A man returns home from work early one day and enters
through the kitchen door. He sees his wife on her hands
and knees scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on,
the husband gets a big hard on, so he sneaks up behind
her and starts humping his wife doggy style.
When he's through, he pulls out and at the same time
hits her real hard upside her head.
"What was that?" the wife screamed. "Here I am being so
nice to you, and letting you really enjoy yourself. What
did you hit me for?"
The husband looks at her and angrily says, "For not
looking back to see who it was!"
Family Viagra
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the
park.
Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new
Viagra?"
Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies.
"Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if
you have no one worth writing to."
What an exchange
This woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the
director that she wants her husband to be buried in a
dark blue suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the
black suit that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a
blank check to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her
husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue
suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit
and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest
thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was
brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that
they were about the same size, and asked the other
widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a
black suit."
"And?" questioned the woman.
"Well," replied the director, she said that was fine with
her... so I switched the heads."
