I can remember it like it was yesterday. But then again, I've been around fer so long a half a century can come and go and it'll seem like yesterday.

The mansions not nearly the same as it use ta be. They say that the more things change the more they stay the same. Well, in this case, that's a load of shit. It's been almost a decade since I've been back, and I'm almost regretting it. Not that I don't appreciate everything that this place has done fer me, but some old memories die hard.

The only reason I even considered coming back fer a visit is cause of Kitty and Ro, the only two left in the mansion that I know. They run the school now. And they also knew I'd be back on this day. The 10 year anniversary. Kitty had been waiting at the door when I pulled in on my bike. I hardly even saw her coming when she ran up ta me with tears in her eyes, giving me the type of hug I haven't felt in a while.

She's all grown up now, my little Kitty. She doesn't need anyone looking after her anymore, not like she needed it in the first place. Her hair's growing out again. Last picture she sent me at Christmas she had just cut it all off. The kid makes me laugh, one of the few who can do that now a days.

Ororo was waiting by the door. The years had treated her well. She still has the same vibrancy and life she's always had. But today is a little different. I could see that this day weighs heavy on her.

She smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"We're so happy you came, Logan."

"Did ya ever doubt I would."

Ro shook her head and smiled, "Not once." Ever trying to be the Bright Lady, the fine lines on her face could not hide her profound sadness.

They told me that the rest were coming by the late afternoon. Warren and Betts, married now with their kid, Jasmine I think they called it. Hank and Bobby were driving out from the Avengers HQ downtown, saying that they wouldn't miss it fer the world. Course there's the elf, flying in soon from Muire Island with Rogue. I wonder how her treatments are going. They found a cure fer her, wonder if they could ever find one for what I got.

Kitty still clung to my arm like she was the sixteen year-old I used to know.

"We have so much to catch up on," she told me. I told her we'd have all the time in the world for that as soon as I put down my bags.

She pointed up the stairs towards my old room, "We got it ready for you."

I looked back at her sweet face that spoke of nothing but hope.

"Darlin", I don't think I'll be staying here that long"

She cast her head and nodded, "I know, but I can wish can't I?"

I had ta leave her because another minute more of seeing those puppy dog eyes and I would have givin in ta staying. There was only on other person who could do that ta me, and she ain't here no more. But that's why we're all coming here today, ta remember her.

But it's not like any of us could forget.

My old room was bare and empty, except fer the bed and a dresser. On the bed was a brown cardboard box that I had packed years ago before I left. I knew that one day I'd be back fer it, but I didn't know when.

After throwing my bag on the floor, I sliced the tape open with one of my claws. The box opened and a variety of smells, mixed with mildew from age, escaped into the air.

The first item I had packed on top was a picture of me and Jubes, taken when she first came to the mansion. God, I missed her. Last I heard she was on a space station off some God-knows-where planet doing some work for NASA. She surprised everyone when she told us she was going ta study in Houston ta work on some space station. I can't always follow that kid, but then again she's always full of surprises.

Even though I was only planning on staying a few days, I put the picture on my dresser, for old times sake.

I searched through the box ta find anything of interest. There was just a sweater, an empty box of cigars, some old cologne I got fer Christmas from Jubes but couldn't stand the smell. Then I found what I'd been looking for.

I picked it up and felt the still soft texture in my hands. Everything about those days when Ro had made it fer me rushed back. Fer the first time in a while I felt the burning of tears well up in my eyes. Pushing them back I told myself, Not now.

The smell of it was still there. The warming musk of sandalwood and almond made me feel like I was next ta her again.

I outlined the shape of it with my fingertips. The jagged golden edges of the bird of fire rising from the ashes. That's what the Phoenix was always about, wasn't it. Rising from the ashes. Well honey, it's been ten years now, and I don't think yer coming back. Course, I said that last time you "died" on the moon, and low and behold ya came back ta me. But this time is different. This time yer gone fer good. As much as it has been tearing me up inside for the last ten years, no one can say anymore that you might be back.

