this was more fun than homework
So Saruman was in Orthanc, which contains a lifesize replica of my VCR and cable box, but isn't my desk. And he was upset because today is his birthday, but nobody had come to his party. So he looked in his palantir to see where everybody was.
Saruman: I'll get them for not coming to my party!
When he found out, he summoned his goblin warriors, Lurtz and Sturtz.
Saruman: Lurtz and Sturtz, nobody came to my birthday party. Go kill all my friends; Gandalf, Hans Moleman, Snake Plissken, and Hulk Hogan.
Lurtz: We're not using Michael's spanish book as a backdrop.
Meanwhile, Gandalf and James Hetfield were jamming.
James Hetfield: Man, I look righteous in this hat, thanks Gandalf!
Gandalf: It was a great idea to jam together behind this text book. Can I borrow your guitar, James Hetfield?
James Hetfield: Oh no, it's Lurtz!
Then Lurtz shot Gandalf and he died but not really, because Gandalf comes back in the next book.
James Hetfield: Oh weak, man!
Lurtz: Haha, Reload sucked!
Sturtz was having less luck with Hulk Hogan, however.
Hollywood: Man, Hulkamania runs wild on stupid looking troll things, brother! Now go back to Saruman and tell him if he tries this again, he's gonna see the 24 inch pythons comin for him, brotha!!
Sturtz: I think it was uncalled for to eat my children.
Hollywood: I told you I was gonna run wild on you and your loved ones.
Back in Orthanc, Saruman had a house guest.
Hans Moleman: Hello, Saruman. Happy birthday. I brought you some homeys to use as cheap slave labor, as a birthday present.
Saruman: How thoughtful, Hans Moleman. Come inside Orthanc, I have it disguised to look like a TV on a desk.
Homeys: Man, we's gonna be slaves! Weak!
Gimli: We should be more upset that Gandalf died earlier.
Strider: Probably so.
Legolas: Get that torch out of my face, you son of a bitch! This is my money shot!
Saruman: This was a pretty good birthday.
Fin.
idiocy
