I. The Courtship of Pink Elephant
II. The Marriage of Pink Elephant
III. The Children of the Black Hen and Pink Elephant
I. The Courtship of Pink Elephant
Pink Elephant was a lonely soul.
Pink Elephant had nowhere to go.
Pink Elephant didn’t know what to do.
Pink Elephant was in a stew.
Pink Elephant sat and Pink Elephant moped.
Pink Elephant felt like a real dope.
He wanted to have the time of his life,
So Pink Elephant went and looked for a wife.
He set off with his back to the East.
He saw some turkeys having a feast.
He said, ‘Friends, I’m looking for a mate.’
But they just gobbled and stared at their plates.
So Pink Elephant turned to the North,
Till he met some puffins on a golf course.
He asked them kindly if they could assist,
But they were busy playing whist.
Sadly then he looked to the South,
Where all the penguins live in an ice house.
They strutted around and they looked real fine,
But they wouldn’t even give him the time.
Pink Elephant turned away from the West.
He said, ‘The fourth try just might be the best.’
He searched, he gazed, and he looked again,
And then Pink Elephant saw the Hen.
The Hen was walking under the trees
Singing as loudly as she pleased
About her feathers, black as coal,
And all about her lonely soul.
Her feathers shimmered in the sunlight,
But still they seemed as black as night.
Her yellow legs were thin and sleek,
And she had a gorgeous beak.
Pink Elephant sighed and Pink Elephant gasped.
Pink Elephant sat down on the grass.
He gazed in wonder and he gazed in awe.
He could not believe that which he saw.
But he didn’t sit on the grass for long.
Pink Elephant stood and sang a happy song.
The Hen turned and looked his way.
She opened her mouth, and she did say:
‘My gracious, but isn’t that Elephant Pink?
When was the last time I had a drink?
There could have been something in my tea,
Perhaps a drop of LSD!
‘Perhaps my eyes are focused wrong.
My vision’s short, or else it’s long.
Because, just over that proselyte,
A Pink Elephant is in my sight!’
Pink Elephant replied at once,
‘I’m real, o Hen! Don’t be a dunce!
I’ve come to you, my slender dove,
Because I seek to win your love.’
‘A dove? A dunce?’ was the Hen’s reply.
‘Do I look like a dumb pigeon? Do I?
Say things like that, you big pink mess,
And’ you’ll wish you never left your mother’s nest!’
Pink Elephant said, ‘No mother have I.
I was never born, I shall never die.
I won’t be vague; I shall be blunt:
Black Hen, I am-- PINK ELEPHANT!’
‘I can see that,’ drily replied the Hen.
‘I have eyes, I’m no blind wren.
You have a trunk; your skin is pink.
Will that win my love? Do you really think?
‘I won’t take any colourful fool
Who looks at me and starts to drool.
If you want to share my nest,
You’d better pass The Black Hen’s Test!
‘You must be strong, you must be brave.
Every day you have to shave.
You must know how to dance the waltz,
And you must buy me Epson Salts.
‘You must speak well, you must sing sweet.
You must keep your hair trimmed and neat.
You must stand taller than the highest tree.
You must crouch smaller than a chick pea.
‘You must do a perfect pirouette.
You must play a violin duet.
You must construct the head of a mop--’
And here, Pink Elephant cried, ‘Stop!’
‘I won’t do all that ridiculous stuff!
I rule the Universe-- isn’t that enough?’
‘I’ll settle for that, I guess,’ she said,
‘Just don’t let it go to your head.’
‘My lovely Hen!’ was the reply,
‘You won’t be sorry you gave me a try!’
Now we’ll let them go and have their fun,
Because this is the end of Chapter One.
At the beginning of Chapter Two,
We see Pink Elephant, and the Black Hen, too.
The past hours were just as nice as can be,
And now they’re writing poetry.
They’re sitting together, hand in hand,
Saying words like, ‘rantipand,’
‘Hooglepuzzit,’ and ‘rollitiporringe’--
They’re trying to find a rhyme for ‘orange.’
‘Nevermind now,’ says the bird.
‘We can find another word.
There’s no need to raise a fuss
About “orange”-- let’s use “citrus.”’
‘You’re a genius!’ she is told.
‘Stunning, beautiful, and bold!
I will be happy the rest of my life,
If only you will be my wife.’
‘Of course, my dear,’ she says so sleek,
As she pecks him on the cheek.
‘You go out and find a priest,
While I prepare the wedding feast.’
Pink Elephant stands on his feet.
Pink Elephant walks to the street.
He takes quick and happy strides,
As his trunk swings from side to side.
Soon he comes to a fork in the road,
And says to himself, ‘Which way should I go?’
He looks to the left, and he looks to the right,
And there is a temple, plain in sight.
As the Hen watches her love depart,
She asks herself, ‘Where should I start?
Shall we have corn? Or sunflower seeds?
Perhaps some peanuts, garnished with weeds?’
