Listen up: this site contains words, opinions and other
stuff that some may consider "offensive." Tough. If you are sensitive about that, either
stay to read and debate, or leave; if you're not, good. Either way,
welcome.
Disclaimer: The opinions on this site are those of its author. A link to another page does
not necessarily mean its subject would agree with the author's opinions. Links do not
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I am an atheist. This literally means, "lacking a god belief" [Greek roots: "a",
without, "theos," god, "-ism," belief]. I do not believe there are any such things as a god,
gods or spirits. To me, "soul" is the kind of music James Brown sings. If you see words
such as "God," "faith" etc. used, they are in discussions of someone else's beliefs, as handy
definitions, not indicating any belief on my part; or they are figures of speech. Also, no
matter what your pastor told you, I am not a traitor, drug addict, devil-worshipper or
scumbag of any kind.
Yes, my nickname is *a joke.* Since there is no god, I might as well be one! Or
pretend! :P
Welcome to a humble page created to fight, in my small way, the menaces of
religious lies, wacko politics and stupid bastards asking for your money. Yes, it's the
return of the new version of the rebirth of the second edition! The Follies
live!
Please note: on this page I will post quotes from shows, publications, computer pages,
radio shows and other stuff done by evangelists. The page began in 1999 with a focus on
t.v. shows, but the scope has grown. I use quotes from the preachers themselves. As
above, you should in no way assume that they agree with my commentaries. I welcome
letters, on any side of any issue. Yet be aware that I tend to treat people the way they treat
me. Also assume that if you write to me, your letter may be posted here, including your
e-mail address, and is subject to my response. Thank you. :)
Comments? Lectures? Tasty recipes? Send me a letter, tap here.
The 98-Pound Weakling
"God has planned the best for you, but he can't make it happen in your life unless you surrender."-- Dr. Charles Stanley, Ch. 49, Jan. 28, 2001
Now this is interesting. It suggests that human beings have a power equal to that of this supposedly "supreme" being. They can stop him just by not believing. That's some god you've got there--he has all the abilities of an expired bus transfer.
Lip-Synching Calls for Lips and Synch, Sister
Mother Mary Stukes appeared on Ch. 49 (a cable station in the New York area), Jan. 28, 2001. The service she conducted was apparently filmed earlier. Nothing wrong with that, except that the audio speed was out of step with the video frames. Badly. I mean, this woman's mouth would keep moving and the soundtrack had stopped a good 30 seconds earlier. Every once in a blue moon, the two phases would catch up, but Stukes spent most of her time making low-budget kung fu movies look bad. There's barging on despite budget limitations, and then there's just plain throwing away your dignity. We made better shows at our cable station in college, and our editing machine was broken.
Lowering the Standards of Scumbags Everywhere!
"I want to send you these prayer handkerchiefs. You can use it for a money miracle."--Don Stewart, Feb. 18, 2001
Yes, it's one of the oldest scams in the book, the prayer hankie. A preacher "blesses" piles and piles of the damn things (or he claims to) and then he'll mail them off, in turn, of course, for generous donations from the faithful. If this works, there should be just one question. Why doesn't he just send them for free to hospitals full of AIDS patients? Or cancer victims? Or everybody else? Also if it works, why doesn't he demonstrate this at Cambridge and Harvard so we can get this technology to everyone in the world? You know why? Because it doesn't work. The great miracle of mail-order napkins! Of course Stewart won't do this without money, you know. It's not as if the hospital system doesn't suck every last dollar out of people in this country anyway. Oh, no, that's not enough; you have to go through this jerk. You'd be better off taking a regular hankie, blowing your nose into it, and sticking it back into your pocket.
"You have written a book and God says it's going to be published...it's you, sister! God says it's you!"--Stewart, running up to a woman in the congregation, same show
Hey, why didn't this God character set her up with an executive job where she makes seven figures? Or better yet, why doesn't God just suddenly make piles of money appear in the hands of all the desperately poor people in the world? This lady could publish anything, any time she wanted, simply by printing off a home computer. To paraphrase the great detective, it was the dog that did not bark, that was remarkable; and it is the "miracles" that are not miracles at all, that is to say all of them, which leave the worst taste in the mouth.
