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May '99

[ 5/10/99 ]
Okie... It has been a really long time since I have written something new for this webpage. I dropped out of school this year and I took my GED in April. Now I am enrolled in college! I am enrolled for Summer 1 classes and I am taking General Physcology and Art Appriciation. My Family: I came out to my sister (in-law) last week. It was an odd way that I did. Let me tell you how it happened... my sister & I were talking and out of almost no where she asked me if I was gay/lesbian... I said yes. It was hard, because I was scared of what she would think. I think I am becoming more comfortable with me being able to tell people and not worry tons about what people think and understanding I am who I am and if they don't like it then the hell with them (hehe). Mike and I haven't talked in months. Truthfully... none of my friends in real life have talked to me in the last few months. Thats okay tho, because I met a wonderful person on iRC that I have been talking to for quite a few years and she makes me feel great about myself and tells me I am beautiful & she loves me & I love her and that is what really matters in life... Happiness. I've been sick seems like the last month! *sneeze* I have really been consintrating on my Celine Dion page. Well, I can not think of any more to say right now. So, buh~bye! Have a great day!


[ 5/17/99 ]
I wrote 2 poems I figured I would share with everyone. Here it goes:
A Step Away
By: Harmonee S.

How far away is death?
Is it a mile away?
If I go another step
Would I crash into it?

My stomach turns at
Just the thought of living.
My mind is overwelmed when
I think of how long I must hold on.

This ackward thing called life
Can begin in a single nite.
One day your life will end
And you'll be set free of all pain.
-

Need [5/19/99]
By: Harmonee S.

Some people need clothes
And others need food.
Some people need help
---With addictions.
---With sickness.
---With chores.
Some people need wisdom
And some need the truth.
Then there are people like me.
We need love
And we need a friend.
We need a hug
And we need to know
That you understand
And that you care.

Hope you liked them!:) I went to the doctors to get taht scope thing done. w0w did it hurt(hehe). Other than that I been okie. Buh~Bye~


[ 5/26/99 ]
Hiya everyone!:) I am still sick... bleh. I went to the flea market Saturday!:) I got a calander, Marilyn Monroe keychain, & a Drew Barrymore magazine!:) Drew r0xxx0rz jU!:) Not too much has been happening in my life I just sit here 12+ hours a day (hehe). An girl I have known for 10 years wants to come stay with me for a week during the summer. I start college 6/5/99 tho. I only go on the weekends tho!:) isn't that cool? I get to baby~sit Saturday; can't wait it will be fun & I get money! w00j:) I have been working on my Celine Dion Page the last 3 days. I think its begining to look pretty cool. I get 1500+ hits a week!!!:) I wrote another poem here it is:

Til Forever
By: Harmonee S.

Hold me close
Hold me tight
Hold me til the morning

Love me now
Love me tomarrow
Love me til the moon stops shining

Kiss me on my cheak
Kiss me on my mouth
Kiss me til all the stars fall

Need me when you cry
Need me when you smile
Need me til the end

So, How did you like it? I have been looking around the web for new ideas for my Celine website:) I wanna make it so it has everything or at least links to everything so that what ever someone is looking for they can find it on my site!;) I redid my main page ( http://home.earthlink.net/~mseal )to... I worked for like 5 hours straight on just the faeries page:) It's been keeping me busy:) I didn't get the grants for college it sux! If i can't get a grant for the fall I most likely won't be able to go to school Zzz... Inless i wanna get a student loan, But I am not looking forward to that! I am really starting to look forward to college, but I am a little scared that I won't do good. Everyone is probly scared the first time though. I guess, right? RIGHT?!?! hehe. I was so bored this week I organized my e-mail address book (lol). Now that was truely fun... *sn0re*!

Well... tonite pretty much stinks I couldn't sleep last night now I can't sleep tonite!&)! I was talking to a friend of mine about some things & then about some things about me (hehe) Now I am totally depressed and feel super lonely! You know how long it has been since I have had a phone call?!?! I think I am offically a IRC loser:) I mean I am even just sitting here when I have no one to talk to... Zzzz... It is just a little bit after midnight I am watching News Radio.. The Girl on there is cute (hehe.. shush I know you agree:) I think I want to go to school to be a psycologist (a child one) not sure yet though. I have worked with kids It seems like forever!:) & I do love them & would love to continue working with them:) They are so adorible! Psycologist get paid good & they get to help people. The only fault I have seen in it so far is it takes 6 years[!!!] to be one! I think I want to take some writing classes in college. Wonder what you do in the class. I can't wait to start art apprication!:) two people who took the class tell me it is fun!:) I like Salvidor Dali alot. We have a museum with all his stuff in it in St. Pete:) I have a few books about him. I saw the movie Saving Private Ryan today It was So!!!! k00l!:) Tom Hanks is so cool:) He is one of my favorite actors & of course Meg Ryan is one of my favorite actresses!:) I rented Gloria to with Sharon Stone:) I am looking forward to that one.

