When they arrived the saw me sitting on the edge of the creek with my feet in the water, they didn’t rush out of the van but sat there for a few minutes.
“How did you know she was here Kristin?” Joey asked.
“Well I’ve been friends with Jen since Elementary school and we use to ride our bikes out here when one of us was upset or having a bad day and by the time we left we felt all better and this was always the place we ran to cause we had nowhere else to go. I didn’t say anything sooner because I figured she would need a few minutes alone.”
“I remember this place, Jen brought me here last year and said that you were the only one she had ever brought here because it was secret.” Lance said.
“well we can’t just let her sit there let’s do something.” Ben said.
“Well let’s take turns talking to her, Alissa you go first.”
Alissa walked over and sat next to me.
“Jen, how are you doing?”
“I’m not good at all, I’ve lost my best friend in the world! 17 years ago she brought me into this world and she wasn’t suppose to leave me behind yet. I always thought my mom would be there at my graduation, seeing me through college, growing up and getting married, and being able to see her grand-children. But she’s never going to be there. This happened to you last year, how have you been able to cope?”
Alissa took a deep breath. “It’s been hard, I still think like you do all the time. But I can’t just hold my life back. You’ve got stand up straight and realize one thing Jen. Just because your mom isn’t physically here doesn’t mean she’s gone. She’ll always be here spiritually and in your heart. Your mom will see you graduate, she will see you marry, and she’ll see her grand-kids just not in the way you’ve always thought. You start seeing things in a whole new perspective Jen. You’re going to be sad and you’re going to cry but just remember I’m going to be here for you just like you were here for me.”
I continued to sob. I knew what she was telling me but it was hard to face the reality that she was gone.
“Alissa?” I asked quietly.
“What?”
“Can I just have awhile alone. I really need to think for awhile.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks” I said trying my best to smile
“What did she say?” Kristin asked when Alissa returned to the van.
“Well she said a lot of what I use to say how it’s hard to believe that her mom won’t be there to see her graduate or get married and her children will never get to meet their grand-mother and I told her that her mother will always be there spiritually and in her heart.”
“Ok well I’m going to go talk to her now.” Lance said.
“No, don’t go, she said she needed some time alone. I think it would be best if we just went home and let her come home when she feels better.” Alissa suggested. They all agreed and drove back home. When they got back Ben, Kristin, Alana, and Alissa all went home.
The hours past and I remained in the same spot. I sat thinking of all the good times we had together and all the talks we had over the years. From our conversations on why the sky was blue and all the problems with my boyfriends to plans for the future. Never again would we have our conversations again. The only way I could talk to her was through praying, something I wasn’t really big on, and even then I could never hear her sweet, caring voice ever again.
The sun had gone down and the moon’s reflection laid upon the water. The weather had gotten a bit chillier as a gentle summer wind blew through my hair. I looked at my watch to see what time it was, 11:18 p.m., It was definitely time for me to leave this place. I got into my car and slowly drove away. I was in no hurry to get home so I drove around the small town for an hour then stopped in a 24 hour convience store to get some magazines and a few other items then I headed home. At 1 a.m. I pulled into the driveway to see nothing but a dark house and another car in my driveway, it was my dad’s car, he must have found out and came home. I grabbed my keys and my purse and got out of the car. When I reached the porch I was surprised to see Lance sitting there waiting for me.
“What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be asleep now?” I asked.
“I couldn’t sleep I was too worried about you, I thought you’d be home in a few hours not over half a day. Plus your dad got home about 3 hours ago and he was talking non-stop about his trip and about you and me and how I was so I came out here for awhile cause I don’t know what we’re going to do about this sleeping arrangement and I already sent Joey and Chris downstairs in your basement and so they’re going to stay on the fold out couch.”
“I’m sorry, I should’ve come home sooner but time just kinda went by really fast and I’m just so upset.” I said sitting next to him as he wrapped his arms around me. “And this sleeping arrangement is fine, remember my mom said it was fine and she told me dad and he’s cool with it so we’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“So are you doing any better?”
“Well I don’t know about better but I think I’ve accepted that she’s gone I’m still trying to think about how different life is going to be without her. When I was a little girl my mom and I would always play together and I use to get out my dress-n-dazzle bridal kit and dress up and I’d pretend to marry all these people, once I even got married to all the new kids on the block. But my mom use to say how I’d be such a beautiful bride and she couldn’t wait to help me plan everything and see me walk down the isle. Now I’m all alone. Worst off I’m left with my dad.”
“Your dad doesn’t seem like such a bad guy, he just tends to talk a lot.”
“Lance, my dad is never here he says he’s away on ‘business’, business my ass, I’ve seen him, he’s been cheating on my mom for the past 2 years and my mom never once knew. Now that mom’s gone he doesn’t have to hide it anymore. I’m sure he’ll probably marry that bitch, but you know what I’m not going to be around to watch him forget about my mother like yesterday’s news.”
“I never knew that. How can he do that to her? Those two seemed so perfect for each other when I saw them together. And just how are you not going to be around?”
“Easy. I’ll move.”
“By yourself? Where to?”
“Well I’ve thought of a few places. I can go out to California and live near my brother, or maybe apply for early graduation and go to college somewhere else or umm... I know my Aunt Lindsay always invites me to stay with her in the summer because she doesn’t have any kids and we’ve always been close and she knows what and asshole my dad is. That’s it I’ll talk to Aunt Lindsay.”
“Ok Jen, I just hope you aren’t making a mistake.”
The front door opened and out walked my dad.
“Hey baby, how’s daddy’s little girl?” he said.
“I’m not good at all, and I’m not little anymore, I’m 17 now dad.”
“Well you’ll always be my little girl.”
I just smiled.
“Well why don’t you two lovebirds come inside it’s getting chilly outside.”
We got up and followed my dad inside to the living room.
“Honey I need to talk to you about something.” my dad announced.
“Well I’ll leave you two alone.” Lance said. I looked at him with open eyes signifying that I wanted him to stay. He assured me it would be fine and kissed me on the cheek. When he left the room my dad began another one of his boring talks.
“Well it looks like you two are really in love.”
“Yeah, he’s the reason I wake up in the morning.”
“Make sure he doesn’t cheat on you because good guys usually have some fault.”
“I won’t let him be like you daddy.”
“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?”
“Oh come on, do you really think I don’t know about your ‘business trips’ give me a break, I know all about you and that slut. I don’t get how you could ever do that to mom.”
“Listen to me Jennifer, I love your mother dearly and you know that, but we grew apart and I fell in love with another woman at the same time.”
“Dad don’t give me your excuses. Mom’s dead now, bet you’re happy. Don’t have to sneak around anymore.”
“I’m not happy one bit about your mother’s death, and sure that means I don’t have to sneak around anymore worrying about hurting your mother’s feelings.”
“Yeah well I hope you and that dumb slut are very happy together.”
“Claudia is not a slut, and you better learn to respect her because soon she’ll be your step-mother.”
“I don’t have to respect her because I’m not going to be around. I’m leaving!”
“And just where do you think you’re going to?”
“I’m going to live with Aunt Lindsay .”
“Fine go.”
“ I will. Once I call and make arrangements I’m out of here. This can be your 2 weeks notice, thanks for always being there you bastard.” I yelled as I walked out of the room and up to my room where Lance awaited me.
“So what was that about?” he asked.
“I was right, I was so fucking right! He’s marrying that slut, oh excuse me Claudia, and I told him I was leaving in 2 weeks to go live with Aunt Lindsay. You know what I bet you Jeremy doesn’t know about what happened, I better call him.” I said as I picked up the phone and dialed his number.
“Hello?” “Hey there, how’s the best brother in the world doing?”
“Jen, hey lil’ sis, I’m doing pretty good how about you?”
“I’m not doing the greatest but I needed to call and tell you something.”
“Uh oh what’s wrong now?”
“It’s mom. She was on the plane coming back from California and there was a crash in Kansas and no one survived. Jeremy, mom’s dead.” I said as I tried to hold back the tears.
The voice on the other end was silent.
“Jeremy?”
“Yeah I’m here, I... I just can’t believe it.” I heard him trying to hide his crying from me.
“Yeah I couldn’t believe it either, everyone through me this huge birthday party and mom was suppose to be home around 11 and I had already fallen asleep and when I woke up Lance told me they called and I went crazy and stormed out of here. I just got home about half an hour ago.”
“Oh Jen this is awful.” “Well you haven’t heard the worst of it. When I got back dad was home and he said something when Lance left the room like ‘don’t let him cheat on you all the good guys have faults.’ and I told him I wouldn’t let him be like dad. and dad went off and told me he was going to marry Claudia and I better learn to respect her and I told him I was moving out.” “Claudia?” he asked. “Oh yeah that slut he cheated on mom with right? So where are you going to go?”