"I was in prison and I lost the handkerchief. My mother found it. She said, 'I found it and I'm going to pray for you.' Two days later, I was out."--anonymous audience member on the same show
Wow! If Jesus cared so much about you, why didn't he stop your stupid ass from going to prison in the first place? Second, she was in prison when she lost the handkerchief--so why didn't she find it in prison? How did it make its way to her mother's house? Did her fellow inmates just happen to discover her mom's address and then mail it there? Why not just give it right back? Third, she was close to the end of her sentence anyway. The judge probably had a lot more to do with this silliness than some fairy tale god in the sky. Then again, it could all be a great big huge lie. People in the audience for these "services" are always plants. They couldn't give her anything better than a hastily assembled lie. They do more to mock themselves than I ever will.
Are You Ready to Rock?...NO!
And the award for Worst Christian Music of the Month goes to....SMB,
Bible-loving rappers, who gave us this lyric (I tuned in too late to hear the title of the
song) on the Bobby Jones Gospel Show, BET, Jan. 14, 2001: "Jesus Christ is coming
back like a thief in the night!" Wow. You mean he's going to break into my house? What,
with a crowbar in the window? I thought stealing was against a Commandment. Guess
that "God" character doesn't have to follow his own rules. Then again, if I do catch him in
the living room, is it okay to have him arrested? (And he was supposed to be back 2,000
years ago. The first thing he needs to steal is a watch.)
(By the way, it's much too early to give the award for Worst Religious Song of the
Year. I will, however, have features on shitty fundie "entertainment" stuff every
so often. These doofs are long overdue for a good spanking.)
A Visit from Dr. Goofy
"I hate that stupid devil." --Benny Hinn, TBN broadcast of service July 17, 2000
Ah, yes! The most ringing condemnation of the (supposed) master force of infinite
evil? He's "stupid"! What are they going to call him next, Nanny Nanny Boo-Boo Hair?
And they wonder why 60 percent of Americans do not go to church.
In the "healing" segment of the event, Hinn showed an x-ray he claimed was a back
disc. Anyone who has ever been to the dentist or read a science textbook knows what the
human jaw looks like. Those were teeth. Ah, but I forget, these are Bible
literalists and they don't need "dirty" modern science and its "testing claims," which would
show that their pastor might be "lying out the ass."
Hinn expressed doubt that a metal hinge, which the woman on stage said had been
given her by doctors, could help the person move. Her problem before the operation was
that she could not bend. Well, that's what hinges do. They bend. Let's not
give a swiveling thing to a person who can't swivel. No, don't put a bandage on that
gaping wound, we can't have it stop bleeding or anything!
Hinn followed this with an even more interesting assertion:
"I'm wondering if the Lord dissolved the metal that's in her body? Because how
could she do this?" The woman bent and touched her toes several times, then ran around
stage like a rocket. Yeah, Benny, how could a metal pivot make somebody move easily?
How could expert research and precision treatment make a difference in a person's life?
How could something work exactly the way it was made? And how could you profess to
believe in or admire anything that would let her get that way in the first place? If there is
suffering, a god could not be all powerful, nor all merciful. If it sees pain but can't stop it,
that is less than supreme power. If it sees pain but *will not* stop it, then it is not merciful,
as it seeks to teach lessons about "endurance and hope" (you know the platitudes) through
pain. Couldn't it teach the lesson without the hurt first? (If it can't, once again, we wind up
with the god having less than full power.) Otherwise you jump into a completely different
arena. "Hi, I'm going to watch you slip and fall and then use crutches the rest of your life.
Try meditating on how to be nice." "Well, I like my body the way it is now! Intact! Feeling
good!" "No, I've got to make sure the lesson *really* sinks in." Well, how is that any
better than Mengele? Break someone's leg to see how it sets? Seems to be the same
principle.
Yeah, let's go back to the days of the Bible, when the "remedy" for leprosy was a
religious ceremony--sacrificing doves. Next bus for the Dark Ages departing immediately.
