A wide range of topics and rants
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: "Gloomy Sunday" by Diamanda Galas
+.:HAVE YOU EVER:.+
[Hurt yourself?] Not intentionally.
[Hated your voice] Maybe once or twice.
[Been out of the country?] Nope.
[Eaten something that made other people sick?]I don't think so...
[Been in love?] Not really.
[Done drugs?] Nope.
[Gone skinny dipping?] No.
[Had a medical emergency?] Nope.
[Had surgery?] Nope.
[Ran away from home?] No, although sometimes I wish I could.
[Played strip poker?] lol, no.
[Got beaten up?] Don't think so.
[Beaten someone up?] No. I'm a pretty leveled person.
[Been picked on?] I don't think so...
[Been on stage?] A couple of times. Hated every minute.
[Slept outdoors?] Nope.
[Thought about suicide?] Nope. "Make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Thanks for calling!"
[Pulled an all nighter?] Yep.
[If yes, what is your record?] I stayed up all night, then lasted all through the day until it was time for bed that night.
[Gone one day without food?] Yep.
[Talked on the phone all night?] Nope.
[Slept all day?] Nope.
[Killed someone?] Not yet. :)
[Made out with a stranger?] No. x.X
[Had sex with a stranger?] No.
[Thought you're going crazy?] Sometimes.
[Kissed the same sex?] Nope.
[Done anything sexual with the same sex?] Nope.
[Been betrayed?] Yeah.
[Had a dream come true?] I don't think so.
[Broken the law?] Haha, wait till you see all my videos and computer games...
[Met a famous person?] Nope. Though my mom met the lead singer from Creed. And "Dan" from Roseanne.
[Have you ever killed an animal by accident?] No.
[On purpose?] N/A
[Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?] Yeah, on accident though. (Whoops.)
[Stolen anything?] Nope.
[Been on radio/tv?] Yeah.
[Been in a mosh-pit?] Nope.
[Had a nervous breakdown?] I think I've came close to one before.
[Bungee jumped?] No, although I'd like to.
[Had a dream that kept coming back?] Yeah.


[.:x Have You Ever x:.]
x\\ broken the law: Didn't you already ask this question?
x\\ ran away from home: Didn't you already ask this question?
x\\ snuck out of the house: No. I might one day, if I can figure out how to get out of the damn window.
x\\ ever gone skinny dipping: Didn't you already ask this question?
x\\ made a prank phone call: Haha, quite a few.
x\\ use your parents credit card: If I did, I wouldn't be here right now.
x\\ skipped school before: Psh, a lot.
x\\ fell asleep in the shower/bath: Yep.
x\\ had a boyfriend/girlfriend: Yeah. Although none of them were memorable.
x\\ had children: Er, no.
x\\ been in love: Didn't you already ask this question?
x\\ have a hard time getting over someone: Yeah.
x\\ been hurt?: Quite a bit.
x\\ gone out with someone you only knew for 3 days: Er, no.

Random . . .
x\\ have a job: Yeah.
x\\ your cd player has what in it right now: Phantom of the Opera
x\\ what makes you happy?: Hanging out with my friends.
x\\ the next CD you're going to buy: The 1989 version of Phantom of the Opera soundtrack.

When/What Was the Last . . .
x\\ you got a real letter: Like, a couple of months ago.
x\\ thing you purchased: My Batman backpack.
x\\ Tv program you watched: Charmed.
x\\ movie you saw in the theaters: Star Wars Episode III.
x\\ song heard: "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton.
x\\ place you were [ besides home ]: Dave's Movies and More looking for "The Machinist." Fucking Granite City...
x\\ phonecall: Erica.
x\\ you were depressed: Quite some time ago.
x\\ you were in the hospital: Erm, I dunno...

+.:DEEP THOUGHTS ABOUT LIFE AND YOU IN IT:.+
[Do you live in the moment?] Not usually.
[Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?] Too tolerant.
[Do you have any secrets?] Who doesn't?
[Do you hate yourself?] Not really. There are things I'd like to change, but overall, I like myself.
[Do you like your handwriting?] It changes constantly, so I couldn't tell ya. (I have a chameleon hand.)
[Do you have any bad habits?] Yep.
[What is the compliment you get from most people?] Mostly about my hair.
[If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?] The Socialists [insert inside joke here]
[What's your biggest fear?] I dunno. Maybe everybody one day turning against me?
[Can you sing?] I don't really know. x.X
[Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?] Never.
[Are you a loner?] In a lot of ways, yeah.
[What are your #1 priorites in life?] Trying to figure myself out, get a good career, and, unfortunately, uphold what my parents think of me.
[If you were another person, would you be friends with you?] Fuck yeah.
[Are you a daredevil?] Not really.
[Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?] Sometimes I worry whether I'm all there. I mean, I already know I'm a sociopath. XD
[Are you passive or aggressive?] Both, but when I get aggressive, you'd better move aside, 'cause I'm on a fucking rampage then.
[Do you have a journal?] Yeah, but I've ceased to keep up with it.
[What is your greatest strength and weakness?] Strength: I can read people. (I'm empathic!)
Weakness: I'm a tad greedy. I'm materialistic.
[If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?] I want to have that "spark" that some people have.
[Do you think you are emotionally strong?] Yeah. Very much so.
[Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?] Nothing that I can think of at the moment.
[Do you think life has been good so far?] Most of it. Although I hope it gets better.
[What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?] Life's a bitch. Nothing's fair. You gotta roll with it. Improvise. Go with the flow. Accept it as it is. (Vincent is so wise... in his own way XD)
[What do you like most about your body?] My hair or my lips.
[And least?] The acne gene I got from Mommy. But that'll go away in time.
[Do you think you are good looking?] Overall, yeah. There are some days where I just feel like I'm all "blah." But who doesn't have those days?
[Are you confident?] I think so.
[What is the fictional character you are most like?]Vincent from Collateral. I am sarcastic, and care very little about people.
[Are you perceived wrongly?] Yes, I think so.

.:x Random x:.

spell your name backwards: Ynaffit Llewmehs
what song makes you cry: "Down Once More/Track Down This Murderer"
what song makes you happy: "Hip to Be Square" "Malaguena Salerosa"
what's your all time fav. song?: I have too many favorite songs
what do you listen to before you go to sleep: My noise-fan thing.
height: About 5'3?
hair color: Brown, although the sun is giving it a golden color.
piercings: None.
skin color: Tan. Although right now I'm as red as a lobster.
nail color: The normal color...?
shirt color: Black with red writing.
favorite color: Blue?
best friend(s): Erica, Amber, and Amber.
favorite event: My birthday
fav. holiday: Christmas.
***

Yeah, I filled that survey out like three days ago. I didn't want to post it without an entry, though. I have things to discuss that pertain to that, you see?

But, first thing's first. Yeah, Mom is mad at me. I called her manipulative. Heh.

But I had reasoning. Lately, we've been arguing about the puppy. She never wanted it. I've wanted one since Tikka died.

But that's not the point. The way she does things... she works people in her own way. I don't know if she even realizes. But it's always subtle at first. "I don't know why you're ___" or "____ would be better." She dances around what she's going to say. And it stretches out over a day or more. She works you, draws out what she's going to do -- tries to get you to change your mind, and if you don't, then she flat out forces the action on you.

Okay, so it's not manipulative, per se, but I wish she would just out-right say what she has to say.

Now, back to the puppy. Not long after we got it, she's like "I don't know why you got that puppy." From that moment -- right there -- I knew that I wouldn't have the dog for long. It's like an eerie forshadowing. Now I'm just counting the days until the puppy takes her leave.

I can't stand it when she does that. Before, when I was younger, I never really noticed how she does things. But I have recently started to. If she isn't going to do something with me, or won't let me do/get something, then why can't she just say it? Is she stiffening the blow by working me towards it? Or ignoring it? Or is she just trying to make me see things HER way -- not my way?

God, I hate it.

So now she's pissed off at me. Not talking to me. And I'm being a recluse in my room.

Whatever. I'll let the anger blow over, and see what happens. Go with the flow -- improvise.

Which brings me to my next discussion topics . . .

I mentioned that I thought I was like Vincent, so perhaps I should elaborate on that. But first, "the spark."

Have you ever seen someone that everyone else just frocks to? They have something -- the spark of life, that attracts the attention of everyone. They are the center of attention without having to do anything. Perhaps it's something in their personality, or their looks, or even something like their spirit -- but it's their. And everyone else picks up on it.

I have come to realize that I do, in fact, lack this "spark."

"Think anybody will notice?"

I said that I reminded myself of Vincent. In a lot of ways, I do. For the obvious reasons, he is a smart ass. He cares very little about most people. He's determined, watchful, and careful.

But, mainly because he seems to also doesn't have that spark. He simply lacks that trait that people home in on. But he benefits by it. He can enter a building, and go virtually unnoticed and unremembered. He blends in perfectly, and is invisible to nearly everyone.

I believe I am the same way. If you were to see me walking down the street, I would be forgotten a few moments after. Naturally, if someone were to get to know me, then I think I would leave my imprint. But overall, no.

I thought that this would bother me. And at first, it did. But now I've come to appreciate it. The spotlight is not where I belong. Away from the crowd, I can do my true assessing and observing.

You know, this isn't really a journal. It's more of a place for me to get things together, and muse.

So yeah, I failed to mention this in my last post. I was musing whether or not to tell the world. But I've decided to do so -- I saw a ghost in Tennessee.

Didn't scare me, really. Just startled me.

I was in the bathroom, about to take a shower. I'd just taken off my shirt, and I look over, and there's this young man standing there looking at me. Standing there. In the bathroom. Let's just say that I felt rather vulnerable at that moment.

He was tall. Maybe 6'0 or so. He was in his early-mid 20s. He had dark hair, and dark eyes. He was looking AT me, not through me. Interesting enough, though, he wasn't transperant. He looked like an actual flesh-and-blood person. I've always believed in ghosts. I've seen shadows, transperant people (yeah, saw a young girl-ghost on my bed before) and that gist, but I'd never actually seen a person.

