Did You Ever Wonder Why...

---Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? (It is an expression)

---Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? (So you know when it goes bad)

---Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? (No)

---How is it possible to have a civil war?

---If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? (It's not a stage)

---If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? (Because it arouses people)

---If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? (Of course not)

---If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? (Because that is the type of lead, not it's popularity)

---If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? (Depends on how much you ate)

---If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? (Both)

---Is a castrated pig disgruntled? (No)

---What happens when none of your bees wax? (Then you don't have bees wax anymore)

---If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff? (Possible reasons: 1:  Too expensive. 2: Too heavy 3: Not enough of it)

---If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? (Because that won't stop any wrecks)

---Are skunks repulsed by the smell of their spray? (No)

---Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? (Wherever they want)

---Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (Because cats like the other flavors better)

---Why do they report power outages on TV? (So you know if there is a power outage in a certain part of town)

---What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? (Watch and enjoy)

---Is it possible to be totally partial? (Yes)

---What's another word for thesaurus? (There isn't any)

---If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? (If they choose to)

---Would a fly without wings be called a walk? (No)

---Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? (Because they are stupid)

---If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? (No)

---If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? (Yes)

---If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? (Naked)

---Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? (If they want)

---If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? (Yes)

---Why is the word abbreviation so long? (It just is)

---When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? They don't pack it in anything)

---If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? (No)

---When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? (Because water doesn't shrink things)

---If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? (No)

---Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? (All workers are different)

---Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? (If they are really hungry)

---If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? (Because it is illegal to kill people)

---Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? (Sanitary reasons)

---Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? (To protect their heads)

---How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? (When they sound untuned)

---Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? (No)

---When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? (Depends)

---Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? (Because a set doesn't neccessarily mean more than one)

---If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? (If you don't want anyone to hear it)

---What was the best thing before sliced bread? (God, and He is still the best thing after it)

---How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins? (You can't)

---How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot...and something cold, cold? (It keeps things at a constant temperature, whatever you put in it at, it will keep it that way)

---What is the speed of dark? (Darkness is the absence of light. It is not a physical thing)

---How come you never hear about gruntled employees? (Because there are too many of them)

---Why isn't phonetic spelt the way it sounds? (Because it's pronounced a different way)

---If you tied a piece of buttered toast to a cats back buttered side up, and then dropped the cat from a height, would it land on its feet? (The cat would land on it's feet)

---Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? (Because they need highways)

---Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? (Because if you land in water, a parachute isn't going to help)

---Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? (Because lots of people will buy them)

---Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? (No)

---How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? (However he wants to)

---If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (No, cows don't laugh anyways)

---If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? (Who knows?)

---If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? (They are turned on)

---You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? (There is none)

---Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? (Because parkways are meant to be driven on and driveways are meant to be parked on)

---Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? (That's just what it is called)

---Why do ceiling fan blades get dusty, despite constantly spinning? (They are not always spinning)

---If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? (If she wants to)

---If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? (No)

---Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? (Yes)

---Is there another word for synonym? (No)

---Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? (Not at all)

---When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? (If they want there to be something)

---When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? (No)

---How do they make Koosh balls? (Who really cares?)

---What have we got that's worth keeping? (Nothing, we should give it all to God)

---How much is enough? (Enough)

---Are we really sure that up isn't down and down isn't up? (It is all relative)

---With the number of birds there are, why is it we don't often see when they die? (Because they don't die where we can see them)

---Why do we always hurt the ones we love? (We don't always)

---Why does the bus always come when you light a cigarette? (It doesn't)

---Is there really someone for everyone; or are some folks just meant to be alone? (Some are meant to be alone)

---Why does the word "sanction" mean both to permit and to prohibit? (Because it has two definitions)

---If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? (No)

---If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? (A combination of ingredients)

---How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? (They don't)

---Does fuzzy logic tickle? (No)

---Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC? (Because it is hard to spell)

---Why does your nose run and your feet smell? (Because your nose gets watery and liquid comes out, and your feet stik because they have been inside of shoes sweating)

---Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? (Because you set it to do that)

---If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress congress? (No)

---Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together? (Because it has two definitions)

---Why is it, whether you sit down or sit up, the results are the same? (Because it is two ways of saying the same thing)

---Why is it called a "building" when it's already built? (Because that is what it was named)

---Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? (Because that is what it was named)

---If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong? (Not always)

---How can you "draw a blank"? (By not thinking of anything)

---Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllable"? (No)

---Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when we're already there? (Because it is a tradition to sing it at the ball game)

---Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting? (Because that is what it was named)

---Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? (Because you don't need two commissions to achieve the same goal)

---Does a fish get cramps after eating? (No)

---Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? (Because
they both are expressing the same feelings)

---Why is it when two planes almost collide it's called a 'near miss'? (Because that is what it was named)

---Why do light switches say on/off? When it's on you can see it's on, when it off you can't see to read. (So you know when it is on or off when the bulb goes out)

---How do you know when it's an endless loop? (It will have no end)

---Why is football played by hand? (Because it makes it alot easier)

---Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing? (Because
they both are expressing the same feelings)

---If you can't drink and drive then why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? (So they know you are over 21, and so you can have a place to park your car)

---Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turndown the volume on the radio? (To help you concentrate)