Arthur Dent in "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"
by Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

I have done it. I have gone to the BLOG side! Gad, what a rude word. This page will now be an archive of December 2002 through part of May 2003. For new and updated ramblings, check out my web log at

It ain's so trendy. It's just an easier way to post. Instead of cutting and pasting
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...every time; or worse yet, figuring out what I need to code and what I don't. Less code the better. "I ain't proud or stupid." Arlo?

Hey look! I walked 9562 steps!

There is a new addition to the written works section. I am working on some kids ‘ stories for Highlights magazine. They still need some work but I thought I’d throw up a version r or two in case anyone wants to give feedback. “Camp Foxglove” is about two girls who learn to have fun on their own. “How Jackal Tricked Tiger” is an Ethiopian trickster folktale. “The Sled Trail” is a very short, read-aloud story about a dad and his daughters trying out their new sleds.

My friend visits me at the Zoo. An elephant is running everywhere, going crazy. Little antelope is in intensive care. There is a walk through exhibit with an echidna running around. Then I’m at an amusement park riding roller coasters. Friend, who is female, is married to a lady with two kids. Friend’s mom buries an old photo album.

Later, another friend tries to give me a pickled cabbage. I am back in time in a town that has something wrong with it. It is too clean. I am trying to rescue a little girl. There is a little boy in a hospital that I know is trying to sabotage us. But he is programmed to do that. I learn from him and get caught but it is all part of my plan.

I always think my dreams make sense until I remember them

Cleveland smokes. From the burning river to the belching stacks of the steel mills, smoke infuses the people of this city. Cigarettes are puffed with pride, with disregard for health or the comfort of others that may be from weaker climes. It’s Cleveland. When the cold air howls and the trees spit drizzle from their wind-whipped leaves, sucking a bit of brimstone into your lungs can make a body feel mighty powerful.

I have started to redesign the site. For all you frequent visitors, glad you made it this far. I am trying to strike a balance between what I think is the stronger portions of the site (the journal,) the things I want to highlight (writing stuff) and getting information across to people who may be here to learn more about me. Yes, it would make more sense to have three websites.

Hippie traveling around. All alone. Find a kangaroo when I leave the hostel. Give it water to help it survive. Get a bunch of worthless novelty cute toothbrushes.

Then me and another girl get in trouble for something. We have a beanbag chair filled with rice muslix. A nice druggie guy offers to cook while we sleep.

Another guy left the hostel and was talking on his cellphone.

Also small bit of me as Lethal Weapon type guy pressed to the ground and being shot at in some sort of video game simulator.

I have been working on a newsletter- “Belle_letters.” Right now it’s just a one page paper with contact information, details on what I’m working on, and one new article or story. I am also trying to drive people to the site to see stuff I’m working on.

OH! I should tell you that I am writing from a new laptop at the moment. It’s very cool. I have not tried taking it anywhere (I have a feeling that the battery doesn’t last that long.) Also, I don’t know enough about networks and so on to get the files from my old computer on to this one except by emailing them to myself and pulling them up on the new computer. I know there’s an easier way but it’s so much work to figure out what it is…

I’m in a bit of a rut. I am having the same arguments with myself about all the things that bother me that I still haven’t been able to get past – food, money, work, creativity. Like running round and round. I have been reading Mark Twain lately and it is nice to see a genius that was incredibly pessimistic about the human race. I don’t feel so alone.

It is finally WARM OUT!!

Cookies, brownies on top of the bedroom dresser of someone who should not have them. Then in a theater and the big joke was a guy on stage who was told the beer was in the sink. And he was always looking in the sink and someone said, "why don't you look in the fridge?" And he goes, "because I'm looking for Sink Beer." In the dream world, that's pure Robin Williams.

The windows in my house are clean! The house is clean (after one of the other resident's here sulked about for two days about it.) We went out to a Chinese place last night and to a diner this morning. Very Cosmo. Very should not be doing that because its the end of the month and I'm starting to spend my 10% over budget money that I should be saving just for the fact that we don't have any food in the house and its a Sunday and every mom and their brood are shopping at the moment.

Spring is a bitch. It’s just warm enough that you can't wear a sweater but not warm enough for a T-shirt. You don't want to work in the ground because its death-cold, but you don't want to stay shut up in your house that you've been in for the last 6+ months.

In a college doing cool stuff.

God the world is pissing me off right now - I've got a rash, my Mom is sick, its cold out, the stupid administration of this country is getting kudos for dropping a case against a SCIENTIST that wanted any student that asked for a recommendation to explain a SCIENTIFIC reason life originated, along with telling Iran (who now shares almost as many if not more miles of borders with United States occupied territory than Canada - not confirmed but you get the point) that they should stay out of having an opinion on Iraq... the SUGAR lobbyists are pissed off at a World Health alert that says sugar is bad and should be limited. F**k.

Here is my theme song for this time in my life:

I'm afraid of Americans
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't

Johnny's in America
Johnny wants a brain
Johnny wants to suck on a Coke
Johnny wants a woman
Johnny wants to think of a joke

Johnny's in America
Johnny looks up at the stars
Johnny combs his hair
And Johnny wants pussy and cars

God is an American
God is an American

Yeah, I'm afraid of Americans
I'm afraid of the words
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't
I'm afraid of Americans

Johnny's an American

Love, David Bowie.

"Elles sang along to the song. Choirboy couldn't hear, hanging his bleeding ears, as he was, out the car window."

First, in a house with some goths. A guy upstairs is all bloody and the two girls downstairs are crying. I call 911 but it turns out he's not hurt and I get mad at them.

Then Donnie and I on vacation in Ireland or somewhere. We are staying in a bed and breakfast. Two guys in a washtub are fishing in the lake. We try to fish but aren't very good. When we do catch something, it is a big fat yellow flounder the color and texture of a marshmallow peep. He sticks his tongue out.

Dehydrated.

Submitted two poems. Gotta start somewhere.

Beozar the Goat. Bay!

The American love of the automobile is born of the love of freedom and the want to go anywhere at any time in this huge, vast, immense county. But we also have an unquenchable thirst for safety. If you think about it, the solitude and protectionist belief most of us have while driving comes first from the concentration we needed back when we were first learning to drive to be aware of the road. The awareness of the next quarter mile of black strap interstate ahead of us has led to believing we are in our own little bubble when driving. Little safety spheres cruising along at 80 mph, where we sing to the radio, talk to ourselves, eat, rage, cry without ever bothering the 15 million other people on the roads around us.

Advertisers have taken this to the next step. They show cars (on closed courses, driven by professional stunt drivers or using computer-enhanced effects) that can dance. The acceptances of this as a cool image comes from our own imagination, where our cars are alive or, more accurately, our cars are a part of us.