At the time, my mind didn't really register what I saw. So I turned my head, and when I looked back, he was gone. It didn't frighten me at all. It was kind of exhilerating. And I am positive what I saw.

That's not my only weird-ghostly experience though.

I remember in first semester of my Sophmore year, I was outside getting a soda. Hardly anyone was out there, because I was late, and it was hot outside. I bent over to pick the soda up out of the machine, when I felt someone running their hands through my hair. I turned around to start yelling at the person behind me -- who gave them permission to touch my hair like that? But there was no one there. Nobody walking away, nothing. I know I felt someone running their hands through my hair, because I wouldn't chance yelling at someone for doing so if I wasn't positive that they had.

Also, about a year or so ago, I had a freaky ass dream. In my dream, all I saw was myself asleep, and I was looking over my shoulder (I was sleeping on my side, facing the wall), and all I could see was the top of my shoulder and my face. Well, I slowly saw a hand creeping over from the corner of my vision,slowly making it's way towards my shoulder. I woke up just as it touched my shoulder. When I woke up, I was lying in the EXACT same position as in my dream. My heart was in my throat, and I didn't dare look over to the edge of the bed. That dream unnerved me in a bad way. It was like some weird out of body experience.

Yeah, I have plenty of creepy stories. There's the little girl I saw on my bed. The ghost in the Eagles. My mysterious porcelian figurine. All kinds.

I used to be so-so about ghosts. Overall, I believed in them, but was unsure at times. Now, I'm a believer.

***

So yeah, Batman's coming out soon. I can't wait! Mom mentioned me and her going to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith tonight a couple of days ago, just me and her. Not so sure what's going on now. Anyway.

I'm glad for Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise -- really, I am. But it's getting annoying. Now, all I hear about is them. I was looking through pictures on Yahoo! of the Batman Begins premiere, and most of them were of those two. My God! Get over it!

Magazines everywhere. Are they together? Are they faking it? Are they getting married? Just. shut. up.

My take on it: Either they're drunk in love, or it's one helluva conspiracy. Just leave it be, and let them be in love or conspire in peace.

God. Fucking people.

Oh, yeah, Batman. After reading Santanico's "Freak Like Me" off of FF.net (can be found here -- I recommend it), I felt like writing a Batman story similiar to that style. So I started brainstorming, then it hit me: Harvey Dent and Renee Montoya! I loved their relationship in No Man's Land. I found it sweet, and endearing. So I started doing some research on Renee, her background and stuff, so I could write her history properly. Then I found out that she'd recently revealed that she was a lesbian.

So I was like "Well fuck." Yeah, so much for that. Two-Face has a penis, so that wouldn't work.

It would've been a kick-ass story to. Damn you, DC!

So now I'm musing on a Catwoman story, or a Batman one -- maybe even a Bruce/Selina one! Maybe I'll get inspiration when Batman Begins comes out.

I feel like writing. But I don't know what to write. :-\

***

Fast forward about 5 hours . . .

Yeah, we went to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was me, Mom, and Megan (my sister) ended up going. I liked that movie. It was witty. Brad's adorable, and Angelina is strong and confident. They have great chemistry together. I can see why people think they're together.

It's about 1 AM now. I feel like cleaning my room, but have yet to get the motivation to do so. Meh, maybe it'll come eventually. :)

I itch too. Like, all over my legs. I'm sunburnt there, and I'm wearing jeans, so it's irritating them. Grrr. I. Can't. Stop. Itching. AAAAAHHHHH!

Honestly, I think I don't have anything else to add to this entry. So maybe tomorrow, then. Cheerio.

I confuse even myself.
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: "El Tango de Roxanne" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack
Has it really been so long since I last updated?

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn
What is yo name?
Yo gangsta name be	Los Pantalones
You ride around in a	2004 BMW 530
Yo gang	The Mafia
Yo shoes be	Fuzzy slippers
Yo dubs be dis big, fool	2,093
How much money you got?	$5.40636072256587e+26
How gangsta are you, bitch?: 87%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I am flat broke. I have like $8,and that's in change.

The Family Trip

My family and I went to Tennessee for Memorial weekend. We went to visit my Dad's parents. That took, like, all the money we had. And my money. (Well, mom and I shopped, so I spent all but $20 on that.) The $20 then went to buy food on the ride back.

God, I HATE being broke.

So, anyway, the trip. On the ride up there, I was in the very back of the van. And the roads were all whin-dy and hill-y. So about right before we got there I got car sick.

Once we arrived, we pretty much went right to bed. I took a shower first though. The shower was just... ew. It was all miscolored, and looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while. I grinned and bore it.

Then, I had share a bed with Jacob. That child snores. Well, somewhat. It was more like heavy breathing... But he curled up, like, right next me. And he would (randomly)twitch his whole body during the night. (He had a lot of caffeine before that, so that might be why.)

The next day, Dad and Jacob went down to Kentucky to our property, while me and Mom shopped. We went to Clarksville mall. I got Chicago on DVD, some new headphones (the left ear in my other pair was going in and out), the new Angel Sanctuary and Ceres, and a kick-ass Batman backpack.

I love that backpack. It is so cool. It has a detachable flashlight that is the Bat-signal when you press the button. Very cool.

Hehe, I feel like a little kid.

But, after shopping, me and Mom went back to my grandparent's house and sat around. We did that the next day, too. Then, today, we started to head home. We stopped at this Homestead place. It's a farm that shows you what life was like in 1850.

It would suck living back then. I had to wash some clothes by hand, lol. I wasn't going to volunteer, but my Dad pushed me forward and forced me to. It wasn't that bad, really. Just a little awkward.

That's about it. Later today, I just hung around. Not much else to do.

The "A" Ordeal and the Lame Duck

Now, this isn't on here for any particular reason. I just feel like venting some pent-up feelings.

Now, for the sake of SOME privacy, the guy mentioned in here will be "A". (If you read previous entries, or know me personally, then you probably know who A is...)

I started liking A last year, my Freshman year. It was weird how we noticed each other. I was walking through the hall after lunch, running late as usual, and I remember my Mom would tell me to smile at someone -- it may just make their day. So I see this boy in the hall, and I smile politely. I didn't particularly pay attention to him -- I just smiled as I passed him.

Different, huh?

Skipping ahead, I didn't really know him. He asked for my number before, and I'll admit, I liked him. Not really LIKED him, but was just interested in him, you know? Then I talked to him later that night on the phone, and then I was just like "Eh. You're not that great. Whatever." (Okay, I didn't say that to him. But that was my mental reaction.)

(Erica says hi! ^^;)

I could tell from the very moment that I started talking to him that he was a player whose only interest was sex, pot, and partying. He was cocky and thought he was THE ladies man.

But I never really liked him. I especially didn't like him after I talked to him.

So, a year later, he asks me for my number again, claiming that he lost it. So I talk to him again, and nothing has changed.

He compliments me on how hot I am. And how when I'm older, I'll look my mom, then he'll have to marry me (that both creeped me out and offended me). And that I turn him on.

Sure, some of it was flattering, but geez. I mean, complimenting me on my looks is okay, but why not compliment me on my personality? It's a big black hole there, ya know.

He said that I was "cool". Well fuck, I already KNEW that.

Now, down to the point of all of this: I never really liked HIM to begin with.

Although it may sound terrible, I like that he liked me. I liked that he had an interest in me, physical or not. You know, as I was growing up, I never attracted boys. So it's just kind of nice to know that I can, and not really try. It's not like I stringed him along for his attention; I never even initiated anything. He was the one that asked for my number, and when he'd talk to me, I'd talk back.

I dunno, I just always felt kind of like the ugly duckling. When I was little, I never noticed. But when I hit puberty, I did. I didn't really feel like I was ugly, but just that I wasn't really good enough, or I was just lacking something. That's why when a guy took an interest in me, I would latch onto it.

Of course, now I don't latch much anymore. Even if I don't have guys chasing me to my doorstep, I get quite a few looks and stares. Now I just ignore them. They're just over-hormonal guys.

I dunno, even if my ugly duckling feeling is pretty much gone (it only surfaces occassionally, now), I feel like a lame duck sometimes. (What's with all the ducks in this post?)

You know, it seems like all my friends have a talent of some kind. But I can't really think of any of mine.

I have two left feet (I'll admit to that). I might be able to sing, I dunno. When I do, I don't really sing out loud. I can't draw. I can't play an instrument. I can write, but it's nothing compared to an actual writer's abilities. I can make graphics, but what will that get me in life?

I just feel... like there's something out there that I'm good at, but I just can't quite grasp it.

I'm empathic, but what am I supposed to do with that? I don't want to rely on just that for my career.

Sometimes I just feel like an untalented, awkward, lame duck.

But that's okay. Because I know something will work it's way into my life. I know it in the back of my mind.

The Beauty and the Beast and misc.

So, Erica sent me Nightwish's Beauty and the Beast a couple of weeks ago. I listened to it, got obsessed, and have started making Phantom of the Opera graphics based around the song.

So I shall post them here. But, since I will be updating them as I make them, the very first graphic will be at the bottom, the second will be the second from last, etc. etc.

Due to how graphic-heavy this page is (and definately will be now), I'll probably only leave the pics up for a couple more days. Then they go away, and the links for them will be provided.

Oh, I got a puppy! Isn't she cute? Her name is Cassie, and she's heading on 9 weeks old. She's a handful. Now that it's summer, my parents plan on waking me up at night when she gets up wanting to go to the bathroom. Fun, fun.

She's still great, though. She's a good dog.

It's about time I headed out. It's going on 12:30 now, and I have to let the dog out soon. Later everybody.

Meh.
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Boondock Saints - "Holy Fool"
I'm tired!

Today was okay. I got up at like eleven. Mom and me went to the Westfield Mall or whatever. I got a Sin City shirt, a semi-see through collared shirt (I'll wear something underneath it :-P), and two Film Noir box sets for like $8 a piece.