You told me yourself that ya wouldn't. That night, just a few days after you fell in battle with the Neo. They wanted that mind of yours so bad, Jeannie, as powerful as it was.

I can remember every last detail about that night. They came after us to the mansion, led by that woman Domina and her mind sharks. They were cutting us down one by one, trying ta kill us and get ta you and Cable. You wouldn't let that happen, not by the life of ya.

I saw when that mind Shark started going straight ta your brain. I saw the pain in yer eyes as it was once again trying to eat away at your memories, and you were trying ta drive it out. The pain musta been excruciating, cause no one coulda seen what happened next.

Cable sensed it before any of us, guess that come with being a telepath. He ran fer ya but it was already too late. He didn't even know what hit him when the burst of flames blew him back.

Ororo, Beast and I have seen it before. The Phoenix effect in full force. We all had the battle scars ta prove it. And we all knew Jeannie when she was displaying it. Pure ecstasy, pure excitement, pure contempt. We saw it when she was kicking the crap out of Domina and her Neo, sending them running for the door. But after, it had changed. I could even smell it. The raw power had transcended to fear, pure and simple. You looked at Ro with eyes that just screamed your pain.

No one could move. We felt her restored telekinesis holding us in place so we couldn't react. Ororo, who knew Jean better than her own sister, knew what she was going ta do.

"Jean please"! By the Goddess we can help you!

The last motion we saw from her body was when she formed the words with her lips, Goodbye.

As she buckled over onto the floor her grasp on us was released. Rogue was the first ta get to her, but I didn"t think twice about pushing her out of the way.

"Jeannie speak ta me darling"! Don't do this ta me again! I howled at her, hoping beyond recognition she would hear me.

At first we felt lucky that we were already in the mansion, and that it would give us an advantage to save her. But knowin˙ Jeannie, when she does somethin˙ she does it right.

I couldn't stand waiting outside while Hank and Cecilia tried ta bring her back ta the waking world. No one could, not even Neal, a.k.a Thunderbird, who had only know Jean for a few brief months before the Neo attacked. That's how much that lady had an affect on people.

It seemed like we'd been waiting fer hours when they came out of the operating room. Their face's told me the story, so I thought. Distraught, pain, all hope gone.

Hank knew what I was thinking. He knew I was about ta start tearing apart the room.

Jeans still alive, Logan.

"Let me see her," I growled, daring Hank ta say no. He's a good friend, but sometimes I got no time nor patience for their doctor excuses.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around there was Ro looking at me with large blue eyes that told the pain we were all feeling.

"Logan, we all are feeling the same way. But please, let Hank and Cecilia tell us the situation."

I knew she was right, but Jeannie's left us once before, and I didn't want ta waist precious seconds letting that happen again.

My sudden quietness gave Cecilia the opportunity to speak.

Jeans in a coma, pure and simple. She has her mind locked up so tight that not even Cable can breach its barriers.

"Why for God˙s sake would she do this to herself?" demanded Betsy from the back of the room, who was trying hard ta comfort Warren. Him and Jean have been friends since the beginning, and knowing his grief was obviously affecting her.

Trying ta remind myself that Betsy wasn't there during the first time Jean had supposedly became the Phoenix, I held myself back from asking her none to politely what she meant by the question. But I could see Ro also hadn't taken to lightly to it.

Then all these years in the mansion has not taught you much in the way of Jeans character, has it Ms. Braddock?

Betsy was quick to snap right back at Storm.

"What I am only implying Ms. Munroe is that the loss of Scott a mere eight months ago may have triggered an emotion in Jean so strong that her subconscious may be welcoming this."

Now it was my turn.

"I don't like where yer mouth is taking ya lady. Jean ain't suicidal, no matter that Cyke ain't here any more."