Walked all over the Zoo - .25 miles to the RainForest, .17 to the Koala building and .57 to the Primate house.

Excuse me a bit of manbashing for a moment. Out of all the annoying things power-hungry men do to make the world a more painful and difficult place to get along in, why out of all those things do we women choose to concentrate most of our nagging efforts on getting them to put the toilet seat down? Okay, I'll hold off for now (sheesh! Few things more important than the toilet seat, hu chickies?)

On to "Sandman," - namely The Doll House graphic novel. I swear, I am going to expire if one more idea of mine goes public without me as the author! Not only did someone stab the main guy though the hand (as I had Nickabar do to Jael,) but they went one step cooler and had him grasp the hand of the guy who stabbed him. GaR!

I have been doing something worryingly Bridget Jones-y. Keeping a food diary. Why? I have no idea.

I just finished "My Life as a Beatnik" by Diane Di Prima. Now just to preface, my (female) friend KH and I use to dream of jumping "On the Road" and having adventures, writing poems about life and each other as the beats of a new generation. So when I saw a book that, according to The New York Times, was suppose to be an intimate look at beatniks from a woman's p.o.v. I picked it up right away. Well, I soon found out why there aren't many books out there about female beatniks.

I guess women in the 50s NY scene did nothing but have sex all the time. Albeit sex in interesting situations and orifices, but I swear, while all the men are hitching route 66 and smoking and doing drugs and writing poems about howling and playing jazz and painting and snapping their fingers in crowded coffee shops, women were... having sex. Lots of sex. That's it. Oh, and writing abut it. Anyway, not very inspiring unless you think the only thing we women have to combat the innate coolness of men is our sexual power. I'd like to think I'm a little more than that.

There was a short part of the “Summer” chapter where the main character sleeps in the park, works as a model and carries her belongings in an attaché case. That and the orgy near the end with Allen Ginsberg were pretty cool. Other than that, sex sex sex... and railing against birth control. 'Course I'm just a cornfed Midwesterner so what do I know?

As "falling asleep," in a car with mom and friend. Top of a hill back home. Talking about and looking at tornado, then we pass through it. Fire. Unable to breathe.

While I raked the back yard and wasting the day away, surfing the net for a new laptop and dicking around, he died (see Jan. 22.) So sad. "Tragedy - a serious drama with unhappy events or a sad ending; an event causing great sadness." Yup. I would say this qualifies.

Why can't we figure out death? Honestly, we probably have - we just don't accept it because it makes us feel so lousy.

I'm reading "The Salmon of Doubt," notes left behind by Douglas Adams of Hitchhiker fame - speeches and interview and half-finished stories. It's not the best idea to be reading the musings of a very respected and well-versed atheist when horrible things are happening around you. When Adams, in three or so short sentences, explains why he is an atheist, it’s like, “Dude! That makes so much sense! Man, now I can’t believe in god either.”

Actually, it is easier not to believe in god when horrible things are happing.

Going to visit a friend but she's really busy. At school, in a play. I get a terrible haircut and people can't tell if I'm a girl or a boy. My friend is embarrassed because I have cheese on my face and I get cleaned up in the dressing room.

Then walking in a field with horses. There are some saddles in a tree that some rich kids left there to play with. I go to get them and find a three legged baby horse. Very nice and super soft. His mom has three legs too. They are brown or palomino.

Hermione from Harry Potter was the one who was really in charge - changing and shaping and understanding the dream world. In a library, on a rooftop.

Some strange killings and the woman I was with kept trying to hide it but would tell people like gangsters about it. I baked a pizza and a cake. They were burnt or fell. Cake was super fluffy.

Walked 7410 but I think my pedometer lies.

I had off work today. Logged in to my computer at 9:05 a.m. and it is now 4:49 p.m. I got a lot done (read: called health insurance place, plasma place, Conrad's car place, looked up laptops on ebay, looked up bus information for Jessie, quoted car insurance, paid bills, called sister, wrote thank you to aunt and letter to mom.) Still, all I did in the realm of writing was peruse a few websites looking for someone to critique some of my stuff. I also cleaned. Made pancakes.

Anyway, it's tough. As soon as I get a free moment, something steals it away, and its usually not anything that is making me money (though the health insurance calls will save me money.) Plus I drank too much coffee and have a headache in the center of my nose.

Quote by Lucy on the political climate of the world:

"Ignorance is bliss. But the emphasis is on IGNORE - I'm not ignorant. I know what's going on. I just choose to ignore it."

Words of wisdom... I guess.

Walked no where.

"G O A T F A C T S?"

April 2003

---------------------

Year of the Goat!

1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003

Do you know a goat?

Goats are kind and helpful. A female goat has artistic inclinations who tends to be pessimistic. She is also indecisive and too passive, yet she has fantastic luck in her life. Male characteristics include having a kind heart and being artistic.

I just got back from 3 days in WA D.C. Stayed with my aunt who is very involved with theatre. Went to see "Assassins" - a really good Sondheim musical that makes you think (great theater by the way, Laurel Mill Playhouse.) I got to show Donnie around, eat in China town, Donnie got to see Ford's Theater. Cats are happy we are back.

It is getting cold out again. There is a winter storm warning. Not happy about that.

Some inspirations occurred to me on the 6-hour drive. One involved natural white and brown clay and giving faces to trees. The other was a new character - Banjo the Nubian goat. I am writing a children's story about her - hopefully I can write a bunch of "Banjo" books. I am thinking that she is a young goat trying to deal with numerous kid issues (friends, family, taking care of things, culture, beliefs, school, being different, fitting in etc.) Right now she is just a sketch on a page, but I think she has a lot of potential.

There is so much out there, so much to think about it boggles my mind. Nothing else boggle quite like a mind, eh? One can do nothing but sigh sometimes.

P.S. - HEY!!! Type in "Belle the cat" in Google!!! I M Famouse!?!?@>!?#<>@$#%K

P.S.S. - To Norah: The fact that she was putting jeans in the freezer denotes a "coldness" you feel from her towards you. And you feel that this is inappropriate behavior; (ice = being emotionally cold or giving you the cold shoulder, clothes in an inappropriate location = attitudes or behavior inappropriate to ones situation.) At least that's what it says in my dream book.

Ghosts. First, a newspaper article was being written by this lady that had two kids. Photojournalist took a picture and went back in time. Mermaids were real. Then, out with some old neighbors in a field, working in a trailer. Getting ready to go to a school function. There was a dead guy in the trailer.

I need to find a GOOD writer's group. I finally have 4 things to submit to places, but I have been the only one to have any input on them. I WANT comments!

I found an old kid's story I wrote back in Dakota, Minnesota for a reading program. I think I'll go over it and see if it's something worth saving (it's a story about two kids who think a dragon lives in the bluffs above their house, but it turns out to be a two-story tall cat.)

