Of course, this didn't last. However, I nontheless thought Faye as being perfect. In every way; Faye was perfection. Many times I think that she is far too good for somebody like myself. I really do. I wouldn't WANT her to be with anybody else, don't get me wrong. But I still think that I'm not good enoguh for her.
One day, my Dad started dropping hints to me like "plane tickets aren't that expensive" or "we don't have much to do this summer", and "where would you like to go?" Basically, I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up that he might be taking me to Utah. It was to much to hope for, really. BUT, as it turned out, it was true!
This summer, I'm going to Utah for a week. And I cannot wait. To actually see Faye, to hold her hand or hug her... to just be able to touch her and hear her voice, it's almost incomprehendable. Although to tell the truth, I'm a bit afraid. Not just NERVOUS as to what might happen, but... I'm really scared that she won't like me. Maybe she'll think that the boy she fell in love with on the Internet is different than what I really am... maybe she just won't accept me. God, I really hope that isn't the case... it's the most frightening thing that has happened to me.
After a while, especially when it was very close to the day I would actually move to Utah, when the plane tickets were actually bought... I began freaking out. Screw being afraid, or nervous, I was far beyond that.
I knew, no longer was it just a thought in the back of my head, that Faye wouldn't like me. Perhaps this is just due to a mix of strong self-dislike and the inability to be incorrect. I'm not sure. Whatever the reason, I was positive that once Faye gets a hold of who I am, the good and the bad, she will most probably find that the cons outweigh pros. I doubt she'll say anything while I'm in Utah, but I highly think it to be true. It may not actually happen until a while after, she may just drift away as time passes, afterwards. Or something.
Or so I think. Psychologically speaking, my feelings are probably coming from the fact that I will be actually meeting Faye in just over a month. It's doubtless some sort of link, because how I've felt has accumulated as I've become closer and closer to the date of July 14th - when I come to Utah.
Despite all of this, one thing I am pretty sure of. I'm not good enough for her. I know that sounds really over-used and corny, but I really don't think I am. It's almost like I'm actually weighing her down.