Journal
July 7, 2004 - 3.47 pm
What am I doing this for?
Ah...such a very long time. A very long time indeed. Perhaps far too long. I wonder if I've outgrown the age of websites and postings...but I atleast can hopelessly continue to try...right? Journies have recently made my brain heavy with thoughts.....thoughts of freedom, flight. And I can't help but wonder....has mundane exsistence taken over my life? - But no, there are moments when I see the world and those around me as interesting and exciting....perhaps even remotely intriguing - and the thoughts are intriguing too (like why I keep going back, keep telling myself that it's how it's suppose to be and that yes, this is right and that no....there are no other opportunities...but keeping your eyes open is always a good thing, right?). Yet, with flight and freedom come imense responsibilty that I am far from ready to imerse myself in.
October 11, 2003 - 6:52 pm
Where is he? Where the hell is he? Yes, I know...I'm going to rant, but it's about time I did. Does he think it's fair to cut me off of complete conversational ties? Cut off my one source of intelligent conversation that makes me think when the rest of the world is nothing but a bunch of lame footballers and cheerleaders worried about if the next game is going to be cancelled or not? And now....CHRIST! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME? Perhaps he thinks I'm opsessed? Well la-de-da...he knew that I was in some sort of teenager infatuation with him already....*shakes head* It's not worth it...no one important reads this page anyway...(i'm the only one...i think, and i'm not all that important).
September 6, 2003 - 9:36 pm
I imagine overly corwded hallways, ditzy blondes, gaudy clothing, pigish males, over enthusiastic teachers (except for Cerami), over restrictive security guards, and bumper to bumper traffic somehow equate to a good first week of school. Hell! Who am I kidding? Misery is a redundant quality of high school life.
August 24, 2003 - 7:52 pm (MT TIme)
Apollo does not stop
his work just because
I beg him to.
Tomorrow comes too quickly for some; too slowly for others. It is what makes me different from you and you. See, tomorrow comes neither too quickly nor too slowly, it just comes. And sometimes...well sometimes, tomorrow doesn't come at all.
August 22, 2003 - 2:51 pm (MT Time)
And here we go again, this unfair decent into my mind and my thoughts. The question to ask would be, do you honestly care or am I typing for my own consolation?
So tonight I'm supposed to go on a date with my boyfriend, right? But I'm not really looking forward to it. Outwardly I am; outwardly it's a smile; outwardly it's all an act. Inwardly, I feel...awkward, confused, but most of all, unsure. I like the guy, there's no doubt in that, but sometimes don't you just wonder that there could be more...isn't there always more?
There's a yellow balloon hovering infront of me and all I really want to do is jap and pin into it and listen to the popping sound. And when I try, it's difficult. My hand never gets far, because it always gives up. And there is the metaphor for my entire life. *shakes head* There are no goblets (sorry Tony), no grayscale skies, no more stories to hide beneath. The pen has given up hiding the author. -fini
August 6, 2003
I was looking forward to school starting, really I was. And now, it doesn't start till the 2nd of September. That's horrible. Well, sort of. This means I don't have a car for the month of August (long story, maybe we'll talk about it later, but if you want to know, just drop me an email and maybe I'll tell you); I also don't have a job. So what am I supposed to do? Oh, yes! That's right, I'm supposed to be the good little girl that everyone knows me to be and play golf for the golf team and smile and study even though school isn't in session. Well, in all honesty, screw that. I'm sick of being predictable. I want to be somehting new...because I don't like who I am.
Would you look at that, I'm singing the same song as in the last enty. Orginality is definately slipping
July 29, 2003
So I've been thinking that I really don't like my life. It's too predictable; predictable is boring. As Gaston says in Gigi, "It's a bore!" I'm not happy, and am therefore going to reinvent myself into a savvy, sophisticated young woman, well rounded in all areas. And if I want to go out and something damn crazy...then so be it. You only live once, well, unless your Hindu or you believe in reincarnation.
July 20, 2003
Ha...wow. First I was complaining about summer being so damn slow, and now, all of a sudden I'm so busy I barely have time to think about journal entries to write.
Ladies and Gentlmen of my nonexistant audiance, I have a job. And where at? Well Taco Bell of course. Because, all the cool kids work at Taco Bell....and I do mean that when I saw it. Well, I mostly mean it. There are one or two people who are like "dude...brain cells, are there any there?". But other than that, I'm enjoying it. I love my managers, and the people I work with.
On to more pressing matters: Actually, there are no more pressing matters, so that's it for this entry. Rather crappy, I know, but have you looked at my life recently?
June 30, 2003
And summer boredome creeps back. It's so funny, I always used to look forward to summer and now I'm bored out of my mind. But it's mainly my fault, isn't it? I mean, I allow boredome to creep in...it's the tax of being idle I suppose. Maybe it's just because I'm sick of talk to boxes on my computer screen and voices in my head. Lonliness can drive a person mad I suppose. But I've never really experianced it. My brain feels uncontent. It's terrible. The only "human beings" I see are my parents. And not for lack of trying on my part not to see them...it's the lack of people to replace them with. Depressing I know. And yet, I sit here writing into a box on my computer screen when I could be out there...doing something more productive. The mind yearns for productivity so much that it cannot think of anything to occupy it.
June 26, 2003
I'm not quite sure what this section is for. It's not a journal of what I've done in the day, it's more a collection of words formed to make a paragraph or two. Most of the time it will be pure nonesense...because that's all it generally is.
Today, I'll talk about people. Not just people in general, but people I actually know. I'm to tell you one interesting/admirable (or at least a quality that I find interesting/admirable) quality about them. But I'm not going to mention any names, because what's the fun in that. Or, if I were to mention a name and that person doesn't like the quality I put down, I could get into a lot of trouble with law suits and what not (well, not really) So here it goes:
1. She never seems to change. Most people grow with time, but she doesn't. It's always the same old vices and the same old riddles in her life...sometimes it's boring, and sometimes it's intriguing. Sometimes, I wish I would never change..
2. He puts up with everything, all my mindless rambles (in prose and in conversation). It takes a good person to do that.
3. He's a brilliant actor, hiding what's on the inside behind some artistic endeavor. And he does it so damn skillfully.
4. She's afraid of nothing. It's that simple.