I go on-line and dig through all the war information, misinformation, resources, etc. Then I look for a recipe for sourdough pizza. Ah freedom.

Here are some things I do to deal with the fact that our country is in a war:

Have an opinion & do some about it!
Learn about war - know the white, the black and the gray
Read, listen, watch different media sources
Know when to stop watching
Learn about poverty, sanctions, health care, why people are suffering
Learn about organizations that help the less fortunate
Vote
Learn how the government works (I needed to resort to pages crafted for kids) Then contact: Congress, Senate, Member of the House of Representatives.
Realize how good I've got it
Talk with people who share my beliefs
Talk with people who have differing opinions
Continue to live a life I'm proud of (conserve resources, live simple)
Hope
Smile
Laugh

P.S. Here is that recipe for Sourdough Pizza Dough: Living Cookbook

Walked over 15369 - surprising!

New stuff in Written Works.

It is suppose to be in the 70s today (Friday) and in the 20s on Sunday. It's windy, but I'm still going to get out there and do some yard work, clean the garage, maybe wash the car (and park it in the clean garage.) Except that our garage is so dusty it's almost not worth it.

I bought some refill ink for my printer cartridge and it has yet to leak out all over my printer - yay! This is a good thing. The refill ink is like $5 vs. $35 for a new cart.

My computer is slowly dying. The speakers are blown and the CD player skips and buzzes. Donnie and I want to get a laptop but it's my duty to find one for cheep and it must have a CD burner in it. Riiiiiight.

Walked 5369 - surprising.

A chicken said "I'm the fuzzy one."

Here is a review I wrote recently on Amazon.com:
Short mystery for "Mommie interuptis"

"This tiny paperback is perfect for someone who finds themselves interrupted constantly, having to drop the book in the middle of a three-page chapter to attend to a boo boo or to mend a teddy. That said, this book could easily be read in one sitting. The character is likable, even when she shines the spotlight so harshly on her insecurities (being fat in LA four months after giving birth to the baby that won’t sleep.) The mystery itself has to be taken with a grain of salt - you can almost here the author at one point debating, “now how can I get her to go down in the basement all by herself” and some plot devices are pretty convoluted. But even if you don’t like the book, you won’t have to devote a lot of time to it. "

Walked 5182.

Suckling pig.

I have some more photos to upload soon. A couple of cats, and some of the 2/15 peace demonstration in Cleveland.

Ate out way too much this weekend. Had fun. Also got some business work done at the home office. Next weekend have to get out and see music, not just rent videos.

Started reading an Ayelet Waldman "Mommy track" mystery this morning and am almost done. Tiny little 250 pages.

I have had a few stories pop into my head in the past few weeks. Also reread a synopsis for a story I had started a while ago that sounds SO GOOD but that never really materialized. Looking to submit to Graveworm Press.

Y'know - what happens if, after we give the Iraqi people the freedom to build their own country, they don't do it right? Obviously they didn't do it right the first time. Maybe the United States should just rebuild every country the way we think they should be.

Imagine if the money being spend on this war was used to create universal health care. That's $50 - $200 billion for those of you counting.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron."
Dwight David Eisenhower, 1953

Space shuttle blew up again. Parts fall in rural area by my family. I go to a foreign convenience store where stickers cost $5.95 - $8.00 so I don't buy any.

So many people have said things against war that I can't believe it's happening all over again. I would be so embarrassed if someone from the past came to the year 2003 and all I had to show them was cell phones, DVDs, email and CNN Presents the Showdown With Saddam. Makes me sick.

Did everyone in the United States forget our county is striking preemptively?

Did everyone forget about the fact that major cities and churches in the United States have rejected this war?

Is anyone questioning what threat Saddam poses to the United States?

Has anyone found out WHY men flew planes into the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and towards the White House? Does anyone care?

Shouldn't we be concerned with changing bad habits, bad policies, rethinking the why as opposed to embracing the "I'm gonna kill you before you kill me" way of life?

We teach our children to be nice to others, to be kind. Then we go and invest our children in a war.

When is someone in power going to realize that we are ALL people; Iraqi, Palestinian, American... not demons. No matter what religion or where you were born, we’re all the same. It sounds cliche, but everyone was a child once. Everyone bleeds red blood.

And there is no such thing as a sanitary war.

Quotes:

Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary. Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948), 'Satyagraha Leaflet No. 13,' May 3, 1919

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
Jeannette Rankin (1880 - 1973)

War is archaic.
Father Mergenhagen - Vietnam veteran

You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), (attributed)

War is cruel and you cannot refine it.
William Tecumseh Sherman

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?
Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948), "Non-Violence in Peace and War"

One day President Roosevelt told me that he was asking publicly for suggestions about what the war should be called. I said at once 'The Unnecessary War'.
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965), Second World War (1948)

"The reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war!"
--George W. Bush, first Presidential debate

HATE IS LOVE.
SLAVERY IS FREEDOM.
WAR IS PEACE.
"1984," George Orwell

Walked 15,085.

Rose petals fall from the trees and cover my car. Parade. Try to take photograph in early morning light of flowers but dogs come.

Just updated the page. Changed the menu bar names to be more descriptive. Also, I debated whether to move my journal to its own page, so this page would load faster. I decided to leave it, but if anyone has any feelings one way or another, let me know. I also added a Gallery of my photos and drawings, and my Written Works page has been updated.

Does anyone know where I can get a good, free counter for this site???

This quote was recently printed in a local paper. I wish there was a way to make everyone read it and think about it. Be very, very aware.

"Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship... voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

- Hermann Goering, Nuremberg War Crimes Trial

Website will be undergoing some changes, hopefully tomorrow. I am off to the coffeshop to hang out with some kookie characters.

I try really hard not to talk about the weather but I am so ready for spring. It's that time of year that 50-degree weather makes Midwesterners want to tear off their clothes and cavort around in shorts. I just want it to be warm enough for me to wash my car

So, once again, in my yippee-ha-ha-wee-way of merrily sharing my life with the world through this web page, I set yet another bunch of goals. Never mind that I haven't met the first set. Anyway, I'm learning. This is all a learning experience. Learn. I have learned that while in school I excelled in giving teachers what they wanted. It is harder to do that for magazines and editors.

I also have to figure out when I can update stuff on this website. What day, how not to waste time (since the website is frivolous and not making me any money.) The way I have it worked out is Tues. and Thurs. night and all-day Friday I spend working on Belle stuff (in a coffee shop, at home, computer etc.) In a perfect world at least. Which we all know this isn't.

Cooking news: I made some dal (okay), rice (v.good!), yogurt (kinda snotty), sugar cookies (keeper recipe!) and am attempting some whole wheat sourdough starter (the first batch broke loose from its bag and spread like slime mold.)

