Like I said, kids my age really throw around the word 'love', so my first thought was that Faye would just think it was my crush and say that she loves me, too. Which I would enjoy, if it was true, but if that was the case, it wouldn't be.
But Faye is smarter than that, I suppose. She knew what I really meant. She knows what love is.
I'm not quite sure what her exact response was. But a little while afterwards, she did tell me that she wished she could love me, too. But she cannot, which I understand. So, we were still just friend, or that minor boy/girl friend thing we had going on. Things had gone much better than I thought.
So, this is how we went on. Then one day, I found it kinda painful talking to Faye. I mean, I loved her, but couldn't have her. That really bites. So I told her that I needed some time to myself. So for a while, we didn't talk, on my own advice. Then, a day afterwards, I found it WORSE NOT talking to her.
So, we talked.
A while later, Faye said that perhaps I should tell Jeff all of this. I agreed, even if I didn't want to. I mean, that's kinda a hard thing!
But, I told him. He was a bit upset at first, but did not react as badly as one, namely me, would have thought. We got into small arguments, but nothing bad. Then, we both left, less as friends, but still friends, nontheless. And I'm glad.
Later on came the start of 'Koi'. I asked Faye if I could call her 'aisuru', which meands beloved in Japanese. The problem was, Jeff called her that, and I didn't want to hit below the belt. She suggesed I called her 'Koi', Japanese for love. The name fitted perfectly, so that was what I also called her, aside from sis.
Soon, I wanted to hear her voice, and not just talk to her on the computer. So, she gave me her phone number, and I called her up! I can only call on Sundays, and for fifteen minutes, though. But it was a great experience, hearing my koi's voice! Even though the two of us hated the phone and had nothing really to say ^_^;
One day, I told her I loved her again, and she said in response, 'I never get tired of hearing that'. It was a surprise to me, because the feelings weren't mutual. Then, she said the most shocking and amazing few words I have ever heard.
Though she would not say it outright, and she had to repeat it over and over (it wouldn't exactly register in my mind ^_^;), it turns out that she loves me, too! I asked her when and where this came out of, but she wasn't sure. She said that she can't say it outright, because it is unfair to Jeff. Which I can fully understand.
But I would like for NOTHING more than for her to tell me that she loved me. In so many words, or so few words. Later on, I told her, in as best words as I could fit it into. Basically, how it seems that I am watching from the sidelines, impossible to ignore her and my own feelings. And I know it's not fair to Jeff, but what about me? It might seem selfish, I know, but I want Faye all to myself.
We got in a little conversation, about how why Faye wanted to break up with Jeff (he can't really understand her family problems like I can, which are identical nearly), and though we were still on the same square, I loved Faye more than ever afterwards.
After she told me she loved me, I got a little more bold. I call her 'honey' and 'sweety' and 'love' sometimes, as well as sis and koi. I also "kissed" her on the cheek. OK, so it was just some text saying that I kissed her on the cheek, but for someone like me and Faye, who have never seen each other and likely won't for a while, but are still in love, I think it meant something here, ya know?
A couple weeks, or months, later, me and Faye got in some really deep talking. We both talked about our problems, mostly about our familys (especially about our father's) and we both exchanged things that we hadn't really ever told anywhere else. Earlier on in the conversation, as well, I had told Faye that I was a bit jealous, about the way Jeff had proposed his love to her (roses on Valentine's Day).
Well, as our chatting reached a sort of climax, Faye told me, "Another similarity between us. This is why I love you. Yup, I said it ^_^ We connect. I never had much of anything in common with Jeff. You have no reason to be jealous, okay?" At the time, after hearing that, I did not feel jealous at all. Hearing her say it outright was almost as happy for me as first finding out she loved me.
Ever since then, Faye and I both said to each other "I love you", outright. I don't think you understand just the thrill it gives me everytime she says she loves me!
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