Idiots at work:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was
necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So
I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared
the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck
would have it, they matched.
Idiots in the neighborhood:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by
Cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
Idiot sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Idiot sighting #2:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving
the company due to 'downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully,
"this is fun!. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights
Idiot sighting #3:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
One of my friend once had his photos taken at a local
photo shop. the next day he went to pick them up but the
person at the desk refused to give him his photos without
the purchase slip and the photos themselves were not
enough to convince him that it was actually the right person
wanting his photos back.
Idiot sighting #4:
I had been Christmas shopping. It was past 9 PM, most of
the stores had closed and I was tired and hungry. I came
across one of the better-known fast food chain restaurants
which was still open, but was about to close in 15 minutes.
I hurried in and saw, to my dismay, that while the counter
and dining room areas were still lit, the entire kitchen area
was dark and very empty. I asked the counter girl if I could
still get something to eat. She answered that although she
couldn't cook me anything, they did have some hamburgers in
the warmer. I ordered two hamburgers, plain. The girl
grabbed her microphone and said to nobody, "Two Hamburgers,
please, plain." Then she walked around to the dark and empty
kitchen, took two hamburgers out of the warmer, walked back to
the counter and served them to me.
Idiot sighting #5:
Here's one that happened to me a few years ago. I went to a
clothing store and bought a skirt for $7. With tax my total
came to $7.51; I handed the cashier $8.01 and she had to take
out a calculator to figure out how much change she had to
give me back. I told her she owed me 50 cents.
Idiot sighting #6:
When I was a boy, we were visiting some friends. Lunch time
came around and offered to make us sandwiches. When I asked
what kind of sandwiches, I was told bologna, tuna, or peanut
butter and jelly. I said I wanted just peanut butter on my
sandwich, no jelly. I was promptly told I couldn't have
that because they had no peanut butter.
Idiot sightng #7:
One of the requirements of borrowing money from the bank
I was working at was to confirm the income of the individual
either by way of pay stub or a letter from your employer.
A young fellow came in one day and told me he wanted to
borrow some money but he was training to be a professional
WWF-like wrestler so didn't have a steady stream of income.
I asked him to get a letter drawn up confirming the amount
and return to the bank as soon as possible. He wasn't clear
on this so I told him he needed a piece of paper from his
employer, saying how much money he makes, and it should have
letterhead at the top of the page. Well, the next day he did
return, with a letter done up in his own hand writing,
saying "I, John Smith, make $1000 a month", and the word
"Letterhead" clearly hand printed at the top of the page.
Idiot sighting #8:
I work in a small town in Mississippi, right across the state
line from Memphis, TN. At lunch one day, I was at Sonic and
when the man asked for my order over the intercom, I told
him that I wanted a BLT with cheese, no mayo. To which he
promptly asked, "Would you like Lettuce and Tomato?"
Idiot sighting #9:
I work as a
demo in a large warehouse store. We serve people food samples.
These are a few of the idiot questions I have heard. I was
baking some small burritos and a man was standing their
watching me take the burritos out of the OVEN when he asked
me "did you deep fry these or did you bake them"!!!! duhhh!!
What do you think? Many times people will watch you take
items out of a very hot bubbling skillet and place it on
the serving tray and they will pick it up and put it in
their mouth and scream "oh this is hot"!!! We even have
signs at every table saying: CAUTION the sample we are
serving may be hot. AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE!!! We always
have a sign taped to the front of each and every table
that describes the item we are serving, and we always
put the box or bag on top of the table or taped to a
small oven or microwave at eye level and I would say 8
out of 10 people will ask, after they have put the sample
in their mouth, "what am I eating".
Idiot sighting #10:
I worked at a local fast-food restaurant and had a co-
worker named Amber. Once I asked her to take out the
trash. She replied that she couldn't. When I asked why
she stated that "it's too heavy. I might get
a 'hemorrhoid'." Another time I asked her to help me
cut up lemons and limes for the drinks. She replied
that she would rather not. When I asked why she said
that lemons and limes make her cry? "Lemons and limes
make you cry?" I asked in disbelef. "Well, onions do!"
was her answer. This girl had so many 'episodes' like
this we now call them "Amberisms".