She walks in circles, and clucks, concerned,
That she has forgotten all that she learned
In Home Economics, and as she thinks,
She bends to the watering hole, and drinks.
The water helps to clear her mind,
She says to herself, ‘Have I been blind?
I won’t make it myself; I shall look
For a caterer in the phone book!’
She finds a number; she dials it in;
Her call is answered by a voice of tin.
‘Hector’s catering! What can I do
To make your next party a hullabaloo?’
‘This is the Black Hen!’ she stoutly replies
‘Impossible!’ the tin voice cries.
‘Pink Elephant shall be my groom,
I need some food, and a nice, clean room.’
‘Such a task that must be planned,’
Says the voice, ‘but I’m your man.
Don’t you worry, leave it to Hector,
And you shall dine on ambrosia and nectar!
‘When is the wedding?’ ‘Very soon.
Why don’t we make it half past noon?’
‘But it’s twelve fifteen now!’ ‘That will give you time
To rustle up some tonic and lime.’
As the Hen hangs up the phone,
She spies her fiancé coming home.
Walking beside him are at least
Fifteen naked, bearded priests.
‘I just asked for one!’ she roundly scolds.
‘For a wedding, this many, I was told,’
Replies her lover, sitting down
And gazing fondly at the ground.
‘Halli-hoo!’ says the High Priest(the one with the beard).
‘Let us solemnly gaze on the Two to be feared!
Pink Elephant and the noble Black Hen!
Such a pair our poor eyes shall never see again!’
‘Holli-ha!’ respond quickly the other fourteen.
‘Hoo-holli! Hilloo-ah! If you know what we mean,
Stand together, stiff as a larch!’
And then, they sing the Wedding March.
Together march the stately pair,
Together they march up the stair
To the altar, to the High Priest,
Who looks a trifle bit deceased.
‘Hello! Are you there? Well?’ shouts the Hen.
Says Pink Elephant, ‘Why don’t you tap him again?’
Then the Priest in a huff: ‘Don’t lose your shirt!
I’m meditating, but fully alert.
‘Now then, for the vows: what shall they be?
Will you love one another as deep as the sea?
Will you stand by each other though it should mean death?
Will you, for your mate, give up your life’s breath?’
The Hen looks dubious. ‘Don’t you, as such,
Think that you’re asking a little much?
Love is nice, as far as it goes,
But all that junk just quivers my toes.’
Pink Elephant says, ‘I love you, my Hen!
I shall do all that for you, and twice again!
For you, I would pawn my very last shoe!’
The Hen thinks a while, and then says, ‘I do.’
The High Priest raises his hands in the air.
‘I bless this union,’ he says to the pair.
‘Let the revels begin, for these two are wed!
Concerning the fees: how shall I be fed?’
At this moment a trumpet is heard in the sky
And a wingéd chariot comes from on high.
It is Hector, the caterer, bringing a feast
Large enough to engorge a beast.
He arrives at a speed quite super-sonic,
And hands round glasses of nectar and tonic
(With a twist of lime, ‘tis quite a fine drink--
Strong enough to turn an Elephant Pink).
After eating ambrosia to their fill,
The priests declare, ‘Enough of this swill!’
They beat their tambourines, and wildly dance,
While uttering feverish, jubilant chants.
Pink Elephant asks, ‘Shall we join them, my dear?’
The Hen replies, ‘Certainly! Have no fear!’
And so, though they look just a trifle posh,
The happy couple begins to mosh.
Pink Elephant and Hen lived side by side For ages long, with one another bles’t To ignorance of all else; and, because Pink Elephant is All-Creator, and, He was preoccupied with his dear wife, He took no time to create-- there was nothing But Black Hen and Pink Elephant, and they Were quite content to be all that there was. But love is more creative than they knew And would not stand to stagnate. That is why One day Black Hen felt something move inside Her formerly still body. Then she knew That something quite fantastic was at hand. ‘My dearest,’ Hen said to Pink Elephant, ‘I think our world shall very soon expand.’ At this, Black Hen uttered a small squawk, And leapt into the air. Below her wings There rested two small, perfectly round eggs Each one unblemished, white. Pink Elephant Gazed at them in fondness, and proclaimed, ‘From us arise our offspring. They shall be The essence of the mighty universe Which within us dwells, and shall be seen By all beings which you and I create. Eternal are our children, and all worlds Shall bow before one, the other, or both. Thus it is proclaimed, and always shall it be.’ At this moment the two shining eggs Began to quiver, humming vibrantly. Within them could be heard a knocking sound, And soon in violence the clamour rang, And shatteréd the shells. Out from them sprang Two creatures which had visage so perfect It cannot be described. Identical Were they in all aspect and in form And shimmering they stood where they were born. ‘My children! Perfect children!’ cried the Hen, Your sire and I are no longer alone To roam this empty world. A family Has been created; the first ever made, And it shall be so with all from hence: They shall follow in our family’s line. Our fate shall also be their consequence.’