I dunno, I like film noir. I remember my grandpa watching those movies when I was younger. I always thought they were cool.

My grandma gave me a $100 gift card for Barnes & Noble. I picked out a few things online, and ended up spending like $98.

I got:
Postman Always Rings Twice
The Giver
Arkham Asylum: Living Hell
Batman: Haunted Knight
Batman: No Man's Land Novelization
Frank Miller's Sin City: The Big Fat Kill
Maltese Falcon

I had originally had "1984" on there. But with tax, it went over by like 3 bucks. So whatever. I'll go buy it at Borders sometime.

I saw these awesome Sin City posters at a comic shop. But the bastard didn't know the price for them. And he wouldn't call his boss. They had a whole set of like 6 or so. The ones I wanted were of Nancy and Hartigan. Out of the 3 stories in the movie, that's the one I liked the best.

I have a speech in Oral Comm tomorrow. Basically, we have 40-50 seconds to sell a make-believe product. If we go under or over the time limit, we lose a letter grade. That's the only thing I'm worried about. Last night, I had a dream that I was in my Oral Comm class, but I didn't have my speech ready. So I was freaking out, trying to get it ready before she called on me.

I don't know why that dream came about. I mean, I'm a little nervous about it -- I don't like getting up in front of people -- but still. Geez.

I also have a Civics quiz. And I've yet to study. Heh heh. Oopsy? I'll do that in a little bit. Right now I'm working on memorizing my speech.

I have about $140 bucks right now. If I hadn't of bought that stuff at the mall, I'd probably have about $200. But that's okay. I'm going to order some stuff off of Ebay. "Thrillkiller", and "Catwoman/Wildcat". Erica also wants me to order her a Buffy compact mirror thing. And I have my B&N box coming in like three days. So I'll be entertained for a while.

Also, my film noir box sets have about 13 movies in all. I don't think I'll be bored for a while.

And I still have comics to read.

Okay, I do believe I have to head out now. I'll try and post a more involved entry tomorrow, if I can. Later.

A million questions and a few musings.
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: "Play the Game Tonight" by Kansas
Y 0 U
[ .01. ] first name: Tiffany
[ .02. ] last name: Shemwell
[ .03. ] age: Fifteen. Sixteen in a few more months, baby!
[ .04. ] nickname(s): Catwoman, Tiff, Chickadee
[ .05. ] gender: Lady
[ .06. ] birthday: July 9th
[ .07. ] height: I guess about 5"4'
[ .08. ] hair color: Brown
[ .010. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: Nope
[ .011. ] do you have braces: Once upon a time, yes. But not anymore. (I'm offended by your reaction, Amber.)
[ .012. ] is your hair long or short: Far too long. (About to my waist, now.)
[ .013. ] where were you born: Granite City
[ .014. ] current location: In my room.
[ .015. ] zodiac sign: Cancer. "Hello. I'm a Cancer!"
[ .016. ] how many languages do you know: One main language. I can speak a bit of Spanish.
[ .017. ] what langage do you want to learn: Francais.
[ .018. ] bad habits: Procrastinating. Not caring.
[ .019. ] piercing you have: Nope.
[ .020. ] piercing you want: None.
[ .021. ] tattoos you have: No, yucky.
[ .023. ] today: School. Home. McDonald's. x.X
[ .024. ] today's date: April 11th.
[ .025. ] the time: 6:52 (Holy fuck, I have homework...)
[ .026. ] ready for a bunch more questions: Sure, why not? Homework can wait! (See No. 18.)


F A M i L Y
[ .027. ] mother's name: Evette.
[ .028. ] father's name: Dennis
[ .029. ] brother's name: Jacob.
[ .030. ] sister's name: Megan.
[ .031. ] favorite aunt: Erm, I dunno.
[ .032. ] favorite uncle: Rodney
[ .033. ] favorite grandparent: I don't have a favorite.
[ .036. ] worst relative: N/A
[ .037. ] best relative: Mama. She buys me things :)
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents?: My mom, mostly. My Dad and I prefer silence.
[ .039. ] does anyone in your family understand you?: My Mom. My Dad has NO idea.


P E T S
[ .040. ] do you have any pets: No
[ .041. ] what are their names: N/A
[ .042. ] what kind of animals are they: N/A


S C H 0 0 L
[ .043. ] are you still in school: Yeah.
[ .044. ] did you drop out: See No. 43
[ .045. ] current gpa: I dunno. Four-something. (Fucker went down!)
[ .046. ] favorite grade: 8th.
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: 7th. God, bad memories.
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: Mr. Akeman.
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: Mrs. Albrecht... (Patrick Bateman feelings towards her.. >.< )
[ .050. ] favorite subject: I always liked Literature
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: Math. Blech.
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: I buy my lunch. Although I only eat the fries.
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: Nope.
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular activities: I'm in the Spirit Club and Young Author's, although I never go to the meetings. ^^
[ .055. ] are/was you popular: Matters how you look at it.
[ .056. ] favorite dance: I don't like to dance. :(
[ .057. ] favorite memory: My great-grandmother and me on the swing at her house.
[ .058. ] favorite memory you want to have: Me and my filthy-rich hubbie going to some high-class dinner party with my friends.
[ .059. ] least favorite memory: When my great-grandmother couldn't breathe, and ended up being taken away in the ambulance. I saw the whole thing :(
[ .060. ] most humiliating moment: Hm, can't think of any right now.


F A V 0 R i T E S
[ .061. ] number: Er, whatever.
[ .062. ] letter: Y
[ .063. ] shoes: My Chucks.
[ .064. ] saying(s): "O--kay." "Well fuck."
[ .065. ] TV show: Nip/Tuck. Charmed.
[ .066. ] sport: I don't like sports all too well. I guess hockey.
[ .067. ] vegetable: Ew. Corn on the cob.
[ .068. ] fruit: Strawberries, bananas, apples.
[ .069. ] movie: Far too many. Kill Bill. Reservoir Dogs. Scarface. Hannibal Lecter series. Fight Club.
[ .070. ] magazine: Cosmopolitan. Glamour.
[ .071. ] actor: Michael Madsen, Edward Norton, Anthony Hopkins, Christian Bale.
[ .072. ] actress: Michelle Pfieffer, Uma Thurman.
[ .073. ] candy: Skittles. Taste the rainbow, baby.
[ .074. ] gum: Bubblicious Strawberry. Or Extra Cool Green Apple.
[ .075. ] scent: Vanilla. Curve.
[ .076. ] candy bar: Herseys.
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: Chocolate and vanilla.
[ .078. ] color: Blue. Black. Pink. Brown.
[ .079. ] season: Winter
[ .080. ] holiday: Christmas.
[ .081. ] band: Metallica. Breaking Benjamin.
[ .082. ] singer: Eric Clapton. Gerard Butler (does that count? :P )
[ .083. ] group: Psh, I dunno.
[ .084. ] rapper: Eminem. The only rapper I like.
[ .085. ] type of music: A lot of 105.7 The Point, or KSHE 95. Rock, mainly. But I like all kinds of music.
[ .086. ] thing in your room: My bed, computer, entertainment needs, books, clutter.
[ .087. ] place to be: At one of my friends house. Or my friends at my house.
[ .089. ] tv channel: I like the movie channels. (The 500s)
[ .090. ] junk food: Cheez-its all the way.
[ .091. ] overall food: I like a lot of italian food.
[ .092. ] store: Gadzooks, Hot Topic, Famour Barr.
[ .093. ] hangout: Er, all around Granite.
[ .094. ] fast food: McDonalds. Taco Bell.
[ .095. ] restaurant: Steak & Shake.
[ .096. ] shape: ... A square?
[ .097. ] time of day: Night. We don't sleep in this house.
[ .098. ] country: Whatever.
[ .099. ] state: New York.
[ .100. ] boys name: Luca.
[ .101. ] girls name: Annabell Lee (Like the poem...)
[ .102. ] mall: I'm a shopping addict. I can't pick just one mall.
[ .103. ] video game: Grand Theft Auto games (my favorite would be Vice City). Max Payne 1 and 2. The Sims 2.
[ .104. ] shampoo: Whatever's in the shower. I like Pantene Pro-V.
[ .105. ] board game: Monopoly? Life?
[ .106. ] computer game: See No. 103.
[ .107. ] car: As long as it runs...
[ .108. ] music video: Laura Branigan's "Self Control" Or "The Phantom of the Opera" (Hehe, never saw that chandelier coming...)
[ .109. ] swear word: Fuck.
[ .110. ] word: Fuck.
[ .111. ] month: July. My birthday.
[ .112. ] cartoon character: I always thought Johnny Bravo was pretty kick-ass.
[ .113. ] scary movie: I dunno. I liked Stir of Echoes, although it wasn't that scary.
[ .114. ] team: Meh.
[ .115. ] possession: My books and comics.


