KaiserCade! -- Welcome!

On these pages you will find the heartwarming story of one man's search for love, truth, and a salary in the tumultuous world of video game design. See his life measured by the games he has played on the BIO page. E-mail him on the CONTACT page. Waste your valuable time on the LINKS page. Or, if you dare, experience his professional and academic work by clicking on GAMES! Etc., etc., etc.

Hey, is anyone still reading this? I realize that an underdevoloped monkey can figure out a web site without instructions, but I have to put something on the front page. Since you stuck with me this far why not check out the list of basic gaming truths listed below? This list was compiled by Professional Experts and lovingly handcrafted for your enjoyment. Thanks for stopping by!

The 10 Commandments of Gaming

10. It doesn't matter what a platform game is about--it could be about running for congress--it will still involve smashing crates and double-jumping.

9. No fortress, bunker, or other base of operations shall be constructed by an evil mastermind unless the entire complex can be operated by a series of giant, obvious-looking switches.

8. No RPG will ever see the light unless it's centered around a young boy who is unaware of his destiny, but eventually is swept up into the ultimate battle of good vs. evil.

7. By the year 2008, no two children will own the same "Army Man" game.

6. Anyone who purchased a TurboGraphx16, Sega CD, Atari Lynx, Atari Jaguar, Philips CDi, 3DO, Neo-Geo, and/or Virtual Boy system shall ultimately be forgiven. (Anyone who bought R.O.B. the Robot or the NES Power Glove, sorry, no dice.)

5. Games based on movies tend to suck, but movies based on games suck worse.

4. If a movie based on a video game is actually more enjoyable than the game on which it was based, then it's time to stop making that game, Eidos.

3. Nintendo, god knows we love ya, but no one gives even a tiny damn about connectivity.

2. If you're too young to remember the Atari 2600, you'll never truly understand video games.

1. Thou shalt not play Superman on N64.