At 4:30 a.m. I woke up and found myself unable to go back to sleep so I went ahead with my normal daily routine. I showered and dressed then I took a seat at my oak desk in the corner of my room and thought what to do. A thought occured to me, something I hadn’t done in months. I went to my closet and dug through a box of my old junk and there it was, my journal.
I use to write pages and pages everyday but had soon shoved it aside when a friend of mine had read through it and told me my life was nothing but “A fantasy world” and “I needed to stop wasting my time writing a bunch of lies in a book.” Some fantasy my life was turning out to be, here I was a 17 year old girl with a great boyfriend and great friends forced to runaway from her father and live with her Aunt thinking life would be better. Better? Things were worse, I left my whole life behind me thinking I could spread my wings and fly by myself when in fact here I was in need of being under mother’s wing but mother wasn’t there.
The thoughts poured from my mind to the white, lined paper. Feeling of mourning and joy and events of epic proportions. Once my mind was freed I dated the page and signed it “Fallen Star”. I gazed at the words of the previous pages reading of how much fun I had at the school dance and the petty arguments amongst my closest friends.
“What are you reading?” Lance asked as he walked over to the desk and stood behind me.
“My life.” I replied shutting the book and placing it upon my desk. “Can’t you sleep anymore either?”
“Nope, I think going to bed 4 hours earlier than normal did it for me.”
“Yeah same here, I can’t just sit around here either, let’s go for a walk.” I suggested he agreed and dressed. I left a note on the counter incase Lindsay was to wake up she wouldn’t worry. We shut the door behind us and walked down the sidewalk where the street lamps still softly lit the way.
“So where are we walking to exactly.” he asked.
“You’ll see.”
Ten minutes later we arrived.
“Well here we are.” I said looking at the pond surrounded by trees. I walked to the edge of the water and sat on the grass. Lance sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me holding me tight as the sounds of the wild rejoiced in our ears. The air was as fresh as the new day. The suns orange rays peeked through the trees and began to grace the dark sky. We watched until the sun had almost fully risen then we turned back to my house.
A few hours later I drove Lance to meet up with the guys. We had lunch and I went home. Just 5 days till the tour began. I was busy packing my bags and checking them two and three times to make sure I forgot nothing. The day before I was set to leave I had Lindsay drive me to my new school so I could pick up the English and Business assignments I would need for the time I would miss.
“So how long are you going to be missing?” asked Mrs. Long, the principal.
“Until the end of September but I was warned that if something happens and the tour needs to be extended it could go into the 2nd week of October. I’m sorry if this is a big hassle getting me materials.”
“It’s no problem, luckily you only have two classes and the business and english courses for your grade level are all independent work anyways, you’d be stuck in a library working in silence. So what is this about a tour? Are you a performer?” he asked with a smile.
“Me? Heavens no, I mean I have worked with vocal lessons up till a year ago but I’m no singer. I’m going on tour with my boyfriend, he invited me to go with them.”
“Who?”
“Oh, I’m going on tour with *NSync.”
“Really? My daughter is a huge fan of their’s.”
“Cool, is she going to their hometown concert tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, I’m taking her as part of her birthday present.”
“It’s always a great gift. I’ll be right back in a second, excuse me for a second.” I said as I went to the hallway and pulled out my cell phone and tried to get ahold of Lance but he didn’t answer so I called Joey.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Hey Joey it’s Jen. Listen I need a favor think you can help me out?”
“Anything, you name it. Well I’m at school now and I was talking to my principal and her daughter is going to your concert tomorrow night and it’s part of a birthday gift so I was wondering if maybe I could get her backstage to meet you guys.”
“You’ll have the power to do that. Since you’re touring with us you get this VIP pass and you can get anyone back with you so sure.”
“Really? That’s too cool. Oh and by the way where are you guys at I tried to reach Lance but he didn’t answer.”
“Oh I dunno Justin and I our playing b-ball but Lance and the others are at home packing and stuff.”
“Oh ok, well I have to go. See you tomorrow.”
“Yup, bye.”
I went back into the office and Mrs. Long was standing there with my materials all ready.
“Ok here we go we have your accounting books and workbooks, an economics book and workbook, vocabulary workbook and some composition topics and an outline of due projects. This is all you need all year, so if you’re a hard worker you might finish it all rather quickly.”
“This is really great, thank you so much Mrs. Long.” I said as she loaded the books into a box to make things easier. I grabbed the box and headed for the door but stopped when I realized I had forgotten something. “Mrs. Long?”
“Yes dear?”
“Tomorrow at the concert would you meet me in at the front gate say about 4:30 before they open the gates?”
“Umm sure thing, tomorrow at 4:30, good-bye.”
“Bye” I said as I left. I had thought about telling her about my surprise but I figured it would be even better if no one knew.
That night I went home and set my bags in the corner of my room and glanced through my school materials and made sure to load up on paper, pens, pencils, and all the necessary school supplies not to mention my lap top and my journal. It was official I was ready to hit the road. I made my phone calls back to Maryland telling my dad I was leaving and I would be able to see him when we were in DC for a weekend in about 3 weeks. I also called Ben and got news that Alissa had dumped him after a huge fight. I went to bed at 10 p.m. to make sure I would be rested for what was going to be the most hectic weeks I had ever had. It seemed like I couldn’t fall asleep so I got up and turned on my cd player hoping the music would put me to sleep. I reached for my Backstreet Boys Cd and put it in. I laid down and listened to the words and thought about my mother...
It takes a lot to know what is love
It’s not the big things, but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by
I don’t think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to Succeed
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hand
‘Cause Mom you always were the perfect fan
God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
And I’ve had many years to grace.
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you’ve done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son.
You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And you showed me that you would always be there
I wanna thank you for that time
And I’m proud to say you’re mine
‘Cause Mom you always were, Mom you always were
Mom you always were, you know you always were
‘Cause mom you always were... the perfect fan
~Backstreet Boys “The Perfect Fan”