Words from my Public! :)
"i* feel sorry for you because you are an athiest*. Please write me back. I will pray
for you."--'stacie,' in an e-mail Dec. 2000 --*sic
Wow. This chick knows nothing about me other than the fact that I do not lend any
credence to the concept of "gods." Yet she decides I am so pitiful that I need her help.
Well, as George Carlin said, "What good is a divine plan if any schmuck with a two dollar
prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?" If the god's mind can be changed, if
it can be swayed by you, then its will is not supreme. It would suddenly be doing what you
wanted it to do, instead of going by its own original ideas. If the will *is* supreme, "why
the fuck do you bother praying?" The writer of the letter painted herself into a logical
corner. I doubt she'll ever see it, though.
Besides, if her god were around, were really all-powerful and wanted her to win the
day by converting me, why did he make her a) condescending and b) semi-literate? These
are two ways to very quickly lose the respect of any thinking adult. I suspect "stacie" was
a Bible Belt teen--her attitude, phrasing and lack of form are dead giveaways--and as such,
probably raised to care more about literalist adherence to the Bible than anything else. She
will learn to put her church before her education (note her haphazard spelling) or a
well-rounded look at the real world. She will be taught to think, to really, seriously
believe, that other people don't know what they're saying when they tell her no, they
would not like to be pressured about her religion.
She will be taught that morals come from her god and that non-believers, or even
different types of believers, will be punished for not sharing the exact same view of the
Bible as she holds; furthermore, that the non-religious and non-fundamentalists can't be
good or decent just as much as believers can. Stacie will grow up believing that people, no
matter how nice they are, will be punished forever for not being "saved" (i.e., her type of
Christian). She actually believes in, indeed would claim she loves, a being that
would burn people for countless years for not sharing a certain religion. In the
fundamentalist Christian tradition, you can be Gandhi, peacefully battle oppression, preach
love and tolerance for everyone, and struggle to help the poor--but because you don't
believe in Jesus or worship him in a particular way, you deserve to rot in hell. Forever.
Wow, that's some forgiveness and mercy. Torturing people because they don't share your
religion...let's see, when in history did we hear that before? Germany, 60 years ago. No
thanks.
If there were an afterlife in which (otherwise) good moral people were punished
simply for not sharing the belief in Jesus, then Christianity is *not* a system of morals,
*not* brought about with the aim of teaching people to do good. It is merely assertion of
worshipping a certain thing. If it *is* about teaching decency, justice and charity, then the
whole bit about Jesus isn't really necessary, or shouldn't be. You can't have it both ways.
You can't, and claim to be just at the same time.
Stacie: yes, one can be nice and make the world a better place without
that religion or any other. Fundamentalists usually assert a belief that the nature of
humankind is evil or "sinful." If it weren't, there would be no need for a savior. Well,
clearly not everyone in the world could be classed as evil. (Readers: whether you are
religious or not, think about it for a little.) Most people are a mixture of good and bad.
Very few are so horrible that they go on to do things like Hitler or Dahmer or (other
bastard's name here). There are even plenty of people at the opposite extreme from evil,
the very good. These are the "gosh darn nice" people, the ones who work at soup
kitchens, and so forth. Do these people deserve to be punished in a fiery afterworld? Fuck,
no! Once again, very few people hang out at the "complete evil" end of the spectrum, and
to punish all of humanity as if they were just as bad is not only utterly
reprehensible. It is insane. If you would punish all people the same, treat lying with as
much fire and torment as murder, it's like executing someone for jaywalking, and you are
the polar opposite of justice and mercy. Am I mad at Stacie, personally? I was, briefly, but
now I just feel sorry for her. The fault lies with the specific people who wrote the crap she
is taught and who teach her to view the world through the blinders of condescension. Am
I still an atheist? Yes. Happy and proud.
Zero Out of Five Doctors Give a Shit About This
Guy
"Right now, Jesus Christ has the power to heal you!" -- Dr. Leroy Thompson Sr.,
6/13/00
This dumb announcement was made on the minister's low-budget show. I mean, the
cameras weren't even always pointing at his face. Sometimes they switched too early and
we got a nice big close-up of his shoulder. Jesus apparently does not have the power to
heal crummy production values. :P Aside from that silliness, the Rev. never mentioned
some important flip sides of his declaration. One, if there is a Jesus with supreme powers
to heal, why do doctors have exactly the same abilities? You don't have to be the son of a
deity to cure anything--you just have to go to med school. Two, if Jesus had the power to
make you better, I guess he doesn't have the power to keep you from getting sick in the
first place. Then again, if he could keep you healthy but refused to, he'd just be a total
bastard.
