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#067B Birthmother ISO Female Adoptee

My birthdaughter was born 3/8/79 in St. Petersburg, FL at St. Anthony's Hospital. Along with being adopted, I have a birthdaughter that I placed for adoption at birth. It has to be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. But I was 19, barely able to take care of myself and while married to Dale, we didn't even have the money for food for ourselves. Though to be honest, that is all in retrospect. The reason I did give her up for adoption was my Mother said to me point blank, "If you keep that child I will never allow you in the house again." She hated the father of my daughter and wouldn't consider having any child related to him as part of "HER" family. Looking back, she did the right thing. I was divorced and married several times since then. I have moved more than the average person does in an entire lifetime. And I have had times where I didn't even know where my next meal would come from. I can't see raising a child that way. I had talked with Catholic Charities ahead of time and made the arrangements for them to be adopted. When I went into labor, I changed my mind. I didn't want to place her. I wanted to keep my child. I didn't want to give her to strangers to raise. People I had never seen and would probably never know. But by that point the choice had been taken from me. The night before I went to sign the papers, I begged and pleaded with my Mom and Dale to let me keep her. So the next day they gave me pain killers (I had a broken tailbone from giving birth and partial paralysis also, so I was given the pain pills from the hospital.) and drove me to sign the papers. With Dale hovering over me, crying my eyes out, I signed the papers. I did ask that her name be kept Suzanne Marie and made them include it in the paperwork. Though I find out years later that they didn't. I give them a letter for her to get if she ever asked for her information and I signed the forms with the understanding that she could get all the Identifying information once she turned 18. Well, now she is 19 years old and I am searching for her. I know that her adoption was finalized here in Pinellas County. So that tells me she lived here in FL for at least a year or so. But I don't know where to go from there. I want to go to the court house and see what I can find from there. I just don't know which one to go too, St. Petersburg or Clearwater. But I will have to do it soon as I can, since I am moving to Richmond, VA in August of '98. And so the search goes on. I keep hoping she will be searching for me. I have lots of health issues that I need to let her know about. But mostly I want to tell her "I love her!" I wanted her more than anything else on earth. I hope she got great parents, that loved her and provided her with all she needed to grow up healthy and happy. All that I wanted to give her and knew I couldn't.