"Logan's right, Betts," Hank cut in, trying to diminish the tension that was obviously boiling over. But the fact that we have to look at is that Jean never was the Phoenix. It was only a cosmic entity that copied her physical, mental and spiritual form so precisely that it believed that it truly was the Jean that we all love. Now, we all were there, and that light show that came from her was so much more then what her telepathy has been presenting itself as for the last couple of months. Some of us who were here years ago recognized it immediately as the Phoenix force. And obviously so did Jean.

"This is the only explanation we can reach why Jean would shut herself down to this vegetative state," clarified Cecilia.

For the first time in the last few minutes the room was silent. I guess we were all tryin˙ ta ponder the evident.

"Is she gonna make it, Hank?" I asked, not wanting to know the answer but still clinging on to that last piece of refuge, hope.

Being a doctor hasn't softened Hank any, especially when it comes to someone who he's known for the last decade.

We don't know. No one can, maybe not even Jean herself. It's completely up to her. If she decides to wait it out and fight her own personal battle then she will survive. But, you'll remember that it didn't work the last time, so she might decide to......... shut herself down.

"What! Can she do that?" asked Rogue, shaking her head in disbelief. The life of a telepath had always confused her, but this was on a whole different level.

Hank nodded, I'm afraid so. Her mind is so strong that it can will its body organs to quit functioning, as I said, shut itself down. Mind over matter, as the phrase suggests.

More horrible silence.

"If the Phoenix force has indeed returned to Jean, my question is from where, and of course, when," said Cecilia, inviting the question for anyone to answer. But obviously no one could offer a definite answer. There could only be guesses, and even those would be extremely questionable.

Ro sighed, and offered an explanation, "The Phoenix could have transferred itself to Jean after the death of Rachael. I remember that Jean was deeply affected after the event. But even so, if she knew that she was once again possessed by the force, surely she would have gone through every measure to exorcize it."

"She has now Ro," I said.

"I'm afraid that seems to be the case."

"Well we could spend all day guessing how this happened, but the situation is still that Jean does not appear to be coming out of it any time soon," said Cecilia, who was becomin˙ the pillar of reality fer us.

"Can I see ˙er now?" I asked, feelin˙ it was about time for me to put a face to the situation.

Hank nodded and opened the lab door for me to go through.

Ro gave me a sympathetic look before I went in. I really felt fer her. Losing Jeannie was like losing the last part of her family.

I'm not sure what I was lookin˙ ta accomplish when I entered the cold lab with its heartless steel walls and active, repetitive machinery keeping her alive. It was all too frigid ta have anything to do with someone as spirited as Jean.

Maybe I wasn't really grasping what the hell was going on. Almost like everything Hank and Cecilia was telling us was something happening to someone we didn't know and love. It was almost like a dream, a nightmare I wanted ta shake myself out of before it becomes too real to turn back.

All other reasons left my mind when I saw her and knew there was only one, it was love. Pure, passionate, exquisite love.

She figure lay motionless on a Gurney, so quiet, so vulnerable, an image of surreal beauty. Her red hair outlined her pale face, lost all of its colour, but none of its charmin˙ radiance. God, I almost broke down right there when I whispered her name, and knew that there would be no answer. And maybe not ever again.

I walked right up to her side, and placed her hand into mine. As gently as I've ever been, I kissed her fingertips.

I prayed to whatever God that would listen ta me. Save her. Don't let her give up.

"Don't do this Jeannie. Come back ta me darling," I whispered softly.

I knelt on the floor, almost as though I was making an offring ta a queen. In a way I was, I was offering her my heart, and everything that would come with it.

I knelt ta her in silence, not speaking, just thinking of things that were not meant ta be. Of years spent in longing, and all those years that coulda been.

It was then that I felt something rush over my very soul. My mind was openin˙ up ta something I'd never felt before. Rushes of emotion flew at me in every direction. Love, hate, fear, all at once. The only words ta describe what I was feeling was absolute joy and beauty. There is a lot in my life that I detest, or love, or fear, and I was being shown them in a matter of seconds.

