag moniker "#FreeJustina" has sprung up, and the story has flown all over the world, Online and Off. Rumors, facts, half-truths, accusations and intimations Galore are whipping up the Internet at the speed of a Tweetstorm. It's completely bloody Bonkers. Among said notions are suggestions as to exactly why, as I just mentioned, BCH and DCF are so freaking hell-bent on keeping custody of an out-of-state teenager that they've allegedly spent $2 million dollars of the DCF budget on her case Alone. Speculations include, but are not Limited to, the following: 1) Justina's condition is Psychiatric or Psychosomatic, and her family brainwashed her into thinking she has mitochondrial disease like her sister Jessica; 2) The hospital's psych department is using DCF to recruit young patients for some kind of Somatoform research study, using them as guinea pigs with or without their and their parents' consent; 3) DCF is hanging on to Justina in a personal vendetta against her parents, because the latter are going Hardball in "fighting the system", and state social workers don't like the parents' attitude; and 4) Justina is being Tortured and semi-Sacrificed by evil psych-ward medical personnel and staffers who may or may not have participated in Harvard University's dramatic re-enactment of a "Black Mass." Seriously, LairCronies, I couldn't make this shit up. I have actually seen, heard and/or read all of the Above in online articles, Facebook and Twitter alone. Which brings us to the Abovementioned "Three-Ring Circus"...

UPDATE (TUESDAY, JUNE 17, 2014): Just today, Justina Pelletier was (finally!) Released to her parents' custody by the juvenile court judge in Massachusetts who has been screwing with her life during the Past sixteen months. Nonetheless, the "Three-Ring Circus" referred to Above still exists; they're just happier, as of Now, than they used to be. To be Clear: when I refer to the "Three-Ring Circus", I am not speaking of the Vast majority of Justina's good-hearted, Dedicated supporters and advocates, among whom I am Proud to be Counted. Rather, by "Circus", I am referring to the smaller numbers of equally Visible and Vocal individuals and Public figures who persist in bringing their own agendas (related and Otherwise) into the Free Justina campaign. It's those folks whom I consider to be less than Savory or Beneficial to Justina & family's cause; their involvement, if anything, could potentially do more harm than good. To be Concise, they comprise:

1) THE POLITICAL HAYMAKERS: These are (usually right-wing) supporters of Justina and family who keep bringing Unrelated political causes and quarrels into discussions about the Pelletiers' long-running situation. They tend to be right-wing partisans who believe the whole mess can be squarely Blamed on the Democratic majority in Massachusetts' state government, and/or on "liberal politics" generally (seriously--everything from Obamacare to the Common Core curriculum have been brought Up and Vilified in discussions about Justina, online and on-air). Glenn Beck and Matt Barber, among others, are Notorious for displaying these tendencies. Some of them have been verbally Hostile towards progressive supporters of Justina's release--though, to be Fair, most people supporting Justina, though mainly Conservative, are Welcoming of practically anyone who supports the #FreeJustina campaign, Regardless of political affiliation. This Circus crowd, unfortunately, also includes "parents' rights" activists who yell for the Complete abolition of all Child Protection agencies, without addressing the Obvious question of how else children should be Protected from Actual abuse, neglect or sexual exploitation.

2) THE "GOOD VS. EVIL" AVANT-GARDE: There are many religious supporters of Justina who have prayed ceaselessly on her behalf for months, and this is likely a good thing; they are not whom I'm referring to Here. I'm speaking of some really Fanatical types who suspect (and post, and tweet, etc.) that Dark Spiritual Forces are behind Justina's longstanding captivity and her family's suffering, influencing the minds of judges, doctors, social workers and elected officials to refuse repeatedly to release Justina back to her parents. They have been in the habit of demonizing Said clinicians and authorities on Facebook, Twitter and Elsewhere, posting all manner of Frenzied rhetoric on the theme of "spiritual warfare." One frequent implication is that progressives and Democratic voters like myself are also on the "side of evil"; and they are seldom Inclined to retract such allegations. They have likely caused a number of progressive supporters of Justina and family to run Away screaming. I've had to take Occasional breaks from reading their posts myself, to preserve my own hold on rationality; they often read like Lunatic opinion pieces on WorldNetDaily and Barbwire.com. And then there's...

3) THE "PSYCHIATRY IS A CIA CONSPIRACY" THEORISTS: Since Justina Pelletier was (wrongly, most believe) treated as a psychiatric patient at Boston Children's Hospital for many months, the campaign for her release has attracted scores of folks who believe that psychiatry by itself is a Dangerous pseudo-science, if they don't Otherwise assert it is some kind of evil sorcery Dreamed Up by the CIA during World War II as a way to control and mess with the minds of the masses. There may well be too many Modern "disorders" out there that are, in reality, Normal teenage behavior that's been over-Analyzed; but the anti-Psychiatry crowd are not Content with Proposed overhauls of the DSM-V. They are Keen on discrediting any sort of mental health practice as Postmodern snake oil, going even beyond the aims of MindFreedom International et. al. My only real point of agreement with these folks is that I believe that Justina, and a number of other children and teens have, in fact, been seized by CPS agencies on Fraudulent accusations of abuse (which the medical staffers making Said accusations probably did not even believe themselves), who then pimped them out to hospital psychiatry departments and mental health facilities as psychiatric research study specimens ("wards as lab rats", in my own shorthand). Such practice, even if Legal, cannot possibly be moral, ethical, or Condoned by any precepts of Basic human decency. Let's hope this practice is busted wide Open for public scrutiny very Soon, and Abolished as soon as Possible.

Anyway, my Essential point here is that, even though Justina will be happily Free to go home first thing Tomorrow, the multifaceted issues Raised throughout this debacle are not going Away anytime Soon; and we can look Forward to loads of investigations, reports, and revelations, Unearthed with varying degrees of Invective and political mudslinging... #FreeJustinaAlready

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Return to the Home Lair.

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