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You know you're a horse person when....


You clean a horse's sheath and don't hurl.

Your horse gets new shoes more often than you do.

You patch your mud boots with duct tape and slog through knee deep mud to get hay to your horse, who has commandeered the ONLY dry spot for miles.

You get up at 5am every morning while your in college, drive 10 miles to the barn, feed, muck stalls, ride, and rush back to your 10am class smelling like a barn without complaining.

You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food.

You buy about 15 lbs. of carrots a week, but wouldn't eat a carrot if somebody paid you.

Your non-horsy friend gives you a funny look after glancing into the back seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs.

You say "whoa" to the dog.

You don't even want to think about how your car would be paid for, your mortgage would be much smaller, and you might have some savings if you didn't have horses.

You pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.

No one wants to ride in your car because they'll get sweet feed and hay in their socks and purses...that's ok because then you'd have to rearrange all the tack to make room for them, anyway!

You chirp to, cluck to or spur your truck/car.

You say whoa to your truck/car.

ALL of your pockets have hay in them.

You can find your boots in the dark by the aroma.

You don't notice the barn smells on your clothes/shoes and wonder why "regular" folks are sniffing the air.

All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been worn to the barn.

You keep a horse Grooma by the front door, to get the horsehair off of your Levis after riding bareback.

You're buying clothes, and you choose them on the basis of whether you can wash horse slobber/manure out of them.

You find your self asking your husband if he's seen your white girth, "you know honey, the one with the gold buckle that fits through the belt loops on my black slacks'. Girth?

Your boyfriend complains that you love your horse more then you love him and you answer: "And your point is?"

Your husband does something nice for you and you say "good boy" and pat him on the neck.

You poke your honey in the ribs, saying, "over", in the kitchen.

You grump at your husband for eating so much of the apple crop, for fear there won't be enough left to last the horses until next year.

You run your tongue over your back molars and idly wonder if they need to be floated.

You go to the museum with a non-horsey friend and, whilst wandering through the ancient bronzes, suddenly realize he is asking exasperatedly, 'Well? What about the conformation on this one?"

You have a small knife on your key chain (and you're a woman).

You plan corn on the cob for dinner just so you can feed the cobs to your horses for a treat.

You buy duct tape by the case, and carry rolls in your pocketbook, your briefcase, and the console of your car.

You consider a pristine golf course as a waste of good pasture land.

Someone says, "Does anyone have a screwdriver?" and you hand them a hoofpick.

The doctor says the bump on your finger is an inflamed tendon sheath, and you tell him, "Oh, you mean a windpuff."

The real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for, and you say, "More than six acres."

You save the hoof shavings for the dog.

You stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.

Books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are incorrect.

Everytime you drive past a road construction sight you think what nice jumps the barricades would make.

You RUSH to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the pasture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. Good, clean fun!

You'd rather stay up with a friend's sick horse than baby-sit her kids. BUT - you will baby-sit a friend's kids while she stays up with a sick horse, even though you HATE baby-sitting.

You go on a diet for your horse's sake, but not your SO's.

You giggle when the horse you're driving farts in your face.

A new friend walks in your door for the first time. Takes a smell and says with a smile, "I didn't know you had horses."

The only thing your friends, colleagues, passing acquaintances can think of when they see you is "How are the horses?" or "How many horses do you have now?" or "Are you still riding?"

You get knocked down and split you lip wide open on the horses halter because you were doing something you KNOW you shouldn't have been doing, and with blood running down your face your first concern is making sure the horse is all right, calmed down, and put in his stall. Then you go to the hospital for stitches.

You go on a diet, not to be more attractive, but to be a better rider.

Your first sign of spring isn't see a robin, but seeing a fly.

Your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles, halters, blanket racks, trunks, trophies and ribbons.

There are bits soaking in your bathroom sink.

You get to the checkout at the grocery and the only things you're buying are 5 gallons of corn oil and 10 pounds of carrots. Oh and maybe a frozen burrito if you have enough money left...

There are more carrots in the garden than anything else.

You buy more carrots & apples than you can possibly eat.