But as quickly as it came, it was gone.

The first thing I noticed was the smell...... there was none. I looked around and immediately remembered where I was now standing. The Blue Area of the Moon, overlooking the basin that I had last seen the Phoenix, after Petey and I delivered a modified fast ball special in a vain attempt to put an end to her reign. I was also the last time we'd see Jeannie alive for years. Even if it wasn't supposed ta be her, but all of a sudden I wasn't too sure anymore.

How the hell did I get here?

"Or are you really here?" a voice said behind me. A voice like angels singing praises. She didn't have to tell me anymore where we were. I couldn't smell her coming, so that could only mean one thing,.......

"Yes Logan, I've brought you to an area of my mind I've kept locked up for a while, and now its time that I show you."

I didn't turn to face her, not yet.

"What's here Jeannie that I ain't already seen?"

"Me, Logan........ the real me."

Her voice was so serious, knowing she was showing me a side of her that not even Cyke had seen.

I turned ta face her, but I wasn't sure what I was looking at.

"God Jeannie, is that really you?"

It was like the hands of time had turned back a few years. She looked years younger, before marriage, before spending time in the future, and before spending a year and a half entombed at the bottom of Jamaica Bay. She was a younger woman again, beaming like a goddess who holds the power of the universe in her delicate hands. Most different was that she was the "Jean" after the shuttle crash, not the one I loved so much before. But not like that love had gone anywhere. She wore the green and gold uniform of the Phoenix that she had loved, but sometimes I think it wore her. When my eyes met her beautiful green ones, her face lit up and she smiled. It warmed me to the core.

"This has always been me," she said, "Just the side I chose not to show."

The realization of her situation hit me like a slap in the face. This lifeless, haunting place, the Jean at the age we thought we'd seen her last, and the shine of the gold moulded to her body like a long lost lover.

"You're still the Phoenix, darling, aren't you."

The smile faded to a look of guilt, but not sorrow.

Silently she walked not over to me, but past me, to a rock formation that overlooked the basin where she had died. She turned around and mentioned fer me ta join her.

I wasn't sure what we were looking for, it was just a recreation of the same events we experienced years before. And then it happened, a thunderous sound that rocked the mountains and made all of its on lookers duck for cover. I felt Jean shiver next to me at the memory. It was the sound of the death of a legend. Dark Phoenix was no more.

Then time on this artificial moon seemed to quicken. Within mere seconds we saw us distraught X-Men leave the Blue Area with the Shiar Guard closely following. And then time left us with the cold, dark reality of the silence that had followed.

"What are we looking for here, Jeannie?" I asked her, not wanting to miss a single detail that she had to show. I could already feel myself being drawn into the awesome power of her being, along with the overwhelming joy to be alone with her once again. I was sure nothing she could reveal could be that bad that it would destroy these moments.

But she said nothing, and I saw in her features that something phenomenal was about to take place. And we didn't have ta wait too long.

It began as a faint cloud of orange dust seeping it's way through the bottom of the cave where Jean had taken her life. Slowly it began to grow until the all the area around it shimmered with its invigorating light. Even the stars themselves seemed to have an orange glow illuminating from them. But as elegantly as the light had spread it was quickly sucked back into the cave where it had came from, leaving us once again in the dark shadows of space. For a few seconds everything was still until there came a soft rumbling of the rock under our feet. At first the sound was muffled, but it quickly grew in intensity until boulders began to dislodge themselves from their places and roll violently to the ground.

Before I knew what would be next, a flash of bright fire erupted from the mouth of the cave along with an ear-piercing wail that alone could have caused the ground to shake. Without a moments notice it ricocheted its way inta the heavens and headed at light speed towards Earth. I already recognized the flames and the image it had formed.

The Phoenix was reborn and she was returning home.

It had never occurred to me, never had crossed my mind of what had happened to the Phoenix after she destroyed herself. All I knew was that she had taken the woman away from me who I loved with every being of my soul. How I hated the Phoenix and what it had ripped out of my life.