Here is an entertaining "girly story" with a message (I didn't write it)

A daughter once pestered her mother to visit a garden that was a two-hour drive from her home.

Finally, tired of hearing her daughter proclaim about this special garden, she agreed to go. Still, she couldn't understand all this fuss about a flower garden.

But when they finally arrived at the garden, the mother quickly understood why it was so special.

Before her were acres of daffodils. More than 50,000 bulbs planted one at a time over 40 years by just one woman.

The mother was impressed - and intimidated - by the scope of the gardener's achievement.

"What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal 35 years ago and had worked at it "one bulb at a time" through all those years?" she asked.

"Look to the future and not back at the past," her daughter replied. "If you start tomorrow, you may be amazed by what you can accomplish - one bulb at a time."

From: "The Daffodil Principal"

Reading "Happiness" by Will Ferguson about a self-help book that actually works. Has some funny parts and is written in a very unique 3rd-person style (the author talks to you.)

Hasn’t had time to work out my monthly goals. Big project at work.

I am pretty happy with how things are now. Can't wait for St. Patrick's Day! Did some tasks today. Don't know what this weekend holds. I am taking care of my friend's cat. Maybe I will get a photo of him! Do I need a release to post it? Maybe only if he is in a compromising position...

I have a book in the bathroom called “Living Poor With Style” by Ernest Callenbach now out of print, apparently (published in 1972.) It’s a hoot, but also has some good stuff in it - someone(ahem!) should write a book like this for the new millennium. One of the quotes (having to do with wearing animals but can apply to eating them as well) “you should only do it if you are truly prepared to acknowledge the animal’s contribution to your welfare, to let his mystery and his fate merge with your own.”

Did you know Wierd Al is a vegetarian? He became one after a fan gave him a book called “Diet for a new America.” He did eat a Twinkie and wiener sandwich on the movie UHF (pre-veggie.) Also, he got laser eye surgery.

Dad fishing. Norah, Donnie, Mom and I on vacation (4 day.) Some male relative behind me declines a drink. Buying Becky a crystal purple gift.

It is Tuesday. It is busy.

Walked: 3982.

Now I rescue a bird from a cage from the zoo. Park my car in the snow to play a trivia game with maintenance girls. David Bowie makes two movies - one Armageddon one where someone gets shot while trying to terrorize a zoo that looked like a fortress (he had a bomb.) Then one about a futuristic time with blond girl in coffee shop.

Then a guy in kitchen. Lucy and I entertain. Say the Spanish pledge. Picture frames.

Hiding a black girl from KKK during parade. Watch a horse throw its jockey who fell on the track, twitching. Then a baby chimp born, even though we didn't want it. Finally, a bunch of aquariums are full and a small sea urchin of hot pink keeps escaping. Floats and feels like a ball of cotton ball.

In a Home Depot looking for furnace filter. They are all dusty or the wrong size. A puppy is hurt at the front step. I call the police. Then we are at a Japanese acting school; I am writing a press release.

Lots to write about. Mr. Roger's has died at age 74. I want to send a card. Since he hasn't made any new shows since 2000, I feel like he is a relative that I've lost touch with. Think of how many millions of kids see him as a father figure. I remember when I was a teenager and make fun of him and my aunt tried to point out how good he was. Then I grew up more and realized that yes, he was doing something no one else was doing. I don't think anyone has stepped up to fill his shoes.

Someone said, "I bet trolley is taking him to heaven."

It's the end of the month and I have to confess I haven't submitted anything. AAAGGGGHHHH. There. That's better. But figuring out how to do this freelance thing is hard! Especially when I took the theater gig. And I have really grown accustom to sleeping 9 hours a night.

I am mainly struggling with too many things that I could be writing. I am having problems deciding what to concentrate on. I just read in the S.King book that it takes him 3-7 months of writing 3 hours a day for around 5 days a week to finish a novel. Then he puts it away for 6 weeks or more. Garg. And I have, like, five novels floating around! Plus I want to, y'know, get paid for articles in the meantime. I need to prioritize.

In other news, Hallelujah! I actually made coffee too strong! For once it tastes like coffee! Like coffee-house coffee! For those of you who don’t know, I have in the past had some problems crafting a good cup ‘o joe. Read about it here. However, my attempt to make rice porridge failed miserably (when cooking with milk, never add cranberries unless you want red cottage cheese.)

Finally, SEVEN NATIONS is coming back to Cleveland! This Celtic rock band is so utterly wonderful it defies description. But you have to see them live to get the full effect. Go ahead and check them out at www.sevennations.com/.

P.S. Dan Stacey is my muse.

Walked 7006. Here is something to think about: due to labor saving devices, we are moving less than ever. We drive to the parking lot instead of walking from the bus stop, we use elevators instead of stairs, we use power windows in out cars. People are driving more and walking less. The average child spends 40 hours a week watching TV, playing computer or video games and listening to music. And still the food industry tries to sell us Super-sizes and Hungry Man XXL dinners! And people buy it, "cuz they can." We are so crazy it's scary.

Relative died - I saw two pictures. One on the couch, one at the funeral parlor. Friend and I shooting arrows. One sticks in an appletree. I find some strawberries in the garden and take a bite out of them. Then I go back and eat the rest. There was a baseball in the garden. Then animatronic tiki gods in tents. It's a game I'm trying to finish by going to each tent and listening to the tiki, but it's 4:36 p.m. and I have to get to work. They are tearing down anyway. Three candy bars I put my initials on: Hershey, Kit-kat and Reeces PB Cups.

Walked ??

Pregnant 13-year old. Raining. Then a little black girl rides Seabiscut in his last race where jockey falls and Seabiscut hurts himself. Caring, aspect of ones self growing, anxiety working itself through.

I am sitting here crafting a letter and drinking cooking wine (well, it's good wine I use for cooking, since Martha said to always cook with wine you would drink.) Now I don't have any to cook with.

Note to everyone out there who has health insurance (mine goes up to $1 million) - let the story be told of a man who was in the hospital with severe burns for two weeks who, when he got out, had $1.5 million due to the hospital that INSURANCE DID NOT COVER. So no accidents, y'all.

Let it also be known that you should check out your bill after buying a car to make sure that they didn't add any unwanted warranties in. And if your car breaks, be sure to check to see if you might have accidentally paid for an extended warranty (I know someone who didn't do either and ended up finding out that not only did he pay for a warranty he didn't want, he didn't use it when his car broke.)

Walked 8010.

Staircase crumbling... lack of confidence, fear of not being capable.

Arg. All my library books were due today.

Music Man matinee. Went well. I got paid yesterday for my work on the play. Great to know all of that is going towards my yearly health check-up. Sigh.