Idiot sighting #11:
I don't know if you've been sent these before, but the
instruction manual for the VW Beetle was loaded with
stupid instructions. It's been awhile since I read the
manual, but the one I remember most clearly is:
Do not travel with water or objects in the flower vase
in the dashboard.
Idiot sighting #12:
The local QuikTrip convenience store has a label posted on
their gasoline pumps: "Warning: Quiktrip gasoline is not
recommended for aircraft engines.
Idiot sighting #13:
As a police officer I quite often found myself working a
car accident involving more than one car that required some
traffic direction. It never failed that at least one of the
vehicles moving through the accident scene would slow down
by me and ask "what happened?" DUH!
Idiot sighting #14:
Years ago, I went out to dinner with a group of friends for a
prime rib meal. One friend brought his younger brother, who
was a confident and somewhat cocky know-it-all. When the
waiter got to him, he asked how he wanted his meat, and he
said, uuuh....cooked? The waiter asked again, thinking that
he didn't hear him correctly and he said it again...cooked?
Everyone laughed and he looked clueless! The waiter had to
explain; rare, medium-rare, medium-well or well done. By
then, he turned beet red! So, when you think you know it
all, think again!!
Idiot sighting #15:
I work at a large retail chain in Columbus at the customer
service desk. On day I had a man call and ask where the store
was located, so I told him. Then he asked me to spell the
street name, so I did. He said he was unfamiliar with the
area and asked for directions. I asked him where he was
coming from. He responded, "from my house". Can you believe
Idiot sighting #16:
I work in a coffee shop. We serve Frappucinos which are iced
cold coffee slushy-like things. Well, more than once, I have
had a person come up to me and ask me what those were. So I
would say something along the lines of "it is a coffee base
blended with ice." And these people would respond with "But
is it cold?"
Idiot sighting #17:
Years ago, I had a part time job at a Wal-Mart. It was one of
those that were open 24 hours a day. One of my duties was
answering the phone, and we had a set script we were supposed
to follow that went something like this: "Thank you for choosing
your 24 hour Wal-Mart. How may I direct your call?" or something
to that effect. It would always amaze me how many people would
then ask us what time we closed the store for the day.
Idiot sighting #18:
I work on a wood fired steam tour boat. We do short 1
hour tours, and, as a little show for our passengers
we re-load the boat with firewood before each tour. I
have been asked on two separate occasions if the boat
was a "diesel" ( while loading the WOOD onto the
boat)and after explaining, "no, it's STEAM" they have
asked if it was "coal fired."
Idiot sighting #19:
I was working as a receptionist for a busy law firm. During
a spat of phone calls, I asked a caller if I could put her
on 'hold' in order to answer the other line. She told me
not to worry, the other caller was probably HER!!
Idiot sighting #20:
This happened to me just last night! I drink lemon juice in my
water. Well I work in a bowling center and we use lemon juice to
finish cleaning our grill at night. Well I got the lemon juice out
of the bottle and started to pour it in my water. This lady I work
with says, "Stop! Don't use that!" Of course I asked why not? She
showed me the label that says refrigerate after opening. She said, "This
bottle has been under the grill, you don't want to drink that in your
water." I said, "well whatever." Then she said, "Well if that lemon
juice is sour, don't cry to me when you get sick!"
Idiot sighting #21:
I work for a government
agency that has small offices in different locations around
the county. A lady called one of these offices and asked
to have someone come to her house to hook up her TV to cable.
The operator told her that she had called the tax office
not the cable company. After repeating her request a number
of times & getting the same answer from our operator, the
exasperated woman finally said "well, I was told that
this was the SATELLITE office".
Idiot sighting #22:
I used to to live in Hawaii on the island of Oahu and was the manager of a large tourist gift store. Customers would come up to me and see my manager name tag and ask. "Oh, Do you live here in Hawaii? I would repond... No, I commute back and forth from California everyday.