Lance stared at his reflection in the mirror. Decked to the nines in a sharp black suit with a powdery gray shirt beneath it, he merely nodded at himself. He didn't feel like he was there, like this was really happening.
He didn't want to be there at all.
Oh, sure, he was happy for Chris and Danielle. And he was beyond honored that Chris had chosen him to be one of the best men in the wedding. That wasn't what was bothering him.
It was the fact that he was lonely.
All of the other guys were with girls--JC had recently proposed to his long-time girlfriend, Justin had this hot new girl, even Joey was settling down with a girl he'd been dating for a few months now. And then, of course, Chris was getting married. Commitment-fearing Chris was getting married!
And who was he with? No one.
It had never bothered him before, so why did it bother him now?
Maybe I'm tired of being lonely.
"Hey, dude."
Lance turned to face his friend. There stood Chris, with a look of excitement and slight nervousness on his face. Despite the fact that he was a grown man, he tugged at the sleeves of his tuxedo jacket nervously, as if he were a six year old. Lance smiled. Count on Chris to never act his age. "Hey. Are you ready man?"
"Ready as I'll ever be." Chris smiled apprehensively. "This is the day I get over my commitment-phobia."
"You should be proud."
"I am. But kinda shaky too. Like... I dunno how to describe it. I'm happy, scared out of my mind, and at the same time strangely calm." Chris bit his bottom lip nervously.
"Well man, it'll all be over soon."
Chris laughed. "That sounded like a death wish."
"That wasn't intended."
A woman dressed in a lilac, floor length gown walked into the room. "Chris?"
"Yes Diane?"
"It's time for you to head on down to the altar... nervous yet?"
Chris shook his hand back and forth, trying to emphasize his feelings without opening his mouth. Diane smiled crookedly at him, then offered him a hug. "It'll be great to have you in the family, Chris. Come on."
As Chris and Diane walked out the door, Lance stayed behind, trying to gather his thoughts. For a brief moment, he felt the slightest twinge of jealousy. Chris had long since found the woman he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with--and he hadn't. He sighed, and bit his lip, silently wondering if he would ever find his perfect woman.
"Early mornin', she wakes up, knock knock knock on the door..."
SMACK.
That was the last thing she wanted to hear when she woke up--her own song playing over her radio. Even worse was the fact that she could relate to it now more than anytime.
Britney sat up, wincing in the early morning light. She sighed heavily, and lay back down. For the first time in awhile, she found herself feeling emotions that she'd felt months before.
She felt empty.
I should be over this--shouldn't I?
Warm, salty tears dribbled down her flushed cheeks and stopped at her lips. She sniffled, and wiped the tears from her face. Why was she crying now? Shouldn't I have cried then? She licked her lips and got up, deciding to get herself ready for the inevitable wakeup call.
She winced as her bare feet met the cold tile of the bathroom floor. She flicked the light switch on, and stared in blank disbelief as she gazed upon her reflection. Her normally vibrant light brown eyes were red-rimmed and droopy. Her dirty blonde hair was dishevled and in bad need of a washing. Her cheeks were striped from the tears she'd shed earlier.
"I look like crap," she muttered, before going to turn on the hot water. As the water grew warmer, steam arose, and she leaned her face close to the surface. There was something so threaputic about letting the heat caress her face. It seemed to temporarily take away her problems.
As soon as the water was hot enough, she dropped a bathcloth into the steaming hot water. After removing it, she rung it out, and wiped her face off. She could make herself look presentable--eye drops would help the red eyes, a little concealer would hide the bags under her eyes, she could wash her hair and she'd be ready to go.
But she still was hurt about what had happened.
It'd all gone down the night of her 20th birthday party. She'd been in New York, and her management had thown her a small party. A few random people were their, including some celebrities who were merely intent on making an appearance at "THE Britney Spears' party". Of course, Justin was there, playing the role of the committed, sweet boyfriend.
What a lie.
Minutes before the cake was presented, Justin had taken her out the room for a brief time, saying he needed to talk to her. Once they were out of view of any people who could overhear the conversation or take photographs, he said, "Brit, there's something I need to tell you."
"What is it, J?" Britney asked, using her nickname for him. She searched his face, trying to find out what was wrong. There was something wrong with Justin--she could tell. Whenever he didn't make eye contact with her, something was wrong.
Justin licked his pouty lips, and ran his fingers through his infamous dirty blonde curls. "Well, babe... I don't know how to say this."
"Repeat after me: this..." Britney said teasingly. With that remark she'd hoped to at least allow a smile to cross his face, but it didn't. "Come on, Justin... tell me what's wrong."
"Britney, I... I can't do this anymore."
"Can't do what?"
"I can't be in this relationship anymore. I mean, don't think that you've done anything wrong, 'cause ya haven't. And God knows I love you more than anyone, but... I'm almost 21. I'm not ready to settle down. I'm not ready to for commitment... I just think we should see other people."
"What do you mean, not ready for commitment?" Britney's voice rose in disgust. "So, for three years you've been leading me on, Justin? All of this time that we've been together and you suddenly decide that you don't want to be with me anymore? What the hell were you thinking? What was I to you, some little pawn in a game? And I don't want to see other people... I want you."
"Brit-Brit..." Justin's voice was basically whiny.
She ignored him. "We spent three damn years together, and NOW you decide you're not ready for commitment? What kind of bullshit is that?"
"Britney..."
"Whatever, Justin. Just stay the hell away from me." Britney turned around to head back to the resturant, where the party was. As she extended her right hand out to open the door, her eyes fell upon a diamond bracelet--Justin's birthday present. She unfastened the bracelet, and pulled the diamond earrings (a Christmas present from Justin the year before) out of her ears. She threw them to the floor, and walked into the room.
For the rest of the night, she played the role of happy birthday girl. When she went back to the hotel, though, she went straight to the bathroom, and as she laid back amidst the bubbles, she sobbed uncontrollably. How could Justin--her sweet, wonderful, beautiful Justin--betray her like this? Why did he suddenly decide that he didn't want to be with her? "God, what went wrong?" she'd cried. "Why doesn't he love me anymore? Did he ever really love me?"
Even though he'd whispered sweet nothings in her ear, and given her some of the finest things that any woman would want, Britney was pretty much over Justin, except on those rare days when it seemed as though everyone else in the world had someone and she didn't. Those were the times when she felt lonliest.
After she left the bathroom and pulled on some clothes, Britney walked to the window of her suite and looked out over Los Angeles. It was five AM, and the stars were still glistening in the dark purple sky. It was actually quite amazing that she could see stars among all of the lights that were on in the city, but she was pretty much grateful that she chould. Her eyes searched the skies, and eventually she found the brightest one. She smiled softly and recalled times when she was a little girl and would wish on stars for Barbie dolls or to be a famous singer who everyone loved. As a teenager, she'd wished for the fame that she had as a little girl, and also for a great boyfriend. On her last birthday, she'd wished that Justin was "the one"; the man she'd spend the rest of her life with.
"Star light, star bright..." She recited the old rhyme, her eyes closed as she concentrated on her wish.
"...first star I see tonight... I wish I may, I wish I might... have the wish I wish tonight."
I wish I could find someone who really and truly loved me. That's all I want.