Women Jokes
"Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100
men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight,
talked excessively without making sense, became emotional,
and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned."
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be
able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A:When she starts her sentence with "A man one told me ...."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't, there's a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: Why were shopping carts invented?
A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to
want to shoot it.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course... at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them
apart.
Q: How may men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months,
I don't like to interrupt her.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
Wedding cake.
