The International House Of Ass

The history of our company goes back to the year 1931, when during the depression our founder, Tyrone B. Bibbons saw the need to raise the morale of the american working man. He took it upon himself to create the Interantional House Of Ass, a bordello. Mr. Bibbons found this to be a profit rich industry, and was soon able to expand with two other locations in the then smalll town of Jacksonville, Fl. IHOA soon became a household name and brought joy to many. This was the case until the summer of 1980, when Mr. Bibbons was driven out of town by an angry mob of southern baptists. By now, Bibbons' health was failing, so he passed the torch to his son, Tyrone Jr. Finding himself in a hostile environment, Tyrone Jr., against the wishes of his father, changed the image of IHOA. Today, IHOA is a light hearted place where one can come in, put one's feet up, and have a cold drink. All while listening to the rythmic beat of 70's Funk. And so, here we are today, with a proud tradition of family ownership and operation, and with the economy the way it is today, IHOA will be a pillar of the Jacksonville community for generations to come.

Thanks to a recent victory in one of the many litigation battles we're in with the pancake tyrant that is the International House Of Pancakes, a new day has dawned here at IHOA. We are very proud to announce that we have opened two new locations with the above mentioned funds, in the Jacksonville area. Mr. Bibbons himself was on hand at both locations to cut the ribbon, signifying that they were open for business. Customers now have the choice of smoking and non-smoking sections. The menu in the Smoking Section features a wide assortment of wavs. As we all know, smoking is an adult-only habit and discretion is advised if you wish to enter. Some wavs contain adult language.

But if you're interested in a more family-oriented environment, then the Non-Smoking Section is just for you. It's menu contains the jokes, quotes, and the food for thought regular IHOA patrons have come to know and love.

Or, if you do not wish to be seated in either of our new sections, we have placed a fine selection of links at the bottom of this page for your enjoyment.

Tyrone Jr. would like to take this time to share a very special story with you....."Many years ago, a young immigrant showed up at our doors. I had only been running IHOA for a few years, and didn't have much business sense. Dad warned me about him, but I didn't listen, and took him in. He started out working in the kitchen, but no one could stand the smell he carried with him, so we told him he had to go. The next morning, I arrived to open up, and I saw this shack-looking thing built on the side of the building. It was him, it was Vatslov, the young immigrant. He had set up shop right next to us, right ON us, really. But, I let him stay, cause I felt sorry for him. That year we lost 46% of our business, people were just to wary of that kid. So, I called in some of my italian associates, and Vatslov was as good as gone. Many years went by, and I assumed he was dead, but now it seems he's started his business again. Now, I don't normally do this, but he gave me a shameless plug, so I must do the same. If you have the time, and can stand the smell, drop by Crazy Vatslov's House of Pain There, it's done, now let us never speak of him again..."

Recently, we at IHOA have done the unthinkable. Facing a zoning crisis, we were forced to drudge up memories of that Vatslov person. It started a few weeks ago when, during yet another legal battle with IHOP, one of their dirty-handed lawyers bribed some city zoning officials, and low and behold, it seems IHOA has commited a zoning violation. Apparently, we have been seating too many guests in the Smoking Section. And so, we had no choice but to make some changes at IHOA. We now have a Smoking Patio which we built up from the shack vacated by Vatslov. Don't worry, at a cost of thousands of dollars, we removed the smell. Now, patrons can enjoy an open air atmosphere, rather than a cramped, smoky room. The patio will have even more wavs than the Smoking Section, so don't fret. Please, step outside....

We at IHOA have seen that the times are changing, and we will ofcourse endeavor to change with them, so that IHOA will continue to be a haven of entertainment well into the next century.

If you have any questions, or comments, please sign the guestbook, or E-mail us at the address at the bottom of this page. We'd love to hear from you....

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We at IHOA are not known for plugging the work of others, but we feel that this time we can make an exception. For the very latest in pimp technology, check out