WHATS THE FiRST THiNG Y0U TH0UGHT 0F WHEN Y0U HEAR..
[ .116. ] eminem: Artistic rapper.
[ .117. ] dog: Reservoir.
[ .118. ] hot: sexy.
[ .119. ] britney spears: skilled.
[ .120. ] nsync: So six years ago.
[ .121. ] real world: Bleh.
[ .122. ] orange: Yucky.
[ .123. ] choice: Freedom of,
[ .124. ] fuck: -er.
[ .125. ] bisexual: Swingin' both ways.
[ .126. ] black: white.
[ .127. ] icq: Never used it.
[ .128. ] insane clown posse: ...the fuck?
[.129. ] linkin park: Their first album was better.
[ .130. ] jack: in the box. (Hit the road, Jack, and dontcha come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
[ .131. ] rainbow: Skittles!
[ .133. ] cucumber: ... Okay.
[ .134. ] shark: Jaws.
[ .135. ] lifehouse: "If shame had I face I think it would kind of look like mine. If it had a home, would it be in my eyes?"
[ .136. ] bat: man. :)
[ .137. ] leather: Catwoman.
[ .138. ] whip: kinky.
[ .139. ] america: Overrated.
[ .140. ] water: pool.
[ .141. ] volcano: That Tommy Lee Jones movie!
[ .142. ] rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] rock or pop: rock
[ .144. ] rock or r&b: rock
[ .145. ] rock or metal: rock
[ .146. ] rap or pop: Pop? XP
[ .147. ] rap or r&b: R&B
[ .148. ] rap or metal: Metal
[ .149. ] pop or r&b: R&B
[ .150. ] pop or metal: Metal.
[ .151. ] r&b or metal: Metal.
[ .152. ] linkin park or limp bizkit: Either/or.
[ .153. ] tool or korn: Tool, baby.
[ .154. ] selena or jennifer lopez: I haven't heard much Selena, so I guess J.Lo. (Who suddenly doesn't want to be called J.Lo, even though she like shoved it on us.)
[ .155. ] hot or cold: Cold. I hate sweating >.<;
[ .156. ] winter or summer: Winter.
[ .157. ] spring or fall: Fall. 'Tis so pretty.
[ .158. ] shakira or britney: Britney. She's the new-age Madonna.
[ .159. ] icp or eminem: Eminem
[ .160. ] marilyn manson or rob zombie: Rob Zombie
[ .161. ] kittie or garbage: ...What?
[ .162. ] mtv or vh1: MTV. Although VH1 sometimes has some 80s music.
[ .163. ] buffy or angel: Buffy
[ .164. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: Gilmore Girls
[ .165. ] football or basketball: Neither.
[ .166. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: Winter.
[ .167. ] skiing or snowboarding: Snowboarding.
[ .168. ] rollerblading or skateboarding: Rollerblading, I guess.
[ .169. ] black or white: What are we talking about?
[ .170. ] orange or red: Red.
[ .171. ] yellow or green: Green.
[ .172. ] purple or pink: Pink.
[ .173. ] slipknot or mudvayne: Mudvayne. Although I like some Slipknot.
[ .174. ] hot topic or pac sun: Hot Topic. (Are you oblivious to capital letters?)
[ .175. ] inside or outside: Inside.
[ .176. ] weed or alcohol: Alcohol.
[ .177. ] cell phone or pager: Cell phone.
[ .178. ] pen or pencil: Pen. I'm left-handed and have issues with pencils.
[ .179. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: Charlie's Angels, I guess.
[ .180. ] scooby doo or dino: Er, neither.
[ .181. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: Dragonball Z. (Haha, Vegeta is fucking great.)
[ .182. ] star wars or star trek: Star Wars.
[ .183. ] tattoos or piercings: Neither.
[ .184. ] prep or punk: Both mixed together.
[ .185. ] slut or whore: Whore -- atleast you get paid for it.


P R i V A T E L i F E
[ .186. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?: Nope.
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: I did, three days ago. But now that's done and over with.
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: Not really,no.
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: Nah.
[ .190. ] how many people have you liked: A few.
[ .191. ] who was your first crush: James B.
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: Erm, a couple, maybe?
[ .193. ] how many people broke your heart: A couple of people upset me. But nobodies really had my heart to break.
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: He WAS a decent guy. Although his only interest was fucking me. x.X;
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: Nope.
[ .197. ] please post it if you do: I don't have one. And I wouldn't post it anyway.
[.198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: Yeah.
[ .199. ] please post it if you do: It's in my blog a few pages back.
[ .200. ] do you go by looks or personality: Personality. Looks are a plus.
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: Nope.
[ .202. ] are you still friends: N/A
[ .203. ] so moving along..do you smoke: Nope.
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: Nope.
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: Haha, no.
[ .206. ] how about a little x: No.
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: "Crack is whack."
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: Beer= smelly and, over a period of time, beer= beer belly = ew.
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: Am I a sissy for appreciating the finer types of alcohol?
[ .210. ] do you like smirnoff ice: ...What?
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: Liquor.
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: N/A
[ .213. ] have you ever drank Hpnotiq: Nope.
[ .214. ] if yes, when was the last time you got some: N/A


W 0 U L D Y 0 U EVER..
[ .215. ] bungee jump: Yeah
[ .216. ] sky dive: Haha, yeah!
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: Sure.
[ .218. ] scuba dive: Sure.
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: No
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: I'd have to think on that.
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: The appropriate thing to say would be know. But if I'm ever in the situation... I'll have to get back to you on that one >.> <.<
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: No. That's way low, brother.
[ .223. ] cross-dress: I think that'd be fun, lol.
[ .224. ] lie to the police: Sure, why not?
[ .225. ] run from the police: Sure.
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: I could try. My Mom can smell a lie.
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: If the stranger is a sexy Gerard Butler-type, then sure.
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: Sure, why not?
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: Maybe.
[ .230. ] streak: Haha, if I was drunk enough. (Or somebody payed me enough)



HAVE Y0U EVER:
[ .258. ] flashed someone: I've stuck my ass out a window before.
[ .259. ] told a person how you felt bout them: A little, but not really.
[ .260. ] been to michigan: Okay, that's different. But no.
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvi: No.
[ .263. ] skateboarded: Once, when I was younger.
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: Nope.
[ .265. ] stolen anything: No.
[ .266. ] wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: Nah.
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: Not really. I've wrestled around with people.
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: Haha, yeah.
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: I don't think so.
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: Don't think so.
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: Nope. (You lie, Amber!)
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: With my family. Not with my friends.
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: Nope.
[ .275. ] been to a concert: Yeah
[ .276. ] been to another country: Nope.
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: Yeah. I'm sarcastic and it bugs the shit outta the parentals.
[ .278. ] got pulled over: I haven't driven yet. T.T
[ .279. ] got in a car accident: A little one. My sister took the mirror of a car.
[ .280. ] broke a law: Yeah.
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: I've never seen a homeless person in Granite x.X
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: Nah.
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: I've tried a long time ago. It didn't work.
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: No.
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: No.
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways?: ... Yeah XD


0 P I N I 0 N S
[ .287. ] what do you think...about pop music: Meh.
[ .288. ] about boy bands: Some are okay.
[ .289. ] about flag burning: Who gives a fuck?
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: Do what you want. As long as I'm not bothered.
[ .291. ] about suicide: "Make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Thank you for calling!"
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: "Go fuck yourself."
[ .293. ] about abortion: If it's early in the pregnancy, then go for it. If it's later on, then no.
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: Awesome.
[ .295. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Filthy rich, with a rich, classy husband.
[ .296. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Erica and Amber.


W H A T D I D Y 0 0 H D 0
[ .297. ] last birthday: I didn't do much of anything. Mom was at work, so Dad took me, my little brother, and Dustin to see Spiderman 2.
[ .298. ] yesterday: Walked around. Picked up fucking hay.
[ .299. ] last weekend: Er. I dunno. Saw Sin City.
[ .300. ] christmas: Open presents. Hang out with family.
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: Eat.
[ .302. ] new year's: Hung out with my parents. We had chicken wings and watched movies.
[ .303. ] halloween: I was a gangster. It was kick-ass.
[ .304. ] easter: Was fucking boring.
[ .305. ] valentine's day: I was un-loved.


T H E L A S T
[ .306. ] thing you ate: McDonald's.
[ .307. ] thing you drank: Dr. Pepper
[ .308. ] thing you wore: My black shirt and b&w skirt.
[ .309. ] place you went: ...School.
[ .310. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: My ears, YEARS ago. (They've closed up by now.)
[ .311. ] person you saw: My Mom.
[ .312. ] person you kissed: ... My mom.
[ .313. ] person you fxcked: Uh.
[ .314. ] person you talked to: Erica.
[ .315. ] song you heard: "Will You Send Me an Angel" by the Scorpions
[ .316. ] what are you eating: Nothing right now.
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: Dr. Pepper.
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: Didn't you already ask the last thing we wore? Which, would therefore make it what we're wearing now.
[ .319. ] any shoes on: Nope.
[ .320. ] hat: Nope.
[ .321. ] listening to: See No. 315.
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: Nope.
[ .323. ] are you pissed i made this so long: Not really. I don't HAVE to take it.


Y or N
[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: I'm as carnivorous as they come.
[ .325. ] do you like cows: Yeah. "I want a bowl of raw red meat right now. Forget about that. Bring me a live cow over to the table. I'll carve off what I want and ride the rest home!"
[ .326. ] are you a bxtch: Heh, sometimes.
[ .327. ] are you artistic: Yeah, in my own way.
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: Nah. I'm terrible at rhyming.
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: God, I hate to run. I won't run unless somebodies chasing me.
[ .330. ] can you ski: Never tried.
[ .331. ] are you british: Nope.
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: What is it with you and Britney?
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you: Sure, why not?
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: Hehe. Yeah, she's got a crew-cut now.
[ .335. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: Ew, yucky.
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'alice in wonderland: Definately. That movie scarred me.
[ .337. ] are you straight: Yeah.
[ .338. ] are you stupid, insane, and another physically handicapped: I'm a little bit of a sociopath.
[ .339. ] are you nice: Usually.
[ .340. ] are you naughty: No comment.
[ .341. ] are you short: A little.
[ .342. ] are you tall: Nope.
[ .343. ] do you own a hot pink shirt: I own a hot pink tank-top.
[ .344. ] how about orange pants: Nope.
[ .345. ] can you see the flying monkeys: What the fuck?
[ .346. ] are you evil : I have a twisted sense of humor. I'm an evil mastermind, in my own way.
[ .347. ] did you ever know someone who had a mullet: Don't think so.
[ .348. ] is britney a whore: Once again -- what is it with you and Britney?
[ .349. ] are you a teenage zombie: No, I don't think so.
[ .350. ] am i annoying you?: A little.
[ .351. ] do you like marilyn manson: Somewhat.
[ .352. ] are you secretly from another planet: Sure, why not?
[ .353. ] did you ever touch someone else's private parts: Why do you wanna know? But, no.
[ .354. ] this is over are you happy now: Sure, whatever.

