Roleplay: #008 W/L/D: 00|02|01 Claim 2 Fame: CWF US Champ - CWF Hardcore Champ - CWF Tag Champ 2x - RIW Vault x1

- Guns And Cars Don’t Add Up : Exile #2

The engine of a car is heard roaring, bringing us to the scene of RVD’s latest promo. We are located inside of a car, right between the two front-seats. Bill is driving, and RVD is on the passenger side.

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : Dude, I knew I shouldn’t have let you drive. This is MY hummer. And now.. do you know where we’re at, bro?

'mr. manager' Bill Alfonso : ‘Course I do, Rod. We’re in the hood.

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : No shit sherlock. But, where’s the ARENA from here? A simple work-out, and then back to the arena. But NOOOO. You wanted to take a “short-cut” and now we’re gonna get shot.

'mr. manager' Bill Alfonso : C’mon, you actually believe that all people in the hood carry 9’s?

The wheels on the Hummer screech as they sharply turn a corner. Then, freeze frame, it begins. In front of the Hummer, you can see about 10 white guys busting out of bushes, trash cans, sewers, everything. All with guns. Some are already firing. End freeze frame. The bullets speed into the sides of the car. It blows out the tire as RVD and Bill get down. A bullet skims past RVD’s head. He looks out of the side door, which now has a bullet whole in it, and sees that all the white guys look the same. And, coincidentally, they all have shaggy blonde hair, with dark highlights.. and look crazy. With unrealistically huge clocks around their necks.

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : Fonzie, damn you! Now we’re under attack by wiggers with Uzi’s!!! Oh, but the hood has nobody with 9 millimeters. YOU’RE RIGHT! FOR ONE FREAKING TIME.. YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! Not only have the cars in America changed, so have the gangsters. They all thought, and enlightenment struck. “Who needs semi’s anymore? Let’s upgrade to fully autos!!!” .. you bastard!

'mr. manager' Bill Alfonso : Rob, all of those guys.. looks like Spanky!!!

Rob looks back through the whole, then whips out a picture of ol’ Spank. He notices the shivering similarities.

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : HOLY SHIT! Just act dead till the cops come!

Rob and Bill recline their seats, so that the Spankies think they’re dead. After hours of solid.. non-movement. The cops come.

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : Mr. Officer.. I know who it was.

'cavity searcher' Po-lice Man : Who was it sir?

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : Twenty clones of a man named Spanky. Partner of Val Venis. They call themselves.. Spenis. Similar to Penis.. which they both enjoy immensely.. but, with an S at the beginning.

'cavity searcher' Po-lice Man : So, there was a clone, of one man?

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : Yes.

'cavity searcher' Po-lice Man : And where might this man be?

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : RIW’s Exile arena. I don’t know how to get there from here. But, that’s where he is. ‘Cuz he’s getting ready for an ass whooping on Monday.

'cavity searcher' Po-lice Man : Is that a threat?

'whole fuckin show' Rob Van Dam : Hell, I’m getting paid to whoop his ass. Profession, dude. I’m a wrestler. And on Monday.. both Spanky and his butt buddy, Venis, are going to figure why I’m the one and only.. never phony..

ROB..VAN..DAM!!!

'mr. manager' Bill Alfonso : And Venis, Spanky, Penis, Spenis.. THAT’S THE FACT…. JACK!

Rob and the cop continue talking, Bill turns off the camera as we fade away with a shot of the Hummer. All that trouble for it.. and it’s trashed!

- E N D R P
One Of A Kind Losers: ? - ?