Walked 7057.

UK. My friend dreamed that I and Donnie were painting a white globby flower on her wall, and though it was ugly, she didn't have the heart to tell us. Giving flowers = giving love and tenderness, painting = impression we give others, white = awareness, clearness of mind.

My little sister's birthday today. Going through a silent mental crisis. Donnie sent me flowers to cheer me. Haven't submitted my article yet - frustrated by lack of a good working area. My mouth feels sticky. My eyes bloodshot.

I worked a little on my Ambrosia page just for something to do. I took my little notebook (love steno pads) to a coffee shop to write some of my detective novel (will be posted soon) and realized that I really like writing on the computer better than writing longhand. I can write so much faster on the computer (I think I can type 60 words / minute.) It's like writing with two hands.

Walked 7655.

Green Goblin poster on a hole in the wall. It's the 1960s. Someone drives a motorcycle over the tire spikes at the entrance to a parking garage and shoots the guard, then drags him backward over the spikes.

This weather is getting everyone down and turning life pretty evil. I am having a dismal time of it.

Walked 10190.

Setting up a house for me and a bunch of people. I may have been a male designer. A ranch for problem kids? It was a combination of my house, my parents and something else. A blue plastic vase - reminded me of childhood. Making everything wood.

Spent 12 hours yesterday working on The Music Man for Rocky River Community Theater (I'm running the lights.) Headache but I get paid. And since it is 7 p.m. - 11 p.m. every night from now through the end of the run, it's kind of encroaching on my writing time. Still, I tote my little notebook around just in case and collect character traits or good lines when I hear them. One thing collected yesterday - a guy named Marcellus that people call Marcee. Funk dat.

The Music Man is one of those written works that I can't believe people embrace. There are a lot of "theatre-y" lines that don't make a lot of sense that you're suppose to either understand because of the actions or just ignore. Example: Harold: Ever do anything with perpetual motion? Tommy: (sullenly)Nearly had it a couple of times.

Also, talk about using dialect: "Jeely Kly" "tablow" and "frazology?" And there is a point where Meredith Wilson uses this punctuation: "!!???"

Walked not a hellavalot - sat for most of those 12 hours at the right hand of the light board.

It snowed 16 inches - Ye Gods!

Tony Blair made a comment to protestors that was something like, no matter how many people are protesting, there have been more Iraqi deaths due to Saddam. Well in that case, shouldn't we be attacking China too, and every other country with bad human rights record?

"Korean prison riot" - description by Lucy of some whistle??? Goat escape, cat's fur scraped off by closing door.

Marched in my first anti-war protest - "the political 'coming out'" of a lot of people happened yesterday (That quote is from an article on the small group of protestors in La Crosse, WI.) About 1,200 people rallied at a church and marched to the federal building in Cleveland. I just participated in the march and didn't have a sign. But I took some pictures, and I am proud to say it went very well. Good police presence, lots of people waving and honking their horns appreciatively. Old grannies, veterans, collage kids, families, different races etc. It didn't even seem that cold until we walked back - it was 15 degrees!

There were some speakers at the end. One lady had a good rally cry, "Healthcare, not warfare." Being a person who currently has to purchase their own healthcare, I liked that one. Another one was, "This is what democracy looks like!" A guy from an inter-racial, inner-faith group kinda rambled on about Tricky Dick for some reason, so he kinda lost me. There were some good signs (I like the peace-themed ones like "peace is democratic" and "Create a department of Peace" mainly because I believe humans should be better than war - we should be able to live well peacefully) and good quotes in an AP article: "Iraqi immigrant Azam Houle said she fled the "suffocating police state" 27 years ago, but that invading her homeland was not the solution. "We seem to think we can destroy a country and then build a democracy," she said. "Democracy at gunpoint isn't democracy."

I couldn't find much coverage in the news the day after which was disappointing.

Check out the protest in Antarctica!

Wish I'd worn my pedometer...

Deep breath - first, a horserace. We had to wear bridals that our horses wore that fit into the roof of our mouths. It was like a fear factor stunt. A horse burped right before and the person putting the bridal in their mouth was disqualified because he gagged because it tasted like cabbage.

Then, my old neighbor's father was trying to assemble a mirror with giant acorns on it with my little sister and I. Also some books and frames. A storm comes up and we ask if he use to look West when searching for a funnel cloud. Then the storehouse settles down and we blame Paula Abdul.

In a park with people from elementary school and work. Looking at amphitheaters.

For Valentines Day yesterday we went to "Hoggys" I am not proud to say - there is a new area being loaded up with fakey-town junk like new restaurants etc. Reminds me of Onalaska, WI except this place use to be an Industrial Park, not a farm. Shouldn’t complain because the food was sinfully tasty. Tonight we're going to see Shanghai Knights - should be fun.

Walked 3326.

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Writen by: John Lennon
© Bag productions inc.

Spooky girl spirit.

Everyone was acting wrong today. People I expected to be mean were pretty understanding.

I hate it when you do something so embarrassing that you think you'll never forget what a stupid sow you were. I love it when you do forget. Ha ha ha. I can't believe I care about loosing face. I thought I was above Sociology.

This month is flying by.

Walked 4112.

work

Had a very free form weekend. Actually not as fun as it sounds. I think we were pretty sick of each other by the end. There is an advantage to ritual and method. It slows you down, makes you appreciate more what you get. Like making cappuccino as opposed to loading up the coffee maker - it's a lot more involved.

That is the reason I have such a problem living in the city. Everything is so easy. We literally didn't have to leave the house. Friday I worked in here (didn't produce much except I did post a short children's fable on the writermag forum.) Saturday we rented some video games, cleaned the house, and sat around (tried to stay busy with knitting, reading.) We had uninspiring Chinese food that night and watched golf movies on USA. On Sunday, Donnie started working on a model pirate ship and I tried to write. By then we were stir crazy. I had to force myself to take a walk to the library even though I didn't really have to go.

This is what happens when you don't have wood to chop, animals to feed, water to gather etc. I should meditate on that.

Walked 4469.

England, snowing. Driving over bridges. Mall with a store where everybody knew me. Sort of a city Buddha. Airport. Terrible accident on one of the bridges. I thought I would loose control of my car but I didn't, though it felt out of control. I drove around the mangled body without looking, even though I knew I could have if I wanted to. Wonder if my brain had fashioned what I would have seen, or if I knew I would not look. And why didn't I look? A mother with a kid ran up to the body (why?) and then the mother screamed, gasped, and covered her boy's eyes.

That's what I get for reading the scene in "The Angry Angel" where Dracula orders Kelene to watch as a gypsy plucks out the eyeballs of soldiers with a red hot blacksmith tool before bed. Not the greatest late-night reading.

