Capitulito IV

They never liked me much. I don’t know why I ever expected them to.

They were just protecting Nick.

Like everyone wanted them to.

You watched these five boys for years. Through heart surgery, legal battles, two weddings, hateful girlfriends, alcohol problems, everything.

They were this pack of brothers. And your best friends. You wanted to be their lover, but over the years they became your friend. You had been through so much together.

You wanted them to be brothers. To have been through some blood oath. You wanted them to protect each other because you couldn’t be there to protect them.

They were just protecting Nick.

That’s why “Kev” wouldn’t look me in the eye.

And why “Rok” shook his head to his wife when we entered the room.

Why “D” avoided conversation politely.

And why “Jay” sighed slightly whenever he saw me.

Once when Nick thought I was asleep he got a call from Brian.

Stop preaching.

It’s my life.

She’s not like you think.

AJ just seemed sad. The tough-guy of the group watching Nick with those worried eyes.

I was just like all those girls AJ had been with, right?

AJ knew those girls. He knew what they wanted. What they were after.

He was through with those girls.

AJ broke his addiction. Of alcohol and of those girls.

He was just protecting Nick.

She’s not like you think.

She’s different.

Kevin didn’t approve. Nick was his blood oath brother, right?

He couldn’t approve.

Those angry eyes.

Burning eyes.

His blood oath brother.

The whore.

She’s different.

I love her.

I’m not a kid any more.

Howie pretended.

He’d stand by Nick.

The kid.

He’d smile at me, but go no further.

The kid needs to learn on his own. Howie wouldn’t interrupt.

I’m not a kid anymore.

I know what love is.

I love her.