If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it!)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Still not over that pig thing!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. Is
that why Flipper was always smiling?
(Why isn't the pig included in this list?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own
weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?),(Did the gov't pay for this research??)

Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew....?),Who cares!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping
the length of a football field.

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....")

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Oh, jeez!)

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too!)

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to
frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the
a##hole upside the head.

(Submitted by Mike)

Q: What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A: Conception.

Q: Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
A: Skinny dipping.

Q: What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS, from every other TV show?
A: No theme song/music.

Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace.

Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A: Obsession.

Q: More women do this in the bathroom than men.
A: Wash their hands. Women 80% / Men 55%

Q: What do 100% of all lottery winners do?
A: Gain weight.

Q: In a recent survey, Americans revealed that this was their favorite smell.
A: Banana.

Q: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A: One thousand.

Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
A: All invented by women.

Q: Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men.
A: Change their underwear.

Q: This stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.
A: A kiss.

Q: This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
A: Honey.

Q: There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year.
A: Father's Day.

Q: What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic?
A: He was allergic to carrots.

Q: 40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this.
A: Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

Q: 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.
A: Wear underwear.

Q: What common everyday occurrence is composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and 9% dioxide?
A: A fart.

Q: About 1/3 of all Americans say they do this while sitting.
A: Flush the toilet.

Q: What person, not a "Seinfeld" regular cast member, is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld"?
A: Superman, either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator.

Q: 85% of the guys who die while having sex are doing this.
A: Cheating on their wives.

(Submitted by Lynne)

Did you Know?

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English

"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends
with the letters "und."

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

There are only four words in the English language which end in"-dous":
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English
Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

The only other word with the same amount of letters is
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten
words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he,
in, rein, her, here, here, ere, therein, herein.

No words in the English language rhyme with orange, silver or purple.

'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement
made by swearing on their testicles.

The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The
following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced,
thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after
falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are
antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is

Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as
does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Miller Lite (the beer, not the stock) one year ago,
drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.
Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

My Homepage| Page 1| Joke of the Day| Joke Archive| Awards & Links| FUN URLs|