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10 steps to becoming a horse-person
1. Drop heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get off, stupid! GET OFF!"

2. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.

3. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.

4. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you're doing; they might as well know now.

5. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you're having fun.

6. Hone your fibbing skills: "See, Hon', moving hay bales is FUN!"

7. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyses to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

8. Borrow the U.S. Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be .... bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen......

9. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is...."

10. Marry money.