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A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar.
The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"
The man says, "I'll have a beer," the ostrich says "I'll have a beer"
And the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying."
So the bartender says "OK, that will be $3.87"
The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact
change and pays him.
About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says,
"What'll you guys have?"
The man says "I'll have a beer, "the ostrich says "I'll have a beer
and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying."
The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87."
The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact
change and pays him.
A couple days later they come back into the bar and
the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"
The man says "I'll have a Scotch," the ostrich says "I'll have a bourbon"
and the cat says I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying."
So the bartender get them their drinks and says "that will be $7.53."
The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact
change and pays him.
The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks
"Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you
always have the exact change in your pocket?"
The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it
and she granted me 3 wishes.
My first wish was that I always have the exact
change in my pocket for anything I buy."
The bartender says that's a great wish...better than asking for
a million dollars, a million dollars will run out but that never will.
What were your other 2 wishes?"
The man says "That's where I screwed up.
I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy!
(Submitted by Daisy)
Two friends were playing golf, when one pulled out a cigar, but he
didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a
12 inch BIC lighter.
"Wow," said his friend, "where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie," he asked?
"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.
The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes, I will," the genie said,
So the friend asks him for a million bucks.
The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there
waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken, and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his partner, "I asked for a million BUCKS...not ducks.
He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing.
Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch BIC?"
A man is walking along the beach when he spies a bottle that's washed up on shore.
He cleans the bottle, then opens the stopper and out pops a Genie!
"Wow, a Genie!" says the guy, "Now I get three wishes!"
"Yes," says the Genie, "But I am a cursed Genie!"
"What do you mean?" says the man.
"Well," says the Genie, "You are married, right?"
"Yes, I am" says the man.
"Well, I will grant you three wishes, but for every wish I grant you,
your mother-in-law gets double!"
"Oh!" says the man.
"Yes," says the Genie, "so wish carefully!"
"OK," says the man, "I wish that I had the biggest house in the State!"
"Granted!" says the Genie, "But your mother-in-law has the biggest house in the country!"
"Damn!" says the man, and he begins to think.
"What is your second wish, master?" asks the Genie.
"I wish," says the man, "That I was the richest man in the United States!"
"Granted!" says the Genie, "But your mother-in-law is now the richest person in the world!"
"Damn!" says the man.
"What is your third wish, master?" says the Genie.
"I'm thinking!" says the man angrily... suddenly his face lights up! "I've got it!" says the man.
"What is your wish then?" asks the Genie.
"I wish you would beat me half to death!" says the man.
Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy
notices the other has a cork in his ass.
"If you don't mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks terribly
uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?"
"I can't," said the first guy. "It's permanent."
"I don't understand," said the other.
The first guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an
oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came
oozing out. He said, "I am Hassan the Genie. I can grant you one wish."
And I said, "No shit."
(Submitted by Marion)
