Dirty Milk Ads
starring *NSYNC

Justin
scene: a dark room. We get an extreme close-up of Justin’s face: those blue eyes, that wild, tangly ‘fro, those sexy, pouty lips… you get the picture. The camera zooms out, and we see that our wildest fantasies have come true: Justin’s completely butt-nekkid—but we only get a waist up view… sorta like in the D’Angelo video. He smiles, does that little cackle from the “Bye Bye Bye” video, and picks up a glass of milk. He drinks a little, and it leaves him with a little milk mustache.
Justin: Milk. It does a body good.

Lance
scene starts with Lance fully clothed, and standing in front of a full-length mirror. Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” plays in the background as he checks himself out: he wears a white button-down shirt and black leather pants that fit in all the right places. (*our note: we’re sick people, eh?*) Dissatisfied, he throws off the shirt. Still not pleased, off comes the pants, leaving him in boxers and a wife beater. (*another note: gRrOoOwL*) He shakes his head yet again, and off comes the few pieces of clothing that he has left. He walks over to a table, picks up a glass of milk, drinks a little, and pours the last few drops down his chest.
Lance: Milk. I’ll—I mean, it’ll do your body good.

Joey
Joey is sitting at a computer desk, as (not surprisingly) “Digital Getdown” plays in the background. He gets IMed by someone named “SupaSexE1”. He types a response, and his eyebrows raise up as he reads what she types next. He eagerly turns on his web cam, and starts to strip. Before pulling off his boxers, though, he smiles, picks up a glass of chocolate milk, and gulps it down.
Joey: Milk. It does a body good.

Chris
in the background, we hear really soft, “baby-making music” (*note-thanks for that term, Justin*) playing and we see the back of a blonde female standing in front of an easel with a paintbrush in hand. We look a little farther ahead and see Chris stretched out on a red chaise lounge with nothing but a midnight blue blanket spread over him. Gradually, he begins to move it down a little, until only the “family jewels” are covered. He smiles that cute yet devilish smile of his and picks a glass of milk up off the floor and starts to drink it. He smiles again at the mysterious painter teasingly.
Chris: Milk. It does a body good. (drops the blanket)
Painter: Oh. My. BEEP.

JC
JC is madly working out in a gym—lifting weights, running on a treadmill, the whole nine yards. When he’s done, the takes off his sweaty shirt, showcasing his amazing body and heads to the locker room. A short while later he comes out, still dripping wet, wearing only a towel. He smiles seductively, goes to the mini-fridge, and pulls out a carton of milk. He drinks it straight from the carton and finishes off the whole thing in like, thirty seconds. (*note: DAAAAYYYYYUM)
JC: Milk. It did this body good.

the screen fades to black
Announcer: Milk made them into the sexist pop stars on Earth. (pause) Milk. It does a body good.

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