Fuck, that took forever. I was going to talk about some other stuff, but I don't have time. I have homework to do. Heh. Later.

God, life is confusing.
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails
Things have been... surprisingly well.

Some people have been pissing me off. A certain friend that I've had for a long time especially. (Hopefully she isn't reading this x.X.) Well, anyway, she gives me this long lecture about cheating, because I'd been cheating on quizes in a certain class. Yet, the other day, she asks if she can borrow my Chemistry homework, because she didn't do it. Her words and lectures have no credibility if she doesn't PRACTICE what she preaches. I mean, she's doing the same thing, just on a smaller level.

Sometimes people just piss me off.

I dunno. People are weird. I don't need anybody.

I've had people around me all my life, but I've always been alone, you know? It's only recently that I've been feeling more open and wanted by the people around me. It's nice. But I'm still just waiting for the bottom to fall out from under me, because it always does sooner or later.

I'm rather happy in my solitude. But I'm also happy the way I am.

I always thought I was one for adaptation. Put me in a room with a certain kind of people, and I could mimic them and act just like them. But I choose not to. I hate feeling like I have to be someone I'm not. I'm glad I don't really feel that way anymore.

Does anybody even read this? Kinda nice to be heard. But kinda nice to have my feelings to myself.

Whatever.

Sometimes... I dunno. I just feel like an ugly person inside. I mean, I can be sitting there watching someone who is terribly upset about something, and a part of me just doesn't care. A part of me is just so selfish -- looking out for myself and myself only. That part of me doesn't care about anything.

Although, I try and surpress that ugly side as best as I can. I've always been taught to consider other's feelings, and I try to live by that.

Something bad is going to happen. I just... have a feeling, you know? It might not happen tomorrow, but it's going to happen soon.

***



I created that for Erica. She wanted me to make a graphic for her, and I did. She liked it, so yay.

He's so pretty. That was such a sweet moment too. But he had to go ruin it by getting all possessive and stuff.

I bought the Hannibal Lecter Anthology about a week ago. Basically, it consists of The Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal. That worked out nicely, since I already have Red Dragon. Now I have all the Hannibal Lecter movies! And the books! Weee.

Now, you can't judge me -- but I think Anthony Hopkins -- especially as Hannibal Lecter -- is kinda hott. I don't mean a Gerard Butler-sexy kind of hott. But there's just something about him -- a sort of confidence, an elegance that you just don't see in very many people.

I can't help it. I have weird taste in people in general.

I can seriously imagine me hooking up with an older guy. (Haha, good thing my parents aren't reading this. They'd probably flip x.X.) I mean, not just any older guy. With age, sometimes there just comes this sort of knowing for life. A gracefulness and appreciation for things. I can't really describe it. It's just something you can see in some people. I'm sure some younger people have it, but it's mostly in older people.

A part of me just craves the finer things in life. Sometimes I just want to leave here -- this stinky, hopeless city -- and move somewhere nice. I want to have money. I want to be able to enjoy exquisite, exotic foods, the theater, beautiful buildings, wonderful libraries.

I guess I know in the back of my mind that I don't belong here. I belong up there -- ranks above -- somewhere.

It's just a feeling. But a true one.

Sometimes I feel like such a black sheep in the family. And just amongst peope in general.

I like the details of things. Does anyone ever stop anymore and just look around? At the trees? At their lives? At society? At the people around them -- the people they see everyday?

I'm cursed with un-ending observation. I've always seen things differently than everyone else. I like to see things right down to it's core. Do you know what I mean?

I never intend for these entries to become so deep. That just sort of happens on it's own. Heh.

But, if you are reading this, I hope you kind of see where I'm coming from.

(I just found a stick of Winterfresh gum under my computer. Holy hell, how long has that been there?)

Okay, I have to head out now. I still have Chemistry to do, and I have to take a shower.

Saw Sin City by the way. Go see it. It was awesome. It makes me want to go and direct a movie. The camera angles, the black and white (with the occassional splash of color) was absolutely amazing.

***
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

It scurries past my watching gaze...
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: "Forest" by System of a Down
This is in response to the survey on Erica's blog. Xanga and all other blogs are fuckers and make you sign up to leave a comment. So ha:

>1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.< Harley Quinn. Because you ARE Harley Quinn. Although, I could never imagine you getting it with the Joker. Not that I'd want to either... yucky.

>2. Am I lovable?< When you want to be.

>3. How long have you known me?< Erm... I've known you for about 2 years or more? We became friends maybe a few months after that?

>4. When and how did we first meet?< We met at Amber's party about 2 years ago. x.X;

>5. What was your first impression?< I didn't really have one, lol.

>6. Do you still think that way about me now?< I didn't have one to begin with!

>7. What do you think my weakness is?< I've already discussed that with you, lol.

>8. Do you think I'll get married?< Yeah. That poor man!

>9. What makes me happy?< Being with your friends and family. Erik =) (He makes me happy, too)

>10. What makes me sad?< Getting into fights with your family.

>11. What reminds you of me?< CONSUME!

>12. If you could give me anything what would it be?< All your Dad's comics, lol.

>13. How well do you know me?< I think I know you pretty well.

>14. When's the last time you saw me?< Erm, after first hour today.

>15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?< Probably at one point in time. Can't think of anything right now, though.

>16. Do you think I could kill someone?< ... Yeah, not gonna answer that :-P

>17. Describe me in one word.< Smartass. (Wait, that's two...)


>18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?< Getting stronger by the minute!

>19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?< If I'm talking to you IN PERSON, then I'm sure you'd listen, lol.

>20. Are you going to put this on your profile and see what I say about you?< Yeah, sure, why not?


Anyway, I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping good lately. My head's been all stuffy. Bleh.

I've been reading Batman comics all day. I have QUITE a few that I still need to read. My problem is that I keep buying more before I get a chance to read the ones I have, lol. I'll probably catch up during spring break. I've been reading them whenever I can.

I've felt like making some graphics. I just haven't had time. Well, I have, but I haven't, you know? I'd get home, eat, hang around a bit, read, stuff like that. But when I'm making a graphic, I like to be able to really pick at it, lol. I HATE having to stop what I'm working on, and continue it the next day. So I usually only make them during the weekend.

I made that for my cousin, Dustin, the other day. The words originally read "Flawless", but his band changed their name. So I just changed the words, lol. I am going to make him another one soon, though.

Comics I Own, and Need to Read:

Dark Victory (Reading, as of now)
Hush 1 (Already read. Want to reread.)
Gotham Central No. 26
Batman: The Last Angel
Gotham by Gaslight
Catwoman (New series) No. 33
Batman No. 389
Batman No. 390
Penguin Triumphant
Batman Legends of the Dark Knight No. 178
Batman Detective Comics No. 801
Batman Gotham Knights No. 59
Catwoman (Old) No. 6
Catwoman (Old) No. 81
Catwoman (Old) No. 91
Catwoman: The Catfile
Batman: Mr. Freeze
Batman: Year Two
Batman Returns
Solo

Wow, quite a list. I also have TONS of issues on my computer. Heh. I'll get to them eventually.

I saw Wolverine: Origin up at B. Dalton. I was so gonna buy it. I have it on my comp, but I still wanted it. But I decided to wait. I got Hush 1, and looked at the other bookstore for Hush 2, but they didn't have it. So I'll just go up to Borders or something over the next couple of days.

***

I've been question myself as a person lately.

Am I a good person?

No. But I'm not a bad person either. If you're in my "circle", then you're taken care of. You're under my maternal protection, or whatever. But if you're not -- then I really don't care.

See, once upon a time I used to care about everyone. I didn't have to know them. It was just a.. natural thing.

But the years have hardened me, I guess. I can give sympathy to other people, if I want to, but I don't. Not anymore.

I don't really know what caused me to change. (Well, if a certain someone is reading this, you might have an idea.) I don't know, I just don't really care. I have my problems that I have to worry about right now, I don't need yours. Once again, if you're in my "circle", then your problems are kind of my problems, too.

***

That weird feeling I mentioned a few posts back is bugging me.

Although, it's different this time.

It's like some great knowledge -- some weird understanding of something -- is in the back of my mind somewhere. I just can't get to it.

Do you believe in ghosts?

I've always been somewhat of a child at heart, with my fears and such. But, even if I wasn't, I'd still say yes.

Have you ever felt, in the back of your mind, that you KNOW that something is there, but you just can't... reach it.

Have you ever been in a room, and suddenly the hair on your neck stands up, and you know, deep in your gut, that there is someone there? That you're not alone?

The feelings I have -- whatever has been plaguing my mind -- is like that. There's something that I SHOULD know, that I do know, but, I don't.

God, I hate this feeling.

Something about it just doesn't seem right. Not the feeling, really, but whatever it may bring.

Am I confusing you yet?

I don't expect everybody to understand -- hell, I don't even think I fully do -- but maybe someone feels it, too.

Why can't you see that you are my child?
Why don't you know that you are my mind?

Amber's party is Saturday. Mom's getting a babysitter for Jake, so I don't have to watch him. I'll lose out on some money, but that's okay.

I still have to pick up Amber's present. Hehe. I probably will like Friday or something. You know me, I'm last minute.

Spring break is coming up. Damn, I'm thrilled! We only get 6 days, but still. 6 days of no school...

After that, school's really almost over. I hate school. Okay, sometimes it isn't that bad. But overall, I don't like it.

As far as my graduation goes, I dunno. I can either graduate early, or graduate when everyone else does. Mom says that my last semester is the best one. But,once again, I do not like school. Dad says that the last semester is NOT the best one. And he even suggested that I can go to summer school and skip my senior year all-together, lol. I don't even know if I could do that.

That would be cool, though.

Ah, I dunno. I'll have to think on it.

Anyway, I have to call and get my schedule changed. I want to take Journalism first semester, Foods second semester, and Psychology my Senior year.

Yeah, I'll get to that eventually.