If They Ever Make Coins Out of Bullshit, Meet the New Mint.
Some gems from Dr. I. V. Hilliard's service on 6/13/00 at the New Light Christian
Center:
"The words of my mouth reveal the contents of my heart." Words of your mouth--
as opposed to what, the words of your ear? Your left nostril? Your toenails?
"I love it when I see things people just can't understand, and they scratch their
heads. That's how I know it was a miracle. I just say, 'It was God.'" Okay. I bet he doesn't
understand the ebola virus. Was that "God" too? If there were a god who were the
creator, it couldn't have come from anyone else but him. Thanks a lot! Love the painful
death bit!
"By saying things, that's how I release the power." Okay, so just uttering words can
make things happen? Q: How is that different from some primitive cannibal guy dancing
around a fire saying "Ooga Booga" in the hopes of making it rain? A: It isn't.
Bakkers Still Ignorant. The World Hasn't
Changed, After All.
Tammy Faye Messner and her ex-husband Jim Bakker went on Larry King Live
May 29. In the biggest display of nerve since Oral Roberts claimed he *and no one else*
saw a 900-foot-high Jesus, el dimbo Tammy actually said, "I am saddened by what this
country has allowed to happen to this great man." She meant her husband. Wait a minute,
before we start getting all gooey and sympathetic for these people, let's start to remember
the Bakkers cheesed countless old people out of millions, in order to build a theme park,
mansions, condos and an *air-conditioned doghouse.* Tammy said this drivel while
wearing her traditional layers of makeup, and a bizarre cloth headdress that even people in
jail would say looks like crap! I think maybe someone ripped the word "dignity" out of the
dictionary when she was a child, which is why she grew up not knowing what it is. Let's
also not forget Jim's conviction for mail fraud. He got to prison by lying and stealing, two
things his precious Bible says are no-nos. And then he becomes a preacher in jail. And
people like him for that. Didn't anybody ever see the slightest eensy-weensy contradiction
in that? What the #!*?&$*!? Next time these evil thieves come on t.v., do not cry. Throw
things.
Evangelists will survive nuclear war. At least
cockroaches die when you step on them.
He's worse than Dracula. He cannot be killed! He's...Robert Tilton, everyone's
favorite babbling maniac. Yes, the preacher who lost everything after national exposes
about how he dumped prayer letters in the trash and spent donor money on yachts, etc.
The guy who drove his wife nuts screaming that rats were coming out of his eyes! The guy
who thinks "kodabasandeedabahoooo" is part of some language people can speak when
god inspires them. Well, if you think Jesus had a broken jaw, that might make sense. But
here in the real world, Robert Tilton's reappearance on cheap cable stations is just another
reason to...see if a good World Series is playing on the sports history station.
An Embarrassment in Front of the Gentiles
Some members from Jews for Jesus (now there's a contradiction for you)
went through a Passover seder on WCLF-TV 22 Thursday night. Even a theist would
have many reasons to turn and dispose of his or her lunch after seeing the debacle made of
the ceremony. For one thing, the leader, (supposedly) the father of the family, made
up a new "meaning" for the egg in the meal. Now, we know the foods at seder do
have symbolic meanings, but the blather this guy ascribed to the egg would have been
news to most Jewish people. He said, "I think it means a symbol of the rebirth and
regrowth of life." Do what? No, eggs are used as a symbol of rebirth in the Christian
resurrection and in the pagan spring fertility rites which were the roots of the Easter
(Eostre, Ostara) holiday. (Of course, it's no coincidence. Christians flat-out stole the
fixture, to get pagans to convert. "Hey look, we have eggs too, but now they mean Jesus!"
Yeah, right. Everyone knows what bunnies do in the spring. Hint: it's not
praying...) But the methodology the JFJ fellow gave is not the
description given for the egg in a normal haggadah. You can't just make stuff up. This guy
was about as Jewish as the Pope. Jews for Jesus is a huge scam anyway, which all too
soon reveals itself as a fundie church out to convert you. Second, and this is even more
galling, the readings aren't supposed to be led by the father, but by the youngest person in
the room. There were several small children sitting ignored while the fake dad rambled on
and on about his para-Jesus stuff. Just fundies in disguise, and a huge disrespect to the real
history of what they claimed to understand.
Songs About Satan Don't Make me Want to do Anything, but Songs
About Jesus Almost Make me Want to Worship Satan.
"The 700 Club," which I believe is its own circle of Hell, had a segment on the life
and budding career of "Christian rap star" (ah ha ha haa haaha ha ha) Israel the Warrior.
Seems ol' Izzy used to be a bad-ass, according to Terry Meeuwsen's introduction.
(Although she didn't say 'ass.' She doesn't know that many words.) He went to jail for
some sort of drugs offense, started wearing a gang rag, then gave his life over to Jesus. Et
voila, upon his release, he made some records about how great the Big Jeez is. Here is the
funny part. Fundies are of course best known for contradicting themselves, but this
episode wasted very little time doing so. Meeuwsen also read a bio of Israel's early years,
which included life in a Christian home with Mom, membership in the Boy Scouts, and
eventually led to an early adulthood in which he joined the Green Berets. Yes, Iz served
his country in the Persian Gulf. So what's the fucking problem? Oh, let's cover
the very short stint he did in the pokey: for
possession of marijuana. That's all! They found him with a little dope, which as I
understand usually doesn't earn you ten years in a dungeon, probably more like a few
months in minimum security. This guy was hardly either Pablo Escobar or, for pity's sake,
some guy in a gangster rap video. Israel himself said he took "seven or eight months" to
read the Bible. Oh. That's so long. That's like Nelson Mandela. Yeah, right!! Israel
said he also sold dope, but did he really, if they only gave him eight months? It must have
been the flimsiest cartel of all time. I bet he answered the phone for a couple dealers,
someone shot at the window, and he peed himself in fright and surrendered. What a joke!
Fill in the blanks in this guy's life. With school, a good childhood, then service in the
military, what time was left in his life? What did he have, a window of two years left in
which he could have messed up? I take this man's alleged former "bad"ness about as
seriously as I take a bunch of catnip. Do you think he's really going to change the ways of
truly screwed-up kids, or communicate an anti-drug agenda to those who are still
wavering? Don't get high, kids, because you might...uh, you might earn Scout medals and
finish school and distinguish yourself in the service, and your mom will love you, and you
will turn out all right anyway. Yes, that's really deep and effective. "Reefer Madness" was
more credible than this segment. Well, on the other hand, it might well get kids to turn
down drugs, because it makes them look so frickin' boring. Don't get high or Pat
Robertson will try to help you! Aaaaaagh! On second thought, that stupid album
could prove useful, as aversion therapy.
And On the Ninth Day, God Created Incredibly Lame T.V.
Shows
TBN airs a Bible study quiz show for teens Saturday mornings. It looks like a cross
between 'Jokers Wild' and a gallon of acid. I mean, it seriously weakens the would-be
authority of any "all-powerful being" if he is actually honored by plastic neon sets that
would have been called too goofy on the original 'Star Trek.' So the geek host comes
running out, dressed in a tatty sweater to make him look young and hip, as if he is
not about to discuss a book that's thousands of years old. (Incidentally, the Bible
was written when children were considered their parents' property. So what was everyone
so happy about?) And he asks this question of the two fool contestants: "These men
hoodwinked Herod." The answer: who were, the Magi. Those of you who have actually
read the Doorstop will remember that the Magi didn't trick anyone. They just went to see
Jesus. That was about it. Hoodwinked? Tricked? We know fundamentalism
depends on wild and wacky interpretations of That There Scripture, but this ought
to make you pop. Next he'll say that Jesus played basketball and was an EMT.
Warning: Do Not Stare Directly at Richard Roberts, or You Will
Want to Go Blind.