Walked 22,883. Yes, no misprint. Got home at 5 and rousted the Duck from slumber. Walked four miles to "The Rustic," a restaurant in Rocky River. Ate, walked to the grocery store and got back home before 9:00 p.m. Not too shabby.

Cedar Point ride was a potato bag slide. Lots of work dreams.

Sometimes things get very, very, very, very, very, very monotonous. My brain had been foaming recently and it makes it hard to concentrate. Relatives, friends, coworkers, the world, myself, all with stresses and thoughts and problems and choices. I'm glad I get off tomorrow. I need to get back on track.

Walked 6900.

First in flight. Working at the Zoo. Mom and Dad walking along North Coast - jump onto submarine. Other ooga-boogas.

Ugh. Danger is right. Steven King - I hate him. That and eating hotdogs before bedtime makes for tossing and turning and stomach aches I blame on "On Writing" (which sounds like a title I'd come up with.) Hard to read about him writing "Carrie" and making $400,000. In my dream, some stupid jealous voice said, "It was actually $300 million, you read it wrong." I am a spiteful, jealous freak and my brain is trying to kill me.

I don't know how much of a support team I have. Sure he had only his wife (and two kids - yikes!), but she would dig things he threw away out of the trash and tell him they had potential. I'M the one who digs stuff out of the trash! Which I suppose is why I should be glad I kept so much hard copy stuff. Makes me want to write more on paper - not on this little box that could go "vzt" at any time and eat all my stuff with it. I want to be a brave little writer and say, "oh, that's okay. I can just write more." But loosing something you are proud of to the computer demons is like a stab in the back. Even if I accidentally erase an email, the second one I write as a replacement is never as good as the first.

I need a new ink cartridge ($40).

I wrote two things yesterday - a kid's mystery story for Highlights at about 900 words and a rebus for same at like 120 words. Goody for me.

Walked ??

Editing insert cards for press kits at Chuck E. Cheeses.

I smell burning Pudding Cake. Didn't clean out oven so now it is baking away at the bottom. Trying to get some work done today. Think my words per day goal will be 500, good or bad. I have a book of "things about me" that I can use for inspiration (should use for inspiration) but so many of those things are things I don't want to write about ("what as a child did you admire about your mother?") Bite the bullet. Remember how many things in school you had to do that you didn't want to.

My budget for February is so depressing. How can I survive with only $96 for car, food, gifts etc.? Just have to make some more money somehow I guess. Need something happy. How about this?

Walked ??

At the Osbourn's house. Just the kids are there. Something about a hole in the floor, trying to get back home, leaving High School / work and mowing the lawn at one house with the hope that it will be mowed somewhere else.

First day of the month. The house is nice and clean. I have two pots of soup simmering on the stove (tomato and cauliflower.) Wanted to go out to Chinese food tonight or maybe make buttermilk-baked chicken (use up the rest of my buttermilk.) Now the space shuttle has exploded. So sad.

I have a beef with NASA and TV and radio media. 1. NASA - marketing 101. Don't get in the news only when you have a problem. Just because the ALPHA space station hasn't caught the public's attention doesn't mean you shouldn't continually try to market it. What happens is people are now equating you with "oh, I haven't heard from NASA for a while. Oh look, their shuttle blew up." 2. Just throw on a rerun of something and a crawl at the bottom. Interrupt when you have something to say. Instead, it's constant chitchat and speculation about not speculating over and over and talking to every bumpkin who saw something.

Walked 6259.

I am baking a cake for a potluck and as would be expected, it isn't turning out. It's one of those freaky mix-everything-in-the-pan cakes that is suppose to form a layer of pudding on the bottom. And it's bubbling all over the stove and the ingredients don't look like they've mixed all the way and there is a dark pool of liquid right in the center. Maybe I'll just stir it all together, bake it for 15 minutes more and top it with cool whip.. pretend that's how it's suppose to look (it would still taste good!)

Well, it is almost the end of the month. I have accomplished a lot of my goals but not all of them. I gave myself two weeks to submit something and I then thought - yeah, I could just send any old piece of crap out but that's not the point. Sure, meeting deadlines is important but so is crafting something good. So instead of sending something out that only I have ever looked at, I decided that it would be better to move my "first submission" goal for February.

I just started reading the "On Writing" book by S. King right now and think that it may be dangerous. I am also reading "Clicking" by F. Popcorn, "The Angry Angel" by C. Yarbor, and listening to a Dick Francis book on tape in my car. I was going to start a Brother Cadfeld mystery on tape too but think that may be a bit much. Still, one doesn't think twice about flipping the channels of the TV all over the place and watching a bit of this and a bit of that... media overload.

Gotta go fix my retard cake.

Walked 8812.

Just woke up and read the president's State of the Union address. Drew my own conclusions, then read an article from the Washington Post on the speech. Interesting to compare my thoughts and impressions with how it was interpreted by someone that works for the paper.

I read the speech because I felt it was important, but can not stand listening to Bush or dealing with 75 applause interruptions. I still can't believe Republicans own the country.

Good comment from D out of Washington State, "Saddam is not a problem of the United States alone. We will be stronger if we stand with others than if we stand alone." Duh.

Walked ??

Tuesdays are hateful. Sat in front of a freaking computer screen all day and updating shitty calendars. Some websites are so user un-friendly it is enough to make yu eat Peanut Butter Crunch in your cubical and do cartwheels down the hall.

Wanna see someone sick with talent? Check this out (I have also added this link to what's in.)

Walked 3491. SLUG

Walked 7961.

Packing packing packing. Went home and had to borrow a bunch of luggage to carry everything back. There was a barn my mom wanted to buy but they decided to turn it into a gas station.

Hee hee. Did my taxes yesterday. So it’s early (8a.m.) and I am determined to make this day long and productive! I think I need to take a shower at the very least (that has a big effect on my body.) Can’t believe I haven’t exercised since before Christmas! Lame. Haven’t really meditated (have concentrated and planned pretty well.) Superbowl Sunday - like Mike Feldman said, “if there was a way for both teams to loose I think that would make us happy.”

More stuff going by the wayside - not necessarily because of slack or sloth but because I am doing other things for a longer amount of time. Some of it is sloth but not in a sinful way. If I was doing productive work every moment I was awake (knitting, gardening, organizing, etc.) I would be a loop case.

Am wondering, since I am so new, should I be concerned about submitting to places that hold onto my copyright (become property of) or that buy copyrights? I sometimes think that, since a writer WRITES, if they sell their writing they can always write more. Right? But on the other hand, I hear about people who are so careful as to keep hold on their stuff so that they can collect it in an anthology or reproduce it when they will. I think that is smart but can I afford to be smart? Also, I set a goal to submit one thing this month - I know of one story right off that is close to complete. But can I polish it up enough to be something I am proud and happy with???