Without even knowing it my hand found its way into Jean's delicate one. I wasn't surprised when she didn't even attempt ta take it out. After all we'd been through together, it was the least we could do.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to show you?" she asked me, taking my other hand in hers and turning me to face her. I tried to think of all that she had shown me, the Phoenix force alive and in full energy, yet without the body it had duplicated to go along with it. But the Phoenix was a cosmic entity, able to manipulate matter to even the smallest of particles. And that was pretty much what the body of Jean Grey was reduced to after she was incinerated. Or so we thought.

The Phoenix always rises from the ashes.

Ashes.

"It's carrying ya home, ain't it Jeannie?"

"I'm sorry Logan," she cast her face away from me. This woman, who I loved for her strength and honesty, was filled with a guilt that was consuming her, and she had chosen to show it me.

I could of asked her why she had chosen me of all her close friends, or should I say family, to reveal her weakness to. I knew her too well to be mad. She was Jean Grey, a woman who was infamous for the love of her powers, yet terrified at the potential it possessed. But this is what drove her every day, and part of the reason that she continued to always fascinate me. She knew I wouldn't hate her for being who she was. I wouldn't have done what Cyke use ta do and confront her every time her mood changed to anything that reminded him of Dark Phoenix. I wouldn't be like Xavier and pick her brain, or send her across the world and be studied like a specimen. I myself knew what that felt like.

The Phoenix was taking Jean's "remains" to be laid at the bottom of Jamaica Bay to regenerate.

She knew that I was starting to piece the pieces together, and her emerald eyes were searching mine for understanding. But I gave her more than that. I wrapped my arms around her body and held her close to me.

Her soft lips brushed my ear as she whispered, "Thank you."

I held her because she knew that she was only human, and that there's a trait in all of us ta be more than what we are. But Jean knew that her destiny was so much more than what it appeared to be, and this is how the Phoenix found her, and also how she had called out for it to embrace her being.

Jean lied to us because she was scared. Scared because we hated the Phoenix for what it did to her, and that it had given her the power ta do what she did. Scared that if she was still the Phoenix then we would hate her as well. When she "came back" ta us our consciences were cleared from blaming her for Phoenix's crimes, but was she still the same person who we said good-bye to on the shuttle that she piloted to save us?

"I was still the same person, but not as innocent as I thought I was."

It took me a moment ta realize that she had read my mind.

"I was just unsure that you really forgive me for lying to you, or that you are just comforting me because my body is lying in a coma at the mansion."

I pulled myself out of her arms and looked her straight in the eyes.

"Everything I would ever do fer ya Jeannie comes from my heart, or have ya not realized that by now?"

If my words had hurt her I didn't mean it too. But I realized it did.

"I know you wouldn't lie to me, Logan. But please, tell me if I have hurt you by this." Tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

"No Jean, but there's some things I don't understand. Did you always know that you were the Phoenix all along?"

"Not at first. It wasn't until after Madelyne died that all the memories came back to me. I was so confused having her memories alongside the Phoenix's and my own. I didn't know what was real. And I was still trying to deal with Scott's wife trying to kill me," she cracked a smile that made both of us relax.

"Time passed and I was able to sort out all these different lives in my head, but there was one that will always torment me. I was always the Phoenix. I was on the bottom of Jamaica Bay not recuperating from the damage of the solar storm, but from the Shiyar weapon that I had attempted to destroy the Phoenix, and myself with. Oh, Logan, I didn't want to die, but I knew that I had to stop myself from killing anymore! Even at the moment that my body died the Phoenix could feel that I wanted to live. It was almost as a thank you for letting it experience being truly alive, it saved my life but cost me everything that I hold dear."

"Then when did it finally find ya again?" I was curious ta know because now that I remember it there could have been a number of occasions when we had faced the Phoenix in other forms.