Oral's son had a guest on his show. The man had written "27,000 pages" (Richard's
words) to "prove the Gospel is true." Now, neither man went into any kind of description
as to why that was so, i.e. what the hell the 'proof' was. However, they
did invite you to send in three hundred bucks for a tape series that tells more, in
condensed form. ...But isn't it at least a bit peculiar that a goofball who claimed an
omniscient, always-right "God" saluted his every word, took so many times more pages to
tell the story than did the Gospel writers themselves? Gee, you need something much
longer than the Gospels to 'prove' the Gospels. Didn't God get it right the first time? He
needs some shmuck from the Bible Belt to rewrite the work for him? Give me a break.
That undermines the claims to veracity of the original work right there. Just the fact that
Richard's guest felt the need to write so damn much, shows the original books are
not the truth for everyone, the way fundies claim should be obvious. As the
French say, "He who excuses himself, accuses himself"; and he who has to come up with
26,850 more pages than did the supposed hand-picked vessels of the Almighty, really
doesn't take his own case seriously. "Hey look, I really really really like the Bible!" Yes,
and where I come from, we refer to such feverish windmills of reassurance as 'insecurity.'
We're talking serious obsessive-compulsive problems--27,000 pages?!? Does he know
what the word "Edit" means, or does he just think he is that much smarter than the Four
Evangelists? In your heart of hearts, if you know something, you know it and that's that.
But that fundie doth protest too much. To go on at such length shows not only that he
knows he will have a hard time converting the rest of us-- he hasn't even truly talked
himself into it.
There is no god, but there may be a devil: the man who does Benny
Hinn's hair.
The Rev. Ben aired a service from the Philippines on March 18, 2000. That's not
surprising. He's gone abroad, or at least claimed to, dozens of times before. No, what was
remarkable this time was the background. Or should I say, lack thereof.
You see, ol' Ben didn't say at which stadium the event was held. Curious. You'd think he'd
be proud of that. Second, the crowd was predominantly white. I'm serious. I didn't
know there were that many Caucasians in Asia. Third, and this is where it starts to get
funny:
the sound was extremely shallow, as if taped in a studio or something. I know the
difference, I used to work for a college cable t.v. station. With the Hinn show, I could
hear only about 14 people in the first few minutes of the show. We know the "miracles" at
Hinn's services
are fake, but this time the entire presentation smacked of stock footage and the most matte
paintings since the original Godzilla films. I have been in football stadiums with 85,000
people, and they sounded about a billion times louder than the supposedly larger group
over which
Hinn's cameras continually panned. These people didn't sound like they could pack an
elevator.
Dr. Sick Puppy
"Suffering, that's what builds character."-- "In Touch," Feb. 4, 2000, TBN
Wait a minute. If you live a good life and don't get into trouble, does this mean you have
no character? If you're lucky, are you getting off light? Are you supposed to go throw
yourself down the stairs or quit your job in order to understand what life is really all
about? If it's suffering that really builds character, then all that Christian stuff about
avoiding sin, whatever that means, is just hogwash. Doing bad things makes you suffer
(societal retaliation: jail, scorn, ass-beating, etc.) and isn't that just a big opportunity to
"learn and grow," under the minister's reasoning? If so, then don't be good. If works, i.e.
good deeds, don't matter, then you can be downright horrible and still be forgiven-- so
why not just be evil from the beginning? There goes the alleged ability of religion to teach
'good' behavior. "Forgiveness" is a green light. Those who believe the Big Guy will let you
off the hook later, have created for themselves a nice little excuse not to behave so well
from the start. "God" will pick up
the tab later. Atheists, on the other hand, hold that we have no chance but now to
get things right. No one is going to help you but you. What was that about the superior
morality of religion? You know where you can kiss me.
Where Did I Put That Rotting Old Manuscript?
"That's the thing, to which Mormons have always had a good comeback: they would say
that the things they are 'putting into' Revelations are the things which were taken out."--
guest on "Journeys Home," EWTN, Feb. 4, 2000
It's very funny, but no one on that show seems to have caught the many ironies hidden in
the statement. Where, for example, is the first copy of the Bible? Nobody knows.
