THE OLD PHILOSOPHER SEZ,

How many times have you needed to describe
someone to another person and couldn't think
of the right words. This may help next time.

1. A FOUR-HUNDRED DOLLAR SUIT ON HIM WOULD
    LOOK LIKE SOCKS ON A ROOSTER.

2. A MODEST LITTLE PERSON, WITH MUCH TO BE 
  MODEST ABOUT.

3. AT FIRST I THOUGHT HE WAS WALKING A DOG. 
    THEN I  REALIZED IT WAS HIS DATE.

4. HAD DOUBLE CHINS ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS 
    STOMACH.

5. SHE WEARS HER CLOTHES AS IF THEY WERE 
    THROWN ON  WITH A PITCHFORK.

6. HE MUST HAVE HAD A MAGNIFICENT BUILD 
    BEFORE HIS STOMACH WENT IN FOR A CAREER 
    OF ITS OWN.

7. HE'S A TRELLIS FOR VARICOSE VEINS.

8. HE'S SO SMALL, HE'S A WASTE OF SKIN.

9. HE'D MAKE A LOVELY CORPSE.

10. IS THAT A BEARD, OR ARE YOU EATING A 
      MUSKRAT?

11. IT'S LIKE CUDDLING WITH A BUTTERBALL 
      TURKEY.

12. SHE NOT ONLY KEPT HER LOVELY FIGURE, 
      SHE'S ADDED SO MUCH TO IT.

13. A MENTAL MIDGET WITH THE IQ OF A FENCE 
      POST.

14. HE HAS VAN GOGH'S EAR FOR MUSIC.

15. HE LOVES NATURE IN SPITE OF WHAT IT DID 
      TO HIM.

16. NO MORE SENSE OF DIRECTION THAN A BUNCH 
      OF FIRECRACKERS.

17. STAY WITH ME, I WANT TO BE ALONE.

18. SHARP AS A SACK FULL OF WET MICE.

19. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? IF YOU'LL FORGIVE THE 
      OVERSTATEMENT.

20. A SOPHISTICATED RHETORICIAN, INEBRIATED 
      WITH THE EXUBERANCE OF HIS OWN VERBOSITY.

I'm sure you all have had job evaluations from 
time to time. Do you know what they wrote 
about you. You better hope you didn't get any
of these evaluations.

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached
    rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out 
    of morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, 
     but more of a definitely won't be.

5. Works well when under constant supervision and 
    cornered like a rat in a trap.

6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is 
    only to change whichever foot was previously in 
    there.

7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of 
    an idiot.

10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

11. A room temperature IQ.

12. A photographic memory but with the lens cover 
      glued on.

13. Bright as Alaska in December.

14. Donated his body to science before he was done 
      using it.

15. He's so dense, light bends around him.

16. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

17. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear 
      the ocean.

18. One neuron short of a synapse.

19. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; 
       he only gargled.

20. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.