"Well, when Rachel my daughter died the Phoenix no longer had a shell to contain its power, so it chose to come back to the person that it had been able to express itself to its highest potential. Rather, I made the mistake of allowing it back into me. She hadn't even known that it was still with her. But it was... it is her birthright. I could have rejected it Logan, I thought I would be able to control its power as Rachel had."

"It seems ya did Jeannie, till now."

"I could feel it inside me, almost as if if it was inactive, waiting for the right moment to resurface. But I held it back so well that it didn't even rise when Scott merged with Apocalypse, which could be do to the fact that I didn't realize what Scott was going to do. When I saw that he had merged with that...that monster, it was too late, I couldn't feel him anymore through our rapport. He was gone, she sighed as if to hold on to a memory of Scott just a moment longer. I felt a stab of jealousy that I immediately pushed aside.

"When the High Evolutionary took our powers I had never felt so alone inside. Scott was gone, and I didn't have my telepathy to comfort me. It was if I had been exorcised from the Phoenix, and instead of being relieved I was completely lonely and distressed. I couldn't tell anyone because that would have been admitting that I had allowed the Phoenix inside me again. I was so desperate not to be alone anymore I continued to hide it even as I felt it growing inside me when our powers were restored. This is why I bestowed my telekinesis to Psylocke, because I knew that without it there would be less potential to hurt someone as I had done in the past."

"But it was your birthright darling, you couldn't get rid of it forever."

"I know, and because the Phoenix couldn't manifest itself through my TK it pushed my telepathy to become stronger than it has ever been. I thought I could rely solely on it, but once again I was wrong."

I wish I could tell her that she wasn't wrong, and that I always be there fer her, but I knew that this was a battle she'd want to fight with herself. She didn't ask me here, inside the palace of her mind, for me to carry her out of this predicament, and we both knew it.

"The one thing that I treasure more than anything is my memories because it's were I have Scott with me everyday. Not only that though, it's where I can relive every laugh and good time I have ever experienced. And when that Neo sent the mind sharks tearing through them, it was too much for me to bear alone, so it decided that this would be the right moment to take over. My TK was torn from Betsy, and my god Logan, I heard her scream just as the Nybari screamed when I destroyed them. The Phoenix felt it too because that was the moment of weakness I needed to shut down my mind, to end it once and for all."

"You thought that once before, here on the moon," I reminded her.

"True, but this time I am able to outsmart the Phoenix. Funny thought. This is also another reason why I brought you here. The Phoenix was able to restore my body from pure dust and bring me back to life, so there's no reason she can't stop me from allowing my organs to cease functioning."

Jean was so serious that my heart sank in my chest from the thought of willing her self to die. I didn't know what to say because when Jean Grey has a mission she can be as stubborn as me to talk out of it.

"So how ya gonna do it? You just gonna be a vegetable the rest of your life, is that it?" I wasn't sure why I felt so mad, I guess it was cause I felt so helpless.

"Please don't make this harder on me than it is already. I have my mind binded up so tight that the Phoenix, never less Xavier, could ever breach it. So as long as its mind over matter, the Phoenix is enslaved inside my body, unless of course it chooses to come out. Even then I don˙t know what will happen. It doesn˙t owe me anything anymore, not that I want anything from it."

The scariest thing about Jean right now was that she was so confident, as if she had been considering this for a long time. Then again she probably has, if the Phoenix has been with her as long as she says. Jeannie is one of those people who know what has to be done and how exactly to get it done. But she wasn't about to win this one without a fight.

"Jeannie, I'm begging ya darling, don't do this."

"Why Logan? Just like last time, right? We can fight it together.... a lot of good it did then too. I ended up slaughtering 5 billion people with a little less than a thought, and all because I was hungry. Hungry for power, hungry for ecstasy, hungry for the passion that the Phoenix gave me, tears were beginning to fall again. But this time I brushed them softly off her face. She took my hand and brought it to her lips and pressed them against it. It didn't take me long to remember how soft they were.

