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TOILETIRES (or Potty Poems)


On A Roll

 by Joyce Guy

"On a roll" means many things
throughout your life and mine;
it usually means you're doing well,
that things are going fine.

Of toilet tissue this is doubly true,
 for when it is "on the roll"
I feel a sense of great relief,
and do not have to scold.

But when I enter into this room
and find the roller bare
I want to hunt the culprit down,
no matter WHO or WHERE.

But instead of tracking the guilty down,
 in a blinding raging fog:
I might just take the spare roll out
and leave a smooth paged Catalog.


I'm Floored

by Joyce Guy

I'm a new roll of toilet paper,
I mustn't sit on the floor.
That gets my bottom dirty,
and I collect germs...and more...

If you leave me here when the roller is bare
you'll make old "Potty" mad;
and "Potty" will surely get you,
and make all other users glad.

These other users get real upset,
when they find the paper out;
and could make retribution
something to flaunt and tout.

Peer pressure is sometimes known to work
So keep us from finding out,
By replacing the toilet paper
when you let the roll run out.



 
 

Potty On

 by Joyce Guy

"Potty" has been off awhile,
cause you've been doing fine;
but now I'm back at work because
 of roll replacement decline.

I'm sure your mother taught you,
( if you weren't raised in a barn)
that you should replace the paper,
which, obviously , you didn't learn.

So guess I'll do her duty
and review with you again;
that you need to put a new roll up
or meet a ghastly end.

You look a little flushed right now,
but nothing like you'll be
if flushing you down the toilet
becomes my opportunity.

So just put a new roll on the holder,
 or watch your  every move
Cause sooner or later I'll flush you
and plead "Judge I was confused."



 
 
 

Trials Of A Toilet Seat

 by Joyce Guy

I am a much used toilet seat,
I feel a little flushed;
With all the load I'm under
Its a wonder I'm not crushed.

If all the heavy weights
Were not enough to crush my soul,
Think of all the many times
I'm dropped against the bowl.

There are so many, many times
I've had an aching head;
I can't even rest in peace
When people go to bed.

Life for me is up and down,
And both of them are wrong;
Depending on who used me last
And who's next to come along.


Ring Around The Tub

by Joyce Guy

I used to get all flustered,
and nearly flub a dub
When I came in the bathroom
and found a ring around the tub.

I used to blame my wife or kids,
And even blamed the drain,
For who would leave things dirty
and cause me all this pain.

I broke myself from this one day,
While deciding who to blast,
I suddenly realized it was I,
Who used the bathtub last.


TidyToilet

by Joyce Guy

I hate to nag the husband
and the children day in and out,
But picking up behind them
Makes me want to shout,

"OK you lazy oafs,
pick up what you put down,
I'm tired of playing nursemaid,
to a bunch of careless clowns.

Here by the toilet is one sock,
two pair of underwear,
And near the tub three wet towels,
two shoes, and doodads from your hair; "

Well, mow me down, and bite my tongue,
this really blows my mind,
for here among the careless mess
are slip and gown of mine.



 


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