“Well I wasn’t sure but I remembered Aunt Lindsay saying I was welcome anytime so I figured she’d love to have me live with her.”
“Yeah, well Aunt Lindsay’s nice but why don’t you come live with me and Emily, we’d love to have you out here.”
“I’d love to but you’re all the way out in California. Plus I wouldn’t want to get in the way.”
“Well where does Lindsay live?”
“Aunt Lindsay lives in Florida.”
“What part of Florida?”
“Umm let me check this address book.” I said pulling the address book from my night stand. “Ok I’m looking....ah ha, found it, she lives in Orlando.”
“Well that’s not to bad of a place, everything happens there, isn’t that where all your little buddies live?”
“Huh? Oh my god you’re so right I never even thought about that, but you should be more worried about me stalking the Backstreet Boys while I’m down there.” I laughed.
“Yeah sure.”
“I’m really tired so I’m going to hit the sac now, but I’ll call you tomorrow or Tuesday to let you know about the funeral and stuff, ok?”
“Yeah, keep me posted, Tell everyone I said ‘hey’. Love ya, and be good.”
“Oh I’ll be a good girl, don’t worry about me, love you too. Bye.” I hung up the phone with the first smile on my face all day.
“So how did your brother take it?” Lance asked.
“Well I heard him crying but overall I think he’ll be fine, and he told me to come live with him and Emily but I said California was too far away.”
“I heard you tell him your Aunt lives in Orlando?”
“Yeah isn’t that cool, finally out of this stupid town.”
“That’s great, and you’ll be closer to me and the guys. Where exactly does she live?”
I got out the address book again and showed him.
“She lives right around the corner from me, like less than 5 miles.” “Well this move must be meant to be then.”
He got up from the bed and went into my closet. I got up and went to the bathroom to change into my pajamas. 5 minutes later I emerged from the bathroom and joined him in the bed. Once I was comfortable I looked over at him, he had an odd expression on his face and his hands behind his back.
“Are you ok?” I asked.
“Yeah I’m fine, I never gave you your birthday present though.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, Happy Birthday.” he said pulling a small box from behind his back.
I quickly opened the box to find a silver ring. I removed the ring from the box and realized there was an inscription on it. I squinted to read it but before I could he recited what it said. “I never knew love till there was you”
I thought for a moment, why did that sound so familiar to me? I had a confused look on my face about the inscription.
“What’s wrong?” he asked when he saw the inscription.
“Why does that sound so familiar?”
“You don’t remember? It’s from one of your favorite songs.”
“Oh I remember now, ‘From the bottom of my broken heart’, that Britney Spears song. One of the few reasons I like that slut’s music. How did you ever remember that? ”
“Good memory I guess.”
I kissed him on the cheek and smiled “Thanks”
He paused for a moment. “Jen, this is more than just a birthday gift, think of it on the lines of an engagement ring but not really because we’re in no rush to get married, so I’ve got a question to go along with this ring, Will you marry me, not today, not tomorrow, but someday in the not too far off future?”
“Yes, Yes.... I will. I love you.” I said joyfully.
“I love you too. So does this upgrade you from my girlfriend to my fiancée?”
“I guess so, whatever, as long as I’m with you that’s all that matters.”
We sat there and talked about our plans for the future and other subjects affecting the both of us at this point in time, like the guys having to leave soon to get ready for their tour.
Four days later it was time for my mom’s funeral. 7 a.m. in the morning Lance and I were waiting for my brother’s flight to arrive. I sat nervously anticipating his arrival, it had been four years since I had last saw him, I was hoping I could still recognize him. The passengers began coming through the terminal, I sorted through all the faces and none matched my last memories of my brother. Once everyone was through I thought I missed my brother so I got up and turned around and told Lance we needed to go page him to meet us.
“Jen?” I heard a familiar voice say.
I slowly turned my head around and looked at his face. “Jeremy, oh my god it’s you. You look the same. I’m so glad you could make it.” I said hugging him tightly.
“Well I wish I could say the same for you but gosh look at you now, you’re like 5 inches taller and all filled out and even prettier than I remember.”
“It’s amazing the difference from a 12 year old to a 17 year old isn’t it.” I saw Emily coming through the terminal and I let go of Jeremy and ran to her giving her a hug.
“Ok well we’ve got about 7 hours to get everything done, the funeral starts at 2, so we’ve got to hurry.” I said helping them grab their bags. “Oh wait, I’m so rude sometimes, Jeremy, Emily I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Lance. Lance this is the best brother in the world, Jeremy and his fiancée Emily.”