"You were always the best to me you know," she said.

I didn't have to argue with her on that either, because the fact was that I had always, and will always do the best for this woman that I can. She knew as well as I did that I have loved her since the day my eyes fell on the red-headed beauty. Through everything, including two hot kisses that still make my body melt, I have always cherished everything about her.

"We were never meant to be, Jean," I told her. It still pained me to say it, but it was true. Scott and Jean, Jean and Scott, I could never be what he was ta her.

She shook her head, "No Logan, that's not it at all. Don't you understand after all this time. We were always meant to be. We compliment each other. But you know what, I was scared of you. Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but I was. But not only of you, of what you did to me, how you made me feel."

"Like who you really are?" I asked.

"Of course," she admitted. I could feel the release coming off of her. We were both getting things off our chest, and I had a feeling that this was gonna be the last time too.

Jean didn't say anything more, instead she looked around her, at the darkness of her makeshift moon. Within a few brief seconds the surroundings shifted to the front steps of the Xavier Mansion in the warm daylight, with a slight comforting breeze that caused her red hair to flow.

It all would have seemed perfectly like the mansion, without its usual scent, except for a slight detail that I picked up right away. The trees, there were hundreds of red apples on each one.

Jean saw what I was looking at them and smiled.

"When I was growing up I used to have an apple tree in my backyard. I would sit under it for hours in the spring and just watch the day go by. That tree knew all of my secrets because I would pour my heart out to it," she laughed quietly. "I would pick its apples when they were ripe and bring them inside so Mom could bake Sarah and I pies. A few months before I first came to Xavier's the tree became diseased and Dad had to cut it down. When I was alone I had would cry in my room because I felt as though I was losing something that I had grown up with, almost like a best friend."

"Are the apples always here, Jeannie?"

"Always. Just as Scott will be," she looked at me again and took my hand in hers. The feel of her hand in mine was now natural, as though we had been holding hands through our entire time together. But there were times when I had taken her hand and guided her, as she many times had done the same for me. With her other hand she pressed a slender finger at her forehead.

"But both Scott and my apple tree are up here, as well as everything I choose to have. It's not real, not any more."

"It's real ta you."

"As much as I wish it was, it will never be. I'll never again wake up to Scott next to me, or I'll never fall asleep reading under that tree anymore. What I'm trying to say is that they're gone, and I know that I've wasted too many moments, to many opportunities without doing what my heart was telling me."

"Say what's on your mind Red, its what you do best."

Without a moments preparedness Jean said, "I love you Logan. And the last few years of my life I've been fighting with myself. Not just with the Phoenix, but with my feelings for you. I love Scott, more than anyone will ever know, but it's a different love than what I feel for you."

I wasn't sure of how I was supposed ta feel. The woman who'd I lusted over for years had just told me that she loved me. My fears that this love affair was one-sided had been put ta rest. Finally, but already too late.

"You don't have to answer me, but......"

"Na, Jeannie, I will. I'll tell ya somthing I've never admitted to a single soul. The night we arrived back from the moon, the night ya left us, I poured my own heart out to the moon. I howled and cried, but it didn't do any good. The pain of losing you was to great. I told myself that I'd never find someone who made me feel the way you did. Then I met Mariko, and I thought I finally had a chance to move forward again. I wanted ta be the best husband to her that I could possibly be. But ya know what, as much as I loved that lady you could never leave my mind. God knows I tried. It was almost like I was trying ta exorcise you from my head."

Jean's lips curled. "It seems that a Scott was not the only one."

I squeezed her hand. "Don't blame him for marrying Madelyne, darling, you have no idea how hard it is to have you one day, then know that the next you'll never be coming back. Slim was trying to move on also, but he just went about it the wrong way."

She nodded, "Still doesn't make it any better."

"No, but neither is seeing the woman you love fall desperately for someone else, be married, and then you realize that nothing could ever come between you two, not even me."

