I'm glad you have come to visit and hope you will return
again. This is a work in progress, as I am too. All of the text has been left in it's original state, as a record of my recovery. As much has happened within myself since
February, 11 years ago. This is when I began on my healing journey, to heal the scars of
being abused as a child. I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone and I hope by
sharing my experiences you too will find comfort.
"I was a
victim...I am a survivor"
I am a 46 year old survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have
lived with this fact for years. I hid it from everyone, and tried so hard to hide it from
myself. It had been eating my soul away, piece by piece. Half of my life has vanished,
unnoticed, unseen. Too difficult for me to sit down or slow down to put my struggles to
journal form. I am ready now. I no longer carry the load of shame. This is saved for my
father. It is his turn. I choose to take life on, instead of fearing it. I choose to use
my voice to educate society, that child abuse happens.
I speak for the children of today who
continue to be abused.
"You are forgiven, beautiful little girl, for all of the things that hurt you and scared you. You are forgiven, young and blossoming lady, for holding yourself back in fear and for numbing your pain. You are forgiven, struggling mother, for missing the mark of perfection you had been blindly leaping at. You are forgiven for the wounds you never realized you were making on yourself. You are forgiven, tired slave, for never being able to please your unjust taskmaster. You are forgiven for the boiling rage that you held inside. The Universe is large enough, broad enough, soft and loving enough, the Goddess spreads her arms wide to pull you close, to caress your brow and whisper like the Great Mother She is - "My Child, My Right Hand, My Love, My Creation, rest now and soon you will see the beauty radiating from within." And God is there, too, Proud and Beaming in the softened way of a warrior who knows no battles last forever, in the lump-in-the-throat way of the heroes of myths and legends, he sees that your victories have been noble, and that your scars have shaped and honed your skills and that as the scars fade you will no longer need to fight those battles again. He is proud and loving... I see you up close, and see the Goddess within you, the fern-covered forest floor of your wondrous and growing Soul, the handiwork of faeries and angels that have loved you for forever."
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