Terminal, but funny		Hi, Medical JobScout.... I'm Fern Mack, RN, BSN, and I work in an Oncology clinic in Dearborn. In the midst of all the tragedy we face, I heard a cute story that I wanted to pass along to you guys: The middle-aged man was visibly shaken when his doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest. "What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor. His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my mother-in-law". Surprised by the answer, the doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your mother-in-law?" "Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"
The drunken ER patient		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Ethel Fallar, RN, and I work the night shift in an ER here in Alexandria, Louisiana. A rather tipsy fellow walked in with a huge gash in his forhead. He was barely conscious but had still managed to drive himself to the ER. I asked him why he didn't just call 911. His slurred answer: "My phone doesn't have any 11 key."
Hospital Departments according to Murphy		Hi, Medical JobScout.... I'm Ethel Rumgeld, a CEO in the Buffalo area. Ran into the following and thought you'd enjoy it: Murphy's Hospital Laws: If it's green or squirms, it's Housekeeping. If it stinks, it's Pathology. If it doesn't work, it's Engineering I suppose you could add, "If everybody's mad at it, it's probably the CEO's office!" Keep up the good work -- we'll call Medical JobScout when we need a recruiter! --Ethel
New nurse lawyer shares a chuckle		I'm DeeAnn Ridley, RN, LLD (I just passed the bar here in Orlando!) I ran across this cool lawyer joke that I thought you'd enjoy: A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
Why the old geezer stopped going to church		Hello, Nursing JobScout! I'm Rev. Dan Tierney, a chaplain in Sacramento. One of my colleagues passed along this story as to why an old guy stopped going to church: A normally-pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped attending church services. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the pastor went to visit him. He found the old parishioner to be in excellent health, so the pastor asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you in church anymore?" The old man looked around and lowered his voice. I'll tell you, Father," he whispered. "When I got to be 90 I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me. ...and I don't want to remind Him!"
Infamous things famous people have said about medical issues		I'm Quinn Balstrop, RN, an ED nurse in Daytona Beach. I ran across some statements that famous people made about various medical things and wanted to pass them along to you guys! "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show
HR Director suggests "Letter of Reference" tips		Hi, Medical JobScout.... I'm Rae Icone, an HR Director in Des Moines. Got a kick out of this and wanted to pass it along to you. If you have to write a "letter of recommendation" for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases: For the chronically absent: "A man like him is hard to find." "It seemed her career was just taking off." For the office drunk: "I feel his real talent is wasted here." "We generally found him loaded with work to do." "Every hour with him was a happy hour." For an employee with no ambition: "He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in." "You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you." For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled: "I can assure you that no person would be better for the job." For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate: "I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment." "All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly." For a stupid employee: "There is nothing you can teach a man like him." "I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever." For a dishonest employee: "Her true ability was deceiving." "He's an unbelievable worker."
The Complete History of Medicine		Hi, Everybody! I'm Nanette Flagler, RN, MSN, CNS, from St. Louis. One of the docs in our office (Ray Maldoon), taped this to our Front Office door: THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF MEDICINE 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 A.D. - "That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer instead." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is nothing but superstition. Here, drink this potion instead." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is nothing but snake oil. Here, swallow this pill instead." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is totally ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic instead." TODAY: - That antibiotic is no longer effective. Here, eat this root."
Psychiatrist pokes fun at her own kind....		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Carly Rodriquez, MD, a psychiatrist in Denver. Heard this one from at a meeting this week and wanted to share it with your readers: The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" "Saddness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" "Elation." "And you Larry, how about the opposite of woe?" "I believe that would be giddyup," Larry replied.
From an RN: Story of the Traffic Cop and the Drinking Motorist		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Maury Russo, an ED nurse who moonlights on a local ambulance as an EMT here in Waco, Texas. Thought y'all would get a chuckle out of this: A police officer pulls a car over for speeding, and as he's writing the ticket the officer looks at the driver carefully and says, "Sir, I can't help but notice that your eyes are very bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The driver stares up at the officer and says, "Officer, I can't help but notice that your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"
Two miracles -- and some quick thinking!		Hi ya, my name is Pattianne Quelle, RN. I work in an emergency department here in Topeka and heard this one from a traffic cop who came in with a motor vehicle accident victim: A fundamentalist preacher and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the fundamentalist preacher sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a preacher. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." The fundamentalist continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but here's a bottle of wine that was given to me by a well-meaning church member at a wedding reception -- look! it didn't even break! Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the fundamentalist preacher, who takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The fundamentalist preacher replies with a devilish grin, "No...I think I'll wait for the police to arrive...."
A Genie and Lawyer story you should read!		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm LaRue Williams, RN, BSN, and I'm just finishing up my law degree and thought you guys would get a blast out of this. Be sure to read carefully all the way to the end, now! One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But there's a catch," the Genie continued. "What catch?" asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for." "Hey, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man. "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!" POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris," said the Genie. "What is your next wish?" "I could really use a million dollars..." replied the man, and POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer," the Genie reminded the man. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got MY million," replied the man. "And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney...."
The very nice Test-Giver		Hello, I’m Patricia McElroy, RN, BSN, from Dearborn. I’m one of two educators in our medical center and the other, also named Patti, gives little exams after new nurses complete their orientation period. Three of her most-recent candidates were young male nurses, who’d gone to the Upper Peninsula for the weekend. They said it was to visit a sick family member, but Patti thought they looked a bit hung over when they showed up on Monday morning. They said that a tire had blown out on the way back to Dearborn and they’d been up all night and could they please take their test the next day? Patti calmly said, “Certainly, Boys.” So, Tuesday morning, the three young male nurses turned up in our Education Office, ready to take their tests. Patti explained that she didn’t think they’d cheat, but was taking the precaution of putting each of them in a separate room. The boys said, “No problem!” because they all knew their material. So, with each one settled their own room, they opened their examinations to read the first question, which asked: “Which tire blew out?
What the manufacturers really mean!		Hi! Edie Frador, RN, BSN, a VP of Nursing in Dallas. We're working on budgets, and one of the secretaries in the Nursing Office, Kelly Munroe, brought me the following "translations" of the propaganda given to us by equipment suppliers: NEW - Different color from previous design ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design EXCLUSIVE - Imported product UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope... HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell! BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, mabey this one will work MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing
Who's smarter, a CFO, or a Nursing Manager?		Three CFOs and three nursing directors were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three nursing directors each bought tickets and watched as the three CFOs bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked a nursing unit director. "Watch and you'll see," answered a CFO. They all boarded the train. The nursing directors took their respective seats, but all three Chief Financial Officers crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The nursing directors saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the nursing directors decided to copy the CFOs on the return trip and save some money (being forced by those darn CFOs to be tight with money, and all that). When they got to the station, the CFOs bought a single ticket for the return trip as they had on the way to the conference. To their astonishment, the nursing directors didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" said one perplexed CFO. "Watch and you'll see," answered an nursing director. When they boarded the train, the three nursing directors crammed into a restroom and the three CFOs crammed into another nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the nursing directors left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the CFOs were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
"Let the paint dry first!" -- ER Nurse		Hi! My name is Lonnie Quin, RN, BSN, from Topeka. I work in an ER and thought you guys would get a blast out of this: A hapless husband decides to paint the toilet seatwhile his wife out visiting her friends. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits on the toilet seat with its still-wet paint, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. Unable to get it free, she has her husband to drive her to the ER. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go to the hospital. When they arrive, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks the ER doc, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."
Can't cure a cold, says the doc		Hi! My name is Nan Petrie, RN, from Falls Church, Virginia. One of the nurses on our med-surg unit (Sally Ann!) subscribes to a joke service and got this one today. We wanted to share it with you: A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a terrible cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they really did no good at all. The patient returned to the doc for a shot, but that didn't do any good, either. On the man's third visit, the doctor told him to go home and take a steaming hot bath. As soon as he got out of the tub, he was to throw open all the windows and stand in front of the freezing cold air rushing in from outside. "But doctor," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll catch pneumonia." "I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
About that drink, Doc...		Hello, Nursing JobScout! I'm SallyAnne Russo, RN, and I manage a Family Practice office. After a long day, our docs tend to pop over to a local watering hole that caters to people from the hospital around the corner. Our Front Office person found this and brought it in, posting it on our bulletin board: The bartender, Ricky, takes great pride in serving specialty drinks to hospital staffers who come in. One particular surgeon shows up every day for his favorite: a regular daquiri with a handful of crushed walnuts added in for flavor. One day, Ricky spots the surgeon coming down the sidewalk and hurries to make his special favorite. To his chagrin, he discovers that he has run out of walnuts. Desperate, he grabs a handful of hickory nuts and grinds them into the blender, hoping that the surgeon won't notice. The bartender presents the slightly-altered drink to the surgeon and watches carefully to see his reaction. The doctor takes a sip, cocks his head and squints his eyes and says, "Saaay, is this a walnut daquiri, Ricky?" Knowing that he'd been found out, Ricky admitted, "Well, no; it's a hickory daquiri, Doc."
Jesus can't cure everyone!		Hi! My name is Gayle Talis, RN,BSN, from Toronto. I'm the director of a wellness centre and a personal trainer who works here told this over coffee (should have been fruit juice, I suppose!): Three guys are sitting in a bar. They spot Jesus across the room, and tell the bartender to buy Him a drink. Jesus comes over and claps the first of the three guys on the back, thanking him for the drink. The man exclaims: "Jesus, you have cured my back, which has been causing great pain for ten years. Thank you!" Jesus then touches the second man on the head, who says, "Lord! You have cured my migraine! I've had them constantly for years. Thank you so much!" The third guy yells out, "Jesus -- don't touch me! I'm on Workman's Compensation Benefits!
Things absolutely not to do at interviews!		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Alan Freieze, HR Director in Boston. I went to a conference of HR people last week and came back with the following list that I wanted to share with you guys. All of these things were supposed to have actually been done or said by candidates while at their job interviews: The job seeker brought her large dog to the interview The candidate wore a Walkman and said she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time The candidate asked to see the HR Director's resume to judge for himself if the Director was qualified to decide whether or not to hire him Another guy interrupted the interview to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions. A rather bald candidate suddenly jumped up and ran out of the office. He returned a couple of minutes later wearing a wig! A woman jumped up and down on the HR Director's carpet and said, "You must be considered important around here -- they gave you really expensive carpet!" A guy said that, if hired, he would prove his loyalty to the company be having the firm's logo tatooed on his forearm! Another man pulled out a Polaroid camera and took picture of the HR person. He explained that he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him. While being interviewed, an alarm clock went off in the candidate's briefcase. He got up, shook hands, and said he had to leave for another interview elsewhere! A woman arrived at the hospital on a moped, parked it in the lobby, and informed the interviewer that, if hired, she would require secure indor parking for it.... A guy asked the interviewer if she'd like a snort of cocaine before getting started A slick candidate pointed at a picture of a cute woman on the interviewer's desk, asking who the "hot babe" was. "She's my wife," the interviewer responded. The candidate asked, "Is she home now? What's your number?" Security escorted the guy out of the building When asked what his hobbies were, the candidate hobbed up and started tap dancing right there in the office A candidate for CFO, a vice president position, turned up for the interview wearing a jogging suit. A candidate for a Chief Nursing Officer's job opened his briefcase and took out a small teddy bear, explaining it was to comfort his "inner child" during the interview
Gotta love those computers!		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Gayle Talusha, RN MSN, from Fort Worth. As our ICU unit has become more and more computerized, we run into more and more glitches, especially with our Windows-based programs. Our hospital "tecky" guy, Chuck, passed the following list on to me, and I wanted to share with you: Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding Access denied-nah nah na nah nah! Windows: Just another pane in the glass Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue (Read it again carefully!)
The saga of the young doctor and his bride		A young country woman was asked for her hand in marriage by a rather cranky newly-graduated doctor. She expressed her strong reservations about marrying this young man, and elicited from him the promise that he would never be rude to nurses, arrogant with Administration…and that he would never be short or mean to patient family members. When he agreed, she said she would marry him. On their wedding night, his bride told him, "I only have one thing to ask of you. I want you to promise that you will never look under the bed." The young doctor agreed and they went on to enjoy 50 years of marriage. On their 50th wedding anniversary, the physician couldn't stand it any more. While his wife was doing her chores, he sneaked a peek under the bed. What he saw gave him a big surprise. There was a little basket with three eggs in it. Next to the basket was a large pile of money. He hastily counted it and discovered that it was close to $10,000. When his wife came in, he had to confess his indiscretion. He rather sheepishly told her that after all these years he couldn't stand it anymore and had finally looked under the bed - finding three eggs in a basket and $10,000 in cash. Although he felt bad for looking, he did, however, want an explanation. Now his wife of fifty years was the one looking rather sheepish. She said, "Well, every time I hear that you’ve been rude to a nurse or mean to someone at work, I put one egg in the basket." (He thought that this didn't sound too bad, since there were only three eggs under the bed) However, his wife continued with: "...and as soon as I get a dozen, I sell them!"
New RN Lawyer, Old excuses!		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Sondra Radison, RN, MSN, LLD, from Minneapolis. I just completed my law degree, and some funny guy in the office put this on my desk. It's a list of actual reasons people gave the Emergency Room staff when brought in after accidents. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
Smoking and weight		My name is Ronnie LaRue, RN. I confess, I'm a smoker, but have decided to get the patch and am going to quit! I've been a bit concerned about weight gain, though. Well, some helpful colleague on our L&D unit taped this to my locker: "Smoking cures weight problems ... eventually" -- Comedian Steven Wright
Capt. Janeway had a better idea!		Hi, Medical JobScout! My name is Beth Abrams, a CFO in Boston. I was at a conference last week and heard this one: Question: "How did Captain Katherine Janeway on Star Trek Voyager finally defeat the Borg?" Answer: "She beamed an away team over to the Borg cube and installed Windows 98!"
Category: "Oh, so true!"		My name is Rona Rodriguiz, RN, MSN, from Tuscon. This is in the "oh, so true!" category: A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who created the chaos?"
Dumb guys, Bright comment!		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Maury Leister, MD, and a PA in our office taped this to one of our examination room doors. Thought you'd get a kick out of it: A couple of not-too-bright guys were attending a friend's funeral. While viewing the body: Not-too-bright Guy #1- "Gee, he looks pretty good!" Not-too-bright Guy #2- "He should, he just got out of the hospital yesterday."
New "Policy" is defeated		I'm Patti Boyd RN, a Medicare Special Review Nurse Consultant with a large insurance firm in Omaha. I have a couple of contributions that I got a chuckle from: CONCERNING A NEW HOSPITAL POLICY... The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The microsurgeons were thinking along the same vein. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The parasitologists said, "well, if you encyst." The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!" The pediatricians said, "grow up." The proctologists said, "we are in arrears." The psychiatrists thought it was madness. The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The radiologists could see right through it. The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow. The plastic surgeons said, "this puts a whole new face on the matter." The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward. The D.O.s thought they were being manipulated. The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas. The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. And the otologists were deaf to the idea. The new wing didn't fly!
I need that equipment, STAT! (Tough luck, pal!)		Working in a hospital has it's major pitfalls, as explained by Murphy's Medical Laws! SITUATION: A very commonly used simple one piece component is urgently needed for a serious emergency. RESULTS: A. It is not in stock. B. It is made of three parts, and one is missing. C. There are l4 on hand, but none are the right size. D. The stock clerk misplaced it in a separate location. E. What was ordered is not what was needed. F. The last one on hand was dispatched to the wrong location and has not yet been returned. G. The manufacturer's catalogue does not list any such part. H. This particular piece is hand made by tribesmen in a very remote region of an underdeveloped nation with slow mail and no other form of communication. I. This part is listed as indestructible and guaranteed for life, so no back-up is carried in stock. J. When the manufacturer was contacted, this item was listed as discontinued in l967. K. It is currently on sale at K-Mart. L. It is coming in Priority Mail, and should be here within months. M. We just happen to have 400 of this item, but none of them are metric threaded and so they will not fit the system. N. OSHA listed this item as hazardous to both the operator and the user and it is illegal to have such a thing in your possession. O. Shift supervisor advises substitute replacement with a paper clip. P. We just sent a dozen of these down there yesterday, what are you doing with all of them?
This one's an Oinker!		Hi, Medical JobScout! My name is Francine Gallo, RN, MSN, PhD, a nursing school instructor in Washington. I'd borrowed some meeting notes from a physiology prof down the hall and stopped by her classroom to return them. As I stepped inside, I heard her ask her students the following: "What is the main purpose of a pigskin?" "To hold pigs together!" (Lucky she has tenure!)
Men have this problem -- even before they are born!		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Barbara Lash, RN, an OB/GYN nurse from Massachusetts. Why does it take thousands of sperm to fertilize just one little egg? Because they're male, and they never stop to ask for directions!
I overheard another prof getting crazy!		Hi, Medical JobScout! My name is Francine Gallo, RN, MSN, PhD, a nursing school instructor in Washington. I'd borrowed some meeting notes from a physiology prof down the hall and stopped by her classroom to return them. As I stepped inside, I heard her ask her students the following: "What is the main purpose of a pigskin?" "To hold pigs together!" (Lucky she has tenure!)
The medical prof and the math professor duke it out over a flagpole....		Hello, JobScout! I'm Patti Umbudsen, MD, a surgeon in Cleveland. Heard this one, a conversation between a surgery prof and a math professor as they walk across campus: The professor of surgery and the math professon come upon a flag pole. They fall to discussing how tall it is, and the math professon begins trying to calculate the hypotenuse and angle of inclination, etc. The surgeon opens his handy kit, which conveniently contains a screw driver and wrench, and he quickly unscrewed the pole from its moorings, laid it on the ground, whipped out a measuring tape, measured it, and said, "It is exactly 20 feet long," and walked away smoking his pipe. Looking at the medical professor's receding back, the professor of mathematics shouted after him: "Smart alec. I wanted to know the height, and you had to go tell me the length!"
As only a CFO could tell it...		Hello! I'm Rayette Jones, RN, MSN, V.P. of Nursing in a large hospital in Kansas. We just got the following memo from our CFO that I thought you might ponder: "Message from the CFO: We note that 3 out of 4 of our Admissions account for 75% of our patient population. Therefore, we are considering a hiring freeze."
Ok. Now you have heard it all!		Hi! I'm Roy Stackler, MD, a pathologist who assists the local coroner. Got the following notice from our local cemetery that I though you guys would get a kick out of: "We regret to announce that Hillside Cemetery will be forced to increase its rates for burials. This is due to increases in the cost of living."
A doctor, an engineer, and a politician		Hi, Medical JobScout! I'm Georgia Furdel, RN, BSN, from Salt Lake City. This was on our nursing station bulletin board this morning: A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who created the chaos?"
A woman doctor tell us her male counterparts are too materialistic		Hi there, JobScout! I'm Molly Alpert, a Boston OB-GYN. Thought you'd get a kick out of this doctor joke: A young male physician opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!" he whined. "You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my gaaawd...," replied the young doctor, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?!!!!!"
The hot doc with the cool answer!		Hello! I'm Edie Abrams, CNOR, RN, from Bellingham, WA. Heard this one today and thought it was such a hoot that I just had to forward it to you! A doctor in town bought a new Mercedes and was coming home on the interstate after a fairly wild party in which there'd been some serious social drinking. It was a pleasant evening, the top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," thought the physician, and stepped on the gas. The needle hit 90, 100, 110, 130 and finally 150 with the lights still behind him. Sobering up a bit, he suddenly thought, "What the heck am I doing?" and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "Okay, Doctor," he said, "I've had a tough shift and this is my last traffic stop. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!" The quick-thinking doc slyly replied: "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice night", said the officer, turning to walk back to his patrol car!
E. R. Memo		Hi, my name is Nina Pindeau, RN, MSN, from Orlando. Found this memo pasted on our ER staff office and thought you might enjoy it: The Memo Subject: Proper Descriptions of Patient Conditions It has come to our attention that emergency room EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following: Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not to be described as FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome." HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms." Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug overdose are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted." Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants." The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge." And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).
"Im not having an affiar ... trust me, Honey!"		Hi! I'm Tim Wilson, RN. My wife is a physicians who tells about a woman who came up behind her physician husband while he was drinking a cup of coffee the other morning and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name "Marylou" written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the doc replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on." The next morning, his wife strode up behing him again and once again, "Whap!" right on the back of his head. "What was that for?" he whinned. "Your dog called last night...."
You callin' our CEO a Pig!?		Hello, Hospital Jobs Magazine! I'm Nancy Siroco, RN, from Flagstaff. I heard about a secretary who works at a small not-for-profit hospital that has constant money problems. A guy walks in and tells the secretary that he wants to talk to the Head Hog. A bit annoyed, the secretary says, "Sir, you may call him the CEO, the Administrator, even just The Boss. But, you have to treat him with the respect and you certainly may not call him a Hog!" Turning to leave, the man said, "Oh well, I just wanted to donate $50,000 to your hospital." The secretary caught her breath and said, "Sir, could you hold on a second. I think I see the Big Pig coming down the hall right now!"
Dietary Difficulties?		Hello, Medical JobsScout! I'm Barbara Severensen, RN, NP, from Fargo, ND. A guy walked into our office this morning. The patient had a banana stuck in his ear and a green bean stuffed up each nostril. The physician looked at the man and asked how she could help. The patient said, "Doctor, I just haven't been feeling very well of late." The doc's immediate diagnosis: "Well, I can see that you aren't eating right." Gotcha!
Stop begging for free professional advice!		Hi! I'm Deb Brewster, MD, and I heard this when I went back to my hometown last weekend. Thought you might like it: A physician and an attorney friend were both at a party, and their conversation was repeatedly interrupted by people who described all their various ailments, asking the doctor for all sorts of free medical advice. After about two hours of this, the doctor was pretty annoyed and asked the lawyer, "what do you do to stop people from asking you for free legal advice outside the office?" The lawyer said, "Oh, I go ahead and give them their advice, and then I send them a bill...." The doctor was amused...until...returning to his office...there in his mailbox...was a bill from the lawyer!"
"You may choose from among 3 hearts for your transplant"		Hello! This is Rory McPherson, PA, from Rochester, MN. Thought you guys might get a kick out of this: An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his physician. The doctor said, "We have three possible heart donors...which heart would you prefer to receive? The first one is a healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second heart comes from a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked, and who died when his private plane crashed. The third heart comes from an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30-years." "I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient, without any hesistation whatsoever. The transplant surgery then proceeded and, afterwards, the physician asked the patient why he chose the lawyer's heart over the others. "It was a snap!" said the patient. "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
Cafeteria problems		Hello, Medical JobScout! May I withhold my name? We're having labor troubles in our hospital's food service dept. When I came to work this morning, the following sign had been pasted to the cafeteria door: "Don't stand there and be hungry -- come on in and get fed up!"
Money can't buy you everything!		Hello, Medical JobScout! I'm Randy Schneckle, RN, MS, RNFA, from Dallas. Check this out: Money can buy a house but not a home. Money can buy a bed but not sleep. Money can buy a clock but not time. Money can buy a book but not knowledge. Money can buy food but not an appetite. Money can buy position but not respect. Money can buy blood but not life. Money can buy medicine but not health. Money can buy sex but not love. You see, money is not everything. Therefore, if you have too much, please, send it to me, immediately.
Psyche Nurse and her quacky patient		Hello, Nursing Jobs Magazine. Love your RN employment articles, and the nurse's Critical Humor Unit! I'm Maryellen Simpson, RN, MSN, CNOR, from Madison. Heard this one at the nursing station this morning: Patient - "Doctor, you've got to help me, some mornings I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, other mornings I think I'm Mickey Mouse." Doctor - "Hmmmmmmm, and how long have you been having these disney spells?"
Oh oh! Got a really sick skunk!		Hi there! I'm Belinda Rafferty, RN, BSN, from Kalamazoo. Overheard this one down in the Emergency Department this morning: Q: "How does a really, really sick skunk get transported to the hospital?" A: "In a Smellocopter!"
Something fishy here...		This juicy tidbit is from Dale R. Beatty, RN Respiratory Program Manager, RML Specialty Hospital. 708-783-5839. "Give a man a fish and he'll ask for a lemon. Teach a man to fish and he'll leave work early on Fridays." To Return to Top, Click Here: "RETURN TO TOP"
The mechanic who is as important as Dr. DeBakey		Hi, I'm Lorna Theis, RN, from Altamont Springs, FL. I was talking last night with a nurse friend in Washington state, and she told me this, and I wanted to pass it along. It seems that the famous heart surgeon, Dr. Michael DeBakey, was in a garage in Texas. He was recognized by a rather loud-mouthed mechanic, was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift. The mechanic then started saying things like, "Hey! Lookee over there! It's the world-faaammmoooouuuus heart surgeon, Michael DeBakey. DeBakey makes all the money...but...I do the same thing he does!" Dr. DeBakey politely walked over to the mechanic, and tried to be nice to him, agreeing that the mechanic did indeed have a real talent and performed an importaaaant serivce. But, the guy was loud, and rude, and said for all to hear: "Lookee, Mister Bigshot Doctor DeBakey, you take them hearts apart, clean 'em up, and reinstall 'em, right?" Dr. DeBakey politely agreed that this was true. The loud mechanic then went on to say, "I do the exact same thing I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. I do the exact same thing you do, only you rake in all the big bucks while I'd get peanuts. I think I deserve the same pay as you, since I do the same work!" Dr. DeBakey finally had had enough and he quietly sugggested that the mechanic should try it when the motor was still running.
All women want two men at a time -- or so say the doctors		Hello! I'm Fiona McGuire, RN, an Education Director of a large teaching medical center in California. I was in the staff dining area this morning, and heard two male physicians talking to each other.... The doctors were saying, "Ask any man, and he will tell you that all women's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once." An older nursing unit manager who happened by at the time chimmed in with, "You're right, boys...this has definitely been verified by a recent sociological study." The docs then smiled knowlingly, pleased with their "inside knowledege" of women's deepest fanatsies. The wise old nurse manager then went on to say: "The problem, though, is that it appears that most men don't realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other man is cleaning."
Out of the mouth of a doctor's daughter....		Hi! This was emailed to me by a friend, and thought you guys would enjoy it! -- Larry Simpson, RN, MSN, NP, Klamath Falls, OR. A little girl named Suzie had already been exposed to some animal rights consciousness-raising. As her mother slipped gleefully into her brand new fur coat, young Suzie admonished: "Mother! Don't you realize that some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that coat!?" The mother glared angrily, saying, "Suzie! How dare you talk about your father like that!"
Doc calls Unit Director and the police are there!		Hi, Nursing Jobs Magazine! I'm Lorraine Wiggins, RN, from Allentown. Here's a story that I was told over lunch today: A consulting physician called our OR Director's house last night about a med problem. A small child answered, whisptering: "Hello?" The physician asked, "Is your Mommy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with her?" the doctor asked. To the surprise of the doctor, the small voice whispered, "No." Needing to talk with an adult, the doc asked, "Is your Daddy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with him?" Again the small voice whispered, "no". Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the physician decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the doctor asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman". Wondering what a cop would be doing at nursing unit director's home, the doc asked "May I speak with the policeman"? "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?, asked the physician. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the doctor asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the doc, now alarmed. In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the doc asked, "Why are they there"? Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me"
Stuff people actually said in medical court cases		Hello, Nursing Jobs Magazine! I'm Lorriane Sidman from Sioux City. I'm just finishing up my MSN and we had a legal section and another student brought these in: People actually said this stuff in court, word for word. 1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. 2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the crash? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? 4. Q: Your accident has left you with memory problems, I understand. How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. 5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. 6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Right between milepost 498 and 500. 7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. 8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. 9. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 10. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? 11. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? 12. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? 13. Q: Did he kill you? 14. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? 15. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? 16. Q: How many times have you committed suicide? 17. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? 18. Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? 19. Q: You fell on the stairs.... You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? 20. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 21. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 22. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. 23. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. 24. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 25. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
These doctor's chart notes can't all be Freudian slips!		Hello, Nursing Jobs Magazine! I'm Sue Linderson, a nurse with a long term care unit in London, Ontario. The following was left on my desk, and I just had to share it with you! DOCTORS' NOTES ON PATIENT CHARTS (ACTUAL NOTES--UNEDITED!): 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997. 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused an autopsy. 9. The patient has no past history of suicides. 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead. 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Medical excuses from parents. We prescribe a brain transplant!		Hi! I'm Lonnie Adamsky, RN, from Charleston, and the following turned up in my email. I wanted to share it with you! Actual Notes Written by Parents to Excuse Their Kids from School... - My son is under a doctor's care and cannot take Gym Class today. Please execute him. - Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. - Dear School : Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28,29,30,31,32, and 33.
You helped me to ask good interview questions... but...		Good evening! I'm Lori Phillips from Peoria. I'm an Oncology Unit Director and got some great advice from your experts at NursingJobScout and Nursing Jobs Magazine. But, with unexpected results. You suggested that I could get a glimpse into candidates' personalities and priorities by asking: "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" I was interviewing a young nurse for an evening shift opening. She seemed rather dull, so I asked the "if you could talk with any person at all, living or dead, which would you choose?" question. Her response: "The living one." I hired her on the spot!
What causes those babies, anyway?		In the backwoods of Appalachia, a woman went into labor in the middle of the night and one of her older children was dispatched from the cabin to go fetch a nurse, who lived down the hollow and across a stream. Since there was no electricity, the nurse handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought in the world." "Hold on there a minute!" said the nurse to the husband -- don't be hasty taking that lantern away. There's another one in there waiting to join us!" Sure enough, within a couple of minutes, she had delivered a baby girl. The father was now moving away, getting ready to put the lantern up on the mantle. "Wait!," exclaimed the nurse. "Don't you be in such a hurry to put that lantern up. Seems there's another one in there!" cried the nurse. The flustered mountain man scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the nurse, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Some annoying things that you probably shouldn't do to people you don't like...but you can fantasize about it, anyway!		Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies In the memo filed of all your checks, write "for sensual massage" Reply to everything annoying people say with, "that's what YOU think." Ask annoying people what gender they are. Just for fun, sit on the road in front of your hospital pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Whenever an annoying person speaks to you, pull out a notebook and scribble down their comments.
The "catch" to the doctor's painted porch		Hi! My name is Rhonda Higby, RN, from Fargo, ND. Hope you find this as funny as we do up here! A hobo comes to the door of a rather rich neurosurgeon's palacial estate, and rings the bell. The physician (Lord of the Manor) answers the door and the hobo asks, "please, sir, could you give me something to eat. I haven't had a full meal in several days." The surgeon clears his throat and glares down at the hapless hobo, and growls: "I have made a fortune providing medical services for people who pay me well. I never give away my services for free. However, if you will go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch out back, I will give you a good meal." So, the hobo goes around back and a while later he rings the doorbell once again. The physician again opens the door, saying, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Being a man of my word, I will have the cook bring your meal right in." The hobo says, "Thank you very much, Doctor, sir. But, there's one thing that I think you should know. It's not a Porche you got back there. It's a BMW."

The food in heaven may be more spartan than you'd think!		Hi! I'm Janet Candall, RN, from Boise, Idaho, and heard this at morning report: Seymour was a really nice Hospital CEO and, when he passed away the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. God opened a simple can of tuna, and He and Seymour shared it. While eating this very humble meal, Seymour looked over the edge and down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring an enormous feast of steaks, prime rib, pheasant-under-glass, pastries, and imported French wines. The following day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolate- covered cherries. On the third day, mealtime arrived, and another simple can of tuna was shared, with no frills at all. Meekly, Seymour cleared his throat and said, "Um, Lord, I am very happy to be here in heaven with you. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But, in that Other Place, they eat like Kings and Queens. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour, the Lord replied, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"

Our Disaster Drill was almost much worse!		My name is Cynthia Realito, a nurse educator in Portland. On the afternoon of our annual disaster drill, it rained, and rained hard! A state police jeep got stuck right up to the axel on a lawn outside our Emergency Department. The trooper called to some guys who were lounging around under the canopy to come give him a hand. The men said, "sorry, sir, but we've been designated as Dead. We are under strict orders not to help out or participate in any way." Without missing a beat, the state trooper called to a couple of ambulance EMT's who were on the scene, and said: "Hey, guys, go grab three or four of those Dead Bodies over there and throw them under the front wheels of the jeep so I can get some more traction."

How I impressed 'em on a recent job interview (chuckle)		Hello, I'm Corrine McElroy, a newly-hired Med/Surg unit manager here in the Denver area. While on my site interview, the CNO and the CEO were giving me a tour around the hospital. The elevator stopped on the second floor and a man wearing a tie and a white shirt climbed aboard, and pushed "four." After he got off, I said, "so that was your CIO?" Amazed, they said that he was...and wondered if it was the pens in his pocket that gave him away. I said, "no, but when he wanted to get off at the fourth floor, he double-clicked the button." I got hired!

"What do firefighters have those dogs for?"		" HI, I'm Rinnie Worden from Little Rock, Arkansas. Getting off the night nursing shift at our women's services department Saturday morning, I took a quick nap and then rounded up my kids and some of their pals from the neighborhood and headed out to a lake for a picnic. On the way, a firetruck zoomed past us and, believe it or not, they had a dalmation dog on board! We fell to discussing the dog's purpose. "They use him to keep the crowds back," one youngster announced. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." But, a third child ended the argument, proclaiming firmly, "they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

A child's touching letter about how we cured her dad		"Hi, I'm Louann Rankin from Wilkes-Barre, PA. I'm a med/surg unit nurse and I wanted to share this really cool letter we received today:" "Dear Nurses: My name is Heather. I am 8. My dad was in your hospital room because of a big bump growing behind his ear. He called my sister and me and told us that the bump might make him die. We cried but he told us not to. The doctor did an operation called an Autopsy on my dad. Then, they said my dad would not die because he had a kind of bump called a B-9 one. Thank you for making my dad all better. Heather Scranton, Pennsylvania"

"Deputy Dan" shares great story from The Security Dept.		"My name is Ruth Ann Miller from Cleveland. I'm a Med-Surg manager and we have an evening security guy who works for the sheriff's office by day, and for us at night. We call him Deputy Dan. Here's great story he shared with us:" A man entered a convenience store, picked up a few items and walked to the checkout. He put the merchandise on the counter, and laid down a $20.00 bill. He then pulled a gun and demanded all the money in the cash drawer. The clerk handed over $14.90 from the drawer, and the gunman fled, leaving behind his original $20.00. Question, did a "robbery" occur when a man left $5.10 in change on the checkout counter at gunpoint?

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