Chapter One

Scene: Lance sitting on the edge of his yacht dock, which is located right in front of his $2,000,000,000 mansion. He has just gotten home and has decided to chill for a minute before he returns home to see Lancey. He begins to talk to himself, having no idea that Gilligan, his "lowlife" next door nieghbor and long-time friend, is standing behind him listening to every word he is saying...

LANCE: Ah, the ocean is so beautiful when the sun sets over it... if only I could buy it, but no money in the world is worth the value of the seven seas. No! If only I could swim in or live in it, like a fish without a stress or care in the world...
GILLIGAN: Well, Captian, unfournatley I can only fufil half of that wish for you so... lemmie at it!(his voice startles Captian, but what scares him even more is when Gilligan runs up from behind him, and pushes him in the waist-length water.)
LANCE:(as soon as he falls in, he turns around and finds Gilligan's smiling face, and his face grows red with anger as he shouts on top of his lungs) GILLIGAN!!!!!! WHY?!!!
GILLIGAN: Well, Captian, I heard you talking to yerself, and you said (imitates Lance's voice)that you would love to swim in the sea,like a fish... with no stress or care in the world.(returns to his own voice) er, something like that. But, I fufiled your wish Captian, I let you swim in the sea, like a fish! No need to thank me.(proud of himself)
LANCE: GILLIGAN!(madder, and ignoring half of what Gilligan said)
GILLIGAN: Aw, shucks, Captian! Yer welcome!
LANCE: Gilligan, what in the WORLD makes you think that I am THANKING you for THIS!(squeezes out his hair, and throws some water at Gilligan) My loafers could be ruined!!!
GILLIGAN: You shouldn't of worn them outside in the first place.
LANCE: GILLIGAN! YOU MOPHEAD!
GILLIGAN: I mean, if you really wanted to be like a fish, you shouldn't of worn shoes, I mean, fish don't wear shoes... or do they? I donno...
LANCE: (just realized Gilligan heard him talking to himself, and freaks out.) YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID?!
GILLIGAN: Um, I guess.
LANCE: (hops back on the dock and grabs Gilligan by the collar of his shirt, and threatens him) IF you tell ANY LIVING SOUL that I was talking to myself, I swear--
GILLIGAN: (interrpts Lance) I don't know any souls, so you don't have to worry. But can I tell Sebastian? He's kept every secret I've had for the last ten months.
LANCE: (mutters) Sebastian. (his voice grows a little louder, and he gets into that know-it-all type voice) You stupid, worthless, earwax-picking MOPHEAD! Sebastian does not tell anything because he is a STINKIN' WORTHLESS BABY!(yells) And you know what, he can barely say the word POOPIE! Heck, that's the only thing he can get CLOSE to saying, he can't say anthing useful like MONEY, or CASH, or LOAN, OR ANYTHING!
GILLIGAN: (slightly mad) Well, Captian I wouldn't be talking because the only thing Lancey does right is turn your fluffy rug into a into a giant barfbag. Remember? Oh, yeah, and he can also turn the bathtub into one great manure pile! WOOWIE! did your place ever reek bad that day... oh yeah, he can also make your closet a pretty good dumping ground, eh?
LANCE:(steaming up)NEVER insult a HOWELL ever AGAIN! Especially MY Lancey! You know what, Gilligan this isn't your dock, this IS MY PRIVATE PROPERTY! SO GET OFF!(pushes Gilligan)
GILLIGAN: Well, I have the need to do on thing, Captian, so (pushes Lance back in) here ya go!!
LANCE: (very, very mad) GILLIGAN!
GILLIGAN: (walks away) Oops, I did it again...


chapter two