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You sit in the dark. The despair is almost overwhelming. Your life is pure agony now and you've no one to blame but that person who looks back at you in the mirror each morning. You've just about decided that it's not worth going on. The memories haunt you. The pain is nearing unbearable. The loss and separation is more than you can stand.

With deep longing, you remember a time when life was good. You were happy, loved and felt so wonderful. Someone told you about Jesus and you asked him to forgive your sins and make his home in your heart. Life was so full and so blessed. You loved the Lord with all your heart. You read His word - soaked it up like a sponge - reciting verse after verse. You loved your Christian friends. It was like having a whole second family. You went to church faithfully and were involved in the fellowship at every opportunity.

What happened to you?

Your own humanity happened. You found your "besetting" sin - that one thing that seemed more important than anything else in your life. You stumbled and finally fell flat on your face. The halo slipped around your throat and choked you. The devil came in like a flood and tempted you. You listened. You gave in. You blew it. You're out of the game. Now you're on the sidelines. The Christian friends have abandoned you because you're a backslider who turned away from the Lord to walk in your own evil ways. The good feelings are gone. You shudder whenever you walk by your bible because you feel so condemned. You still believe, but you can't turn back. You've lost almost everything that mattered to you. You want to pray, to ask Him for help but you just can't. That besetting sin is too important to you. You can't give it up. Not even for the Lord; not even for those good feelings; not even for your kids or your spouse.

So you torture yourself as you slip further and further down into the pit. Your life is so miserable it's almost to the point of unbearable. You begin to believe that even your kids would be better off without you. And one day, while driving down the road, you hear this little voice that tells you how easy it would be to put an end to the pain - that it could be over with so quickly and easily! It scares the heck out of you. You remember a chorus you sang with such feeling not so very long ago - "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." You feel guilty for even singing it because you have no right to but you're terrified not to! You make it home in one piece still very shaken. You collapse on the couch in tears because you desperately want to reach out to the Lord but can't - you no longer have that right!

You go through another few months barely holding yourself together. You find diversions but there's always that emptiness, that unbearable loneliness that eats at your heart and soul. It's been what a year? Two years since you felt worthy of God's love and friendship? You hurt. You're in pain. But nobody in the world really cares. The friends you've made since you "backslid" have their own problems. They're only there superficially. Your family can't understand why you've given everything up. There's no one you can turn to for a moment's comfort.

What happened to you?

PeaceDove

The LIE happened to you - the most despicable lie of all. You know the one. It's the lie that says to be a Christian you have to be perfect. To walk with the Lord you can't ever make a really serious mistake or stumble or fall short of His glory. You shouldn't do anything really sinful anymore because you asked Jesus into your heart and you have to live up to that great calling. And if you do "backslide" well, you're no longer part of the family and He can't help you. You're condemned and that's that.

I'm no scholar. I'm not a teacher. But if I had to give you my definition of the unpardonable sin it would be - believing the lie I've just described. Believing that you've no right to cry out to the Lord. If that's what you believe, then you're saying that God is a lie! That he has no power, no righteousness, no compassion; that he's a fraud! If you fall for it then you condemn yourself to hell with no help from anyone or anything. This sin is unpardonable because you believe, in your current state, that YOU'RE unpardonable!

cross

But then one day, something begins to tug at your heart. You feel the familiar pangs of despair taking hold. But wait a minute.....this is...different. There's something else here.... something that begins to feel so warm and so familiar....you begin to wonder. And then you hear those words:

"I never left you. I never stopped loving you. I never let go of your hand. And I've never stopped trying to reach you."

This just can't be. He couldn't be talking to me! But slowly you realize that's exactly what's happening.

"I love you. And I've been waiting for you to call out to me. I've missed you and there's nothing you've done that I can't forgive. There's no reason for you to hurt so badly; to be so alone. My love is the same. I am the same. All you have to do is reach out to me. I can help you straighten out your life. You can't do it alone. Let me help!"

Do you know how long it took me to get down on my knees? As long as it took me to get out of a roomfull of people and get to my bedroom. I sank down to my knees and let Him wipe away two years of separation, condemnation and suffering. All I had to do was ask! "Jesus forgive me. Make my life worth living again! Hold me in your arms and let me feel you with me!"

It took almost another two years for Him to straighten out the mess I had made. I even had to get to the point where I was willing to let go of that besetting sin. But after living a literal hell on earth for so long, even that seemed a small price to pay to be part of Him again! The way wasn't lonely anymore. My heart wasn't filled with self-loathing and condemnation anymore. He still loved me and nothing or nobody would ever take that away from me! Oh, I was still ostracized from my former Christian friends. I wasn't welcome at my old church. But that didn't matter in the least. I was still HIS friend. I was still part of the body of Christ. That's all that mattered. He took my mess and brought victory. He took the destruction and built something solid and worthwhile. He took me, a despicable, vile creature and made me whole again! It was like being born again - all over again. Only better this time. Because the first time I asked Him to come into my heart, I wasn't a "bad" person. I hadn't committed any huge sins. But this time, I really found out what His forgiveness is all about. You can find out too.

"Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net. Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses. Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins. Consider mine enemies; for they ae many; and they hate me with cruel hatred. O keep my soul and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee." Psalms 25: 15-20

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I John 1: 9

Notice He says forgive and THEN cleanse. No matter what your besetting sin may be, no matter what your present circumstance, He's there for you right now! He asks only that you believe. He's calling out to you. Don't let anything stop you from taking hold of his outstretched hand. Ask Him, and let Him do the rest. Grab on and hold Him tightly. He has so much love for you. Don't loose another minute!

Some Other Things The Lord Has Blessed to My Heart...

About Prayer** About Waiting** About Praise** About Tribulations


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