Walked 3550.

My boyfriend married an Asian girl and thought he could still be my boyfriend! My girlfriends tried to be supportive when I just didn’t get it. Scene in a record store and one in the Asian girl’s house.

So its 4 p.m. and I’ve done some stuff today like shopped, made some phone calls, wrote a letter, watched MST3k, listened to the radio, made eggs for breakfast, watered plants, made buttermilk bread (undercooked - don’t let my mistakes in cooking discourage you from checking out the Mad Cow Cookbook - I have to experiment before I figure out if something is good or not - only the good stuff gets posted!), cleaned the house (even the bathroom!) but I still feel somewhat incomplete. Add to my list of stuff to do: TAXES, order new computer.

I went on-line and found some more places to submit my works. Some cool websites that focus on sci-fi and fantasy for example. I found, while digging up a bunch of old Ambrosia stuff (can I help that I am addicted to the stupid place?), some other story inspirations. Sentences or sketches that could turn out to be some neat pieces. I think I am a bit impatient with my office, which is making it hard to work. Plus I am getting a cold.

Walked 3550.

Biked from Ohio to Minnesota because it was 60 degrees. Come back by bus or something. Lucy and Donnie were at the river in Dakota. Then I went to the Museum of Communication in Madison. Wide, aquarium looking place. Guy in wheelchair was famous actor getting paid way too much to act in a museum show.

Walked ??

Donnie is hugely fat - like an elephant. Goes out to mow lawn (on a riding lawnmower) and gets thin. Going to Madison to look for pencils. Interview a guy with a very nice bunny cat thing.

Ten minutes ago the sky was a terrific pink. It has faded to Martha Steward sunrise now. Pretty boring news - still have not done financial planning, haven't got all my tax stuff in the mail yet, have to pay bills, continue working on office (including uploading some photos to the Company link on this website.) Reading a Chelsea Yarbor book (I'm not a vampire fan but so far its holding my attention.) Made some Apple Crisp yesterday (too much sugar.) Am working to upload a new version of "Ambrosia" and another of the "Mad Cow Cookbook." Just have lots of coding to do.

Working tomorrow since I got off on Monday. Dinosaurs are my life. Rar.

Walked 7110.

UK.

Today is just January 22, 2003 to me, but to her it will forever be "the day of The Accident." No matter how it turns out, though it makes me pause, I will go on relatively unchanged. Her life and the lives of her kids will be forever changed. And it's not the loss of life that makes me sad - it is the loss of love. The world has precious little love in it already, and to cause more misery seems so harsh.

Walked 4006.

UK.

On MLKJr BDay yesterday, I worked on my Ambrosia story. I realized how much work is to be done and how much work I have already done has gotten lost in moves from state to state and computer to computer. However, thank god for hard copies. I found a bunch of brainstormed stuff and lists of stories though that I thought were lost. Writers exercise: name off 20 titles of myths, legends, stories or songs that could be written in the world you have created (you'll end up with things like boys named Tickie.)

I have some things to do that I have been putting off too - financial planning, putting my budget into Excel, putting my list of possible places to submit my work on Excel (and designating which ones are contests and which ones are submissions.) Plus my car needs my attention - not because anything is wrong with it but because it is fairly new (2001) and I have been neglecting its preventative maintenance. I should not have bought a new car that I can't take care of, but then again, I can't believe that they are asking me to pay $300 in the first year of ownership to oil the gas pedal and check the belts.

Walked ??

A friend wants to know if it would make sense for her to buy a car in England for her visit. I tell her no because we can walk or take the bus or even rent one if we want to. Still exchanging Christmas gifts. I am not suppose to mention Europe in front of this one guy. Tall mill-like building, everyone is at the top of the funnel which is at street level. Strange fat man tries to give candy to my friend's niece.

I am updating the "Ambrosia" page. Please let me know if this page is set up in a user-friendly way.

People in marketing get abused a lot. I bad-mouth marketing myself. However, I think in a strange and twisted way, working in marketing has made me a better person. I want people to believe me and in turn, I want to give them a reason to believe me (authority.) Therefore I want to be a person I would listen to, someone I would be proud to have as a mentor. I live my life in a way that shows that I practice what I preach.

Walked ??

Horses trip out of starting gate. Girl jockey falls on her back and screams she can't move. Calls for help but no medics come. She tries to get up on her own. People in stands look on in horror. One lady faints, no one tries to help her. I am at home watching it all on TV and I scream at the jockey, "Don't move!" Then an old friend of mine comes to help at the bear grottos at the zoo. I am so excited to see him again that I forget the name of one of my current friends. Finally, Mr. Burns from the Simpson's owns the town. He buys 1 million pieces of chocolate. I go to a farm with my family and make nests for chickens.

Here are some interesting thoughts:

Do people prefer 1st person narratives or 3rd? Do they prefer one over the other for mysteries? The Danger by Dick Francis was a mystery in 1st person. That worked because things were always happening - it had a plot that carried a lot of momentum. His phrases were short and succinct. The Milan J. and Goldy Bear mysteries are slower paced and the descriptions and introductions get clumsy at times.

Carl Haaisan writes mostly in 3rd person but his stories are carried by dialog a lot. There is less character development. Then I read a mystery about a lady that owns a bakery (kind of a Goldy rip-off) that was written in the 3rd person and it wasn't as interesting (it was also very amateur.)

Walked ??

Ultimate reality show - in a huge Beverly Hills type mansion with some vampires. Try to escape them to win. Me, Jack Black, his little brother and a few others survive.

Yesterday went to a book club, which was very interesting from a writer's standpoint. Got me turned on to the DorothyL website. Also thought a little more about my detective novel(s).

Is it good to write stuff that you know is shitty? Like dumb writers' games like "describe your most recent vacation" or even journaling - I think journaling takes away precious time and brain power from more important writing pursuits.

'Course I have very little to show for my day of sitting and staring at my computer.

Walked 5652.

Start at neighbors' old house. Have to drive out to Virginia to return a car. Very nice out - summery but there is snow on the ground. Follow dog prints in snow to find a farm. Everyone is visiting this farm - it is very nice (chickens). Then we are trying to prove that exotic animals don't get along and have a tiger and a boa together.

Lots of things to think about right now. Hmmm. There.

Donnie walked over 10,000.

UK. Probably about dinosaurs.

Stupid cats knocked down wine bottle and cat food bag so bag got soaked, half of cat food had to be thrown away and stained floor. Just for that I am posting an embarrassing picture of one of them on-line here (ok, so most of my photos are embarrassing to cats).

So this is my last night of site building for a while. I am just putting the finishing touches on my "Current Works" page so please check it out. That is pretty much why this website exists anyway.