Jean didn't say anything for a moment. The trees that were always green and plentiful with apples were beginning to brown as though it they were spoiling. I had hit a nerve, not on purpose, but I guess that comes with baring your soul to another person. You've left yourself open for hurt.

Not even my super reflexes coulda stopped what came next, but not like I woulda wanted to. Jean came forward and locked her lips with mine. Sure, we had kissed before, but I always felt that something, being Scott Summers of course, was holding her back from really releasing herself. But this moment was different all together.

We kissed with a passion that literally ignited the surroundings around us. All the hunger that we had ever felt towards each other was pouring into this blissful moment. I wanted more than anything for us, lovers finally united, to be this way forever.

But we all know that forever is an absolute that just doesn't happen in our business.

People die, but they usually come back. Don't let the gates of heaven (or hell depending on who you're talking about) hit you on the ass on the way back down ta Earth.

Our lips and bodies melted into one soul. Jean's soul was open to me, as mine to her.

It was beautiful.

But it was never meant ta last. I could feel myself being softly pushed out of Jean's psychic world and back into my physical form. I desperately tried to hold on ta her, but it was no use. She guided me away with her usual gentleness that I'd experienced dozens of times.

The feeling was like waking from a deep sleep, only that you wanted ta hold onto those last minutes of peace.

"Don't go, Jeannie, not now," I whispered.

Though I could no longer hear her, I still felt her presence that was slipping away. The last moment of togetherness I felt with her was when she said, "Always remember how much I love you, Logan."

It was if I had been jolted out of unconsciousness, but still kneeling before the bed. My body was drenched with sweat, and I held Jean's slender hand inside my large, calloused ones. I saw that I had been gripping her hand so hard that my knuckles were white and my hands sore.

But she remained sleeping peacefully. Seeing her lovely face and knowing that those shining emeralds would never open again, I burst into tears.

"Jeannie......." I begged as I drenched her skin with tears and tender kisses, as though still scared to wake her up.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like this, but it was past one in the morning when Ro came to take me to my room.

Jean Grey died 5 days later.

For those few days before, her vitals had been fluctuating for no apparent reasons that Hank could detect. Everything appeared to be normal, except for the overactivity in her brain waves that never seemed to rest day or night.

But our Jean finally did go to rest. She had beaten the Phoenix, once and for all. I wasn't the only one who suspected that it was now trapped forever inside her mind, never to be let out again.

But who knows. It may be back, but she never will.

The funeral was immense as almost every member of the X-Family was in attendance, as well as the Reeds and the Avengers. The Professor told me before I left the X-Men that he had sensed that Sinister was also there, hiding somewhere in the shadows.

Kitty held my hand for the whole service, giving it routine squeezes as to remind me that I wasn't alone. Chuck sat in silent thought as Ro stood next to him, linking arms with a distraught Cable. Warren took his place next to Hank, ignoring Betsy's offers of support. Rogue wailed onto Remy's shoulder, and he rocked her silently.

Jean was being laid to rest next to Scott's grave stone, though he wasn't in there. Even if Cyke wasn't dead, and that he was really wandering the Earth with Apocalypse, I still knew that one day he would be next to her, forever. It's what she would have wanted.

Mr. Grey asked me if I wanted to say a few words at the service, but I told him I couldn't. I had made my peace with Jeannie, but that was between me and her.

The door opened downstairs and I heard Bobby and Hank being greeted by Kitty. The regular laughing and greetings. It had all seemed to die for a while after you left. But that's not what you would have wanted, is it?

I know you too well. You'd have wanted us to go on and be happy. Yeah, right. I'll tell that to the gaping hole in my heart. But life does go on, with or without you. If I had any say about it I would have chosen with you. But I didn't.

I put the phoenix emblem back in the box, as well as the rest of the stuff that I had piled on the bed.

As I said, you're gone and you ain't coming back.

But Jeannie my darling, I love you, always have, and always will.

Forever.