Subject: Changing calendars from Y to K
I hope that I
haven't misunderstood your instructions
because, to be honest, none of this Y to
K problem made much sense to me.
At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
I also changed all the days of each week to:
We are now Y to K compliant.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She tried to drown a fish.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here," she put Sagittarius.
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
She studied for a blood test-and failed.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She sold the car for gas money!
When she saw the "NC-17, under 17 not admitted," she went home and got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
"Finally a blond man joke"
A couple of blond men in a pickup truck
drove into a lumberyard. One of the
blond men walked in the office and said,
"We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh... I'd better go check."
After a while, the blond returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house.
two blondes were walking through the forest one day. One stopped and looked down at the ground and said, "Look at those deer prints". the other blonde said, "They're not deer prints, they're wolf tracks." They argued for about 25 minutes about whether they were deer prints or wolf tracks. And then they were hit by a train.
A young ventriloquist is touring the
clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in
a small town. He's going through his
usual run of stupid blond jokes,when a
big blond woman in the fourth row stands
on her chair and says: "I've heard just
about enough of your denigrating blond
jokes, Asshole. What makes you think you
can stereotype women that way? What does
a person's physical attributes have to
do with their worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like
me from being respected at work and in
my community, of reaching my full
potential as a person ...because you and
your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against not only blondes
but women at large ... all in the name
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up, "You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?". "Today and tomorrow." replied the blonde. He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff. The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this >> building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, >> too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too." Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and >> jumps too. The blond opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also. At the funeral, The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again! The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"
The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!" "Look," the Blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . ."