
EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION FOR THE UNITED STATES INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE When you watch Robin Hood, do you cheer for the Sheriff of Nottingham? When the local Red Cross needs blood, do they hand you a bottle and a turnip? If so, you may be just the kind of person we're looking for down at the Internal Revenue Service. If you've got what it takes to take what they've got, just fill out this handy application form. RELEVANT EMPLOYMENT HISTORY 1. In the blanks provided, please indicate your years of experience, if any, in the following fields. Private Investigation ____ Law Enforcement ____ Accounting ____ Public Administration ____ Other Administrative ____ Grave Robbing ____ Garbage Picking ____ Rumor Mongering ____ Other Journalism ____ Looting ____ Pillaging ____ Sacking ____ Burning ____ Other Financial ____ Lying ____ Cheating ____ Stealing ____ Other Legal ____ 2. Why do you wish to work for the IRS? (Please check all that apply.) Desire to perform public service. ____ Salary / benefits. ____ Self-loathing. ____ Local Mafia family has hiring freeze. ____ Opportunities for promotion. ____ Opportunities for revenge (personal). ____ Opportunities for revenge (professional). ____ Opportunities to indulge sadistic tendencies ____ Opportunities for bribery / corruption. ____ Opportunities to covertly promote political agenda. ____ Prestige / status. ____ MENTAL HEALTH 3. Yes or No: Have you ever been committed to a mental health institution for, or received treatment for, kleptomania, paranoia, megalomania, delusions of grandeur, or sociopathy? ____ 4. [Answer only if you marked Question 3 "No."] Please explain: ______________________________________________________. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE Please indicate the most correct answer to each of the following questions. 5. True or False: Charles Dickens' classic fable A Christmas Carol is a tragedy. ____ 6. True or False: It is acceptable for a sitting president to use the IRS as a tool to harass his political enemies. ___ 7. [Answer only if you marked Question 6 "False."] Are you a congressional investigator? ____ 8. [Answer only if you marked Question 7 "False."] Are you sure you're not a congressional investigator? ____ 9. [Answer only if you marked Question 8 "False."] Honestly? ____ 10. American tax rates are: a. Too low. b. Much too low. c. Absurdly low. 11. "Taxable income" is ____. a. That portion of a taxpayer's gross earnings from which income tax is collected. b. Item a. above, plus unearned income. c. Redundant. 12. Which of the following is sufficient justification for auditing a taxpayer? ____ a. Incomplete or inconsistent information on a tax return. b. Consumption in excess of apparent income. c. The sun rose in the east. 13. TAXPAYER is to IRS as _______ is to ______. a. SERF; LORD. b. HOST; PARASITE. c. SMALL RODENT; HUNGRY RATTLESNAKE. d. DEER; ONCOMING PICKUP TRUCK. 14. True or False: Wiseacre humor columnists who write jokes about the IRS are likely to get audited. ___ 15. [Answer only if you marked Question 14 "True."] Know a good tax attorney? ___
I'll keep my old job, take me back