“Hi, nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Same here.” Jeremy said.
“well enough chit chat let’s get going” I said hurrying them along.
We all piled into the van and got home where dad greeted Emily and Jeremy. Jeremy and my dad sat down to talk for about an hour.
“So how’s college been?”
“Oh I had an ok year just got straight A’s in everything.” he boasted.
“That’s great, you always have been the brains of the family, now only if you could talk some sense into your sister.”
“What are you talking about, Jen has plenty of good sense, she’s did good in school, she’s got a steady boyfriend, she’s changed a lot dad. She use to be a little flirtatious player, breaking all those little boys hearts and she didn’t care about school but look at her she’s done a total 360.”
“I know, but I miss the way she use to be, at least then she didn’t back talk me like she does now.”
“Yeah I heard about what happened the other day.”
“What did you tell her about it?”
“I told her ‘way to go’ I mean dad that is like as low as it gets. I even invited her to come live with me because she shouldn’t have to sit here and put up with your shit. Our mother is dead dad and you worry about bringing some tramp in here in less than a month after her death? That takes nerve.”
“Listen, everything a person does in life isn’t necessarily right but I need your support Jeremy, talk to your sister and convince her not to leave.”
“Dad, I ca..”
“Jeremy, I don’t ask much of you but please.”
Jeremy sighed and got up from his chair. He slowly climbed the stairs and made his way to my bedroom door and knocked.
“Come in.” I shouted. The door opened. “Hey bro what’s up?”
“Nothing much just got done talking to dad.”
“And.. what did he have to say?” I asked as I signaled for him to sit on the bed next to me where Lance and I were watching TV.
“Well he started saying he was proud of me and stuff and how I should talk some sense into you. I supported you though and told him how you’d come a long way from the flirtatious little heart breaker you were 5 years ago.” Lance gave me an odd look “ to the bright young woman you’ve become.”
“ What’s that look for?” I asked him.
“Flirtatious little heart breaker?”
“Uh, yeah that was me, ya know Ben, Scott, Corey, Ryan, and a bunch of those guys at my party?” he nodded. “Dated them all within the period of 3 months. I was a little flirt and that got me the rep of being easy and basically a slut. But then 9th grade came around an I realized that guys would start taking advantage of me and I wasn’t that kind of person, so I hid all the flirting and now here I am as sweet little me.”
“It’s hard to imagine.”
“Yeah, well thanks for defending me Jeremy.”
“Well dad asked me to do a favor. Jen, why don’t you stay here, don’t leave.”
“Is Claudia moving in?”
“Yeah...”
“Well if she’s moving in I’m moving out plain and simple. Plus I got ahold of Aunt Lindsay and I’m going to live with her, and I also applied for early graduation so next month I have a little graduation ceremony and I’m then an official college student in Orlando. So see it’s kinda hard to drop everything now.”
“Well yeah but...”
“Plus she’s going to be less than 5 miles from my house so she’ll be in good hands all the time, you don’t need to worry about your sister.” Lance added.
“I’m not it’s just, I don’t know Jen, how can you just pack up and leave you’ve lived here for the past 17 years. You wanna know something? When I left for college it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I left behind my family and my friends and my past, I had to build a whole new life, do you really want to leave it all?”
“No not really, but I have to start somewhere, I can’t stay here all my life. Now is as good of time as any. Besides, I’ll be back to visit. I can’t just up an leave dad forever.”
“Well you sure sound like you’re ready but I really think you should tell dad your plans, cause I don’t think he knows your college plans.”
“Yeah well I’ll talk to him later, right now I’ve gotta go start getting ready for the funeral you guys should start soon too, we’re leaving in 2 hours.” They both agreed and I headed to get ready for the saddest day of my life. I put on a black spaghetti strap dress with black hose and high heels. Then we headed to the funeral home.
We were the first to arrive at the funeral home which was decorated with flowers especially white roses which were her favorite. I walked up to her open casket to see her for the first time in almost a month. There lied her tranquil body. I waited for her to sit up and yell ‘surprise’ as a joke but I soon realized seeing her body lying there motionless that this was all a reality. I couldn’t look any longer each second there tore away at me so I took my seat and pulled out my tissues as I broke down in tears.
The ceremony was exceptionally beautiful and there was quite some turn out too. My mother was always a part of the community and helping out with projects. After the burial I went home and changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and decided to just hang out with Erica and Tiffany around the house since they were both leaving in 2 days.
