Redneck Jokes
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl. "We're on the patch!"
You might be a Redneck if...
If you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the end of the street.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
You might be a redneck if your house has more wheels than your truck
That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF YOU MOWED YOUR GRASS AND FOUND A CAR.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
YOU KOW YOUR A RED NECK WHEN YOU CARRY A WAFFLE HOUSE CREDIT CARD.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your family tree has no forks.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You use a weedeater in your living room.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".
