Hi, this is me...
My name is Muffy. That's not my real name, it's a nick name. I had that name since before birth. My mom gave it to me when I was still in her womb.
I was born on August 14, 1982 in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. I've lived in Canada all my life. As a matter of fact, I have never left Canada. In the summer of 2005, I will be going to Buffalo New York for Indiginous games. I may be competing in Baceball, since that is my favorite sport.
I was born with a cleft pallate - a congenital split in the roof of the mouth Oxford Concise English Dictionary This annoying split made it impossible for me to feed as a child. I could not suck from a bottle and so, was fed from an eye dropper. I would drink five ounces, then sleep for two hours. That was my routine and my parents put up with it. Due to my cleft pallet, I lost all of my birth weight very quickly and could not gain weight. The doctors told my mom that if I did not eat, I could die.
My mother was a alcoholic/asmatic. There were times when I didn't know if she was in the hospital getting treatment or out partying with her drinking friends. I lived with my grandmother as a kid. I lived in Saskatoon with my sister and brother, I wouldn't see my mom for sometimes weeks at a time and my father held a steady job in North Battleford (2 hours away from Saskatoon). My mom made it very clear to me that my dad was working in North Battleford and that we had to live in Saskatoon. She, kindly enough, left out the part that my mom and dad were no longer seeing eachother.
My mom and dad had an off again/on again relationship. When they would get back together, my dad would come down and visit. There was a time my dad took my mom to North Battleford so the two could get away. I became lonely for my mom that I became sick. I couldn't eat, and I almost couldn't walk anymore. When my dad brought my mom home, he saw my lying on the couch, almost wasted away to nothing.
I was quite the loner in school. I was my own best friend with the ocassional teacher. I don't know what it was that didn't make the kids like me. I was quiet, I kept to myself. It didn't bug me much because I enjoyed my own company. I remember, I passed from kindergarten. I was just starting grade one. It was a holiday, in the summer some time. My cousin took me to down town Saskatoon. (He was about as old as I was but older. If you get my meanin'.) I really wanted to see the snakes at the pet shop. We had enough money to buy a cheese burger and a cup of water at McDonalds. After we ate, we walked to the side of the road. I had my eyes fixed on the pet shop. My cousin told me to run acress the street (Which happened to be the most busiest street in all of Saskatoon). He counted down from three to one. "Go!" he yelled. I didn't know he was just kidding. "Never mind." he said, but I could not hear him, on account of some guy was beeping his horn. So I ran. All I heard was a thump. No pain. I came to on the sidewalk, ambalance and cops all around me. I couldn't feel the pain in my head and I couldn't feel the pain in my knee.
I was rushed to the same hospital I was born in. St. Paul's Hospital. It wasn't until a few minutes later, that I began to get a massive headache and my knee started to throb. I was given a bath by a nurse in this big stainless steel tub. That tub scared me, it was so clean. They washed out my knee with soap. The soap didn't hurt it, it was them digging in my knee to get the rocks and dirt out. I slowly got used to sleeping on my right side, on account of I had a big goose egg on the leftside of my head. During my stay in the hospital, I began to hate apple jiuce. that's all I was given, three times a day, everyday for two weeks.
Then I skip to grade three when I befriended a young native girl. We were close friends mainly because we were virtually the only native kids to attend the school. I remember one september day. It was chilly out side and I walked over to her appartment which was about 4 blocks away from my place. I knocked on her door. Her uncle answered the door. I asked if she was home and he said no. He was going to take his baby neice for a walk and asked me if I wanted to accompany him. So I did. We some how got into the conversation of scars and told me that when we got back to the appartment that he would show me a scar that he got durring a surgery. I was kind of afraid but being a follower, I didn't speak up for myslef. We went back to the apartment and he put the baby to sleep. He grabbed a baasket of laundry and went to the laundry room and told me to follow him. I did. There he wiped "it" out and made me touch it. Then he asked me to show myself to him (he was drunk by the way which is no excuse!!!!!!!!!) I told him I would not so he let me leave.
I shook all the way home. I almost got lost because I was so scared. Before I left, he told me not to tell anyone. I didn't. Not until the winter of 2000. I told my anunty because I had written it in my diary and she read it. I no longer keep diarys. I still haven't brought myself to tell my mom. I can't hurt her like that
In the summer of '94, my dad came back into my life. He packed us up and moved us to North Battleford. We were a complete family for 5 years, until some red headed woman with the same name as me stepped into our lives. My father secretely started dating her. I had missed my bus and called my dad to drive me to school. He was a taxi driver. My dad lived in a bus that he turned into a motor home. He parked it at his boss's house, only to be closer the the woman. I had called him and he came to my aid.
On the way to school, he told me that he had something to say to me. "I have a girlfriend." he said. I looked at him, quiet. "Are you mad?" he asked. "No" I said. "Just confused."
"There's nothing to be confused about. Don't tell your mother." He continued. "If you do, I'll never speak to you again." There were several times I almost broke down crying in class. I didn't want to do anything that would draw attention to myself so I faught hard to keep the tears back.
I rode the bus home. I immediately ran to my room and let out all mt repressed anger. My sister came bursting into my room and said that mom was going for a walk and asked if I was going to come. I sunk my face deep into my bear my mom gave me on the thirteenth birthday that she had since she was tirteen. "Okay" I said.
"Well, let's go then." My sister said. "Get out then!" I yelled. I found my sunglasses and put them on to hide my red puffy eyes. I couldn't take the pressure at school. I was a loner, I was behind on my work on account of I developed insomnia and couldn't sleep at night. I also developed a strange rash that streatched from the top of my scalp to the bottoms of my feet. it's was horrable. I dropped out of grade 8.
My father finaly told my mom about his scandalous deeds. My mom was shocked and apauled. She called up my aunt to keep me, to place me in a safe home while she recoperated from her tragic loss, yet again.
I have lived with my aunt ever since. She placed me in grade 9 where I made a ton of friends. I became the popular student. I used to be the one who knew everybody, but nobody knew me. It was finally the other way around, Everybody knew me and I didn't even know who anybody was. People I had never met in my life are talking to me.
I became suicidal during to my tragic loss. I just didn't care for life anymore. I then became of fan of KoRn because Jon himself was once suicidal too and fans the world over found comfort in him. I was one of them. My aunt got ahold of KoRn's lyrics and banded me from listening to them I found my way to get around her rule and she also found me out. She finally took action and destroyed all four albums I owned of theirs. Now they have five (Untouchables)
Now I am in first year university and I love my life. Although my dad chooses not to be a part of our lives, I still try to make the effort to be a part of his. he still lives with the woman who has the same name as me.
I am now 20 years old and haven't seen my father in over 7 years. Dad if you are reading this. I still love you, even though I hate the things you have done, I still love you. Desiree and Matthew love you, and mom still talks about you. I doubt it we'll ever be a family again but know, you are still my father and I'll accept you as that and as a friend.
Thank you.
Sorry for any spelling errors I have made. I will scope them out and fix them.
For more pictures, click on my alien face. Some of them are pretty cool:> It's up there ^
