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Born Into Heaven's Light

Kristianna Madeline Russel
Dec. 19th, 1999

All my life I hoped and prayed for the day when I could hold my own child in my arms. In 1999 I learned I would have my chance. I was pregnant! My husband and I painted the bedroom, bought toys and clothes. We were excited to know we were going to have a girl. We even pre-picked her name, Kristianna Madeline. All of my prayers were finally going to come true, after years of trying.

It was a normal pregnancy. And as the months passed we got more and more excited. Looking at the tiny ultra sounds; I had a life inside of me... a little girl! My due date seemed to take forever to come.

Finally, the day came when Kristianna was due. She was on time. I started labor pains at 3:30 PM on Dec. 19th, 1999. My husband rushed me to the hospital with excitement. Kristianna was to be born. When I arrived I was in full labor. The doctors though said something was wrong; wrong with my baby girl. They could feel no heart beat. They fully induced me... making my baby come out fast.

Kristianna was born at 4:15 PM still. She had no heart beat and was not breathing. The doctors told me they were sorry, there was nothing they could do. I held my baby girl there for hours staring into her face. All my dreams washing away. God gave me a gift so precious, that he took it right away. I do not regret Kristianna's birth. She was a gift...and God did answer my prayers... I did get to hold my own child... even if it was only for a short while.

A mother holds her childrens' hands for awhile, but their hearts forever.

A Letter to Mommy

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Dear Mommy,

Before we said our first hello,
the time had already passed.
For when you held me in your arms,
I had gone to heaven to rest.

I felt angelic tears down my cheeks,
and I watched you as you weeped.
I wish I could of changed it all,
Your tears touched my soul so deep.

But mommy when you are sad,
Please be assured I know.
For death cannot take away your love,
it will only continue to grow.

Time and distance cannot erase,
a love and a bond so deep.
There is no bond that can compare,
and in your heart I'll keep.

When you are feeling far away,
and missing me so much,
Close your eyes and feel my wings,
their soft and gentle touch.

Or at night as you sleep,
I will join you in a dream.
You will see me standing close to you,
and we'll be lost within my wings.

So my dear Mommy,
as you go from day to day.
Find comfort in the knowledge,
I am never that far away.

Written on 3/19/98 by Erin and Quinn's mommy ...Lori

with a special verse added by Zachery's mommy... Jennifer

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This page designed by Arlene E. Jacobs
from one bereaved Mom to Another,
as a volunteer for My Mom Is A Survivor.