COLLEEN'S NAKED GROOVE FEST II:
An interview with Colleen
Colleen is a co-founder and the hostess of COLLEEN'S NAKED GROOVE FEST. Here is the interview that we conducted with her just before last year's concert.
DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING INTERVIEW IF YOU HAVE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS:
1) YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR, PARTICULARLY SARCASM
2) YOU THINK LIFE AS A MUPPET MUST BE EXCITING BECAUSE OF ALL THE "INTIMATE HAND GESTURES" OF THE PUPPETEERS
3) YOUR NAME STARTS WITH A NUMBER RATHER THAN A LETTER
4) YOU VOTED FOR GOLDWATER
5) YOU ARE NOT TALLER THAN THIS LINE __________________
So, Colleen, it's been a year now since the original Groove Fest. Would you say that it was a success?
I would, but I've taken a vow of silence. I don't speak.
That's going to make this interview difficult, wouldn't you say?
Nope. I don't say anything.
Um... OK, then. Well, What will be different about this year's show as compared to last year?
Full male frontal nudity. I intend to make sure that all men present are naked and tortured with feathers. Oh, and there's some different music too. But that's not really my department. I concentrate on the male frontal nudity.
Women won't be naked?
Nope. They'll be wearing very sexy Eskimo suits in designer green. Of course, I'll be naked. But that's beside the point. I'm always naked. I'm naked right now, as I talk to you.
Holy crap! You are! I didn't realize. Wow. Nice body.
I know. I made it myself. It took years of perfecting laboratory experiments on Siberian Yaks and Australian tax collectors to look this good, but I think it was worth the sacrifice.
Er....yeah, I guess..... Um.... I have to admit, this conversation is a bit frightening.
Yeah, you're right. But that's ok. I don't mind that you're a little weird.
Right, that's exactly what I meant.... *Gulp* Anyway.... Tell me a little more about the concert. Will lots of folks be showing up this year?
Yep. Famous people too. Abraham Lincoln, Jesus Christ, and Bart Simpson have all sent back affirmative RSVPs. We're all excited to have them there.
OK, now you're just being ridiculous. None of those people are going to be there. One's a dead President, the other is a religious icon, and the third is a cartoon character that doesn't even exist!
SO? So none of them are going to be there!!!! You're making it all up!!!!
You seem a little bit anxious. I think you need to calm down. Perhaps take in some vitamin C, or some Ritalin or something.
UGH! I give up! This interview is ending before I lose my mind entirely. Any last comments?
Yes. Live from New York it's Saturday Night!.... Oh, wait, I'm not on TV, am I? Darn. Oh well. I guess I'll just say, everyone come to the concert, please. Bring a friend. Everyone is welcome. Except the Amish. Those guys are fuckin' weirdos.
Note: Since the time of this interview, Colleen's addiction to crack cocaine and Flinstone's Vitamins, or what we at the Groove Fest like to call the "little problem", has been dealt with and Colleen is doing much better. She's recanted on all of the weird things she said during this interview. Except for the bit about the Amish. She still hates them.
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