“Hey” I said as I walked into the living room where they were already sitting watching TV.
“Hi” they both said.
“I can’t believe you guys have to leave in 2 days. I’m going to miss you two.”
“I know the time has flown by so fast but this has been one hell of a vacation, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would come out her and meet *NSync let alone now be going out with JC. I mean this blows my mind completly, I haven’t even told my parents yet. This just means we’ve gotta come visit you down in Florida next time.” Erica joked.
“No shit! My life totally use to blow till I came here. Now look I’ve got one hell of a life.” Tiffany added
“You 2 are so weird, see I told you you’d meet them someday.” I laughed
“Yeah well we thought nothing of it like you know yeah right whatever kinda shit.”
“Well now you know I wasn’t joking. I’m sorry about all this though and how I haven’t been around much cause well you know.”
“Jen we’re not upset at all, no one expected all these tragedies to happen.” Erica said.
“Yeah I know but still, oh well lets make these next 2 days fun. what do you guys want to do the sky is the limit.”
“How about we...” Tiffany started to say but I cut her off.
“I’ve got it tomorrow we’re out of here at 6 am so be up and ready.” I commanded.
“Where are we going to go?”
“You’ll see when we get there, I’ve got to make a few phone calls, I’ll be back in a few.” I said as I ran out of the room and up to my room where Lance was changing.
“Oh don’t mind me just have to use the phone for a few minutes.”
He shot me a look of confusion a few minutes ago I was all upset and now I was running around all happy. I got out my address book to look for the numbers. I ran my fingers through the pages rapidly looking for the phone number.
“Ben..ben..ben...ben.. ah ha Ben found it.” I said as I skimmed the page for his number.
The phone rang three times before he answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey Ben this is Jen. Oh how cute that rhymes, anyways I needed to talk to you.”
“well boy somebody is surely happy, I’m glad you called what’s up?”
“Oh well Tiffany and Erica are leaving in 2 days and I figured they’ve been through enough drama while they were here so tomorrow I’m taking them and the guys to Kings Dominion and I want you Kristin, Alissa and Alana to come along to so I decided to call you first, so what do you say?”
“Ok sure I’m in.”
“Ok good well I have to go call the others, we’re leaving at 6 am so we’ll swing by your house around 6:15 ok.”
“Ok, Bye.”
I hung up and called Alissa, Alana, and Kristin, who were all free to come along. When I finished making arrangements I ran back down the stairs and joined my friends along with Justin and JC.
“Ok now why exactly are we leaving here at 6 in the morning Jen? How am I suppose to have a good sleep?” JC asked.
“You can sleep on the way there I’m driving so you just sit back and sleep to your heart’s desire.”
“Oh my god you’re driving? Oh god I don’t wanna die!”
“Bite me you ass, I’m a good driver and you know it.”
“Yeah yeah whatever. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise only 4 others know, but we’re going on a fun 2 hour ride so be ready and in the van at 6 am on the dot, got me?”
“Ok we’ll be there. You better have something good planned.”
“Oh it’ll be fun” I assured him.
“So where are Joey and Chris at?” I asked.
“They were on there way to pick up Alana and Kristin.” Justin replied.
“Oh ok, well I guess Joey and Chris will know what’s going on tomorrow then. Oh well it doesn’t really matter. Well I’m going to go get some sleep now, see ya’ll later.” I said.
“It’s only 7:30 Jen isn’t it kinda early to go to bed?” Tiffany asked.
“Not when you’re getting up at 4:30 a.m. and driving, unless you want to die before we get there I can stay up a little longer, if not good-night !”
“Night” they replied.
“Oh by the way Emily and Jeremy went out earlier with my dad and they will be back really soon so when they get back can you tell them to stop by my room for a few minutes?”
“Sure.” Erica replied and I headed to the stairs.
As I began to round the corner heading for the stairs I saw Lance coming down the steps so I just walked up to him and kissed his cheek and said “Good-night”
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To bed I wanna be well rested for tomorrow, I’m driving so I need all the sleep I can get.”
“Oh you’re driving? Well I’ve got shotgun. Night.”
I walked up the carpet covered steps rather quickly then changed into my night clothes. I got beneath the covers and curled up with the light remaining on. I glanced at the night stand by my side and picked up the frame which guarded the picture of my parents, Jeremy and myself from 5 years ago. This picture slowly started to disintegrate in my mind. My mother was now gone. My brother lives in California now, and soon I would be moving and leaving my dad behind. This isn’t the way I had pictured my life to be.