Just read something disturbing about Berkley in the New York Times (“Old Words on War Stirring a New Dispute at Berkeley.” By Dean E. Murphy. January 13, 2003.):

“ Emma Goldman died in 1940, more than two decades after being deported to Russia with other anarchists in the United States who opposed World War I. Now her words are the source of deep consternation once again, this time at the University of California, which has housed Goldman's papers for the past 23 years. In an unusual showdown over freedom of expression, university officials have refused to allow a fund-raising appeal for the Emma Goldman Papers Project to be mailed because it quoted Goldman on the subjects of suppression of free speech and her opposition to war. The university (BERKLEY mind you! - S.M.) deemed the topics too political as the country prepares for possible military action against Iraq.”

Some of the quotes:

"(People) not yet overcome by war madness to raise their voice of protest, to call the attention of the people to the crime and outrage which are about to be perpetrated on them."

“(Free-speech advocates) shall soon be obliged to meet in cellars, or in darkened rooms with closed doors, and speak in whispers lest our next-door neighbors should hear that free-born citizens dare not speak in the open." - I think this is true now.

Walked 2738.

UK - still having difficulty waking up.

Things are looking pretty good here. I only have a few days left before I have to stop playing and start working. Made some watery cabbage soup tonight and drank too many beers to be useful. Laundry, banking, budget (sigh.)

Walked 11421.

On an airplane taxiing around the runway. A guy runs out of the airport and yells at us that there is a bomb under the plane. We pull to the side and find out it’s true. They remove it and we take off. We land at a very small amusement park. Someone slipped what looked like a Sudafed into my carry on baggage. We take off again and get put in a holding pattern around a town that is supposedly Minneapolis (but it looks more like SimCity Tokyo.) The flight attendant is an older woman. She reports me to the pilot who leaves the controls to go to the bathroom. He let the plane “coast” until it bumps into a building and drifts to the street like a leaf. Then they ask everyone to get off except me. When the pilot approaches me, he says something like, “she doesn’t have an accent.” Turns out the Sudafed was a tracking device and everyone had one in their carry-ons.

Ug -- I have to stop coding for a while. We are having tacos tonight but since I’ve been sitting in one place for 4 hours, pausing only to drink cocoa and eat cookies, my tummy is kinda garbled.

Donnie says: Winona Rider lived in Winona, Minnesota. Her family owned a bookstore where The Rose Bowl is now. Also, the crane from Short Circut 2 was bought by Bay State Milling, also in Winona.

Walked 3274.

Lucid. Michael Moore decided to make a movie about the loss of rain forests and forests in general. Interviewed people out in Nodine, Minnesota about the trees that were cut down for housing developments.

There are so many things to do in this world it really pisses me off that people are so lazy.

My little intro is new today - hopefully that lays everything out. Well, okay, far from everything. But I am proud of what HTML I have learned / remembered / stolen in just a few short days (in a way it is surprising that it is only January 11. I still can’t get it under my belt that it is 2003 though.) I am noticing that on days that I don’t have to work my regular job (M-Th), I am a lot less understandable and I don’t remember my dreams very well. Yes, that makes sense.

I have yet to get any of my stories up yet. I have given myself until January 15 to set up my web page. Then I will do some upkeep each month but will try to hold back from completely altering it (unless I sell something and can afford to dick around.) I am excited to get this site to the point where I can start marketing it. Hey everybody! Check this site out! Support your local starving writers!!!

I just wrote an inflammatory chunk of folderol this morning about the public school system which I will put up in “Current Works” soon (it’s called “The Piss Pot.”) What a great first impression I shall make.

Walked 7090.

Cocoa and cookies makes for good sleep.

Spent all day taking down Christmas decorations. Yikes.

Walked 13,345 steps!

Turned off Donnie’s alarm clock. Whoops.

Was an absolute waste. Difficult to get out bed, Difficult to get moving. Watched The Majestic . .

Walked 3398 steps.

U.K. Tossed and turned.

No one ever taught me to pace myself.

Walked 3747 steps.

People racing toilets down a hill at a high school in summer - Massachusetts. Then in a fancy restaurant / cafeteria. I was trying to escape a guy but being very clumsy - crashing into a rack of coat hangers.

Christmas tree at the curb, decorations put away. House is looking hellish like it always does at the beginning of the year when you are so ready for change. I have yet to put my resolution down on paper or decide exactly what my goals for this month should be. I should choose a day each week to do budget stuff because so often I find myself checking my balance every day. I don’t think I need to do that.

UK. So tired.

Early. Donnie is home. Get to go shopping (after I find out how much money is actually in my checking account) to buy stuff I didn’t get for Christmas. My office is slightly warmer - I closed off a few heat ducts throughout the house. Still would like a compact heater.

Work.

Work. Actually nice to have imposed conformity again.

Took a walk to the library and was struck by the fact that, yes, the coldest dark of the winter actually does penetrate certain streets in the city. Not so much walking down the avenue but after I packed my backpack with all my finely found treasures and started down the neighborhood street with all the porch decor illuminating the street, I felt the insecure magic return. Have not felt it in a long time - usually it is not found in the city.

Winter is the ultimate paradox - the darkest black of night and the whitest of blue-bright snow.

I was in a strange school. Cages. Men and gifts.

Last day of the year - get ready to throw all the old problems out the window and make NEW PROBLEMS! No - make things better. New Year's resolution? Get Belle the Cat offices in shape (stay tuned for progress pictures). I think I had a very good 2002. Set a lot of priorities straight, drank more water, exercised, volunteered, walked more and started to make some real decisions. Now to follow through.

Amy, Donnie and I decided to rent an antique store because it was going to be torn down. Huge, old, decrepit, it came with all the objects. Next door lived a goth girl and her trendy store. I asked Amy how much the place cost again and she said, as much as my rent ($300/mo.). The first day we were open we made $50 on the store and $5 on the old movie theater but had blown a fuse on the theater. There were some volunteers helping us out. I really had a sinking feeling that the place was going to take over my life.
Also, there was a bum who tried to steal from me and a car crash outside. Someone handed me a phone to report the car crash and they had dialed the Range Rover dealership. I was cross at them and dialed 911 but by then it had already been reported.

It’s a Monday. I think I’m suffering from a food hangover and cat overdose. It is very bleak looking outside. I want to get out and do something or at least exercise in here. My knees ache.

I had a dream last night that I had a paper due and I hadn’t written it yet. I knew I could just write something before class so I put it off but when it came time to write, I couldn’t. It scared me.

The end of the year is the time to spend all the money left in your budget, eat all the calories you’ve been loosing throughout the year and take the time to relax and be lazy before you have to batten down and dive in to the next year and all the resolutions that come with it.