Ah, just remembered that there were some issues I forgot to discuss. (I named the ones I wanted to cover during my last post)

The Two-Face essay.

Okay, well, I WAS going to make a little essay thing. But yeah, I got busy. So maybe later. It'll be a part of my little essay-project thing... Yeah, whatever.

Relationships & Conflicts
Wow, have my relationships had issues lately. Overall, it's been good, except for one friend. It seems like I'm always at conflict with this one friend. Since this is, in fact, public, I won't discuss it. There may be one or two people that I've actually talked about it to, but that's enough.

I know I've changed, but it wasn't because of "C". I've grown up. Sixth grade was a long time ago, and I've been through a lot since then.

Okay, it's about 7:30, and I still have to get a shower and do some crap. So I'll see everybody later.

A long-awaited update
Mood:  on fire
Ok, so I HAVE been meaning to update for a while. About a week ago, I started working on an entry, but my computer fucked up and ate it. Haha.

Me and Amber G. are working on a Batman story together (Batman rocks my socks!), and I got the first book typed:
Blue Skies Bring Tears

Steal it, and I'll go all Hannibal Lector and eat your brains!

Anyway, my time away wasn't a complete waste. I made some graphics:


Wow, isn't he sexy? I mean, Tom Cruise pulls off gray hair REAAALLY good. I would do him.

Anyway, loved the movie. Seen it one too many times already.

I was going to start a little thing, where I write a little "essay" -- which is more of a formal rant on a certain subject. I had some ideas like two days ago, but I forgot them. Dammit! >.<

Your eyes see but my shadow
My heart is overflowing
There is so much you could come to love
You've got my heart glowing
Tenderly, you could see my soul

I watched this PotO movie from, like, 1989 (I think??). It wasn't the best, but I liked it. The music was good. And Erik was sweet when he wasn't all... skinning people. Heh.

I love that taunting thing he does near the end! I can't figure out what the hell he's saying though.


Yeah, I read Phantom. It almost made me cry. And I don't usually GET emotional.

The quote from the image on the right was taken from Phantom.

Love that movie. It's coming out May 3rd. I'm going to drive my parents crazy with that movie.

*from my room* DUUUN DUUUUUNN DUUUUUNNN DUUNNN DUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN
Dad: What the HELL is she watching?!
Mom: Phantom of the Opera... again >.o

Anyway, Amber Gant's pissed off at me right now. The story:

Amber, ya see, isn't much for courteous manners. The issue I had with her about two weeks before was that she was taking my food without asking. Back to the present though.

This morning, Erica returned my Two-Face comic to me before school. It was sitting on my stuff, and Amber saw it. So she grabbed it and said "I'm borrowing this."

A little aggervated, I said, "You mean, 'Can I borrow it? C - c - caaan I borrow?'". So she's like "I'm borrowing your comic." She had to go to the office or something, somewhere out of the media center, so I got into her backpack and took it. Later on, when she found out, she got pissed off.

I don't see any reason for her to be mad. I mean, even when I borrow something from my MOM, I ASK her if I could PLEASE borrow it. It's just common courtesy. It aggervates Erica, too, lol. Or sometimes she'll just be like "You're going _____ with me." Okay, sure, whatever.

She claims that I'm changing because of Erica. In all honesty, maybe I am. But I'm only bringing out what's already there. Now I'm standing up for myself more than I used to. I don't see anything wrong with that.

And I've grown up. In this past year, I've had responsibilities forced on me. I know it had to happen sooner or later, but I had always assumed that it would be gradual, not all at once.

Okay, I have to be heading out now. There was some more stuff I wanted to talk about, but I have to go. Mom wants to go to Wilson's Leather to pick up some coats, lol.

In the next post (this list is for myself, but whatever):
The Two-Face essay. (May be later...)
The ghostly issue.
More discussion on school.
Relationships.
Conflicts.
Flawless pic.

I Don't Like Mondays
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: "Down Once More/Track Down This Murderer" from the Phantom of the Opera movie soundtrack
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Yeah, I just realized how long it's been since I've updated in my blog.

So, anyway, I can't remember all that's happened over the last 2 months, so I guess it wasn't anything too important.

I saw Phantom of the Opera. Wow. Just wow. Seriously, Erik needs a hug. You can't help but not wish that Christine would've gone with him, but in all truth, Christine loved Raoul. Not Erik. (Although, maybe she cared for him, but in a different way).

Yeah, I cried. I couldn't help it. I felt ashamed doing so, but it just came out. Which is strange. The only movie I cried at was "The Green Mile".

Also, I'm reading "Phantom". Damn, this book is good. It can get really sad though.

If you've read the original PotO book, then you'll see how Gaston Leroux tries to prove that the Phantom is real. Well, there's a website (phantomoftheopera.info.com or something) that has some interesting articles supporting that. If Erik was real, then that would be awesome. I guess it's just one of thos mysteries that you'll never really know...

My head has been in the cloud lately. I've heard different stories and such running through my brain.

Lately, I've just been feeling really strange.

On more than one occasion, I'll be at school or something, and I'll just look at the crowd, but I don't really feel like I belong there. I don't know how to describe. I'll feel, somewhere inside, that I just do not belong here. I'm not even sure where "here" is. I can't shake the feeling.

Sometimes I just feel isolated from everyone. Kind of stuck in my own mind, you know?

When I'm hanging out with my close friend, I'm not like that. Not really. But anywhere else, I'm never fully there.

"I am simply not there."

Don't worry, I'm not sinking my way into some depression or whatever. I'm fine. It's just that I feel like this a lot. And I can't help but wonder why I feel this way.

Our first semester is ending, the second one is beginning. Soon I'll be in lunch with Erica, Amber, and Amber. That'll be fun. I can already imagine us being extremely loud and obnoxious.

Finals are this week. God, I'm dreading them. They're not that bad, but I do not wanna take my Chemistry and Geometry finals. I'm terrible at both, and I loathe my Geometry teacher.

I just bought "The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe" today. Man, that guy was morbid. But he's still a great writer, none the less.

***

"If you have no great attachment to your head," she continued slowly, "perhaps you would prefer to share the fate of a Chinese eunuch and carry your genitalia around with you in a small jar of brine."
[Erik] made a graceful shrug of mocking indifference.
"Are you so sure a small jar would contain me, madame?"

-- From "Phantom"

Yeah, I love that line.

I love this book.

"My mind has touched the farthest horizons of mental imagination and reaches ever outward to embrace infinity. There is no knowledge beyond my comprehension, no art or skill upon this entire planet that lies beyond the mastery of my hand... But as long as I live, no woman will ever look on me in love." Erik, in Phantom

Yes, it's a wonderful book. I'm honestly not sure why Erik's character appeals to me so much. He just does. He can be a heartless killer, yet he find himself unable to hurt animals, and gives thousands of gold to support people he doesn't know. He's a very strange character.

Ok, I've gotta head out now. I was supposed to be off the computer an hour ago. Whoops. :-P

An odd Phantom rant.
Mood:  energetic
1. What time is it? 10:11
2. Nicknames: Catwoman, Mrs. Blonde, Tiff
3. Birth Parents' names? Dennis and Evette...
4. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: Fifteen.
5. Favorite animal: Wolf. Or a dog. (They're kind of the same. XP)
6. Tattoo or any body piercing? Nope.
7. How much do you love your job or jobs? I like it okay. It's fun working with Erica.
8. Birthplace: Granite City, Illinois. Unfortunately.
9. Favorite vacation spot you have been to? Orlando, Florida.
10. Ever been to Africa? Nope.
11. Stolen any traffic signs? The thought has crossed my mind once or twice.
12. Ever been in a car accident? Nope.
13. Croutons or Bacon bits? Bacon bits.

14. 2-door or 4-door car? Four-door.
15. Coffee? No
16. Salad Dressing? I don't like salad :-\
17. Favorite dessert? Must I only pick one? Marble cake, then?
18. Favorite Number? Erm, don't really have one.
19. Favorite movie? Ah, too many to narrow down. Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Batman Returns, the Godfather...
20. Favorite color? Blue
21. Favorite Holiday? Christmas
22. Favorite Foods? Lasagna. Spaghetti. Imo's. (I love Italian food o.o; )
23. Favorite days of the week? Friday, Saturday
24. Favorite TV Show(s): What I Like About You, Charmed, Nip/Tuck, Friends, and Reba.

25. Most recently read book: I'm reading both "My Sweet Audrina" by V.C. Andrews, and "Phantom" by Susan Kay.
27. When was your last hospital stay? October 23rd of last year. My nephew was born with some complications, so me and my mom slept at the hospital with my sister.
28. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Hell, I'm too young to even get into the SAFETY CLASS.
29. Where do you see yourself in 10 Years? Having tons of money, directing movies, and being married to a wealthy business (who wears suits everyday ^^; )
30. What do you do when you are bored? I talk to myself and make funny noises. XP
31. Furthest most place you sent this message? Um.. Chicago, I believe? XP
32. Who will respond the fastest? Erm, I have no idea. Alex, maybe?
33. The slowest? Um, Erica, I guess.
34. Last Vacation? Last year, we went to Orlando, Florida.
35. Next Vacation? Hah, probably not for a while.
36. Last concert? The Pointfest
37. First thing you would buy with a million dollars? I'd go on a major mall spree buying a mixture of clothes, comics, and DVDs.
38. What time is it now: 10:20
***

Aren't those quizes so entertaining?

***

Ok, it is now a couple of days later. I had started that post, and saved it in my draft folder. XP


Yes, this great movie is coming out soon. About a month!

Cannot wait. I love that freaking book.

But, lately I've been thinking about Christine's decision to marry Raoul. See, I used to think that she should've chosen Erik. But lately, I've been thinking she probably did good not to.

Now, I think that Erik is great. I love him. He's the classic tragic hero. But, let's get down to the bare facts.

