Insults
Yo' mama so stupid, she got locked in a supermarket and starved to death!
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there's a clock on the oven!
I haven't spoken to my wife in nearly 18 months — I don't want to interrupt her!
Your mama's so fat when she walked into the all-you-can-eat buffet they had to install speed bumps.
Yo' mama so stupid, she put a ruler next to her bed to see how long she sleeps!
When they made you, they broke the mold. Then, they found the moldmaker, dragged him out into the street, and shot him. Repeatedly.
What do you call a stupid flower? A blooming idiot.
Yo' mama so dumb, that the Psychic Friends only charge her half price to read her mind!
Yo' mama so skinny, she can hula-hoop with a Froot Loop!
Yo' mama so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner!
You're so ugly, you look at roadkill and it runs away!
Yo' mama so fat, you use her thong as a hammock!
Yo' mama so fat, she wears two watches -- one for each timezone!
Yo' mama so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample!
Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control.
Yo' mama's teeth so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!
Yo' mama so fat, that when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house!
Yo' mama so fat she has to call Sherwin-Williams to paint her toenails!
Your house is so dirty, I had to wipe my feet before I came outside.
Your cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back!
Your mama so fat, she's been married for 20 years and your dad hasn't seen the other side of her yet!
You're so poor you're always talking about the time you almost ate at a restaurant!
Yo' mama so stupid she sent you to rehab because you were hooked on phonics!
Yo' mama so greasy, she sweats Crisco.
You're so stupid you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.
Yo' mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo' mama so stupid, she bought a glass door with a peephole.
Are you really that bald or is your neck just blowing a bubble?
You are so small that when it rains, you are the last to know.
You're so small you could milk a cow standing up.
Yo' mama so stupid, she tripped over the cordless phone.
Yo' mama so stupid, when they said the drinks were on the house, she went up to the roof.
You're as sharp as a marble.
Yo' mama so ugly, she scares blind kids away.
Yo' mama so old, I told her to act her age and she died!
Yo' mama so ugly, they give her an extra 364 days for Halloween!
Yo' mama so fat, that when she wears a yellow rain jacket, people think she's a taxi cab.
Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!
Yo' mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.
Yo' mama so fat, she's on both sides of the family!
You're so poor the only time you go to the grocery store is for free samples.
Yo' mama so stupid, she heard it was chilly out, and got a spoon!
You're like school in the summertime: no class.
Your mama is so fat, her stomach arrives home 30 minutes before she does.
Yo mama so ugly when she was born they used a tinted incubater.
Yo' mama so fat when she went to St. Louis she got stuck in the arch!
Yo' mama so ugly, when two men broke into her house and she yelled, ''RRRRAAAAAPPPEEEE'' and they yelled ''NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOO!''
Yo' mama so fat that when she changes hands on her handbag, she has to throw it!
Yo' mama so ugly, she took a beauty nap and slipped into a coma!
Yo' mama so fat she has to walk on the street instead of hogging the sidewalk!
Yo' mama so ugly, she can't get a date on a tombstone!
Yo' mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
Yo' mama so fat, that when she wears high heels, she strikes oil!
You're so broke that if someone tried to rob you he'd just be practicing.
Yo' mama is so fat, when she joined the army and the soldier said head for the trenches, they all jumped in her butt crack!
You're so ugly your face would make a train take a dirt road.
Yo' mama so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with an application!
Yo' mama so hairy, she was walking down the street and the dog pound picked her up!
Yo' mama so fat, her beeper goes off and people think she's backing up!
Yo' mama so poor, she had to put her McDonald's fries on layaway!
Yo Mama is so dumb, she thought Taco Bell was a phone company.
Yo Mama is so fat, that when she's on the highway, she has to stop at the weigh station.
Yo' mama so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot-out!
Your family is so poor the front door and back door are on the same hinge.
Q: Why do they call PMS PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo' Mama so dumb, she measures her weight on the Richter Scale.
Yo' mama so ugly, she makes onions cry!
Yo' Mama's so fat, she won the marathon because no one could fit by her on the street.
Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas? Yeah, if it was invented in any other place they would have called it a "teethbrush."
Yo' mama so fat, I had to take two trains to get on her good side!
Yo' mama so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
You're so ugly, I took you to the zoo and the zookeeper said, ''Thanks for bringing her back!''
Your mama is so poor she does her homework on an Etch-a-Sketch.
You're so ugly you could sell your body to science fiction.
Yo' mama so fat, she broke the family tree!
Yo' mama so fat, when she jumps off the high dive, she shows up on radar!
Yo' mama so stupid, it took her an hour to cook minute rice!
Yo' mama so ugly that when she was a kid they fed her with a slingshot!
Yo' mama so fat, her belt size is equator!
Your mama cooks so bad, your family prays after they eat!
Yo' mama so short, she tripped over a skittle, hit the curb, and died on impact!
Yo' mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it!
Yo' mama breath is so bad, she walks by a clock and it doesn't say tick-tock, it says Tic-Tac!
Yo' mama so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "One at a time please."
Yo' mama such a loser that even her Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
The gap in yo' mama's teeth so wide, I didn't know whether to laugh or kick a field goal!
What the difference between a woman and a battery? The battery has a positive side.
Yo' mama so fat, when she went swimming, Spain claimed her as a new country!
Yo' mama so fat, she sat in a monster truck turned it into a lowrider!
Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
Yo' mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it!
Yo' mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
Yo Mama is so ugly, she entered a ugly contest and the judges said, "Sorry no professionals."
Yo' head so big, that when it rains your clothes don't get wet!
Yo' mama so fat, she can stand over the homeless and give them a home!
Yo' mama so fat, she got shocks on her toilet!
Your mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles the cars start to slow down.
Yo' mama so poor, she was walking with one shoe and
I asked if she had lost a shoe.
"No," she said. "I found one."
You're so stupid, when you got a haircut you put a band-aid on it.
Yo' mama so fat, you can swim in her bellybutton!
Yo' mama so fat, she makes the Klumps look like supermodels!
Why don't women need driver's licenses?
Because there are no roads between the laundry room and the kitchen!
Yo mama's so dirty, the U.S. Army wants to use her bath water as a biological weapon.
Yo' mama so stupid, she needs a recipe to make ice cubes!
Yo' mama so fat, when she was born her mom said, ''Great, triplets.''
What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
You might be tough, but you'll never be half the man your mama was.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor looked at your mom and said, ''This is going to cost extra if I have to touch its butt.''
Yo' mama so ugly, your family portraits hang themselves!
Tell me everything you know...I have a few seconds to waste.
Your face is so ugly, you look out the window and get arrested for mooning!
Yo' mama so fat, she jumped in the ocean and whales started singing "We Are Family!"
Scene: Suburban home, living room. Post-quarrel.
Wife: You know, I was a fool when I married.
Husband: Yes, dear. But I was in love and didn't notice.
My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, “If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!”
What do you call Italian women in a sauna?
Gorillas In The Mist!
You're so dumb, you tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the basement window.
Yo' mama so fat, fat is a compliment!
Yo' mama so poor, she can't even pay attention!
Yo' mama so old, her birth certificate expired!
Yo' mama so dumb, she bought a solar powered flash light!
Yo' mama so short, she plays racquetball with the curb!
You're so fat, Goodyear wanted to fly you over the Superbowl.
Your mama's so poor, she has to rinse & reuse toilet paper!
Yo' mama so ugly, your father takes her to work each day just so he won't have to kiss her goodbye!
You're so stupid, you threw a rock at the ground and missed.
Your mama is so fat, she walked into a Jenny Craig and they said "Sorry, we don't do miracles!"
Yo mama is so hairy, Bigfoot takes pictures of her.
Yo Mamma's so fat she plays hopscotch like this: Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Detroit, Los Angelas, Seattle, Las Vegas...
Yo' mama so stupid, she went to the doctor for a home pregnancy test!
Yo' mama so fat, the president declared her the 51st state!
Yo' mama so poor, she can't afford to go window shopping!
Yo' mama so stupid, her parents let her hide her own Easter eggs!