Idiots in the neighborhood:
  I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by Cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

Idiot sighting #1:
  I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Idiot sighting #2:
  At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to 'downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun!. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

Idiot sighting #3:
  When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." One of my friend once had his photos taken at a local photo shop. the next day he went to pick them up but the person at the desk refused to give him his photos without the purchase slip and the photos themselves were not enough to convince him that it was actually the right person wanting his photos back.

Idiot sighting #4:
  I had been Christmas shopping. It was past 9 PM, most of the stores had closed and I was tired and hungry. I came across one of the better-known fast food chain restaurants which was still open, but was about to close in 15 minutes. I hurried in and saw, to my dismay, that while the counter and dining room areas were still lit, the entire kitchen area was dark and very empty. I asked the counter girl if I could still get something to eat. She answered that although she couldn't cook me anything, they did have some hamburgers in the warmer. I ordered two hamburgers, plain. The girl grabbed her microphone and said to nobody, "Two Hamburgers, please, plain." Then she walked around to the dark and empty kitchen, took two hamburgers out of the warmer, walked back to the counter and served them to me.

Idiot sighting #5:
  Here's one that happened to me a few years ago. I went to a clothing store and bought a skirt for $7. With tax my total came to $7.51; I handed the cashier $8.01 and she had to take out a calculator to figure out how much change she had to give me back. I told her she owed me 50 cents.

Idiot sighting #6:
  When I was a boy, we were visiting some friends. Lunch time came around and offered to make us sandwiches. When I asked what kind of sandwiches, I was told bologna, tuna, or peanut butter and jelly. I said I wanted just peanut butter on my sandwich, no jelly. I was promptly told I couldn't have that because they had no peanut butter.

Idiot sightng #7:
  One of the requirements of borrowing money from the bank I was working at was to confirm the income of the individual either by way of pay stub or a letter from your employer. A young fellow came in one day and told me he wanted to borrow some money but he was training to be a professional WWF-like wrestler so didn't have a steady stream of income. I asked him to get a letter drawn up confirming the amount and return to the bank as soon as possible. He wasn't clear on this so I told him he needed a piece of paper from his employer, saying how much money he makes, and it should have letterhead at the top of the page. Well, the next day he did return, with a letter done up in his own hand writing, saying "I, John Smith, make $1000 a month", and the word "Letterhead" clearly hand printed at the top of the page.

Idiot sighting #8:
  I work in a small town in Mississippi, right across the state line from Memphis, TN. At lunch one day, I was at Sonic and when the man asked for my order over the intercom, I told him that I wanted a BLT with cheese, no mayo. To which he promptly asked, "Would you like Lettuce and Tomato?"

Idiot sighting #9:
  I work as a demo in a large warehouse store. We serve people food samples. These are a few of the idiot questions I have heard. I was baking some small burritos and a man was standing their watching me take the burritos out of the OVEN when he asked me "did you deep fry these or did you bake them"!!!! duhhh!! What do you think? Many times people will watch you take items out of a very hot bubbling skillet and place it on the serving tray and they will pick it up and put it in their mouth and scream "oh this is hot"!!! We even have signs at every table saying: CAUTION the sample we are serving may be hot. AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE!!! We always have a sign taped to the front of each and every table that describes the item we are serving, and we always put the box or bag on top of the table or taped to a small oven or microwave at eye level and I would say 8 out of 10 people will ask, after they have put the sample in their mouth, "what am I eating".

Idiot sighting #10:
  I worked at a local fast-food restaurant and had a co- worker named Amber. Once I asked her to take out the trash. She replied that she couldn't. When I asked why she stated that "it's too heavy. I might get a 'hemorrhoid'." Another time I asked her to help me cut up lemons and limes for the drinks. She replied that she would rather not. When I asked why she said that lemons and limes make her cry? "Lemons and limes make you cry?" I asked in disbelef. "Well, onions do!" was her answer. This girl had so many 'episodes' like this we now call them "Amberisms".

Idiot sighting #11:
  I don't know if you've been sent these before, but the instruction manual for the VW Beetle was loaded with stupid instructions. It's been awhile since I read the manual, but the one I remember most clearly is: Do not travel with water or objects in the flower vase in the dashboard.

Idiot sighting #12:
  The local QuikTrip convenience store has a label posted on their gasoline pumps: "Warning: Quiktrip gasoline is not recommended for aircraft engines.

Idiot sighting #13:
  As a police officer I quite often found myself working a car accident involving more than one car that required some traffic direction. It never failed that at least one of the vehicles moving through the accident scene would slow down by me and ask "what happened?" DUH!

Idiot sighting #14:
  Years ago, I went out to dinner with a group of friends for a prime rib meal. One friend brought his younger brother, who was a confident and somewhat cocky know-it-all. When the waiter got to him, he asked how he wanted his meat, and he said, uuuh....cooked? The waiter asked again, thinking that he didn't hear him correctly and he said it again...cooked? Everyone laughed and he looked clueless! The waiter had to explain; rare, medium-rare, medium-well or well done. By then, he turned beet red! So, when you think you know it all, think again!!

Idiot sighting #15:
  I work at a large retail chain in Columbus at the customer service desk. On day I had a man call and ask where the store was located, so I told him. Then he asked me to spell the street name, so I did. He said he was unfamiliar with the area and asked for directions. I asked him where he was coming from. He responded, "from my house". Can you believe it!!!!

Idiot sighting #16:
  I work in a coffee shop. We serve Frappucinos which are iced cold coffee slushy-like things. Well, more than once, I have had a person come up to me and ask me what those were. So I would say something along the lines of "it is a coffee base blended with ice." And these people would respond with "But is it cold?"

Idiot sighting #17:
  Years ago, I had a part time job at a Wal-Mart. It was one of those that were open 24 hours a day. One of my duties was answering the phone, and we had a set script we were supposed to follow that went something like this: "Thank you for choosing your 24 hour Wal-Mart. How may I direct your call?" or something to that effect. It would always amaze me how many people would then ask us what time we closed the store for the day.

Idiot sighting #18:
  I work on a wood fired steam tour boat. We do short 1 hour tours, and, as a little show for our passengers we re-load the boat with firewood before each tour. I have been asked on two separate occasions if the boat was a "diesel" ( while loading the WOOD onto the boat)and after explaining, "no, it's STEAM" they have asked if it was "coal fired."

Idiot sighting #19:
  I was working as a receptionist for a busy law firm. During a spat of phone calls, I asked a caller if I could put her on 'hold' in order to answer the other line. She told me not to worry, the other caller was probably HER!!

Idiot sighting #20:
  This happened to me just last night! I drink lemon juice in my water. Well I work in a bowling center and we use lemon juice to finish cleaning our grill at night. Well I got the lemon juice out of the bottle and started to pour it in my water. This lady I work with says, "Stop! Don't use that!" Of course I asked why not? She showed me the label that says refrigerate after opening. She said, "This bottle has been under the grill, you don't want to drink that in your water." I said, "well whatever." Then she said, "Well if that lemon juice is sour, don't cry to me when you get sick!"

Idiot sighting #21:
  I work for a government agency that has small offices in different locations around the county. A lady called one of these offices and asked to have someone come to her house to hook up her TV to cable. The operator told her that she had called the tax office not the cable company. After repeating her request a number of times & getting the same answer from our operator, the exasperated woman finally said "well, I was told that this was the SATELLITE office".

Idiot sighting #22:
  I used to to live in Hawaii on the island of Oahu and was the manager of a large tourist gift store. Customers would come up to me and see my manager name tag and ask. "Oh, Do you live here in Hawaii? I would repond... No, I commute back and forth from California everyday.