As with most professions, the aviation industry has it's own line
of jokes. I put these on a seperate page so my fellow pilots can enjoy them without plodding through the rest of my jokes.
This page is constantly under construction, so visit frequently!
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17." With the folks behind him laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F--- you."
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left."
An hour later the Captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left."
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers don't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!