There are so many editions, it is impossible to say who the authors really were, much less
what is the correct version of the book(s). Interesting, isn't it, that books from the Dead
Sea Scrolls which included stories of Jesus getting married and having children, and even
of having killed someone during his youth, were called the "Apocrypha" and just...left out.
Very convenient, isn't it? Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Run for Your Lives! It's an Old Church Lady!!!
"'And I saw the people who were beheaded for the words of Jesus!'"-- host of
WCLF-TV Bible study show, Feb. 4, 2000.
The selection was from the Revelation to John. Its reader, an elderly woman in a
huge fur coat and humongous glasses, went into a speech about how God supposedly had
a reward in mind for those who died in their faith. So why don't martyrs of other faiths get
in? What if you be good all your life, and then some rampaging mob comes to your door
and says, "We want to kill (-- fill in type of unbeliever scum that you might be)," but
you're something other than Christian-- as good as you were, as much niceness and charity
as you gave to the world, you're fucked if you didn't do it in the name of Jesus. You might
be a martyr to your religion, but because it's the "wrong" one, you could be Gandhi, die at
the hands of a mob and if you showed up at heaven asking to get in, St. Peter would still
say bugger off. What a welcoming, loving god the headmaster of Christianity seems to be.
(snort!)
The second interesting thing I noticed was that this chick was wearing *a fur coat
and huge shades.* Lady, most people can't afford that shit! And didn't Jesus say something
about sell all you have and come follow me? I didn't read anything about him saying, "Buy
lots and lots of things to impress people." This lucky dim bulb probably never spent a hard
day in her life. Who is she to tell me how to live?
Third, and this is when I wished I'd have taped the damn thing so I could show you
footage: she was standing in a cemetery the whole time. No, I'm not kidding. The
woman's whole sermon was delivered a few feet away from gravestones. Sheez,
lady, could you even try to have a little respect?!?
Number four, and here's yet another point where the Bible itself leaves reality in a
bilge pit: how the fuck could John possibly tell the souls were those of beheaded people?
Did they tell him? If so, how can you speak without a body?!? Were they still missing their
heads? Does a 'soul,' which is not a physical thing even in the stories of religious people,
retain the injuries of its owner? In other words, if you break your leg before you die, I
guess you'll be limping in the next life.
The joke is not just the insane hallucinations or the complete disconnection from
what we know about the natural world. Anyone can have a nightmare. I just don't go
writing a book that claims "God" told me to show up at work naked and painted purple. In
the case of Revelation, it's a wonder that people believe this shit just because somebody
said so. John announced that "God" told him so, and that was it. Did anyone else not think
to say, "Why didn't I see that shit too? Where is hell, exactly?" Nooo. Revelation is so
garbled and bizarre it was left out of Catholic editions of the Bible until the time of St.
Augustine. I guess nobody would have liked St. John if he had kicked off the book by
saying, "I am out of my mind. Why, oh why, do I like ouzo?"
Thank you, oh thank you, long-dead twit, for bringing us the terror of a horrible,
horrible place that...no one has ever seen. Next time, if you have a bad dream, just go
wash your hair, eh?
Links away!
The War on Faith, a
scathing, hilarious attack on all religious bullshit. Pulls no punches whatsoever. The skull
rules.
The Infidel Guy
runs an atheist audio show in one of the Baptist hubs of America. Feisty and fun; lend an
ear.
Weedpeace, by a fabulous character
who's one of the funniest men alive. Chats in Yahoo rooms with us happy religion-keteers many a
night. (His page is on the brief side, but you really ought to drop in on a chat and watch
him utterly destroy goofball fundie kids.)
Performing Bible-ectomies daily, with the help of Hubert the Invisible Purple
Beaver, is The English Atheist.
Get saved! Saved from Jesus, that is.
Check out the karate school that has
become a huge part of my life.
Can't stand telemarketing? Live in New York? Click here and check out the state's site to place yourself on the Do Not Call registry. This will block your phone number from phone skanks so you won't have to play "Stop Selling me Things" at dinner time. (Please note, I do not work for the state and I make no official statements or promises whatsoever on their behalf.)
