Stories By Lady Renegade

FRIENDS

Friends are those who you can place your life on the line and are there to help you. They are your councilors, financial aids, sparring partners, and support systems. Friends are those who are supposed to be there for you through tough, and good ti mes. Friendship is one of the best things in Life so treasure it, hold it special to your heart, like a precious metal or favorite thing.

Through my last three years I have truly found my "Friends". Gal Pals, and Men Pals alike seem to be the same. "Gal Pals" from the real life seem to be more genuine than computer ones. I will not include all my computer "Gal Pals" since I have met one that is a true friend. As for the rest of the computer ones "TO THE WINDS WITH YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Where should I start??? Maybe if I explain why I feel the way I do. This is not a sob story to get sympathy, its the Truth. My life hasn' t been an easy one, of course whose has? My mother got pregnant with my before my father and her got married. That's the start of something awful. Nobody should ever get married just because of a baby. My mother loved me, yet hated what I caused her life to be like. I don't remember much of my childhood due to the abuse from her. I hear stories about things she did, but have them blocked from my memory. This continued till the age of 11 when I finally had enough, and had a 'Break down' for lack of a better word. This was her last attempt to abuse me, for I admit I turned the tables. I am not proud of what I did, but it was necessary to save my own life. At that point I went to live with my father and stepmother. I had a good life till I became a teen acher, YES ACHER! (Smile) That's when we all loose our minds temporarily. I really didn't rebel that badly, I never ran from home, but I did the standards, Drugs, Alcohol, and yes BOYS!!! In particular the badder the boy the better. When I turned 15 the boy I liked and one of his friends broke into my room witch was the basement at the time, and took turns raping me. My father to this day doesn' t know about this, I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I was a virgin even though my family didn't believe me. At this point I didn't feel like I was worth anything and really didn't care what happened to me. When my family couldn't handle my behavior they placed me in the custody of the state. That was one of the best things to happen for me. I saw many that it hurt more than helped, but for me it woke me up to whom I really was. I for the first time had people who cared and knew how to show it, and got my first "Real Friend'. I rely on my friends now, and if they do not pull up to my standards will write them off. Thus explaining my feelings.

Now that you know why I feel as I do you will understand more I hope. I married the first man to ask me, not knowing the control freak he truly was. We were married for 6 1/2 years, and had the most special thing in my life today, My son. He will never admit, but I know he cheated, and there is a child of one of his friends that I truly believe is his. After I realized what I was in,,,, I met a great friend who has turned out to be my fiance now. A man who has had it as rough as myself or worse. He is deaf and people use that against him, so I am very protective of him. He never really has had experience with women and relationships that the other person cares about him, and doesn't know how to deal with any flirtations of other women. He doesn't see what I see, he doesn't see when a female is using his friendship as a way to get to him. I'm not saying all women want him, but he attracts women who use his kindness, and friendship as a way to try to get him with them. I try to give all his friends and mine the benefit of the doubt, till something like the following happens.

At first I thought it was me, but as time went on I realize it's not me totally. My first real problem with "Gal Pals\" from the computer happened in Ft. Myers Florida. We went down for a "RENEGADE" chat party set up just because we were going to be there for the weekend to get away. The first night was great and the same with the following day. Then the second night happened. Several men from online were hitting on me, and women hitting on my old man. This happens in bars, no problem we resolved the situation. Several people were not able to attend so they wanted us to meet for lunch. We did, and one lady was all over my old man, I thought she was a friend, but she was drunk so I blew it off. Her husband asked us over to their house to visit, and we went. She was so drunk he couldn\rquote t get her out of the truck so my old man carried her in the house. When she woke up 2 hours later she was cold and asked for my old mans shirt which he loaned her. That's the type of man he is. I was not comfortable with it but blew it off. Then she refused to return it, again I blew it off. I explained to him later that you don't do that when youre with someone and should have demanded the clothing back. Situation solved till we chatted a few days later. She was telling everyone they slept together. End of friendship there.

Two weeks later we went to Clearwater so meet another "Gal Pal" from online. Everything was great till dinner. We all were giving each other bites of our meals to sample everything. She promptly started scooting closer to my old man, and attempted to put her hand on his knee. At that point I snapped, and pushed my plate away firmly. She obviously didn't care and continued with her flirtations. We left, and she logged on and told everyone I let her and him sleep together. END OF FRIENDSHIP!!!!!

During these two incidents there was a neighbor without a car, who's old man left her. She needed rides to the store and to work, and my old man supplied this as a friend. Two months after this started I got a phone call from her ex asking me if I knew she was over at my old mans house daily. I knew, but didn't have a problem with it yet. That evening she called me and informed me that my old man had no intention of keeping me and wanted her, and if I came down to see him she and her friends where gonna kill me. Definitely END of Friendship, he even stopped giving her rides and having her over for coffee. Come to find out she was even watching us make love through the crack in our blinds. NOW THAT'S ONE SICK WOMAN!!!!!!

Currently we have had problems with one woman from online. I feel head over heals in "Friendship"with her. She seemed to care for both of us. When I realized she was coming over to the house while I was at work I said something. Nothing happened and I know that, but that's just not something that should be done if youre just a friend. Out of respect for me she should have waited till I was here also. I left out of town for 5 days, and we all had the understanding that no women would be here while I was not home. They were chatting, and my old man mentioned he was almost out of cigs. She was here in 5 mins from what I understand. I went off. Can you blame me??? I ended the friendship at that point. And her reaction has caused my old man to see that she wanted more than friendship now too. It hurts, because she seemed to be a "Special Friend" one that you would have for the rest of your life.

Not to be all negative, I must add this. We met a gal from Kentucky! BEV your one special Lady. From what I see and have witnessed when youre around me and Bob I know you respect my feelings, and are a True Friend. You help when you can, and send the most wonderful pick you up packages. I can't wait till I can do the same for you. When Bev came down to see us. she was exhausted, so I told her to go to our place and rest. I didn't feel uncomfortable with it, but you did. This woman understands how another woman feels, that proves you want nothing more than friendship in my book. I love you more than you know.

Men your not excluded!! So don't feel youre off the hook. Several of you from online have him believing its me. Its not so, you all just enjoy having the attention of all these women. That's understandable, but "Cyber relationships are the same as real life to most of us women folk. So if your doing this you are cheating on your old ladies as well. I do have several men friends that I know have other feelings, but would never over step the boundaries. And I have a few that will do anything to help me. I love you all for it, as Friends.

So to conclude this story, I want everyone who reads this to evaluate your understanding of Friendship. Wouldn't you treasure this special gift the way I do?? I hope more people do. Friends and Family are the two things in this life that mean more than anything. No you can't spend it like cash, but it's a treasure beyond measure. It's a gift from God to humanity to help us deal with everything. Without Friends what's the importance of living? We all need love, we all need companionship. Why spoil it? Friendship is blind to each other's faults, yet not so blind that we destroy another's life for it. Friendship is a Tool of love, devotion, and kindness Not a Tool to pry into a relationship. Only true friends can say just about anything to each other and help open another's eyes. Friends can help you deal with that you feel you don\rquote t have the reserves to deal with, they are there to help you with your burdens of both hardship and love. Both Hardship and Love are burdens that we all carry, but they were never meant to be carried alone.

Remember this!!!!!!

PREFER A HONEST LOSS TO A DISHONEST GAIN!

ONE BRINGS PAIN FOR THE MOMENT, THE OTHER FOR ALL TIME!!!

(No true friend would hurt another for this or any other reason.)

Your Friend

Lady Renegade "Darla" Aug. 1999