1. He's clingy. This guy is just... suffocating. Firstly, he'd probably build a labyrinth right in your house. He's be watching you ALL the time! I mean, you'd look in your mirror and wonder if he's watching you on the other end! I dunno about you guys, but I wouldn't be able to stand a guy up my butt all the time. After a while, it'd be just kinda like "Okay, go away."

2. He's jealous Woah, woah. Erik is jealous as hell. I mean, you'd probably never SEE another man once you hooked up with him. If you did then he'd probably stalk over you. ("Ah, I said ONE FOOT APART!")

3. He's got a few screws loose. I know him being ready to murder someone for you is kind of sweet, but it's not that sweet when he actually does.

He's a little cuckoo-cuckoo.

Just a little.

4. He smells. Ok, I know some of you might be like "WTF?" but HE DOES! When Gaston Leroux describes him, he mentions that he "Smells of death." As does Christine. This guy smells like a corpse, ladies and gentlemen. Would you really want to sleep next to some guy that reeks of a dead body? I mean, really.

And eat across from him. Yeah, you'd be taking a bite of your nice french dish, and smell "death." Now, doesn't that just do wonders for your appetite? (The greatest weight lose program!)
You: Honey, what IS that smell?
Erik: I'm not sure. I've smelt it for quite a while. Perhaps it's the labyrinth?
You: Yeah, it's the labyrinth >.> <.<

Suuuuuuuuuuure.

Okay, I'm done with my little rant, I must sign out now!

Maybe tomorrow I'll get some info on me, eh?

Isn't Gerard Butler (the Phantom in the picture above) sexy? Yeah, I know it.

I still wouldn't want him near me if he smelled like a corpse.

With that kind of smell, sexiness just doesn't matter.

Later!

A little far-fetched and long-winded.
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: "Dont Belong" by Cold
This little, er, survey-thing was taken from the uber-cool Chris' blog!
***
I see: My computer, and a McDonald's cup
I need: A Batman comic.
I find: that was world is a fucked up place.
I want: some money.
I have: a lot of things.
I wish: for everything to work out.
I love: my friends and family.
I hate: those who put down others, those who hurt others.
I miss: my great grandma.
I fear: waking up and finding someone standing over me.
I feel: conflicted.
I hear: "I won't ever tell the world that I don't belong. Please don't ever tell the world that I don't belong."
I smell: Vanilla body spray.
I crave: Imo's.
I search: for that happy little center.
I wonder: the meaning of life.
I regret: A lot of things.

When was the last time you ...

Smiled?: After school ended.
Laughed?: About 2 hours ago, with Maya.
Cried?: I don't cry...
Bought something?: I bought lunch today/
Danced?: Saturday, at Homecoming.
Were sarcastic?: Haha, I don't have a time I'm sarcastic -- I'm always sarcastic.
Kissed someone?: No one, yet.
Talked to an ex?: I said 'hi' to one today.
Watched your favorite movie?: Yesterday.
Had a nightmare?: Two nights ago.

A Last time for everything ...

Last book you read on your own: "My Sweet Audrina" by V.C. Andrews.
Last movie you saw: Boondock Saints.
Last song you heard: "Still Running" by Chevelle
Last thing you had to drink: Some Kool-aid
Last time you showered: Yesterday night. About to shower now.
Last thing you ate: Some ravioli from a can. Talk about your Grade-A food.
Do You ...

Smoke?: Nope. Nasty habit.
Do drugs?: Nope, I've seen it do some crazy shit to people.
Have sex?: No, not yet. Mostly everyone I know will have a couple kids at 23, and I'll be laughing at them while I soar in the business world.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: Nope.
Live in the moment?: When I have to. I don't prefer too.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Nope. And I don't want one, either.
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: I have a character that keeps appearing in my dreams. Damn that creepy clown!
Play an instrument?: Nope.
Believe there is life on other planets?: Er, I guess so.
Remember your first love?: Yeah, vividly.
Still love him/her?: Love fades.
Read the newspaper?: No. As long as whatever's happening doesn't effect me, I don't care.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yeah.
Believe in miracles?: To an extent, yes.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: In some circumstances, I guess.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Yes, very tolerant.
Consider love a mistake?: Not always.
Like the taste of alcohol?: Never tasted it. It smells bad though.
Have a favorite candy?: Not really. I like the chocolate-vanilla herseyz kisses hugs though.
Believe in astrology?: Only for entertainment.
Believe in magic?: Not really.
Believe in God?: Yes, although sometimes I'm not sure.
Pray?: Not really.
Go to church?: Hardly ever. I haven't been to church in about 4 years.
Have any secrets?: Everyone has skeletons in their closet.
Have any pets?: No, although I want a dog.
Do well in school?: Yeah.
Go to or plan to go to college?: Yeah.
Have a major?: I'd like to study psychology.
Talk to strangers who instant message you?: Sure.
Wear hats?: Sometimes. I own them, just never get a chance to wear 'em.
Have any piercings?: No.
Have any tattoos?: No. I think they're trashy.
Hate yourself?: Rarely.
Have an obsession?: Not an obsession, really. More of an interest.
Have a secret crush?: I'm not sure...
Do they know yet?: Don't think so.
Collect anything?: Not anymore.
Have a best friend?: Yeah, a couple.
Wish on stars?: No. Why wish on balls of gas?
Like your handwriting?: My handwriting changes.
Have any bad habits?: Cracking my knuckles. Running my hands through my hair when I'm nervous.
Care about looks?: Yes, somewhat. Looks aren't everything, you know.
Boy/girlfriend's looks?: Nor really.
Friends and other people?: No.
Believe in witches?: I believe there are people who try to be witches.
Believe in Satan?: Yes.
Believe in ghosts?: Yes..
***

I've been meaning to update this. Everyday I'd say "I'm gonna write in my blog today." And whatd'ya know? I never get it done, until now.

I made a wallpaper the other day.
My totally awesome Catwoman wallpaper

I would've posted it directly on the blog, it's just that it's too big. Whatever.

Anyway, Homecoming was a lotta fun. I mean, really. I danced and danced. Then we went to Imo's, where we threw food at my cousin.

Except for Ryon, I didn't dance with a guy. At first, I felt kind of awkward and crappy. But then, I was like "Fuck that." I do not need a significant other to complete my life. And why scramble around and dance with some guy I really don't wanna dance with?

I mean, really?

I've sworn that I'd never get hung up over a guy. That I'd never feel like I needed a man around. I've seen what it's done to people. It's made women obsessive. Made people unable to function without someone to do their work for them.

Made mothers abandon their kids.

It's made mothers let their children, the human beings they grew, get hurt...

Men, don't worry, I'm not some crazy feminist, all gung-ho about the bad things men do. I've seen some obsessive men, too. And, if someone allows themselves to become late that over a significant other, then they're to blame, too.

People are weird.

Life, itself, is weird. Sometimes I just stare, and wonder, "Is this all a dream? All of this, is it actually happening?"

All these people -- are they real? Am I real?

Does that make me a little less sane?
Or am I just one of those odd people, a dreamer?

Sometimes I'm not too sure.
***

My mind takes you to where you need to be
Cure for your heartbreak to take away the pain
I could describe each mistake for you
Tattoo it on my tainted heart

Well I won't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
Please don't ever tell the world
That I don't belong
That I don't belong

Can you still feel me or did I slip away
A sick man, a monster, broken still today
I can't explain what happens to me
Caught in the game I've always starred
I could decribe each mistake for you
Tattoo it on my tainted heart

Well I won't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
Please don't ever tell the world
That I don't belong
That I don't belong

Well I won't ever change my ways
and I can't be strong
That I don't belong

and it's my own shame
I can't break your ways

Well I won't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
Please don't ever tell the world
That I don't belong
That I don't belong

Well I won't ever change my ways
and I can't be strong
please don't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
that I don't belong
that I don't belong

Layout ver. 2.0: A film noir love story
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: "The Unforgiven II" by Metallica
Ok, gotta make another quick entry. I swear, I'm always rushed with my blog entries.

I'm going out of town on Friday. I should be back Saturday night. It'll be great. I'm going to this craft-show place, but it's still fun. There's a river RIGHT next to the place, and when I would go with mom a few years back, me and Dustin would play around the rocks. There were a couple of times where we had to go into the van and put our soaking wet feet in front of the vent, from our feet falling in the water. Yeah, it's freezing down there.

I've got a term paper to write for History. I have a tentative bibliography, which was due last Monday. >.<; And 60 notecards on 10 sources. I haven't written any notecards and I only have four sources.

I'm fucked.

Hopefully she'll let me turn it all in late. I've been busy lately. You know how many times I asked mom to take me to the library? A ton. But we're always busy.

Anyway, everybody like the new layout? Yep, I do.

Max Payne kicks ass.

Anyway, it wasn't that hard to make. But, although it's simple, it's nice. And the layout title is taken directly from the advertisements for Max Payne 2.

Gotta love film noir, eh? Nice, gritty, dark stories. Max Payne is like that. Gritty. Artistic. (How can you not love Max's awesome narration?) Ill-fated love. Deception. Hope.

It's all great. I think one of the main reason's I play the game is for it's story and narration. I'm serious, it's that good.

Maybe some people don't quite agree completely, but I'm a sucker for a good story. I've always liked the ill-fated love thing too. Dunno why.

Should I take that as an odd reflection on my personality? :-P

Well, gotta go now. I'll try and get this all updated tomorrow, with a better entry. But whatever.
***

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's opened if you're true
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you

Lay beside me, under wicked skies
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come Lay beside me, this won't hurt, I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black hearts scarring darker still, yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes, now I see it

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you

What I've felt, what I've known
So sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits
The one who waits for you

Oh, what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you
So I dub thee unforgiven

Oh, what I've felt
Oh, what I've known

I take this key
And I bury it in you
Because you're unforgiven too

Never free
Never me
cause you're unforgiven too

Mood:  not sure
Ok, gotta make this quick. I'm supposed to be getting ready for bed right now. XP

Anyway, I've got tons of homework to do. And I've gotta look for sources for World History. Yeah, they were due on Monday, but life hasn't worked out like that. I've been trying to get to the library, but that hasn't worked out too well. XP

It shouldn't be so hard to go to the damn library!