Stephanie from my old school called me a week or so ago... w0w was that boring [hehe] Kept telling me about these people I dunno, telling me how great her life was, and every time I talked changed the subject. Zzz... I find it real stupid her sister & her when we were friends they would talk to be about guys all the time... The minutue I mintioned liking someone they were like " I don't want to hear about that " or " Thats gross! ". Like I am gross or something because of how I am. I have tried not to be the way I am before... I actually have had 3 or 4 boyfriends before {hehe}. My first boyfriend I was only 11 and only was his girlfriend because he gave me attintion... My second boyfriend was teh second most popular boy at school... K00l huh? hehe! But I had a girlfriend while I was his girlfriend and he went and spread rumors about me. My third boyfriend ended up stalking me now that sucked! I ended up being put into private school because of it. And yes i am STILL! a virgin.=oP! And I turn 18 in less than three months:) Amazing? nah! Well.. I am going to go will write tomarrow maybe. Buh~Bye!


[ 5/30/99 ]
ZzZzz... I have started to write a lot more lately. Even though nothing has been happening in my real life(hehe). I am watching Shania Twain on Tv she is really cool!:) I don't just like her music, but she has a great personality. Oh and plus shes cute (lol). Hrm.. Well what has been happening. I start college sooN!!:) Next Weekend! I am a bit excited:) hehe I am nervous to tho.

I was reading a book today and I was crying over a lot of the stories (Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul 2). So... I wanted to touch a subject ( not totally discuss it, just a little) Drugs. A lot of people do them, a lot people try them, and some who will never do it. I really respect people who never do and never do drugs. They are really strong. The kids in school who don't do drugs... They get made fun of. Then the people who do are either cool or st0ners. I never realized which would be better to be the people who do or the people who don't. As you probly assume.. Yes I have done drugs. Everyone who does drugs [if they say so or not] have a reason they do it and an excuse they use to do it. I always say said I did it because I was bored, need to relax, etc. I look back now and wish I had never done them. Let me explain why... I have done plenty of drugs. Nothing too hard... I recently had an Aunt die from drugs [ talk about a suprize ]. Hrm.. [heh] lost my train of thought. Drugs are good while your doing them, But after its all over you(or at least I) realize its not as fun as it seemed. There was a time in my life I thought alot about dying and life and what it was worth. I was very confused. Felt like I could not talk to it about anyone. This is the time when strangers can save your life. Parents always tell their children, " Don't talk to strangers. ". Well, I talked to a stranger and told them everything I was feeling inside. Things I could not tell my closest friend... scared they would tell someone. All this stranger did was listen... didn't judge. I knew that no matter what I told them it was okay because they don't know me and can't tell my parents or friends. Thats all someone needs sometimes for someone to listen without the stress of worry. This changed me alot I had a lot of thoughts off of my mind and didn't think about death so much and life started to seem not so bad. [BTW... If anyone wants to email me to talk please do!]

My suggestion to everyone... No matter how much you wanna try it or how sad you are don't try drugs they are a lot more trouble than its worth. Also, about death & suicide... Don't kill yourself... Things may be bad today. But theres always tomarrow and you don't know what will happen tomarrow... and you can't take death back. Things will get better. And people who kill themselves over girlfriends or boyfriends. Its really not worth it You may think now it is the only person you will ever love, but you never know what will happen tomarrow.

"Always Remember: There is always Tomarrow"

[5/31/99]
Hiya all!! I wrote a poem and wanted to share it with you:)

Is God Listening?

If there is a God
Would he make me feel this pain?
If he's on his great, big thrown
Would he let us suffer like we do?

I'm not sure if your here,
But if you are
I want to tell you something.
Are you listening?

Why do you let children get hurt?
Why do you let us fight?
Why do you leave us this way?
And when will you end this life?

I would write more tonite, but I am tired and am gonna ZzZzz... I am starting on my June writings tomarrow:) I re-did this whole page today hope you like it!!!:) Happy Memorial Day.

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