If it holds, you've glued the wrong end.

It's only in a down pour that your locked car seems to be at odds with your key.

If you are having a good day, you will pay for it tomorrow.

Catastrophic coverage is only necessary when you don't have it.

Your repair bill will never exceed your deductible.

The extent of machine breakdown is in direct relation to the number of people waiting to use it.

The one person in front of you at a checkout line will need a price check.

The boss will walk by as soon as you sit back and take a 15 second stretch break.

Washing your car will drastically change the weather.

The worst or stupidest ideas are always the most popular.

In front of every silver lining, is a cloud.

Save yourself a lot of worry, don't burn your bridges until you come to them.

Simple jobs will always be put off, because there will be time to do them later.

Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.

The person who pays the least, complains the most.

There is no time like the present for postponing what you want to do.

The more we complicate the plan, the greater the chance of failure.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and hours are lost.

Never leave the room during a committee formation or you're elected.

For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.

If you hit two keys on a keyboard, the one you don't want shows up.

The cream rises to the top, so does the scum.

Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.

Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.

Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

Science is true. Don't be misled by fact.

Rule for precision:
Measure with a micrometer.
Mark with chalk..
Cut with an axe.

Nothing is ever so bad, that it can't get worse.

If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.

After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

If you wait it will go away. If it was bad, it'll come back.

Everything depends. Nothing is always. Everything is something.

No matter what goes wrong, there is always someone who knew it would.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

To err is human, but to really foul things up, requires a computer.

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

When putting it into memory, remember where you put it.

Never test an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune times.

In order for something to come clean, something else must get dirty.

Everyone lies, but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.

Nothing is ever done for the right reason.

If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it.

The secret to success is sincerity, once you can fake it, you've got it made.

To pick the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

An expert is anyone from out of town.

Indecision is the basis for flexibility.

Never create a problem for which you don't have the answer.

A fool and his money are soon partners.

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.

You always find something the last place you look.

An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage.

The item you had your eye on the minute you walk in will be taken by the person in front of you.

The longer you stand in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

A crisis is when you can't say "Lets forget the whole thing".

It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.

The slowest checker is always at the quick check out lane.

Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

You can always find what you're not looking for.

Never draw what you can copy. Never copy what you can trace. Never trace what you can cut and paste.

Whenever you cut your fingernails, You will need them an hour later.

Forgive and remember.

Photographer: The best shots happen right after the last frame is exposed.
Photographer: The best shots are attempted through the lens cap.

In an organization there is always one person who knows what is going on. This person must get fired.

Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.
A good manager can make a decision without enough facts.
A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.

Don't let your superiors know you are better than they are.

If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.

Some errors will always go unnoticed until the program is saved.

The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the letter.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.