I worked on Friday! I made some money! Whoo!
Some dude made a rather, er, raunchy comment at me. It was kind of.. ew. Anyway, I'm working this Friday, too.

I love having money! It's nice to know that I have it, even if I don't spend it.

Anyway, with last Friday's money, I bought a Catwoman comic, and a sweater.

What can I say? I'm dorky and a fashionista at the same time. :-P

You guys know you love me.

Anyway, me and Amber (Tay!) have been writing a Batman fanfic back and forth. She's been harrassing me to write >.> <.<

I try, really!

You know who's hott?
Anthony Michael Hall from the Dead Zone. I don't know why, but I woke up one morning thinking about the Dead Zone. Then I realized: "Damn, he's pretty hott! O.O"

Also, the other day I woke up with The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia stuck in my head. Odd? I think so.

I've been in the mood to play Max Payne lately.



Haven't had time, though.

I wonder when they're gonna make a Max Payne 3.

I still don't understand how Max managed to live through what he did. I mean, with as much depressing shit happening, I would've blown myself away if I was him. (< Keep in mind, I've never had suicidal thoughts XP)

Wife and kid died. Got framed. Got betrayed by a friend. Got redeemed (he murdered tons, but was seen as a hero). Fell in love with a criminal. Killed a cop. Got betrayed by one of his best friends. His love died. Had a revelation.

I mean, seriously. This guy's life is one depressing story after another!

I'm surprised he isn't negative all the time. Hell, I'd be.

This week has been hectic.

By the way, all I said in my last post:

I was premenstrual. (I know you may not want to know that, but it's the truth!) So it was a bit emotional and exaggerated. But some things in it are indeed true. Like my Dad not telling me he loves me. I tell him I love him, and when he doesn't answer, ask him why he didn't answer, and if he loves me. Still no answer. :(

Ok, I've got to be heading out. I've spent too long working on this. I'll try and update this tomorrow? No guarantees though!

Ciao!

"You see, little sister don't miss when she aims her gun."

***
I analyze everything, I know what you mean
I answer by questioning all that I need
And I want to, to surrender
I want you to see all the sides
All the faces inside of me

I see I’m not perfect, but that’s all I see
Lost in a portrait, in a picture of me
This can’t be everything I see
That my canvas is incomplete
Your color’s everything to me
And my canvas will set me free

My outline is solid and made up of crime
And the things that you say just burn in my eyes
I want to, to surrender
I want you to find some comfort
In the spaces between the lines

I see I’m not perfect, but that’s all I see
Lost in a portrait, in a picture of me
This can’t be everything I see
That my canvas is incomplete
Your color’s everything to me
And my canvas will set me free
This can’t be everything I see
That my canvas is incomplete
Your color’s everything to me

This can’t be everything I see
That my canvas is incomplete
You color’s everything to me
And my canvas will set me free
This can’t be everything I see
That my canvas is incomplete
Your color’s everything to me
You’re everything to me

Schizophrenia
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: "She Will be Loved" by Maroon 5
Today's day is somewhat hard to define.

The first half of the day was great (with the exception of P.E.), and the second half was terrible.

The P.E. thing: Ok, so I'm in P.E., and we're playing Ultimate Frisbly (joy, joy). This one team we're gong up against were complete assholes. And one guy was supposed to be guarding me, keep in mind you're supposed to be arm's length away, and he was rubbing his BUTT against my stomach, and his sweaty arms all over my shoulders. Finally I told him to go to the other side of the damn field, and to get away from me.

The good part of the day: Amber and Erica. We walked around, goofed off. You guys mean a lot to me, you know that? Without you guys, I don't know what I'd do.

So, after we all got home from walking (for hours), the first thing my dad did was tell me to do the dishes. No hello. No "How did it go?". All he did was point, and say "Dishes". Like I'm a fucking dog, I swear.

So I pretty much stayed in my room the rest of the night. Then Mom came home. And I got a shower. Once I was out, Erica called to ask about work, and whether she was picking me up. Dad was telling me to get off the phone, and I was telling him to hold on. Finally, he snatches the phone out of my hands, and hangs up on her.

I swear, sometimes I wish my parents would divorce, so I wouldn't have to see him so much.

It's sad when I get all excited when he goes out of town.

He never even talks to me. Sure, occasionally, we'll have a conversation. Occasionally.

And when I tell him I love him, he looks at me like I'm a freaking idiot. Mom always tells me about how he's proud of me. Why not show it?

Why not constantly reminding me of what I can't do, and congratulate me on what I can do?

Why, Dad, why?

***

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

'The Roads Traveled' and some musings
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Mark Collie - "In Time"
Yep, been a bit since I've updated.

I was hoping to get an entry in yesterday, but I guess that didn't happen. :-\

The weekend was ok. Pretty boring. But, hey, atleast I'm not at school.

That Mark Collie song is from the Punisher soundtrack, by the way. It has a bit of an oldie-sound, but that's okay. It's a good song. The whole soundtrack is good, actually. There's one or 2 song I don't particularly care for, but the others I like.



Ok, so I was going through my "My Documents" folder today, and deleting crap I didn't need. I came across this Microsoft Word document titled "Drabble". So I clicked on it and found this:

Through the shadows of this wicked empathy
I hear a voice that longs to set us free

So, I read it, and am like "Where'd this come from?" So I do a Google search, and nothing comes up. So that means that I wrote it.

Odd thing is, I don't remember writing. Maybe faintly, but that's it. It was a "What the fuck?" moment.

Although, you must admit, it has an odd ring to it. ;)

Anyway, I've been in a poetic mood lately. Felt like writing stories, yet all I've managed to produce was odd poetry. I've never considered myself a poet, mind you.

I am the female version of "William the Bloody". (All you Buff fans should get that joke. Haha)

But, check out this little diddy:
***

The Roads Traveled

A vagabond
A rogue at heart
A true loner
Who’s worlds apart

I was once like you
But the truth was oh so true
I put up a fake smile, a fake face
In hopes that I would be welcomed into this coveted place

Why must everything be perfect in your little world?
If you do not measure up
Then you gotta pay up
Ya gotta pay your soul, your heart, and your will
Come on, smile that fake smile for me now.

Run away, run away.
I’ve already fallen down
But I keep running
Why do I keep falling down?

And now things are spinning, spinning
Spinning out of control
And I keep falling now.
And I can feel everything spiraling down.

***
Ah, it's okay. Too many people pretend to be who they're not. It's ridiculus. Not to make myself sound special, but I can see right through a person's act.

But, I read body language. So that may be it. And I'm observant, when I choose to be. (Any other time I'm absent-minded, hehe.) Maybe that's why I want to pursue a career in psychology. So I can learn why people do that. Ok, maybe I already know**. But, explore it more, ya know?

I think I'd make a psychologist. I'm a good listener. And I like to help people.

So how does that make you feel?

:)

Anyway, me, Erica, and (possibly) Amber are gonna try out for Cheerleading. I was wanting to try out last year, but I decided I wanted to at the last minute, so I didn't have any time to train. But this year I'm getting a good start.

It's gonna be hard! But that's okay ^^;

And, if I don't make it, then atleast I'll be able to do the splits. Hell, that's an accomplishment right there. And, Mom said she can try and get our, erm, connections to yank the chains a little bit. Not that I'm being unfair.

The honest truth, my friends, is that cheerleading squads and things like that are almost always political. But that's life. And life isn't fair.

Although, occasionally you'll come across a squad that is truly fair. But that's not likely.

Won't get into all that tonight, though. I'm supposed to be going to bed right now.

G'night, everybody.
***

I can hear what you're thinking,
All your doubts and fears,
And if you look in my eyes, in time you'll find,
The reason I'm here.

And in time all things shall pass away,
In time, you may come back someday.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.

You know your days are numbered,
Count them one by one,
Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun.
You can outrun the devil, if you try,
But you'll never outrun the hands of time.

In time there surely, come a day
In time all things shall pass away,
In time you may come back some say.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.

I can hear what you're thinking.

***

** - If you haven't quite figured it out, or are not aware: The answer is usually low self-esteem. Somebody will haven't something they don't like about themselves, and cover it up. Maybe it's some odd sort of innate behavior, but it happens most of the time, even to the best of us.

'I've seen your face before, my friend'
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins
Good song. (^ See above)

Reminds me of Vice City a lot. I get an odd image of Vice in a sunset, and all the city's corrupt starting to walk the street, heavily shadowed by the setting sun. Would make a good image. Or a camera angle... (and the ideas are flooding... O.O )

I would make a kick-ass movie. Even when I think about little stories in my head, I always have these great camera angles and stuff like that. Camera angles in a daydream? Yep. Atleast for me.

I'm gonna make a movie one day. Or write a script, then hawk around the director making the movie.

Anyway, I've gotta go soon. Pictures are tomorrow, so I've got my hair in braids so they look all nice and pretty for pictures. And I have NO IDEA how to do Geometry. It's only the third week of school, yet I dunno how to do it.

Hey, everybody has their weakness. Math is mine :-\

And, yeah, Adam is still in my lunch hour. Cool, eh? I'm assuming he just skipped his lunch hour the last couple of days? Hell, if I had a car, I would to. I'd trade in the school food for some fast food any day!

I still need to write. I've been in a bit of a writing mood lately. Haven't had time though >.<;

It's odd that when I get in a writing mood, which is rare and far between, I don't have time to write. School work has been dragging me down. And real life.

Yeah, I went walking with Erica, then, when I got home, I had to go to Jacob's open house. And then I went home, tried to get a bit of homework done. Then I had to get a shower, and all that fun stuff. So I still don't have my homework done >.<;

School has just started, and I already want it to end!

Ok, I'm off now. Got crap to do before bed. 'Night!

May I finally get in the writing mood, and have time to write! ^^
***

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment, all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don't know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget, it's the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show; but the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you or me

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord...