Nothing Really Matters
"Mamo-chan, you don't mean that! I know I'm stupid
and just a child, but I love you! Love can overcome everything . . . "
"Usagi, don't make this harder than it already is! I
don't love you anymore."
He saw her wince when he called her Usagi and not
Usako. He didn't look at her eyes because he knew that if he did, she
would know the truth. She would know that he really didn't mean
those words. She had this way of knowing everything about how he felt
or thought just by looking into his eyes. He could never hide anything
from her . . .
Flashback . . .
"Mamo-chan?"
"Hmm?"
"What happened to your parents?"
Mamoru turned his head away from her. He knew she
would eventually ask, but still didn't know how to tell her. Its not
that he didn't want to tell her, it was just that that part of his life
still pained him deeply.
Usagi cupped his face with her hands and made him look
at her. She stared into his dark, blue eyes, as a long silence passed
between them . . .
When I was young
Nothing really mattered to me
But making myself happy
I was the only one
"Mamo-chan, I know how much it hurts you to think about
it, I can see it in your eyes. But, you can't keep it bottled in
forever . . . You have me now . . . let me take the pain away from you
. . . you'll always have me . . . I'll be your family, but you have to
let me help you."
She gave him one of her bright smiles, the one she
reserved only for him. His barriers crumbled and he grabbed Usagi,
burying his head in the nape of her neck. He did something he hadn't
done for a long time . . . he cried . . .
Now that I've grown
Everything's changed
I'll never be the same
because of you
They stayed like that for a long time. Mamoru cried
the whole time as Usagi comforted him with her soft, soothing voice and
gentle touches. Through his tears, he told her of his childhood and
the painful memories of the past . . . the horrible experience he had
at the orphanage . . . how the kids there treated him badly and how he
was always alone . . .
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
End flashback.
"But Why? Why don't you love me anymore?! Did I do
something wrong?! Please! Mamo-chan! Don't do this!!!"
"I have to. I don't feel the same way about you
anymore. Good-bye, Usagi."
With those final words, he walked away, leaving his
shocked and heartbroken Usako crying at their bench . . .
Looking at my life
It's very clear to me
I lived so selfishly
I was the only one
Once he left the park and was out of Usagi's view,
Mamoru ran home to his apartment before he started crying, or worse,
before he went back to her and told her the truth.
Mamoru walked into his empty apartment and slammed the
door. The sun had already set, leaving the apartment dark. Mamoru
didn't bother to turn the lights on, leaving the apartment darker than
usual. He walked over to his favorite green chair and sat down . . .
I realize
That nobody wins
'Its darker than usual here.'
'Of course it is baka!,' the other side of his brain
responded. 'She was your light, now that she's gone, its back to the
darkness you were in before she came into your life.'
'You think I wanted THIS!,' he countered. 'It was
those dreams! I don't want to lose her like that! I'd rather love
her from afar. As long as she's happy.'
'But she's not happy, and neither are you.'
'That's the way it has to be.'
'Even when she finds another to replace you.'
Mamoru couldn't answer that. He knew that she would
eventually replace him, but he had never thout about its implications.
'She'd kiss him, smile *that* smile (AN: refers to
the smile she reserves for him, just in case you're confused) for him,
be in his arms, lo-'
'SHUT UP!!!'
'Why Mamoru, no need to get jealous,' the voice replied
tauntingly, 'she's not yours anymore . . . you have no right . . . '
Mamoru walked over to the balcony and cried . . . cried
for his Usako . . . cried for himself . . .
Something is ending
And something begins
During the next few weeks, Mamoru did everything
possible to avoid Usagi. The only time he spoke to her
(AN: indirectly) was when he helped her and the senshi with a youma.
He then left as quickly as he came.
The girls were very upset at him. They even threatened
to beat him up. They tried to reason with him a few times, telling him
about Usagi's condition, how she's changed. She was no longer the
happy girl she used to be, rather she was a miserable, depressed, and
unhappy person.
Mamoru felt guilty each time they told him of Usagi's
worsening condition. But he could not give in.
Mamoru walked into the arcade. He saw that the girls
were sitting at their usual booth. They saw him and gave him an angry
look that made him shudder in response. He quickly walked over to the
counter where Motoki had poured him a cup of black coffee, which Mamoru
gladly accepted.
Motoki gave Mamoru a look . . . the look.
Mamoru knew what it meant. Motoki was very upset at
him for breaking up with Usagi. Although Motoki felt this way, he
still remained friends with Mamoru. But, every chance he got, Motoki
would let Mamoru know how much he disapproved of his actions and how
much Mamoru hurt his "little sister" (AN: usagi).
The doors of the arcade opened to a soft laughter.
Mamoru knew that laugh. It belonged to his Usako. He
looked up and saw his Odango (AN: hope i spelled that right) talking
and laughing with another man. The man had short blonde hair and was
a little taller than her.
Mamoru felt his blood boil in anger and jealousy. He
clenched his fists and gritted his teeth as a dark cloud came over his
eyes and features. He heard Motoki ask the man, "Hey man! What's up?"
"Nothing much. Just chilln' with my girl."
Usagi blushed at the comment as this man put an arm
around her possessively and kissed her cheek.
The little voice in Mamoru's head came back telling
him, 'I told you, she'd find someone to replace you . . . you've lost
her . . . '
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
Mamoru lost all of his self-control. He couldn't deal
with this torment any longer.
Nothing takes the past away
Like the future
He got up from his seat and pushed his "replacement"
away from his Usako. He then grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her
out of the arcade.
He ran onto the crowded streets, holding her wrist
tightly and practically dragging her along, as she struggled to catch
up and loosen his grip on her . . .
Nothing makes the darkness go
Like the light
Breathless, they had reached their destination. Mamoru
had taken them to their bench. It overlooked the lake. The sun had
begun setting. Its rays fell upon her face, making her glow. She
looked absolutely stunning to him, as she always did.
"Usako . . . "
She looked up at him. Her chest was still heaving as
she struggled to control her breathing. He realized how much he missed
looking into her enchanting blue eyes. He also realized that she
flinched when he called her 'Usako.' He walked closer to her. His
fingers aching to touch her face, aching to feel her soft, silky hair.
He brought his hand to her face when he heard her whisper harshly,
"Don't!"
Mamoru was dumbstruck. He didn't understand why she
felt like this. The voice in his head kept reminding him that she
wasn't his, but he wanted her to take him back and would do anything to
get her back.
"Usako. Please. I'm so sorry! I love you! I never
meant to hurt you . . . its just that . . . " He wanted to tell her
about the dream, but couldn't. He didn't want to put her life in
danger.
"What, Mamour-san?"
He winced. She had never called him that before, nor
had she ever used that tone of voice with him.
"You can't expect me to just take you back. You always
do this . . . you always shut me out . . . I thought we had something
. . . don't you -"
She couldn't finish her sentence because the tears that
had welled up in her eyes could no longer be held back. She cried
softly at first, then her sobs became loud and filled with anguish.
Mamoru couldn't bear to see her cry. He hated it when
she did. He tried to comfort her, but she pushed him away and ran.
Mamoru was shocked at first, but then ran after her.
Usagi ran through the park and ended up in the rose
garden. She fell to her knees and broke into uncontrollable tears as
her whole body shook. Her face was flushed from running and stained
with many tears. Her golden "meatballs" had come undone and hung
limply to her head. She was curled up in a ball.
This was the state Mamoru found her in. His heart felt
her pain as well as his own and he felt an overwhelming feeling of
guilt tugging at his soul.
He slowly walked towards her as she kept mumbling, "Go
away! Leave me alone!" over and over again. He wouldn't take that
for an answer. He wasn't going to lose her and would do anything to
prove his undying love for her.
He knelt down and held her in his warm embrace . . .
You're the shelter from the storm
Give me comfort in your arms
She stiffened under his arms. She still cried and
wanted his comfort, but she would not yield until she knew the truth.
Sensing this, Mamoru told her of the dreams that have been tearing him
apart every night (AN: if you don't know, e-mail me and i'll tell
you). After he finished, he started crying in her hair and holding her
tighter and tighter as he begged for her forgiveness . . .
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
"Mamo-chan?"
"Yes?"
"Do you really love me? I mean really?"
"Yes!"
"You don't think I'm a crybaby and a klutz and -"
"Shhhh, no Usako. I love everything about you. That's
the truth. I can't imagine my life without you and I'm sorry for
hurting you. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't be without you."
"Mamo-chan, you're forgiven."
"Thank you so much Usako! I promise that I'll make it
up to you"
"You'd better. Mamo-chan?"
"Yes, Usako?"
"I love you too."
Those were the last words spoken before Mamoru captured
her lips with his own in a long, passionate kiss . . .
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
